Unwilling From Earth

by Andrew Maclure

  Mark stood up and blinked to his quarters.

  The Plan Is Considered

  Back in his own quarters, Mark stripped off his jumpsuit and boots and tossed them into the synthesiser for recycling. As he walked into the bathroom, he spoke to his AI. “Kate, get me a black jumpsuit, army boots, socks and pants.” He thought he ought to look a bit more presentable at the next meeting, which he wasn’t looking forward to.

  Having showered, brushed his teeth and removed his facial hair with depilatory cream, Mark got dressed and collected a mug of tea from the synthesiser.

  “You haven’t got time for that.” His AI told him. “You need to be back there now.”

  Mark sighed and put the tea back into the synthesiser for recycling and blinked back to the meeting room, which was empty. “Damn. I could have had the tea.” He thought. Then Sally blinked in.

  “I thought you might get here early. Sit down.” She told Mark.

  “Look Sally, I really didn’t mean to piss you off like that.”

  “What’s done is done. I have reservations about this but as long as it is properly planned we’ll do it.”

  “We will?” Mark said, somewhat surprised. “You’ll go ahead with the diversionary assault and everything?”

  “Not quite. We can’t do this until Gnn’Ath is secured, which will take a while yet. I’m going to run scenarios for what you have proposed followed up by an all-out assault on the planet to take out the entire centre of their operations. If the scenarios pan, out we’ll do it but it will take a lot of detailed planning and organising which will take time. All of us are going to be busy and you are going to do a lot of training. To be convincing, you will have to be more like a real soldier and not just rely on good fortune. Can you do that?”

  “Yes, sure. Whatever you say. What do you want me to do first?”

  “Get me a drink.”

  Mark ordered and collected a tall glass of vodka for Sally and a mug of tea for himself. He sat at the meeting room table, passing Sally her drink.

  “A while ago you mentioned the alcohol wouldn’t affect you.” Mark said to Sally. “You said your filters would take the alcohol out. How does that work?”

  “This isn’t the best time for a biology lesson but we’ve got a few minutes before the others arrive. Everybody, and that will include you, has a blood filter implant. It’s a bit like a souped up liver, but it can’t be poisoned. Your AI controls it, so you can let the alcohol or recreational drugs through if you want, or you can clean them out. It will also take out toxins, so if you are poisoned you won’t come to much harm unless they act very quickly, but as everyone knows that, if anyone wants to poison you, they will use something that will take effect before your filters get a chance to take it out.”

  “OK, that sounds useful. I must get a full list of everything Alan has implanted in me.”

  “It may have been in the past, but it still happened.” Sally said.

  Mark paused for a moment, unsure what she meant by her abrupt change of subject. The implants? That happened in the past. The look on Sally’s face gave Mark a clue that she might be talking about springing his plan on her and then telling her it didn’t matter what she thought, he was going to do it anyway. He had been hoping he had got away with that.

  “Er, yeah. Sorry. I won’t do it again.”

  “I won’t have my authority undermined by anyone.”

  “No, I realise that. I hadn’t meant to, it’s just - I thought it was the first time I would be able to contribute something. I guess I wanted to show off a bit. I’m really sorry.”

  “If one of my officers had done that I would have busted them down so low that they would have had to look up to a worm's belly. They would be doing the shittiest jobs imaginable until they got fed up and left. If it had happened somewhere isolated, they would have been a bump in the forest floor and listed as missing in action. Do I make myself clear?”

  Mark gulped, “Crystal clear.”

  Sally sat in silence, sipping her vodka. Mark thought it best to avoid eye contact and drink his tea.

  After a few minutes, which felt like a couple of decades to Mark, Ti’rrk blinked in and settled down at the end of the table. Moments later, Mike, Orange, and Simon blinked in. They all took seats around the table, Mark noticed that none of them sat close to him.

  “Thank you for all arriving promptly. I have given Mark’s proposal consideration and on reflection decided it may have some merit. However, I do not want to conduct an infiltration and assassination operation and leave it there. As a team we have performed surgical assassination missions in the past, but only as part of a bigger strategy. If we go ahead with this, and I haven’t decided whether we will or not yet, this will be the precursor to an all out assault to destroy all the command and control on the planet and ultimately to remove all traces of Tk'ng Dach Rrn’s activities there. This is obviously not something we can prepare and launch overnight. We have all got a lot of work to do to prepare for this. Orange, you will work with me on tactics and strategy. I want you to work with Mark and train him in tactics and explosives. Simon, we will be recruiting a lot of volunteers. You will make sure all potential combatants are interviewed and their credentials checked out - we don’t want any of Tk'ng Dach Rrn’s people infiltrating us - and that they pass induction training. I want you to make sure that Mark could pass the induction training and give him an intensive course on communication protocols in this army. Mike, you Ti’rrk and I will meet with Alan to ensure we have the logistical support we need and adequate weapons supply. You’ll need to continue to liaise with him to make sure it happens. I want you to get Mark fit, or at least fitter, and do what you can with him in unarmed combat. All of you will need to work with Ti’rrk to make sure the communications get through the chain of command, and Ti’rrk, you’ll be working closely with me as usual. Any questions?”

  Nobody else spoke. Mark leant forward and opened his mouth to speak, but Sally cut him off.

  “Needless to say, all of this stays inside the team. All communications outside this team are on a Need To Know basis, with no exceptions. Ti’rrk, with me, the rest of you carry on.”

  With that, Sally blinked out, immediately followed by Ti’rrk.

  Turning to Mark, Mike said “Well, you got away lightly with that.”

  “Yes, but speaking metaphorically, Sally has just walked away with my nuts in her pocket.”

  “That wouldn’t be a bad thing if she had done it literally. All you mammals think about is sex.” Mike responded.

  “Huh, you can talk, you randy little lizard.” Simon said. “You’ve got quite a reputation for what you get up to on leave. Whenever you get back from leave I half expect to find a clutch of eggs on your bunk.”

  Mike bared her teeth at Simon and hissed. Then she tilted her head up and made the metallic chirping sound that was her laugh. “You may have something there Simon, but you’re only jealous.”

  “Just had a call, got to go.” Orange said, and blinked out.

  “Give me a few minutes with Mark.” Simon said to Mike. “Then he’s all yours.”

  Mike smiled, flicked out her long forked tongue and said “I can’t wait.” Then she blinked out.

  Mark and Simon sat in silence for a couple of minutes. These uncomfortable silences were happening much too often for Mark's liking. At last, Simon broke the silence.

  “She must like you.”

  “Who? Mike?”

  “No, you prat. Sally.”

  “You wouldn’t say that if you had been in here five minutes before you all showed up.”

  “Has she told you to go back to Alan and never show your face in the parts of Mother used by the army?”

  “No.”

  “Has she got you cleaning the exhaust manifolds of the landers with a small brush and a bucket of water?”

  “No.”

  “Has she sent you down to the surface to fill containers with body parts from the battlefields?”

  �
��No.”

  “Any other punishment duty?”

  “Er, no.”

  “As I said, she must like you. Right Mark, your first lesson in communication protocols in this army, and pretty much any other army in the galaxy, probably in the universe, is rule number one, the most important rule, which is, don’t piss off Sally. Got it?”

  Mark sighed. “Yes.”

  “Good. Just to make sure you understand it, repeat it back to me.”

  “Rule number one, the most important rule, is don’t piss off Sally.” Mark mumbled.

  “Good. That is the foundation on which all the other rules are built, which is why it is so important. The second rule is, if it can’t be helped and you really have to say or do something to piss off Sally, refer to rule number one. Repeat.”

  Mark sighed again. “The second rule is, if it can’t be helped and you really have to say or do something to piss off Sally, first refer to rule number one.”

  “Don’t bother with all the sighing and self-pity Mark. This isn’t quantum physics, this is just common sense. You should be able to work this out for yourself. If you think I’m treating you like an idiot, that’s because you’ve been acting like one. This is your punishment, you’ll get more from the others and you’re getting off bloody lightly. Mike’s a vicious little bastard, she’ll really make you suffer. Now, the third rule is, if you are stupid enough to ignore rules 1 & 2, and you have to say something that will piss off Sally, do it in a private meeting with her. Repeat.”

  Mark repeated: “The third rule is, if I’m stupid enough to ignore rules one and two and I have to say something that will piss off Sally, do it in a private meeting with her.”

  “Good, you’re getting the hang of this. The fourth rule is, if you are going to do, or have done, something that will piss off Sally, make sure she never finds out. Repeat.”

  “The fourth rule is, if I’m going to do, or have done, something that will piss off Sally, make sure she never finds out.”

  “The fifth and final rule is, if in doubt, refer to rule one. Repeat.”

  “The fifth and final rule is, if in doubt, refer to rule one, which is - don’t piss off Sally.”

  “Mark, your AI let through a punch from Sally because it thought you deserved it, right?”

  “Well, it thought that I thought I deserved it, yes.”

  “If you break any of those rules, do you think you’ll deserve a punch in the face?”

  “Probably.”

  “Good. Because if you do, the punch will come from me. Got it?”

  “Got it.” Mark mumbled.

  “We didn’t do this for fun Mark, I’ll ask you to repeat those rules to me every now and then and if you forget them we’ll have another, much longer, session to help you remember. Get your AI to help you keep them in mind. But - these are only for when you, or rather Sally, is on duty. When she is on leave, you can piss her off as much as you like as long as I’m not around to get any fallout. I’ll catch up with you later to go through the assault course and fitness tests so I can see what I need to do to get you through them. Until then you’re Mike’s meat. Good luck with her, you’ll need it. Wait here, she’ll come for you.” Simon blinked away.

  Mark waited for Mike with trepidation. She had become increasing spiky since he had met her and he didn’t expect this episode would have made her any less abrasive.

  Mike blinked in and said. “Tea?”

  Mark wondered what was behind this seemingly innocent question and answered cautiously. “Yes please.”

  Mike walked over to the synthesiser and collected a mug of tea and a mug of her herby smelling hot drink and brought them over to the table. She sat opposite Mark and pushed his tea over to him. She leant back in her chair and sipped her drink.

  “It’s good to be doing something without someone trying to kill you.” She said.

  “Er, yeah.” Mark answered, waiting for the sting in the tail of her comment, but she just smiled and sipped her drink.

  After a few moments, she spoke again. “To start, we’ll go to the gym and get you to run on the treadmill while Alan’s medical AI monitors you, a mild stress test so we have a fixed starting point for your fitness level. The medical AI knows your theoretical maximum capabilities so we can work out a program to move you towards that. How does that sound?”

  Wondering where this was going, Mark answered cautiously again. “Sounds OK. What next?”

  “You’ll be warmed up but not worn out by that. The medical AI has given me a detailed plan of your physiology with all of your muscle groups so we’ll check out your strength and stamina levels on those next. I don’t want you worn out by the time we’ve finished that either, so next we’ll do about an hour of relaxation exercises to make sure you are rested and alert for unarmed combat training. This will be a beginners class, so a slower pace than the session we had before we first went down to the planet. How does that sound?”

  “Not what I expected from you. Where’s the catch? When do I get beaten up or run until I’m exhausted - or both?”

  Mike made the metallic chirping laughing sound. “There’s no catch. You won’t get beaten up, the only person who will push your training to the point of exhaustion is you, but if I’m there, I will stop you. Why would I do that to you?”

  Still wary, Mark answered “You are quite aggressive for a, er, well, for anyone. If you recall, you once threatened to stick a knife in my throat. I’ve seen you in action and you’re not much less combative when you’re back in the team quarters. Even Simon warned me about you.”

  Mike smiled. “That’s good. Mark, if you look at the team members, there’s Sally, who I know you’re fond of, but she is as tough as nails and no-one, not even Simon or Orange, would mess with her. She is the most deadly soldier I have ever come across. Then there’s that hulking mammal Simon. He’s not right in the head and is only happy when he’s fighting. Between engagements he suffers from depression and outbursts of anger which he can’t control. He’s a good friend, but a dangerous one. Then, Orange. Fuck knows what he is. We all refer to him as he, but the truth is nobody knows if he is male, female or something else. He is frighteningly strong and has an entirely different emotional makeup than anything I have come across, so he is a totally unknown quantity. Ti’rrk is the most reasonable Ant I have come across but people are afraid of them for a good reason. When insectoids get into a fight, they seem to switch off their higher cognitive functions and go berserk, Ants are no different except they are bigger and more powerful, better armed, better organised and have more advanced tech than almost anyone else. Now look at me. I am a fraction of the size of the others. What I’ve got going for me is that I am very smart, pretty determined and have a reputation for being a bit crazy. I am also more skilled at unarmed and close quarters combat and know more about weapons systems than anyone else in the army - including our research and development team. I trained as a physicist when I was younger. Sally is fighting for justice, Simon is fighting for his own survival, Ti’rrk is fighting because that’s what she was bred and raised for, Orange - I don’t know why he does it, I think it might be because he wants to die an honourable death. Me, I’m fighting to get revenge against a shitty universe. If I had the power, I’d destroy the whole fucking thing. I would get crushed if I lost my reputation with the team. So, I work hard to keep it up.”

  “So why are you telling me? Aren’t you afraid I might crush you too?”

  “You’re different. You’re fighting because you were dragged into this war against your will. You don’t want to be here and you don’t want to fight, even though you’re good at it. I suspect you’d be pretty good at anything that you really tried to do. Maybe it’s because you come from a pre-emergent culture, maybe it’s just the way you are. You aren’t a threat to me. I like you. Ha! I never thought I’d say that to a mammal. You really have nothing to fear from me, however much I threaten you in front of the others.”

  “The only other person who has ever
said to me I have nothing to fear from them is Sally. Yet she has punched me twice and I’ve lost count how many times she has threatened me with worse.”

  Mike made her chirping laugh again. “Sally won’t really hurt you. She has a fondness for you which is quite unsettling. I think it must be a mammalian thing. Have you finished your tea? Let’s get started.”

  No Quarter Given. Except To Mike

  After his session with Mike, Mark showered, ate and got in his bunk to sleep. Eight hours later, his AI woke him up as instructed and reminded him that he was in the top bunk. He swung his legs over the edge of the bunk and saw Orange sitting at the table.

  “Good sleep after your training Mark?” Orange asked.

  Mark dropped to the floor and noticed Mike was still asleep in her bunk.

  “Yeah, good thanks. It’s better than a sleep suppressor.” Mark answered, yawning. “Would you like a drink?” He asked as he walked over to the synthesiser.

  “I’m OK thanks. When you’ve eaten and got yourself ready, find me. I’ve got you for your next session.” Orange stood up and blinked out of the room.

  Mark showered and dressed and asked his AI to order breakfast for him. The food it ordered for him always seemed better than when he ordered it himself. As he walked to the synthesiser Simon burst into the room.

  “Fucking administration. Drives me nuts. She didn’t kill you then? I’m going to sleep.” Simon dropped onto his bed without even removing his boots and in five minutes was snoring loudly.

  As Mark ate his breakfast to the background of Simon’s snoring he noticed that Mike was awake.

  “Would you like a drink?” Mark asked.

  “Yeah, but somewhere quiet.” Mike answered blearily.

  “Any suggestions?” Asked Mark.

  “No, we don’t have anywhere quiet and private. Don’t worry, I’m used to it.” She grinned sleepily.

  “Er, we could go to my quarters. I can finish breakfast there.” Mark offered.

  “You’ve got your own quarters? Oh, I guess you would. So why do you sleep here with us?”