Half-Truths

by Randileigh Kennedy

  I helped spray my grandma Sally’s hair. She was excited to show off her new color to my mom. I was nervous my mom was going to kill me, but it seemed like we had bigger fish to fry. It was just hair. She could change it back eventually.

  My father’s homecoming was emotional. He looked a lot frailer than when he left, but his smile remained unchanged, as did his sense of humor. His voice was still a little hoarse, but he was able to communicate just fine. His fatigue was to be expected after everything he’d been through. My family gathered around him and shed happy tears. I couldn’t help but cry when I saw him. I saw all his love for me in his face, and it meant the world to me.

  He was slow getting around, but none of us cared. It was wonderful to have him home. Even when he looked winded, his joy was infectious. We had more laughs around this ill man than I imagined anyone had ever shared anywhere else in the world.

  Sawyer stopped by later that afternoon before leaving town, just as I’d asked him to. I wanted to introduce him to my parents before he left. It felt weird at first. The only other guy they’d ever met was Wes, but they knew him before we dated, so it wasn’t awkward. They got along well with Sawyer, as I expected. There were laughs and emotional conversation, and I loved that Sawyer was able to experience that part of my world before he left.

  Nightfall crept around again. I hated dusk tonight. I was not looking forward to Sawyer leaving. My heart ached now for different reasons.

  Sawyer firmly shook my father’s hand as he prepared to leave, and the expression on my father’s face made me tear up instantly. He looked emotional, and I wondered what he wanted to say.

  “That’s my little girl right there.” Choked up, my father gestured toward me. “So if you’re someone she chooses to have in her life, I need you to watch out for her.”

  “I will, sir,” Sawyer replied sincerely, sounding emotional himself. I couldn’t shut off my tears. I was a sobbing mess.

  “One more thing. She’s an ugly crier,” my dad added sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood. “Don’t make her cry as much as I have these past couple weeks. Bring her joy. That’s what she does for me, and when she’s joyful - she radiates. It’s the most magnificent thing you’ll ever see.”

  “I believe that,” Sawyer nodded. They shook hands one more time, and I followed Sawyer out the front door. My entire face was wet, and my eyes were swollen.

  “Shouldn’t I come with you? I know you have to return your rental, but I could get a ride back from Brie or something,” I suggested through my tears as I tried to pull myself together. This was not how I wanted him to leave me.

  “There’s no need for that. I’m going to get there and walk on a plane. Stay with your family,” he said softly, slowly wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. He brushed the hair from my face and smiled. “I know that’s important to you. So stay. We’ll be together again soon.”

  “I just feel like this is a terrible goodbye. I’m supposed to be all charming and adorable right now so you’ll think of me while you’re gone. Instead I’m a weeping mess with a puffy face. You heard the man; I’m an ugly crier. This is all wrong,” I said lightheartedly, wiping the additional tears off my face. “There is nothing adorable about this.”

  “You’re wrong,” Sawyer said warmly, turning my face up toward his. “Your father was right, you know. Joy for you is the way you love people. All I see right now is you radiating. That’s the most beautiful thing about you.”

  More tears slid down my face. He smiled down at me and kissed me softly.

  “See you soon,” he whispered. He walked away, and I fell apart.

  Chapter 18

  The next day I spent most of my time at my parents’ house, other than running some errands for my mom, copying insurance paperwork, and organizing my dad’s medicines. All the pills baffled me. They looked like they belonged to someone else, someone who may never recover from what ailed them. When I looked at my dad, that’s not what I saw at all. There was so much life in his face, and emotional tears fell from my eyes every time he smiled back at me when things were quiet.

  I told my parents about my upcoming meeting with the record label. I was a little apprehensive about going back to Nashville so soon. Perhaps my parents needed additional help until my dad had had more time to recover. Of course they dismissed my concerns and encouraged me to go. My dad needed quiet and rest anyway, and naturally Warren joked that I would impede on that.

  Over the following few days, I spent time with my dad while he was awake and tried to organize my life while he slept. Despite my resistance, I allowed my mom to help me with a couple of spreadsheets. My financial situation was pretty rough, and my available budget proved that. Even if something good happened with the label, there wouldn’t be money coming in any time soon. I called the dive bar where I worked, and sure enough they still had a position for me if I wanted it. I wanted something better, but it would at least be enough to help me get back on my feet until I could work out a better plan.

  Thankfully my dad seemed to be settling in quickly, and my grandmas and mom were doting on him, so I had no concerns over his recovery. He had endless doctors’ appointments scheduled, and there was nothing I could have done, so I made arrangements to return to Nashville the night before my big meeting. As apprehensive as I was about leaving, my parents promised to keep me posted should there be any change in my dad’s condition.

  When it came time to go to the airport, I was a wreck all over again at having to say goodbye to my dad. I hated the feeling of uncertainty resting in the pit of my stomach—that feeling that if something happened, I wouldn’t be around for it. But my dad, in his usual wisdom, reminded me our entire lives were like that—waiting for what-ifs without stopping to enjoy the reality around us. We had little control over most of it. Worry was wasted, and despite my relentless sobs, I knew he was right. No one is ever fully prepared for their last goodbye, no matter how many chances we’re given to say such words. This was no different. All I could really do was say, “See you soon,” and then wait for that to be true.

  Brie drove me to the airport, and saying goodbye to her was even more challenging than I’d expected. I blamed my already fired-up emotions for that. On a positive note, she was so smitten with Alex that I felt better about leaving her now than I had when I bolted three years ago. I knew she would have little time now to actually miss me. That was the best part about being as close as we were: no matter how much time passed or how far apart we were, once we were together again it was like no time had passed at all. She agreed to keep me updated about everything, and after hugging for a good five minutes, I checked in for my flight.

  This time around I was very thankful for my coach boarding pass. My parents purchased the ticket for me, saying it was their way of “thanking me for taking care of the grandmas” while they were away, despite my mom being less than thrilled with Grandma Sally’s new hair.

  I slept most of the flight, grateful in so many ways that this journey was behind me. The emotional roller coaster of it all had sucked the life out of me. When I arrived in Nashville, something about me felt different. It had been strange to be in Mountain Ridge after being away so long. It hadn’t necessarily felt like the home I remembered. Now, this familiar place felt like home too, and I was glad to be here.

  My arrival time conflicted with Sawyer’s work schedule. He insisted on taking time off to pick me up, but I knew he was overwhelmed with missing so much while he was in Mountain Ridge. Instead we made plans to get together after my meeting with the label tomorrow, and we were going to spend the weekend at his grandparents’ cabin. I was elated about it. My nerves about the meeting were eating me alive. I looked forward to having some time tonight to gather myself.

  I took the bus to my crappy apartment, which still didn’t feel much like home. It never had. I was relieved to find that Chris really had paid the rent for the month. I was angry with him at the time for doing so, and I planned on paying him back when I could afford it. B
ut for now it was wonderful to have the weight off my shoulders. At least for the next twenty-four days.

  I dropped my bag on the only area of floor space that wasn’t cluttered with clothes. Closet space in this dump was minuscule, so I couldn’t help the fact that there were piles of clothes and shoes everywhere. I had nowhere else to put them. I sat at my small wooden desk, thumbing through the stack of bills from my mail slot that wouldn’t be paid any time soon. I opened my notebooks and began preparing for the following day.

  I slept well, which surprised me. I think my body had finally given up. Between loud nights at the hospital and late nights with Sawyer, my brain needed a chance to shut off. I woke up feeling more refreshed than I imagined, and despite all my butterflies, I felt confident about today. Of course, knowing I would be with Sawyer tonight probably had something to do with it.

  What did people wear for important meetings? Apparently it had been too long since I’d been to one. I was struggling to come up with the right outfit. Yeah, this was essentially a job interview, but the music industry had a different vibe. I settled on a cute black skirt that hit just above my knees and a white top. I figured something classic would be least likely to let me down.

  I left my long hair down, securing the sides with a couple of pins, and I packed a bag. I was going to Sawyer’s cabin straight from the meeting, so I wanted to have everything with me.

  I arrived at the label a few minutes early. I sat in the lobby, waiting for my turn. Moments later Dalton came out to greet me.

  “I hope you’re in better spirits than you were the last time we were together,” he said lightheartedly. “Kip is still pretty pissed about the whole thing. But I think we can separate this from all that.”

  I nodded politely and followed him to a meeting room at the back of the building. There were several middle-aged men in the room. It felt a bit stuffy, and I was definitely nervous, but at this point I had nothing to lose.

  “I’ll cut right to the chase,” Dalton said after introducing me to the small group of people around the table. I knew I would never remember their names. “We want a few of your songs.” He slid a stack of papers in front of me. “I imagine you’ll want your lawyer to look over all the paperwork,” he continued. “All the details are there. There will likely be two or three different artists using them.”

  We continued discussing a few of the logistics—time frames for those upcoming albums, target audiences for my songs, even marketing strategies. It was completely overwhelming.

  “We’d like to hire you on here as well, if you’re interested,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “You’d be working with some of the artists, with our writing teams, things of that nature. But we also have some clerical duties that would be available to you if you’re looking for some more steady income on the side.”

  It was as if Dalton had read my mind. I was elated about someone, anyone, being into my songs, but that was often a long, impatient road. These were new artists who wanted to use my lyrics, so there was no advance being offered up front. If the songs made it onto their final albums, and if they were successful, the money would follow. But there was still a chance that some of them wouldn’t hit as projected, in which case I would be out of luck financially. The clerical work around the office would at least alleviate a lot of my stress in the meantime.

  I tried to hold back my anxiousness, but I was obviously over the moon about all of this. It was the perfect solution for me: the chance to develop my songs while earning a steady paycheck. I’m sure Dalton could read the excitement all over my face, but I tried to keep calm.

  “I will have my attorney get to these over the next week,” I said confidently, making a mental note that I would obviously have to find an attorney immediately. “As for the clerical work, I’d love more details on hours and pay. If we can work those out, then I think we have a deal.”

  Dalton smiled and reached his hand across the table, and I shook it firmly. My smile was so big I thought my cheeks were going to slide off my face. We spent another ten to fifteen minutes talking about some of the projects for my songs. I was elated. We set up a few additional meetings in the coming weeks for me to meet with the artists and work with them on the music, and I was freaking out inside. I couldn’t wait to get to Sawyer’s place.

  I cordially said goodbye to everyone, then headed back out to my old silver Honda. As soon as I closed my car door, I looked around to make sure no one could see me then squealed and shook my arms like crazy to let it all out.

  I dialed Brie first. She sounded just as excited as I felt, and I could hear her pride for me oozing through the phone. After my news she filled me in on her time spent with Alex, and I could tell she was definitely falling for him. We were both giddy and giggly, and we probably sounded just the same as we did on the phone as teenagers.

  After her, I called my parents. They were quite proud as well, and I loved hearing my dad’s voice. It had been only a day, but I certainly had a longing to speak to them more often now, just to make sure things were okay. Warren was on his way out of town, back to school, but I got to share the news with him before he left. I knew they didn’t quite understand what was happening—hell, I wasn’t sure I really understood what was to come of this—but I was ecstatic.

  I regained my composure and entered the address for Sawyer’s cabin into my phone. It was about fifty minutes away, and as badly as I wanted to call to tell him the news, I was excited to be able to tell him in person.

  Only a few days had passed since we’d seen each other, but it felt like much longer. We talked on the phone, but that was in no way the same as talking with him in person. I thought about everything he said the morning we spent together before he left Mountain Ridge. The way he wanted to spend the rest of the summer, lying under the stars on his dock, followed by cuddling fireside wrapped in blankets once the weather turned . . . I wondered if all of that would come true. He was right; I could picture it. With Wes, he was the only who’d had our future perfectly idealized as he wanted it, but we didn’t share the same vision. With Chris, my brain never made it that far. I was so caught up in the here and now with him, I didn’t think much about what it looked like down the road. With Sawyer though, he was right - I could see the two of us, months from now, doing everything he said. It put a warm smile on my face, and if I could wish anything to be true at the moment, that would be it.

  I cranked up the music as loud as I could and sang at the top of my lungs. The highway was open, my windows were down, and I felt free. The stress and anxiety I’d had over the last few weeks had disappeared, and it felt good. I finally felt like the person I’d been trying so hard to become. The world finally felt kind, and I took it all in: the beautiful blue of the sky, the leaves on the trees, the gentle swaying of the summer wind. This was good.

  I made it off the highway and turned down a long country road. There were massive fields on either side of me, though I couldn’t identify all the crops. I recognized corn and soybeans, but that was about it. The fields in the distance looked to be growing wheat. It was pretty out here, definitely different from what I grew up with in Mountain Ridge but still beautiful in its own way.

  I turned onto another dirt road, lined with a beautiful canopy of trees. I imagined in winter they were equally as stunning, with snow-covered branches hanging over the road. Wildflowers lined the drive. It looked just like a picture.

  I pulled up to a beautiful two-story wooden house. It was a shiny pine color, perhaps recently painted with some type of sealant. Beautiful flower beds surrounded a massive deck that appeared to wrap around the entire dwelling. Behind the house, I could see a sizable dock stretching over a beautiful body of water. Wildflowers and tall grasses clung to the water’s edge, and huge weeping willows cascaded down.

  I parked in the driveway and climbed out, taking in everything in front of me. I could tell the cabin had been built many years ago, but it looked very well taken care of. There was a porch swing by the front door, and I
imagined Sawyer’s grandparents spending many nights there, rocking together, staring down the perfect, tree-lined road. I imagined it was even more breathtaking in the fall when the leaves changed colors. With Sawyer’s parents gone, I wondered if they had other family gatherings here. He never talked about any aunts or uncles or cousins. It would be a shame for so few people to experience this beautiful place. The cabin itself was quaint, sure, but the property was quite a bit bigger and more remote than I’d anticipated. There was plenty of room for guests and entertaining, especially in this gorgeous outdoor space.

  An old basset hound walked around the corner of the house, slowly making his way toward me to sniff my shoes. He was absolutely adorable with his long, brown-spotted ears and droopy eyes. I bent down to pet him, smiling as I noticed all the foam around his mouth. Sawyer was right about his drooling problem.

  “This is Charles Barkley,” Sawyer said, walking from the back of the house where the dog had come from.

  “What a formal name,” I replied, scratching behind his ears. I could instantly tell he was a sweet dog.

  “And this is home,” Sawyer continued, gesturing around the place. “At least on the weekends. Once I’m completely done with my residency, I’ll officially move back here.”

  “It’s really beautiful.” I nodded. He walked up and put an arm around my waist, pulling me in for a slow kiss. It felt like so much time had passed since we last saw each other, yet now that we were together again, it felt like no time had passed at all. He grabbed the overnight bag from my hand and led me into the cabin.

  The inside was even more beautiful than I imagined it would be. He was right about it being rustic. The floors were wood, there were wood beams across the ceiling, and even the kitchen had a farmhouse feel. I imagined the giant wood table full of warmth and people in deep conversation. The back of the cabin was all windows looking out onto the pond. It was a beautiful summer day, and I knew why Sawyer loved this place so much. Not just because he grew up here, and had sentimental attachment to it, but because it was peaceful and beautiful by anyone’s standards. The furnishings were simple. That’s one of the things I loved about it. The windows and outdoor view made the entire place feel spectacular despite the simplicity of the inside.