“I went for a run on the beach and I got locked out.”
Tommy laughed out loud dramatically. We all turned and looked at him.
“Why are you laughing, Tommy? She isn’t supposed to be doing anything physical.” After I addressed Tommy, I addressed my sister.
“Are you trying to drive me crazy, Raven?”
“C’mon, Raven, you barely go to the beach, nor do you like the sand or the water, I might add. So why don’t you tell us why you were really locked out?” Tommy wasn’t about to let up on her either.
“I said I went for a run this morning.” Raven snapped back loudly.
In that moment, I thought I would need to stand between those two, but as luck would have it, my sister’s voice woke my babies and my babies’ cries effectively stopped the banter between all of us.
“Rain, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake them. I really needed to get out of here, so I took Tommy’s keys and tried to go back to the city.” Raven’s voice cracked when she spoke this time.
She sounded shaky. Something was definitely not right with Raven. She would never steal Tommy’s car or act like this. I really needed to figure out why she felt the need to run. This was not like her at all.
“Babe, if you wanted to go home, all you had to do was ask me and I would have been glad to drive you back.” Tommy offered some understanding.
My sister had tears in her eyes and was clearly about to break. “I’m sorry. I’ll be okay to stay.” She approached Tommy and placed the keys in his hand.
He held her hand tight, winked at Raven, and gave her a small reassuring smile. Raven’s shoulders relaxed a bit, but she still seemed somewhat uncertain.
I decided to break the tension. “Okay, let’s go see your niece and nephew. I expect you two to get breakfast prepared while we get the twins ready for a beach day.” I directed my statement to Dominick and Tommy, as I grabbed my sister’s wrist and pulled her towards the nursery.
As I looked back one final time before entering the room, I noticed that both men seemed clueless on what just happened. So, I made myself clear one more time.
“Go on, get breakfast ready and then we can head outside and enjoy this beautiful day.” I demanded just before I disappeared into the nursery with Raven.
I walked into the nursery and addressed Raven. “So, do you want to tell me why you really came down here last night and why you were really going to leave this morning until you couldn’t get the car started?” I curiously asked my sister, as we both comforted my two crying babies.
“I’m sorry, Rain. I know this will sound so silly to you, but I just couldn’t stay in the city with Tommy. I appreciate that he wants to take care of me, but I can’t let my feelings for him progress any further. I knew that if I stayed there with him, I would only want him more, so I called you, but then you said Tommy was staying for the weekend and I felt like I would be able to change your mind once I saw you. Then when that didn’t happen I got up early and took his keys. I couldn’t get the car started at first. He has some weird alarm system. Once it was started, I tried to leave and couldn’t. I knew going back to the city would be worse. It would be too quiet. I’d be alone.” Raven spoke softly, as she held Angel in her arms.
I looked at my daughter and my sister and smiled. “No, it doesn’t sound silly at all. I get it.”
“You do?”
I looked down at Joseph,Jr. as he wiggled and squirmed in his crib. I placed my hand gently on his belly and his movements stopped. Then I explained to my sister why I totally understood her feelings, without taking my eyes off my beautiful baby boy.
“When I left for Capri to meet dad after he had gotten out of the hospital and after I found Dominick with Darian in the boardroom together, I had that same feeling. I had it in the cab when I left the Kane and Medici Building. I had it on the plane on the way to Italy. I especially had it when I talked to dad about Dominick and Darian. Something felt off. Something or I should say someone was missing.”
“I don’t understand.” Raven stated.
I sighed and looked towards Raven. “I love Capri. It’s home. It’s what I know; just like Manhattan is for you. Yet, as familiar as home can be, when the person you love isn't there to share it with you, it almost becomes foreign and unwelcoming, not like a home at all.”
“Yes, exactly, it feels…no, I feel lost, like I said, alone. Like I don’t belong there.” Her voice began to break. “I panicked, but then I knew once I saw your face this morning, I’d be okay, Rain.”
Tears filled my sister’s eyes. My heart broke for her and my tears quickly followed hers. I took Angel, who fell back to sleep in her arms, and laid her down in her crib. Then I pulled my sister close and held her. I said nothing. She didn’t need me to. Raven held on tight. She needed this.
Between everything that went on in my life in the past year, plus the problems she had been dealing with concerning Michael and the criminal case that was being investigated to catch the individual who tried to hurt our dad, and now her current illness, Raven and I hadn’t acted very close. We had always had each other’s backs. That went without saying, but we hadn’t acted like it, not recently anyway. We both let lives get in the way. Some of it was unavoidable, but some of it was our own fault. I could see that now it was time to help my twin. I always looked at her as the strong one, the powerful one. I didn’t think she needed my help, but looking at her curled up in my arms, her body appeared so small, her spirit seemed completely shattered.
I intended to make sure that was not the case.
After a while, she let go and wiped her eyes. Then she looked at me and gave me a small, relieved smile, but then her smile faded.
“Raven, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“After all of the trouble I just caused, can I stay for the week, Rain?” She seemed so unsure of herself. Not at all like the Raven I know and love.
“Of course you can stay. It’ll be great, I promise.” I grasped her hands tightly and wiggled them with mine, as I gave her a reassuring smile.
“What about Dominick?”
“His bark is worse than his bite. Leave Dominick to me.”
“And Tommy?”
“Raven, you need to make peace with Tommy before he leaves for Bali. No matter what happened between the two of you, you both have to move forward. You can’t change the past mistakes, nor can you let them creep into your future.”
“I’m not sure I can do that, Rain.”
“Well, even though Tommy is leaving tomorrow, he will be back in two weeks,so you had better come up with a way that you both can get along under the same roof, at least for the party anyway.” This wasn’t a request.
Raven and Tommy both needed to pull it together and face what happened so they could move on. They needed to talk to each other, not yell or tease or blame. They just needed to communicate. Even if they decided never to be around each other again, they needed to hash this out in a friendly, mature manner.
Although we weren’t shining examples of the best behavior couples should have, maybe by spending time with us and the twins, away from Manhattan and Mike, for that matter, they could come to an agreeable compromise and move forward. They were both very stubborn people, so the odds that this holiday weekend would end on a happy note, were not very good.
“Rain, he is the one being childish, not me.” Raven stated with a pout.
“Are you serious? You are one of the most childish adults I know. Well, next to Dominick anyway. You love drama, Raven, and Tommy is not about drama. He is no different from his brother in that department. You have to work this out, both of you. For better or worse, whatever that may be. Your situation with him has to be put to rest”
Raven walked over to the window and stared out at the ocean in the distance. Then she turned and dropped herself into one of the reading chairs. I walked over and sat quietly in the other one waiting for her response.
She sighed heavily and shook her head. “I screwed up everything. I lost M
ichael because of my behavior and then what do I go and do? I sleep with his brother. How do I make peace with that, Rain?”
“I don’t think it’s something that can be solved in a weekend, but I do think today is as good a time as any for both you and Tommy to sort out your feelings for each other. Maybe you’ll both realize that sleeping together was a fleeting moment. A moment that neither of you will ever want to repeat again.”
“Is that what Tommy said? Did he say I was a mistake, just a fleeting moment? Is that what he thinks of me?” Raven was curiously agitated and sadly nervous, all at the same time.
“No…”
Raven couldn’t wait until I finished. She, of course, impatiently interrupted me.
“Then what exactly did he say, Rain?” Her voice had become louder and the twins started to move in their cribs.
“Shhh…you’ll wake the them.”
“I’m sorry. Please tell me what Tommy said to you.” Raven calmed the tone in her voice and waited for my response.
I sighed. “He didn’t say it was a mistake. He told me that he told you that very same thing. He did say that both of you ended up with each for so many unknown reasons. Reasons neither of you can explain. If you ask me, both of you are dealing with so much that neither of you know which way is up or what you really want. That could be exactly why you connected and reached out for each other.”
“You know I never really looked at it like that, but you may be right, Rain.” Raven’s demeanor began to calm even more.
“I know what you told me,but what I hear in your voice tells me an entirely different story. Do you think that you and Mike could work things out? Where does that leave your feelings for Tommy? Most importantly, what about your health or lack thereof? You're not supposed to get stressed out, Raven.” I started to rattle off questions, because I needed to know what exactly what Raven’s feelings for both men and what drama was about to erupt this time, so I could stop it before it started.
She covered her mouth by pressing her fingers firmly to her lips, as to not let out a small cry that was about to escape her. Tears fell down her cheeks, as she stared off into the distance again. Then she let it all out.
Raven broke down. “I don’t know how I feel. One minute, I’m planning a wedding and the next minute I find myself running into Tommy’s arms. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I created this shit-storm around me and now I don’t know how to escape it. I just want my life back. I don’t want all of these surprises. I don’t do surprises very well. I don’t want to feel all of these feelings that are happening inside of me. I just want it all to go away. I want to wake up and find out all of this was just some crazy dream. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be in the here and now. I want it to be back then. Back when it was easier. Please understand, Rain. Please help me.” Raven cried, hard.
“Oh sweetie, I wish I had a magic wand to change all of this, but I don’t. I do know that I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through this. Just ask, and if I have the ability to take care of it, I will. All you have to do is ask me for help, Raven.” I kneeled on the floor in front of her and willed her to look at me.
Raven took my hands in hers and nervously examined them on her lap. She didn’t make eye contact with me, which meant I wasn’t going to like what she was about to tell me.
“Rain, I love you. And I love that you want to help me, but I need to fix what’s broken on my own. I need to tell Tommy that we can’t be together and that I want to work things out with Michael. Even if we don’t get back together, I need closure. This way Tommy can move on and reconnect with his brother and find someone who really deserves his love. I had a lot of time to think about this and I've come up with the reason why I think I ran to Tommy. Maybe it was because he and Michael are very much alike. I was looking for Michael in him when Michael wasn't available for me and thenTommy proved to be more than I could have ever imagined. I started to think that I could possibly fall for him, but it was the one time in my life that I didn't think about the consequences. Deep down I do know that Tommy and I could never be together. If I hurt Michael by the way I acted, think of how Tommy would end up.”
Now, my dear sister wasn’t going to like the response that I was about to give her. Hopefully it would jolt her out of her stupidity, but knowing Raven, I highly doubted it. Yet she needed to realize that it was not the fault of her alone in this scenario. It was the fault of all three of them.
“Raven, it wasn’t that Mike wasn’t available for you. It was because he was busy fucking someone else. Not being available is when someone can’t call you back because they’re in a meeting and they tell you that they will call you later. Michael left the house with the intention of sleeping with someone else. This was not an isolated incident, not that it should matter. It was a full-blown affair. An affair, I might add, that you discovered, not one that he ever came clean about out of guilt or knowing that he was being unfair to you in any way. He said nothing, well, until he was caught. Guilt didn’t make Mike confess to you. He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, plain and simple. Mike was with more than one woman from what I understand. Mistakes don’t just fall into different women’s beds every day. Those actions are called decisions. And from what I’m gathering from you, you are going to settle for those decisions, because it’s easier than having to really take a good look at yourself and to take what you really want out of life. You know, Raven, you are all talk. You scream and yell to get what you want, but you're not living at all. You're playing it safe. You would take Mike back because he’s familiar. You’d let him hurt you again, but you won’t try with Tommy or anyone else, because you feel you aren’t worthy of someone new. That is very noble of you, Raven. Face the truth, you don’t want Michael and I don’t believe you want to be with Tommy either, but you're too scared to take a risk and leave your comfort zone.” I may have said too much, but it was something Raven needed to hear.
“Rain, it’s not about taking a risk. It’s just that Michael never came right out and said that he slept with anyone else. I just feel like I need to give him a chance to explain before I make any harsh decisions that I can’t take back, or that I may regret later.”
“I know that he didn’t come right out and confess to you, but you said you knew he cheated. It seems to me, now you're just making excuses for him because you're afraid of what the future will hold.”
“I can’t predict the future, but I can do my best to prepare myself for what’s ahead of me. That’s why I need to see Michael and talk with him.”
My sister loved to have everything neatly in its assigned place. Unfortunately, she can’t put the issues of her life into files, in a cabinet and tuck them neatly away to work on at a future date; the way she did with her assignments at the firm.
“Raven, this is real life. Don’t give me that shit that you can’t predict the future. That’s exactly what you are trying to do, or at the very least, you are trying to make it go your way, as usual.”
“Rain, I’m not like you. I like order in my life. I have to have some semblance of contr…….”
I cut her off. “Control, you like to have some semblance of control? Who doesn’t and who doesn’t know more about having and relinquishing control than me? I had no control as a child, or as an adolescent. Even as I grew into an adult it was somewhat limited, or I was guilted into giving it up because mom made me feel sorry for her or my fear made me resolve myself to playing it safe and not letting my voice be heard. So don’t go and tell me how you like control in your life and it’s the only way to live, because Raven, no one, not even you can control everything. It’s just not possible. If it were, Michael would have never been able to cheat on you or go out with other women, because you would have had him under your ‘so-called’ control every waking moment.”
I was getting annoyed with the path this conversation had taken. It wasn't resolving anything. Raven was hurt, but she was also going to do what she felt was best for her, no matter
who she hurt in the process. I would not let her hurt Tommy any further. It was time she acted like a big girl and faced the truth, faced Tommy and moved forward to get well again.
“Rain, please don’t hate me. I just need to make everything right again. Then we can all go back to normal. Then everything will work itself out and we’ll be just fine.” Raven seemed like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince me.
“Raven, I don’t hate you. I love you, but you're not thinking straight. You can’t go back to Mike because it’s what you know or it will ease what you are feeling for Tommy. It will never work. I know you. You’ll always wonder where he is when he stays out late or doesn’t get home from the office on time. Besides all of that, you can’t change who you are and why would you want to? Michael fell in love with you and everything about you. Changing who you are won’t bring your relationship back. It will only confuse the situation that much further. And you aren’t being fair to anyone involved, Mike, Tommy, and especially to yourself. You're not being honest with yourself, Raven.” I tried to show her that what she was about to do was wrong, but I knew she would have to figure it out for herself. I was trying to help her avoid any further pain and embarrassment where Mike was concerned, but by the way it looked, she was going to have to find that out on her own, the hard way.
The Ties That Bind (Miss Taken Identity #3) Page 8