Beautiful Together

by Andrea Wolfe

  "You sure you don't want one?" Toby called.

  "I'm good," I muttered as I left. "Thanks for the awesome weed."

  I stepped back into the full swing of the party and stopped in the kitchen to grab some snacks and another gin and tonic.

  It always felt like they got so carried away in these situations. Why couldn't they just set limits and stick to them?

  Was drinking and getting high not enough? I ruthlessly downed the gin and tonic as I mused about the present situation.

  Knock it off, I thought. You just feel out of place, so you're lashing out at their behavior. The voice of reason in my head seemed pretty astute.

  But this was way too much to deal with at a Halloween party in a ridiculous costume.

  I sighed and went back out to dance more. I could already feel the drink kicking in, and the pot made the music more exciting. The tumult of my thoughts quieted, silenced by the chemicals in my body.

  I let go and danced, having as much fun as I possibly could. Even though the events in the bedroom had unnerved me, this was still a great party. The pulsing bass seemed to sync right up with my heartbeat, and with the glowing lights of the city in the background, I found myself lost in the moment.

  "Hey, do you mind if I dance with you?" I turned my head—it was Spiderman.

  I started laughing uncontrollably. "I don't mind!" I shouted.

  "I'm Josh," Spiderman said.

  "I assumed you were Peter Parker," I joked.

  He laughed. "No, just Josh. Who are you?"

  "I'm Naomi," I said. "Naomi the Sexy Laptop."

  "Cool!" he shouted.

  A techno remix of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance came on and everyone went wild. We danced like crazy, and I was having a great time. It was odd not having any idea what Josh looked like since he was wearing a mask, but that mystery actually added to the fun.

  My inhibitions were definitely lowered by then, but my bulky costume prevented any inappropriate contact on the dance floor.

  We danced for what seemed like a long time on our own, but when Elise and Arielle showed up again, I realized it had only been a couple of songs.

  "Hey!" they shouted together, their voices overloaded with, well, ecstasy. When I turned to face them, I noticed how dilated their pupils were—but I stopped myself there.

  "Having fun?" I asked squeamishly, the question so forced it felt like I was lifting one-ton weights.

  "Hell yeah, that was some good shit," Elise said. "Now we're gonna dance until sunrise!"

  I shrugged. "Josh, these are my friends Elise and Arielle."

  They all said hi and then Arielle pulled me aside. "You know I love you, right? You're like my best friend in the whole world and I love you and I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

  I knew it was the drugs talking since she never spoke like this, but it still felt pretty genuine. "It's okay," I said. "I love you too. It's my fault for getting upset."

  "Yeah, but I never want you to feel pressured. I know it bugs you when we do harder stuff, but—"

  I stopped her. "Don't worry about it, Arielle. Let's dance and have fun, okay?"

  She nodded and smiled. "Okay!"

  As expected, they were considerably more energetic than Josh and me. We kept up the best we could. At the very least, they weren't getting drunker—now they were obsessed with water.

  "You've gotta stay hydrated, Elise," Arielle kept saying, repeatedly offering her water.

  "I just finished a whole bottle like five minutes ago! You're gonna make me pee myself!"

  "It wasn't five minutes! It was like two hours ago!"

  "They're rolling," I whispered into Josh's ear. Well, more like shouted quietly.

  He laughed. "I figured."

  We all danced the night away, the slightly chilly air a perfect temperature regulator. There was enough body heat from the crowd to keep us comfortable, but not drowning in sweat like in clubs.

  I was still feeling the effects of the weed and alcohol, and aside from my general timidity toward the drug mixing behaviors of my friends, I felt pretty free. I was happy to meet Josh even though we didn't really know anything about each other.

  He seemed nice, anyway, and he wasn't being pushy.

  After the same water incident happened for the third time—it was also almost after two in the morning—I pulled Josh aside while the others kept dancing. We walked over to the railing, far enough away from the speakers that we could actually talk.

  "Hey," I said shyly. "I don't know if I can keep up with them anymore." I felt burned out, but I wasn't ready to quit for the night.

  Josh took off his mask, revealing a very cute face hidden beneath, his cheeks as red as his costume, his sandy brown hair a messy clump atop his head. I was shocked to finally see who I had been hanging out with.

  "Yeah, they've got performance enhancing drugs. It's an unfair advantage. Do you wanna get going or something? I can walk you home. Or we can go to my place, if you want. It's close."

  I swallowed hard. Was I really going to go home with some guy I barely knew? Arielle obviously had no problem with one night stands, but did I?

  Still, it seemed appealing. It had been so long at this point that I barely remembered what sex was like.

  Josh, however, seemed to notice my trepidation. "Here's an idea. There's a quiet bar down the street. Let's go have a drink there and chat a bit. And then maybe we go somewhere else, maybe we don't."

  He reached out his hand and I took it, smiling. It felt good. It suddenly didn't seem so random even if it was.

  I ran back to Arielle and Elise to tell them what was up, and they both hugged me and told me how much they loved me—and then continued dancing like they were just getting started.

  "Good luck!" Arielle shouted as I walked away.

  I grinned sheepishly and went back to Josh. He was fiddling around on his cell phone. "Ready?"

  "Yep." He put away the phone and took my arm, leading me back through the crowd. I would have liked to say goodbye and thanks to Toby, but I didn't know where he was.

  We took the stairs, and soon after, we were on the ground floor. I glanced up at the party one last time, watching the heads bouncing and shifting as people danced.

  "I don't know how they do it," I remarked quietly as we walked.

  "What?" he asked.

  "Party all night like that."

  He shrugged. "Drugs. Specifically drugs."

  I felt the flood gates opening. "It drives me crazy!" I blurted. "I mean, why do they have to take ecstasy and cocaine and stuff? Why not just the simple stuff?"

  "It's too intense for me," Josh said. "Some people are a little crazy. Not too much. Just a little."

  I gripped his arm tighter, so excited that he seemed to share my views about drugs. It was such a simple subject, but I couldn't help myself.

  Before I could say another word, Josh was already leading us into the bar. It was quiet and subdued as he had promised, but we seemed a little out of place in our costumes. But when we rounded the corner and I saw a bee sitting with a pirate, I relaxed.

  We both got vodka tonics and then settled into an open booth. "So what do you do, Josh?" I asked.

  "I'm a software engineer. I make mobile phone apps. You?"

  Suddenly, everything made sense to me. Well, some of it did, anyway. I had nothing to say about myself that was exciting or interesting. I hadn't gone to college, I didn't have a cool job, I wasn't an artist. I didn't have a boyfriend.

  What the hell was I? Maybe that's why I was avoiding guys.

  "I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life, I guess," I said earnestly. "Just working."

  "Cool," he said. "That's fine, y'know. Took me years to figure out what to do with myself. I think people go to college too early anyway. They don't have a plan for their lives and then they wind up depressed or in tons of debt. Or both."

  "How old are you?" I asked.

  "Thirty," he said. "Just turned thirty in September. I thought it woul
d feel really different, but it doesn't."

  Once again, I was shocked. He had seemed so young. "I'm twenty-three," I said, hoping to get it out of the way. Josh nodded and sipped his drink. "So I've still got time, I guess."

  It felt good to hear him being so reasonable about career paths and college and all that. It actually kind of motivated me instead of provoking a sense of shame. Plus, he was cute and nice. I was a bit smitten, and the alcohol was definitely contributing.

  Maybe I had been wrong about this whole getting to know people thing.

  We played footsie under the table as we chatted about a number of random subjects. I started to understand why Arielle did this. I mean, even these minor acts of affection were reminding me of just how lonely I was.

  Plus, the last person I had been intimate with was Mason, so it was probably a good time for that to change.

  "You're beautiful, Naomi," Josh said.

  "Thanks," I said, my cheeks a little hot. He stroked my hand gently on the table.

  "Do you want to get going? My place is literally one block away." He smiled and I felt his charm cut right through me until there were butterflies in my stomach.

  I glanced down at my drink, and then finished off the remainder. "Yeah, sure."

  Josh took care of the bill while I waited, and then soon after, we were walking through the street again, arms locked, chatting endlessly. I was giddy as hell and talking constantly to try and hide it.

  Sure enough, one block away was his building. He punched in the code on the pad and led me inside. We took the elevator to the third floor. When we got to his door, he stopped us.

  He leaned down and kissed me through my laptop frame, and I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him in. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest, a dull thud I couldn't ignore.

  I kissed him back, nibbling at his lip, pulling at his hair.

  "C'mon," he said, unlocking the door and leading us inside. It was a nice place, not quite as nice as Toby's, but definitely one that reflected a pretty significant income. We left our shoes at the door, and then I took off my costume and left it in the corner.

  We settled into the couch, resuming the kiss right where it had left off. I clutched at his hair again, pulling him toward me, forcing my tongue into his mouth. My efforts were so desperate, so needy.

  Josh's hand settled on my chest, fondling my breast through my top. He climbed on top of me and ground his hips against mine, his hardness pronounced and so obvious. I felt tingly, sensual, fiery. My breath kept coming quicker and quicker.

  Our tongues swam back and forth, our hands clutching both hair and flesh. Soon after, he was lightly stroking my clit through my panties, and I felt goose bumps forming on my arms. It was such a gentle touch, yet it resonated so deeply.

  He pulled down my top and took one of my nipples into his mouth, delicately nibbling until it almost hurt. I was burning inside, so ecstatic to finally be with a man again.

  "Let's go to the bedroom," he said, his voice low and breathy.

  I nodded.

  He led me down the hall, stopping to push me up against the wall and kiss me again every few paces. My brain felt so shriveled up and useless; I was a slave to my urges now.

  When we finally got to the bedroom, Josh pushed me toward the bed, holding me the whole time. When I felt the mattress pushing up against the back of my legs, I allowed myself to fall backward.

  The drop seemed to happen in slow motion, even though it wasn't very far.

  And then, when I hit the bed, I noticed something hard and lumpy beneath me—a body.

  The passion came to an abrupt stop. "J-josh!" I shouted, shoving him as I sat up. "Someone's here!"

  "What the fuck?" I heard from behind me—a woman's voice.

  The first thing that came to my very perplexed mind was that we had somehow gone into the wrong apartment and had very nearly crushed this poor woman in her bed.

  But then a lamp clicked on, and there was a shrill scream. "Josh! What the fuck is going on here?" A young woman was squinting at us, clad in an oversized t-shirt, her black hair messy from sleep.

  "Shelly, what are you doing here? I thought you were gone until Sunday!"

  Well, my wrong room theory definitely didn't hold up anymore. Josh was a cheater!

  "Oh, so you were gonna screw her in our bed then and not tell me, huh? Is that what you were gonna do? Fuck you, Josh! You cheating asshole! I knew it!" She hurled a pillow at him.

  I dropped onto the floor, terrified to be in the line of fire.

  "I'm sorry!" I shouted. "I didn't know anything about this!"

  "You asshole!"

  "I can explain!" Josh pleaded, the most ineffective and pathetic statement in the world.

  I furtively crawled out of the room on my hands and knees, adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I stood up when I was in the hall, but then a flying shoe zinged by my head like a bullet and hit the wall hard behind me. The sound echoed as it hit the hardwood floor.

  I yelped and dropped to my knees again, crawling, escaping. I was mortified to discover that the projectile had a stiletto heel—it could have done some serious damage.

  Safe in the living room, I righted my top and grabbed my purse and shoes. I wasn't even going to stop to put them on. As I opened the door to escape, I heard his voice.

  "Naomi, wait!" Then he cried out in pain. "Dammit, Shelly, would you quit throwing shit?" It was satisfying to hear his pain.

  I slammed the apartment door shut, just as more shouting broke out. I fled down the hall in my socks and rushed down the stairs. When I got to the bottom, I put on my shoes and rushed outside.

  Via some minor miracle, I managed to immediately hail a cab that was passing by. It was an expensive ride compared to the subway, but a very necessary one. I was still in too much shock to be concerned about cab fares.

  Fifteen long minutes later, I was home, the apartment empty other than me. No surprise. They were probably still dancing and shoving bottles of water in each other's faces.

  I went into my room and collapsed in my bed. And then I suddenly realized that I had left my costume in Josh's apartment, the whole big cardboard laptop frame that I had worked on all week. A surprise gift for the cheater.

  I started laughing until I was crying.

  24

  The next week flew by, and actually, I got over the whole Josh thing almost instantly. It became nothing but a funny story. Arielle and Elise had found it hilarious, and, yeah, somehow I had survived. I would just have to try again and hope it went better next time.

  As I mentally and physically prepared for London, I thought about the positive interaction with my dad. It was definitely something positive to focus on. Progress.

  And then from those thoughts of home, I thought about Donna. I wondered what she was doing, if things had improved for her. The last I knew—which was right before we moved to New York—was that Dennis had moved back home so she wouldn't be alone.

  And strangely enough, I wondered about Jesse, too.

  Whatever happened to him? Whatever happened to our friendship?

  I still didn't know.

  Thursday night, I loaded up my suitcase, reminiscing about home until Arielle suddenly barged in.

  "Make sure you pack a bathing suit," she said. "My aunt has an indoor pool at her apartment."

  "Cool." I nodded and went to my closet to dig for my bathing suit.

  "Are you excited?" she asked. "It's gonna be awesome."

  "Definitely. I can't wait."

  She smiled. "Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you that." She turned around and left abruptly, so quickly it actually made me giggle.

  Soon after that, I was done. The packing had gone a lot faster than I expected. I dragged my luggage into the living room, leaving it beside Arielle's bags.

  I sat down to hang out with her. I didn't really feel like being alone.

  We smoked weed and lamented about the fact that Elise wasn't coming after she joined us.

 
; "You can come next year though," Arielle said.

  "We're going again next year?" I asked.

  "Of course," she said. "With Elise."

  "I'll be making the big bucks by then. You just wait and see. I'll probably be managing my own salon, and I'll be styling the hair of asshole Wall Street guys every day for huge tips. My dream job," she said sarcastically.

  "I know it's gonna happen," Arielle said proudly. "You're the best hairstylist I know."

  "How do you even know? I've never cut your hair," she added playfully.

  We all laughed the night away, high and happy. It sucked that Elise wasn't coming, but it would be fine. In less than two weeks, we'd be home and everything would return to normal.

  I was going to get what I needed—a break, an escape, a journey.

  It was a good night, and it would be a great trip.

  Since it was an international flight, we had to be at the airport two hours early, which meant five in the morning. We ended up goofing around in the living room until after two. Way too late, but at least we could sleep on the plane.

  Goodbyes said to Elise, we headed to our respective rooms.

  I was ready for something new.

  25

  My alarm went off the very second I started to pass out. I couldn't figure out why we tried to sleep at all.

  After a quick stop in the bathroom, we grabbed our bags and headed to the subway for the AirTrain journey. We both dozed intermittently, using our backpacks as pillows while the train rattled and rushed along the tracks.

  At the airport, we went through a long line for international flights. We stayed close, nudging each occasionally so we didn't fall asleep standing up. I felt both exhausted and totally ecstatic.

  Finally, after getting through security, we went to our gate. And not long after that, we were on a plane headed to Heathrow Airport. I was so excited to have a window seat.

  The take off was smooth and the morning sky was clear and beautiful. I watched NYC shrink and disappear below as we headed across the Atlantic. I hadn't flown in many years, not since a family trip to Florida when I was in eighth grade. The whole experience was fresh.