by J. J. Green
“Remember? Remember what?”
“You were here, I think, both of you. Thousands of years ago. Your names—they’re part of our ancient history.”
“Are they really? Well, I am surprised to hear you say that, darling. I don’t remember coming here. Do you, Apate?” His alien companion shook her head.
“Well, Earth’s changed a lot since then,” said Carrie uncertainly. She found it hard to believe him. But why would he lie? Was it because he didn’t want her to associate dandrobians with colonisation of Earth? Despite his previously gracious behaviour, she began to wonder if she’d been mistaken about Notos. She had a niggling feeling that, given the dandrobians’ hunger to escape their confinement, telling them about Earth might not have been such a good idea. “Maybe we should be getting back.”
“But we’re nearly at the head of the queue,” said Dave.
“I have to be back in time to speak to Errruorerrrrrh.”
“We’ve got loads of time. What are you on about?”
Carrie tried to signal with her eyes that she was worried about the dandrobians.
“Are you all right?” asked Dave. “Have you got a headache or something?”
“I’m fine,” she replied through her teeth.
Though the dandrobians could not jump from the London Eye they enjoyed the ride, and Apate clapped her hands with excitement when they reached the top. “London is simply huge,” she squealed. Notos nodded and stroked his chin.
Dave insisted on one last visit before they went home, either mistaking or deliberately misinterpreting Carrie’s efforts to communicate her concerns. “You should try to get some sleep on the train, you really should,” he said as she glared at him. “But we can’t leave without seeing Buckingham Palace, and if we hurry we’ll catch the changing of the guard.”
They made it just in time. The crowd was big, but that wasn’t a problem for the aliens, who towered at least a head taller than everyone else. Both of them sighed with pleasure as the ceremony progressed. Seeing the rest of the crowd taking pictures, they wished they were allowed similar devices to capture the moment and show it to their fellows at home. Carrie thanked her lucky stars they were not. The last thing she needed was evidence that she had harboured two escaped convicts.
Notos was deeply taken by Buckingham Palace. “What a beautiful building. What wonderful architecture.” He grew wistful. “It reminds me of the palaces we built in the days of our Empire.” He shook his head. “Such was our arrogance. Such was our folly.”
Apate’s face fell into a look of pensive sorrow.
“I must express my admiration for this remarkable place,” said Notos.
“You just did,” Carrie said.
“No, I mean I must express it in Earth fashion.” He set off towards the wall surrounding the Palace grounds.
“What do you...?” Carrie frowned, then a look of horror came over her face. “N-n-no,” she shouted, “don’t do that.”
“What’s up?” asked Dave. “What’s he going to do?”
Carrie didn’t answer. She was already hurrying to Notos, trying to catch up to him before he had a chance to do what she thought he was going to do.
She was too late. Before she could stop him, Notos was relieving himself against the wall of Buckingham Palace.
Chapter Twenty-One – Revelation
The Metropolitan Police are efficient when it comes to dealing with people who defile the property of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, but not communicative about where they take the offenders. Half an hour after Notos was taken away and the crowd had dispersed, Carrie hung up from the fourth police station she had called. “He isn’t there, but they gave me another number to try.”
Dave was shaking his head. “Why? What got into him? I don’t get it.” He turned to Apate. “Is it a traditional custom in Dandrobia?”
“Certainly not. I’ve no idea why darling Notos would do such a thing.”
Unable to fight her guilt any longer, a flush rose on Carrie’s cheeks, and she turned her back to hide her face. But Dave knew her too well. “Carrie, you’ve got something to do with this, haven’t you. Tell me why that alien thought it was a good idea to pee on Buckingham Palace.”
After clearing her throat, Carrie replied, “I don’t know for sure, but it might have something to do with Rogue.”
“Rogue? How could he be responsible for...” Understanding began to dawn in his eyes. “You mean, while Rogue was with you in Dandrobia he...”
Carrie gulped and nodded. “Yes, he did. On one of their most beautiful buildings. So I told Notos that on Earth it was a sign of great admiration.”
Dave slapped his hand to his head. “Just when I think you can’t...” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Never mind.”
“Hello?” The police station Carrie was calling had answered. “I’m looking for...” She didn’t have to explain for very long about the seven-foot-tall, devastatingly handsome man who had been arrested before the desk sergeant recognised the description and confirmed that, yes, they did have such an individual in custody. She repeated the address to Dave, who wrote it down, and scanned around for a taxi.
Apate’s substantial frame took up much of the space in the London cab. Carrie watched the cabbie’s eyes as they frequently flicked to his rear-view mirror to get a better look at his gorgeous passenger, and she became concerned they would crash.
Luckily, the traffic was almost at a standstill and the dangers of an accident were small, though that didn’t ease Carrie’s peace of mind while she wondered what was happening at the police station. What would Notos tell the police officers? She was sure he didn’t know her address. She didn’t think he even knew she lived in Northampton. As for telling them about himself, he didn’t have a last name, and if he told them the truth about where he was from they would have him committed for psychiatric evaluation. She grimaced at the thought of all the explaining she would have to do.
Dave was so exasperated at her for telling Notos that silly explanation for Rogue’s behaviour he wasn’t speaking to her. Apate was perfectly serene. She gazed out the cab window in wonder, hungrily taking in every place and scene they passed as if it were the last thing she would ever see, apparently unconcerned about what might happen to her fellow dandrobian. Carrie wondered if she didn’t really care about him or she was confident he would come to no harm.
After thrusting the fare and a tip into the cabbie’s hand, Carrie burst through the doors of the police station, Dave hurrying behind. Apate glided in last, smiling serenely.
Surrounded by several police officers, Notos was lounging in the station’s reception area. The atmosphere appeared relaxed and convivial, and the dandrobian must have just finished relating a funny story because the officers were grinning and chuckling and one was wiping her eyes.
“Notos, darling,” breathed Apate, going up to him and air kissing both of his cheeks.
“Apate, sooo wonderful to see you.”
“Is this your sister, sir?” asked an officer.
“No, but she’s a very close relation.” Putting an arm over Apate’s shoulders, he turned to Carrie and Dave. “Thank you so much for coming to find me. I’ve been having a wonderful time with my new friends, but I really mustn’t keep them from their work any longer.”
***
No charges were filed against the dandrobian. In fact, the police seemed glad that Notos had relieved himself on one of Her Majesty’s buildings because it meant they’d had the pleasure of meeting him.
During the taxi ride and all the way home on the train, while Notos and Dave were deep in conversation and Apate watched the passing countryside with interest, Carrie wondered how things were progressing on Dandrobia. What were the squashpumps doing, and how it was affecting the dandrobians? She wasn’t making a good impression with Errruorerrrrrhch and there was a chance she would take her off the case. If her manager did that Carrie wouldn’t get a chance to take Apate and Notos home. She would be personally responsible f
or the escape of two convicts. Truth be told, she was already responsible for the escape of two convicts.
They took another taxi from Northampton railway station to Carrie’s flat. As well as reducing the chances of the dandrobians attracting attention, Carrie also wanted to get both of them inside and away from the sights and sounds of Earth, which they seemed to be falling in love with.
Rogue, as usual, bounded up when Carrie opened her front door, but backed away growling when he saw the aliens. Apate and Notos also drew back, and Carrie shooed her dog into the kitchen. It seemed as though he would never like dandrobians. Toodles, however, slunk out of her hiding place and leapt onto Apate’s lap when she and Notos sat down in the living room.
Carrie and Dave joined Rogue in the kitchen. She sat at the table and rested her chin on her hand. Rogue sniffed at the gap beneath the door to the living room, softly whining. He pawed at the door.
“What’s up?” asked Dave as he helped himself to her biscuits.
“What am I going to do, Dave? There I was thinking it would be so easy to get Apate back to Dandrobia if I had a friendly dandrobian to help. But I just assumed I would be going back. I’m speaking to Errruorerrrrrh soon. What if she tells me I’m not returning? That I’m off the case? Gavin replaced me quickly enough before. What if she does the same?”
“What if she does?”
“I’m left with two alien absconders living with me, that’s what. Maybe forever. And that’s the least of my problems. If what’s happened gets out, that’s it. Like you said, I’m out of a job. And that’s the nicest thing the Council will do.”
Dave munched thoughtfully, leaning against the fridge. “Oh well, there’s not a lot you can do about it, so why worry?”
“Why worry? Huh, that’s easy for you to say.” Carrie paused. She pointed a finger at Dave. “You’ve changed your tune. The other day you were telling me off for taking Apate out, like I was a naughty schoolgirl. Now it’s all no big problem. And I know why.”
Reaching into the tin for another biscuit, her friend asked, “Why’s that, then?”
“You know. There’s no need for me to spell it out.”
Dave shrugged and picked out a custard cream.
“You fancy him, don’t you? Notos.”
He threw the biscuit into his mouth and smiled as he chewed.
“I know,” sighed Carrie. “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he? They all are. You should see them. It’s like Oscar Night minus all the make-up and plastic surgery.”
“Yeah, they do look incredibly like us.”
Carrie suddenly remembered she had meant to look up who Apate and Notos were in Greek mythology. All she knew was that they were minor gods. She took out her phone from her pocket and typed the names into a search engine. When she read the entries that appeared, her jaw fell open and her eyes stretched wide. “Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?”
Carrie wordlessly handed her friend the phone.
“Apate, the goddess of deceit,” he read. “That isn’t good. But look, Notos was only a wind god. That isn’t too bad, is it?”
“I told you what happened to the squashpump Foreign Secretary, didn’t I? His accident was due to a freak gust of wind. Wind gods can control the wind. On Dandrobia the dandrobians control everything.”
Had Notos blown down the squashpump Foreign Secretary’s column at the open air meeting? She shook her head and sighed. “How could I be so blind? Apate’s been playing with all this time, I’m sure of it. Dandrobians can pass as humans, and Earth is the only place in the galaxy they can go where they won’t be easy to find and capture. What if Apate was the front runner? Now Notos is here. What if the dandrobians are planning an invasion of Earth?” She buried her head in her hands. “What have I done?
“They must be trying to get the whole population over. Apate was saying there aren’t many of them left. They could disappear into Earth’s billions.” She lowered her hands. “But to get the rest of them here they need spaceships, or transgalactic gateways. They don’t have spaceships and the Council controls the gateways.”
“And so do the placktoids.”
“Yes, them too.” She’d forgotten about the mechanical aliens she had encountered on her previous assignment, who were illegally using gateway technology.
“Well, it’s a shame,” said Dave. “Notos seems like a good bloke. But you have to tell your manager.”
“You’re right.” Carrie slumped onto the table, but after a moment she sat up. “Wait. How about...What if I can expose the entire dandrobian plot to Errruorerrrrrh? She might forgive the mistake I made letting Apate and Notos escape.”
Dave pulled a skeptical face. “Do you really think so?”
“I don’t know. But what do I have to lose?”
“The dandrobians invading Earth?”
“No, if they could all get to Earth they would have already. They can’t, not yet. They’re waiting for something, or they need something. If I find out what, I can show Errruorerrrrrh the whole plan and maybe she won’t sack me.”
Shaking his head, Dave said, “Well, you’d better hope she hasn’t taken you off the case already.”
“I’ll find out soon. Dave, if she does send me back...I want you to come with me.”
“What? No, I’m not allowed.”
“I’ve already broken so many rules one more won’t make any difference. And I need you. This is why everything’s going to pot. You aren’t there to help me like you were on Oootoon. I can’t do it without you.”
She paused and turned her head. She’d heard nothing from the living room for a while. Had Apate and Notos overheard them? She opened the door to the living room. The room was empty. She ran through and out into the hallway. The front door was also ajar.
Rogue was right behind Carrie, and he took his chance. Bounding out of the flat he leapt, barking, down the stairs and out into the street. Standing dumbfounded, Carrie heard a voice coming from her translator.
“Transgalactic Intercultural Community Crisis Liaison Officer Hatchett, where are you?”
Chapter Twenty-Two – Carrie Thwarted
The tension in the air was palpable when Carrie and Dave arrived in the receiving hall. None of the dandrobians questioned Dave’s presence, though they must have known it was unorthodox. Apate and Notos had now both managed to slip out of Dandrobia and the dandrobians must also have known that, yet they were saying nothing, waiting for Carrie to make the first move. Presumably they wouldn’t inform the Transgalactic Council about Dave until they knew what she was going to do.
Carrie’s heart ached at the memory of Rogue bounding downstairs and outside. He had never run away from her before, never. And though she thought he was only making sure the dandrobians left, and she knew she would return to Earth only seconds after he’d gone so she would have plenty of time to go after him, still the idea that she might not find him twisted her stomach into knots of fear.
“He’ll be okay,” said Dave quietly, watching Carrie’s expression as the dandrobians escorted them out of the hall.
She turned away and forced down her tears. The group of dandrobians moved ahead.
“So, what have you got to do exactly?” asked Dave.
Her friend already knew the answer to this question. He had heard her conversation with Errruorerrrrrhch, but he was trying to distract her from her misery. “I have to inspect the damage and assess what help the dandrobians need,” she replied woodenly.
“Do you think they’ll allow them the technology to defend themselves?”
“Depends on the harm the squashpumps are causing, I should think. Their weapons seemed pretty inoffensive from what I could tell.”
“That’s odd,” said Dave. “What’s the point of weapons that don’t hurt anyone?”
Carrie was too miserable to care. She was sick of the whole situation. She wanted to go home and find her dog. He was far more important than a job with the Transgalactic Council.
“So as you can see,” sa
id a female dandrobian, turning around and indicating with a spreading motion the scene around them, “the squashpumps’ attack has been quite devastating.”
The lush green sward that lay between the buildings was dry and brown, and the bright stone of the walls was covered in a dark grey patina. In the distance, dandrobians infected by squashpumps were roaming, legs stiff, their arms held out before them.
“Steer clear of them,” said Carrie to Dave, pointing at the zombie-like aliens.
“Why?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“What else would you like to see?” asked the female alien. “The damage is clear. The Transgalactic Council must do something to protect us or allow us to leave. We simply can’t go on living here. The squashpumps’ actions have set a precedent and other former colonies will come and attack us. Dandrobia’s coordinates are hardly a secret.”
“That’s a bit of a jump,” said Carrie. “I can’t see any reason why others would follow the squashpumps’ example.”
“Oh but they will,” protested a male dandrobian. “They have this terrible victim mentality. They all want their reparations, their revenge. Ungrateful things. We brought civilisation to half of them, didn’t we?” He turned to his fellows and they nodded.
Civilisation at the expense of what? Carrie wondered. Tyranny? Subjugation?
“Now, now, darlings” said another dandrobian, “why don’t we let Officer Hatchett do her job? I’m sure we can trust her to complete a thorough inspection. Then perhaps she and her companion would like to join us for a small supper this evening before a wider inspection tomorrow?” Carrie was supposed to stay the night, and the following day the dandrobians would take her to see the damage the squashpumps had caused further afield.
“Yes,” said the female, “the evidence speaks for itself. If the Transgalactic Council sees a full report of what the terrible squashpumps have done, they’re bound to finally lift those awful sanctions and allow us to leave.”
***