Hooked (WET, #1)
Page 14
"Poor Mrs. D.," I told her as I let the door close behind me. "You can't be with him now. But he's going to be okay." I stroked her tiny head and let her whimper into my chest. As always, the capuchin seemed to understand whatever was said to her. "Let's get cleaned up. I can't blame you for having an accident. I almost wet my pants myself." I found someone to mop up the mess and took the monkey toward her stateroom.
It was comforting to clean and tend to his beloved pet. I looked around the monkey's stateroom and saw that it was sparkling as usual. Morgan had worked with Mrs. Dalloway and a professional 'monkey whisperer' for months. With patience he hadn't known he possessed he was able to potty train her. Not only did she know how to use a toilet, but after he figured out how to adjust the mechanism to match her lack of strength, she could flush it too. Consequently, her room on board El Lobo was as pristine as the rest of the boat, except around her food bowl. He hadn't been able to teach her eat neatly.
I didn't want to leave her alone. I knew she wasn't going to be able to settle down until she was sure Morgan was okay. I dried her carefully and took her back to the kitchen with me intending to keep her in my room behind the galley while I showered and changed. I had blood all over me and shitty monkey prints on top of the sticky clothes I had worn all morning through the fight with the fish. I held her loosely away from my body so she wouldn't get soiled again.
As soon as I pushed the swinging door open with my hip, Mrs. Dalloway bounded from my grasp and onto the granite slab. She wrapped herself around Morgan's head and began cooing at him while she groomed his matted hair. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled weakly at his little buddy.
"Mrs. D." He raised his hand to stroke her. Then he tried to raise his head to see the rest of his body, but Richard stopped him with a hand on Morgan's shoulder.
"Steady, Boss. Give yourself time to come around."
He found the monkey's hand and she circled his thumb in her tiny fist. His eyes closed and he slept again as Mrs. D. snuggled into the crook of his neck. His tender relationship with the little beast was so sweet and so out of character. He lavished her with warmth and understanding he rarely bestowed on members of his own species.
I left men and monkey on watch and slipped into my cabin, sliding my nasty garments into a pile that I pushed into a corner with my foot. The shower washed the grime and the blood away but couldn't erase the morning's memory. The porthole above my head said the sun was still blazing over a gentle sea. It seemed to me that it should have been the dark of night. Breakfast was a lifetime ago. I had watched an epic fight that nearly cost me someone I wasn't ready to lose. I leaned back and let the water take my tension down the drain. I could still hear the crackle of the intercom in my head announcing the deadly behemoth's arrival.
Chapter 20—Morgan
My leg was on fire. My head was on fire. I didn't know where I was or what had happened to me. I opened my eyes and Nurse Kelly was standing over me with a glass of water and a straw that she put to my lips. I drank because I was supposed to. Because she wanted me to.
It was so, so hot in that room. Where was the air? I tried to reach through the mist and tell someone to open a window. But I was trapped in a fugue state and couldn't break through.
"Just drink, Morgan. Don't try to talk." Nurse Kelly was so sweet, so kind. Sometimes it really seemed that she loved me and it wasn't just a job for her from seven to three.
I hated the nurse who came in at three. She was mean. She was on my mother's team. It was always about how difficult I was, how heavy my mother's burden must be to bear.
"Morgan, listen to me." The nurse had such kind brown eyes. "You were hurt. By a marlin. Some kind of sepsis has set in. You've been out for three days. We're almost close enough to London now for the medivac to pick you up."
None of that made any sense to me. I wasn't sick. My mother was sick. In her head. I knew it even if no one else did.
Nurse Kelly put a cool cloth over my head. She was always doing things like that. Cool cloths. Warm water bottles. Once in a while she'd sneak in a piece of candy or some potato chips. I wasn't supposed to have those things, but she did it anyway.
If my mother went out for the day Nurse Kelly always took me outside. She said sunshine was good for me. She told me I needed fresh air and exercise. I loved fresh air and exercise. I didn't care what my mother thought, it didn't make me sick. I swear.
"Richard, he's delirious. He keeps babbling on about going outside. He keeps calling me Nurse Kelly. What's that all about? Do you know?"
"Sorry, kid, I can't help you there. We're nearly at the mark. The 'copter can land on deck and he'll be on his way."
"I tried to get that antibiotic in him. I really did. But every time he was lucid enough to take a pill he spat it out at me. He called me names. Silly childish insults."
"It's the infection. Maybe it's having some effect on his brain. Or the fever. Didn't you tell me it was around 103?"
"He spiked up to that, yes. I'm scared. He could go into convulsions."
"No. No convulsions. I won't do it!" I yelled at them at the top of my lungs and they wouldn't listen. I was confused. Who was that stranger talking to Nurse Kelly? It wasn't my father. My father had black hair. I didn't know him well, but I'd know his hair. This man had light hair like the orderly in that last hospital. I didn't like that orderly. He was too rough when he bathed me. He made the water too cold. Nurse Kelly always got the water just right.
"Morgan, I can hear the chopper coming, bro. We're in position and we're going to get you the help you need."
"Is Clari sick too?" We usually got sick together. We did everything together.
"Clari's fine, dude. She's just fine. Stop talking now, Morgan. Save your strength."
Two men came in with a rolling bed. A stretcher. I knew about those. I had to be real, real sick to be on a stretcher. The helicopter was super noisy. It looked like a giant scary dragonfly. I didn't want to ride on it but nobody could hear me when I screamed. Or maybe they didn't want to hear me. Maybe Mom told them not to listen to anything I said. She was always doing that.
I was so confused. Usually there wasn't this much pain. Usually it wasn't like this. They were bumping me around and I thought my leg was going to fall off. So much pain. So. Much.
***
She was sitting by the window. There was sun streaming through lighting up the gold in her hair. I blinked several times to make sure she wasn't a hallucination. I knew her! It was Lara. Lara Lamb. She worked on El Lobo. I couldn't remember why, but I thought I might be in love with her.
"Lara?" She turned her head at the sound of her name and leapt to her feet. She was at my side instantly and took my hand in hers.
"Morgan. Oh God, Morgan." She put my hand up against her cheek and big tears rolled down her cheeks.
"What the hell happened to me?"
"You got speared by a Marlin way off shore. We were on our way to the Azores."
"Shit, I don't remember any of it."
"I think that's normal. You've been out for several days. The wound got infected. Badly. We couldn't treat it properly on board. By the time we got close enough for a medivac helicopter you were in terrible shape."
"I think I'm still in terrible shape. My leg feels like it's about to fall off."
"I think you're due for some pain meds. They've been trying to go light on because of the coma. I'll get the nurse."
"NO!" I didn't mean to shout at her. "I'm fine. Just sit with me right now, okay?" I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to clear the cloud inside my head. "Lara, I can't remember much of the crossing. It's like there's a fog. It lifts in pieces every now and then and I see glimpses."
"Morgan you were very, very sick."
I tried not to flinch. I didn't want anyone telling me how sick I was. That much was crystal clear in my brain. "Mrs. D.?"
"She's fine. She's quarantined on the boat. Regulations. But she misses you. She told me to tell you she loves you."
Do y
ou love me, Lara? Wow. I wondered where that thought came from. Was she supposed to love me? I had memories of all these feelings but not the events that went with them. The question stayed unasked.
"Richard?"
"He and I have been by your side ever since El Lobo docked. He'll be here shortly. He's a good friend, Morgan. We were both so worried about you."
"Tell me what happened."
"I told you, a marlin jumped the dive platform and sliced your leg. If she'd hit an artery you might not be here. As it is, there's a bit of recuperation in your future."
"No. I mean something happened between us. I can feel it but I can't bring a picture to my brain."
"You . . . I . . . we had sex."
"It was more than that."
"Well, it was to me. But you seemed . . . that is I didn't think . . . you were real weird afterwards."
"Weird how?"
"Withdrawn. Almost angry it seemed to me."
"I'm sorry." I meant it. I didn't exactly know what I was sorry about but the look on her face let me know whatever I had done had hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted to do. "I mean it. It's all covered in cobwebs but when I woke up and saw you sitting in the sun . . . it was . . . like coming home. Like even though I found myself in a strange place with a leg that went through a sawmill you made it all okay. Just by being here."
She leaned over the bedrail and kissed me. First on my forehead, then like a butterfly on my parched lips.
"You're so beautiful, Lara."
She sat down on the bedside chair and held my hand. I drifted off to sleep, I think, but when I awoke she was still there.
"Do you remember anything we talked about before the accident?" she asked me.
"Some of it. I remember you told me you were afraid. I remember I didn't want you to ever be afraid of anything again."
"Who's Nurse Kelly?"
The name brought me up short. What had I told her? I had a feeling she knew some important things about me but I never told anyone about that. No one. Ever.
"Why do you ask?"
"You seemed to think I was Nurse Kelly when you were at the worst of your fever."
"She was very kind to me when I was little. You remind me of her."
"How funny the brain works, isn't it?"
"Fascinating. It seems my heart has a better memory than my head."
"Do you remember telling me you aren't a gazillionaire?" Lara grinned when she asked the question.
"No." I wondered whatever possessed me to make that confession. But she was smiling at me. Always a good thing. "How did you take it?"
"I was glad. I hated thinking of you as a rich playboy. It gave me the chance to see you in a new light—a poor playboy." She laughed and I remembered how it sounded like chimes in the wind.
"Lara, don't leave me."
"I don't think they'll let me stay overnight with you."
"That's not what I mean. I mean tell me you'll stay by my side. I need to know you will."
"Morgan, I'm not going anywhere. You've had a terrible trauma. You're vulnerable and confused and to top it all off you have your father lurking in the wings waiting to see you. Richard talked to him, but I haven’t. Do you remember that part of why you're here in London? To see your father?"
"No."
"That will all come back to you too. I'm here." She took my hand again and rested her warm gaze on my face. I wanted to crawl inside their golden-brandy depths and lose myself forever. "But you aren't yourself and I don't expect that your need for me at this moment in time is necessarily permanent. I won't hold you to it."
"Just stay." I needed a promise. I knew I shouldn’t need it. I knew I shouldn’t need her. In the back of my mind a weak, reedy voice was telling me that I’d spent most of my life trying desperately not to need anyone. But it didn’t seem as important as the voice insisted it should be.
"I'm here." She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze that wasn’t enough.
Chapter 21—Lara
His eyes closed and I could see him fight to stay awake. He wanted more than what I was giving him, but it was all I had at the moment. I was confused and completely drained. Before the accident—before the fish—I thought I was okay being just another Morgan Wolf conquest. I had convinced myself I could handle it and even enjoy it. I wanted to be flattered that a man like Morgan would want a girl like me, if only temporarily.
I was actually proud of myself that morning. I was proud that I could wake up and pretend everything was just fine with me. I behaved the way I thought grown-ups were supposed to behave. Having fun, playing as only adults can do. And, fuck it was fabulous. I wanted more of that kind of pleasure and I’d made up my mind to get it. I didn’t need promises and I certainly didn’t want lies.
There was a real thrill in knowing we were going to cross the sea together and just enjoy the moments as they happened. I reasoned that the excess of emotion on my part was all about the hormones and the sheer gratitude of having a man who could finally give me the missing piece my body had always denied me with other men. It was the ‘Big O’ doing the talking and I was pretty sure that with a few more tries, I could take it for granted just like most normal people do. You fucked, you came, you did it again and enjoyed it for what it is.
I told myself that I could get over being a little miffed at the cold shoulder and just selfishly take my pleasure. He was a selfish man and I was capable of matching him. I’d be modern and mature.
Then the fish sliced her way through my delusions.
His big chest rose and fell. How many times on those last few days on the boat did I jerk awake in the chair by his bedside and lay my hand on his heart just to feel it beating? At least a million.
How thin the line is that divides life from death. There were moments on El Lobo that I could almost feel the bony grasp of death pulling on him. His fevered madness had torn at my soul and I gave up all the illusions of distance I had carefully constructed that first night of my twenty-first year. It was a lie.
For days I watched in terrified fascination as the man I could have loved dissolved into a nightmare of confusion. I was grateful beyond words to hand him over to professionals. I felt out of my league and crazy with fear that I might do something wrong.
Seeing him in the hospital bed was a relief. The weight of responsibility for him had been almost too much to bear.
He opened his eyes and smiled at me. I could see he wanted to say more but I couldn’t hear more. I didn’t have any more to give him. It was all too complex. Now was not the moment to explain that perhaps I’d seen too much. It wasn’t the time to try to make him understand that our fragile beginning had been exposed to too harshly. Like a hot house plant put under the noon day sun, I was wilting under the intensity.
I wanted the dashing, daring hunter of women and beasts. I wanted the master and commander of the floating castle, the alpha predator who thrilled and mystified me. That was a simple, packaged image I could learn to be comfortable with.
“Don’t talk right now, Morgan. You’re going to wear yourself out.”
“There’s something wrong,” he insisted. “
“There’s nothing wrong. I’m here for you and for as long as you need me.”
“I’ll always need you.”
Oh, please don’t . . . “You don’t know that. Let’s go a day at a time.”
“We have something. Something I’ve never known. Something I didn’t even know I wanted.” He looked at me, right into my soul. I knew I was hooked, but I didn’t know what that meant. I was fighting and I didn’t know why. “What are you afraid of?” he asked.
“I’m afraid of believing you. I’m afraid of wanting to give you what you’re asking of me. You’re a different man than the one who brushed me off. I was ready to play by your rules and now you’ve changed them.”
“I didn’t know I had any rules.”
“That’s because you don’t remember it all. Please give it . . . give us . . . a little time. I need t
ime.”
“Babe, I’ve got nothing but time. I can’t exactly run away.”
“I think I said that to you on the boat. Before the fish.”
“Yeah. I remember. Is this all about me being a prick? I told you, I’ve got some explaining to do.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations.”
“I think I do”
“It can wait. It should wait.” He coughed hard and I saw how much pain the wracking cost him. “Please, just try to relax and rest. I’ll be here.”
“Forever?”
“You can’t ask that right now.”
“I can ask. You can always say no.”
“I’m not saying no, Morgan. I’m just asking you to let now be forever enough.”
I bent over and kissed his mouth and the strength of his answering lips surprised me. He pulled me as closely against him as he could with the arm that wasn’t stuck full of IV drips. There was a crushing demand in that half embrace and it ran deeply, touching me through to my core.
“That will never be all I want with you, Lara. I know what I want. I’m myself enough to know that much.”
I believed him. A moment before, I had doubted. The fire in his eyes and the mark of his kiss convinced me that mine was the only confusion left in the room. Morgan’s conviction was real.
“I’m here now. Now is all I have to give you.”
“Are you mine now?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll make now last forever.”
#####
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