by J. J. Green
Carrie took Dave around the complex as she inspected it and the surrounding landscape, where the squashpumps’ dust had sucked the moisture out of everything but hadn’t apparently caused any other damage. Then they went together to the retiring room.
“What’s this? Some sort of food?” Dave picked up the circle of bread from the table and took a bite. “Mmmm, it’s delicious.”
Carrie inhaled sharply as she recalled the dandrobian’s history in Ancient Greece. “I think I know now. It might be ambrosia.” She pointed to the tap in the wall. “And maybe that supplies nectar. Ambrosia and nectar are what the Ancient Greek gods ate and drank, or...” Her eyes grew wide. “Dave, if I’m right, and that is what I think it is, it might make you immortal.”
“What,” exclaimed Dave through a full mouth. He spat out the remnants of the bread onto the table.
“Urgh...what did you do that for?”
“I don’t know if I want to be immortal. I need to think about it.”
“What do you mean, you don’t want to be immortal? Everyone wants to be immortal. You don’t want to die, do you?”
“Not right this minute, but that doesn’t mean I want to live forever either.”
“Dave, that’s crazy.”
“Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy: travelling millions of light years across the galaxy in a glowing green mist and working with immortal pinup stars of Ancient Greece.” He paused and went to the window. Looking out, he said, “That manager of yours isn’t around is she?”
“Errruorerrrrrh hasn’t set foot, or claw, on the planet the whole time I’ve been coming here. Anyway, you don’t need to worry about her. She isn’t going to hurt you any more than Gavin would. The Transgalactic Council wouldn’t employ them as managers if they were dangerous, would they?”
“Okay, so what’s the plan?”
“Well...” Carrie bit her lip. “I want you to steal something for me.”
Dave turned from the window. “What do you mean?”
“You remember the big building outside the complex that I showed you? Part of it is a library containing information about the dandrobians, or so Notos told me. But the door’s locked, which makes no sense, so I think there must be something...”
Dave held up a hand to silence her. “That isn’t what I meant. Why are you asking me to steal for you?”
“Oh come on, Dave, you know why.”
Her friend folded his arms and glared at her. “No, I don’t. Please explain.”
“Because you...you know...that’s what you do, and...” Carrie withered under his stare. “You—you’re good at it.”
“Carrie,” said Dave, his jaw set, “you’re a good friend, so I’ll forgive you for this misunderstanding. But please don’t mistake my medical condition with something I have voluntary control over. It isn’t like I want to steal things. I can’t help myself.”
“I know. I wasn’t saying anything different. But I—I just thought it would come in handy right now. Maybe I can find out what the dandrobians are planning. They’re obviously up to something. ”
Dave rolled his eyes. “Maybe they are, and maybe there is something in the library, but you do know what involuntary means, don’t you? I don’t plan it. I can’t just go and steal something on purpose, however convenient it might be for you.”
Carrie sat on the chaise longue and pulled a piece of bread from a loaf. “That makes things a bit difficult.”
There was a knock at the door. When Carrie opened it a svelte blonde dandrobian was there. “Are you both rested?” When Carrie and Dave nodded, she clasped her hands together breathlessly and said, “Oh good. Do come with me to a little supper we’ve prepared.”
“We’d love to,” said Carrie, “but could you just give us a minute?”
“Of course,” said the alien, and Carrie closed the door. She fished in her bag and took out mascara, eyeshadow, blusher and lipstick before going over to the mirror.
“What are you doing?” asked Dave.
“What does it look like? I’m getting ready to go out.”
“But you don’t wear makeup.”
“Er, hello?” Carrie waved her mascara stick at him.
Dave leaned in a corner and put his hands in his pocket, his head tilted to one side as he watched her. Carrie pulled a brush through her hair, trying to flatten its stubborn kink. She peered at her newly made-up face. She definitely needed more practice at applying cosmetics, but the result looked better than nothing at all.
“There,” she said, turning to Dave and smiling brightly. “All done. Shall we go?”
Chapter Twenty-Three – Squashpump Surprise
“I wish I didn’t have to wear this horrible jumpsuit. I look awful,” said Carrie as she and Dave followed the blonde dandrobian.
Her friend shook his head. “What do you care?”
“That’s easy enough for you to say, Mr. Gorgeous and Always Perfectly Dressed. As it happens, as well as this stupid uniform being uncomfortably tight, it makes me feel even more fat and unattractive than I normally would, now that I’m around the dandrobians.”
Dave tutted. “Looks aren’t important, Carrie.”
“Only good-looking people say that. And it isn’t true. Look at yourself. You certainly thought looks were important when it came to Notos.”
“Well, okay. They do make a difference. But if Notos was some arsehole, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. Looks are that important, I should say. Not when it comes to things that matter.”
Carrie stopped and clenched her fists. “You don’t know.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “Don’t say that, because you have no idea what it’s like when you aren’t attractive, when you’re just average, or even worse, downright unattractive.” As Dave’s face softened in concern, Carrie blinked back the tears that were rising in her eyes. She shook her head. “Don’t take any notice of me. It’s just being around these damned dandrobians makes me feel so inadequate.”
Ahead of them a door opened and light spilled out into the gathering dusk. “Wonderful,” drawled the male dandrobian standing in the doorway, as they drew near. He turned to the others inside, exclaiming, “They’re here, everyone.” As they reached the doorway, he said, “Do come in out of that dreadful dust.” He ushered the two humans to seats inside. Soon, shell beakers of the dandrobians’ special beverage were placed in their hands.
“Drink up, drink up,” chorused the dandrobians, giggling and clutching each other in a way that told Carrie they had already drunk plenty themselves. Dave eyed the contents of his cup and sniffed it.
“It’s fine,” said Carrie. “It’s really nice, in fact. It makes you tipsy but you don’t have a hangover the next day.”
Dave glanced around. The dandrobians were drifting away to chat and laugh in groups. He said quietly. “Do you think it’s wise in the circumstances?”
“Oh for goodness sake, Dave, lighten up. First you don’t want to be immortal, now you don’t want to have a little drink. Where’s the harm in it? You’re on another world. Enjoy yourself for once.” Carrie took a large swig.
“Take it easy, Carrie. Are you worried about Rogue? We’ll have plenty of time to go and look for him when we get back. You should be more cautious. You are on duty after all.”
Carrie took another drink. “Dave, I’m not a police officer, I’m a Transgalactic Community...” She burped. “...Liaison Officer. Pardon me. Try some.”
Lifting the beaker to his lips, Dave took a sip. “Not bad.”
“Told you. Have some more. There’s plenty where that came from. They have an endless supply, I think. There’s probably a tree that exudes the stuff as its sap, or it bubbles up from a spring somewhere.”
Dave was tipping back his head as he drained his cup. “It’s great.” He had hardly brought the beaker down when a smiling dandrobian filled it again. “Thanks very much.” He took another swallow, and another.
“Hold on,” said Carrie, “I can’t keep up with you at that rate.”
I
t was the last thing she remembered saying before waking up in the grey morning light the following day.
***
She was lying on a long seat in the party room. Dave was lying on another across from her, still asleep. They were alone.
She sat up and swung her legs down. As before, the night’s drinking had left no after effect. She tiptoed to the door to avoid waking her friend, turned the handle and pulled. The door did not open. She tried again, but they seemed to be locked in. Her heart began to race. She scanned around. The room had no windows, nor any other exit.
She knocked on the door, hoping the dandrobians had locked them in by mistake. No one answered, but the sound woke Dave.
“That was some night.” He blinked and stretched as he sat up.
“We’re locked in,” said Carrie.
“What?” He rubbed his eyes as joined her at the door and pulled on the handle. Banging with his fist, he shouted, “Hello? Hello?”
“They must have locked us in here on purpose. Goodness knows what they’re up to. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know...oh yes I do. You can contact your manager. You brought your bag. You’ve got the translator.”
“Yes, of course.” Carrie searched for her bag on and under the seats and tables. She didn’t find it. Thinking back to previous evening, she was sure she recalled putting her makeup away and taking the bag with her as they left the retiring room. “I did bring it. I remember.”
“I remember you bringing it, too.” Dave was also searching, but he gave up. “It isn’t here.”
As the truth dawned, they sat down together. Neither said a thing. What was there to say? They were trapped. How long would they would be in there? Would the dandrobians ever let them out again?
“They can’t keep us here forever,” said Carrie. “Errruorerrrrrh knows I’m here. If I don’t report back she’ll alert the Council and they’ll send people to find us.”
“What if they tell her you were in a freak accident like that squashpump, and that you died?”
“They can’t do that. They’d have to provide my body as evidence.”
“They might say you disappeared, or maybe they could grow a body. They are genetic engineers after all. All they’d need would be some of your DNA, which they could get off a beaker you drank from.”
Carrie shook her head. “They don’t have the technology to do that anymore.”
Dave didn’t reply. He was looking at a corner of the ceiling. “What’s that?” A dark grey, soft lump was there, growing steadily larger.
It took Carrie a moment to realise what it was, and when she did her heart froze.
“There’s another one,” said Dave. He was pointing at a place where the floor met the wall. This lump was larger than the first. It was nearly through.
Carrie ran to the door and hammered on it. “Let us out,” she shouted. “Let us out, please. I’m begging you. Please.” She tugged on the door handle.
“What is it?” asked Dave. “What’s wrong?”
Spinning round, her back to the door, Carrie watched as more soft grey lumps emerged. The one appearing from the ceiling plopped to the floor with a squelch. More followed it. From the tiniest gap in the walls, floor or ceiling they came, their flexible bodies oozing through.
Heart thumping, Carrie squeaked, “They’re squashpumps. And they’ve come to zombify us.”
Chapter Twenty-Four – Secret Message
Dave rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Carrie, you overreact sometimes. Look at them. They’re just big slugs. If they try to attack us, we can just squish them.”
Carrie was vigorously shaking her head. “You haven’t seen them in action. You haven’t seen how fast they can move. What they can do.” She began to edge towards a corner where no squashpump had yet emerged.
“I’ll tread on one and show you,” said Dave, stepping towards a large squashpump.
“No, don’t,” Carrie exclaimed. “You can’t just squash them. They’re intelligent.” Remembering the way the Foreign Secretary had survived being sliced in half, she was not sure that squashing would hurt them anyway.
“Watch out,” said Dave.
Something wet and heavy fell onto Carrie’s shoulder. She shrieked and flicked the squashpump onto the floor. Almost immediately another landed on her head. “Urgh.” She pulled it off and threw it in a random direction, which happened to be towards Dave’s face. The creature landed with a slap. An image of a squashpump disappearing behind a dandrobian eyeball vivid in her mind, Carrie screamed and darted to her friend. He pulled the alien off before she reached him and flung it down, raising a foot. Carrie, already speeding towards him, knocked him off his feet. They landed in a heap.
“What are you doing?” exclaimed Dave.
“I told you, you can’t kill them. They’re sentient. They can talk.”
Pushing himself upright, Dave said, “Why don’t they, then?”
“I think they are.” Amid all the squishing and squelching, Carrie could hear the squashpumps’ squeaks. “We can’t understand them without the translator.”
She stood up and hugged herself, her shoulders raised. The room was alive with squashpumps. The floor, walls and ceiling were covered with them. She inched backwards, away from those near her feet, but stopped when she saw there were more behind her. “There’s one good thing.”
“What’s that?”
“If they wanted to zombify us they’re taking a long time about it.”
Dave didn’t answer. He was staring at a wall, his head tilted. There were squashpumps all over it, and the ones that were not already there were sliding towards it.
“Am I imagining it?” asked Dave.
It took Carrie a few moments to figure out what he meant. There were shapes on the wall made up of squashpump bodies. Very familiar shapes. The creatures were forming the letters of the Roman alphabet, and words and sentences. Even before it was complete, Carrie could read the message.
WE MEAN NO HARM
FORCED TO ATTACK
PLEASE HELP US
Carrie’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my goodness,” she said between her fingers. She turned to Dave. At the same moment the faint sound of dandrobian voices came through the door, growing louder. What would they do if they saw the room full of squashpumps? Even if they didn’t see the message, they would suspect the squashpumps had tried to inform on them.
The squashpumps must have heard the voices too, for they began to glide rapidly towards the nearest escape routes. Carrie ran to the wall and began picking squashpumps off it and putting them next to gaps in the floor and ceiling so they could escape. Dave joined her.
“Quick, hurry,” said Carrie. She grabbed handfuls of the squashpumps that were farthest from safety and bundled them into the room corners, flinging cushions over them. The dandrobian voices were louder. They were nearly at the door. Carrie and Dave stuffed squashpumps in beakers and jugs, put them on chairs facing away from the door or threw them underneath. As a key turned in the lock, Carrie was still holding one squashpump. She winced and pushed it down the front of her jumpsuit, where it lay on her chest, wet and warm.
The door opened. “Darlings,” drawled the male dandrobian in the doorway. Another, a female, was standing just behind him, smiling warmly.
“You simply have to forgive us,” continued the male. “You were both sleeping sooo soundly last night we didn’t want to disturb you, but we locked the door in case any of our poor infected fellows were wandering nearby. Then we all slept late and forgot about you.”
“We really are awfully sorry,” said the female. “You do forgive us, don’t you? Tell us you do, oh please, won’t you?” She batted her eyelashes.
The squashpump nestling on Carrie’s bare skin squirmed, and she swallowed. “Oh, don’t worry. We forgive you, don’t we, Dave?”
He nodded. “Hmmm,” he said, his lips firmly closed, a pained expression on his face.
A horrible realisation dawned over Carrie. Sh
e dragged her eyes from her friend and back to the dandrobians, saying brightly, “Shall we go then?”
“Yes, we must get you some breakfast,” said the male dandrobian. As the two turned to leave. Dave spat a squashpump into his hand. He pulled another from under his shirt, while Carrie retrieved hers from her jumpsuit. Stooping to put down squashpumps, they followed the dandrobians outside.
Chapter Twenty-Five – Out to Sea
Crossing the now dry, barren space between the buildings, the male dandrobian elbowed his companion in her ribs. “Shall we tell them now?”
“No, let’s...are you all right, darling?” As she was replying, the female had caught sight of Dave’s face, which was pale green.
He smiled tightly. “I’m fine, thanks, just fine.”
“Well, if you’re sure...” She did not look convinced. “I suppose we might as well tell you now. We would like to take you on an ocean voyage today, to see the wider damage the squashpumps caused with their dreadful dust.”
“The ocean’s the safest place on the planet at the moment,” said the male. “The dust can’t do us much harm there. It just sinks to the bottom. We can take you to the other affected areas and stay just a short time before returning to the water.”
Carrie didn’t want to agree to the suggestion. She suspected the dandrobians were up to something. They were definitely manipulating the squashpumps somehow, and she didn’t believe their story about locking her and Dave up for their own protection. They had obviously wanted to prevent them from having any contact with the squashpumps, and maybe from seeing things they didn’t want them to see. But she couldn’t think of a reasonable reason to refuse. “I tell you what, let’s eat while I think about it.”
“Of course, my love. You must be starrrrving,” said the female.
Carrie grimaced. The danrobians’ style of speech had begun to grate, and their overly affectionate behaviour and language struck her as deeply false. She wondered what they were really like. Were they all like Apate, deceitful and liable to turn in a second from apparently sweet and endearing to defiant and aggressive?