by E. Davies
But admitting to a guy through text about what he wanted and what he feared was… well, liberating.
swishy like wine: I just want a guy who thinks I’m hot despite liking a little satin and lace. I’m still as much of a man as anyone. I’m not unhappy with who I am, just how other people see me.
bi unicorn: I know what you mean. Hopefully this isn’t awkward but… I need friends and it sounds like you do too. Want my number?
swishy like wine: Yeah, friends would be nice :)
For once, he meant it. It didn’t feel like Unicorn was trying to let him down gently. Instead, it felt like he truly saw past what Caspian said he needed to what he really needed.
What was that? Love? No, too cheesy. He’d done just fine all this time without a boyfriend.
Intimacy? Cas shifted uncomfortably, but he had to admit to himself that maybe that was it.
Enough thinking about that. It was getting late, and he had to pick up his order from the lumber yard first thing.
He sent a quick text when Unicorn sent his number. The profile photo that popped up was a simple landscape, just like his own. No spoiling the surprise, then.
swishy like wine: We should be anonymous pen pals. LOL. I have to get to bed now though
bi unicorn: No strings attached friends? Hahaha sure. I’m going to bed now too. Good night!
swishy like wine: good night :)
He crashed within minutes, but it took him longer than he’d expected to fall asleep thanks to the thoughts of Unicorn racing around his head.
Anonymous pen pals in the digital age were rare. But somehow, not knowing who Unicorn was made it so much easier to talk about his thoughts and fears without worrying about being judged. They both needed friends more than a hookup, he reminded himself.
If only his heart would stop racing every time Unicorn sent him a text.
7
Matt
“He’s baaack.”
It took Matt a second to look up from the computer and put the numbers he’d been mentally calculating to one side of his brain. “Huh?” was his eloquent response to Rory.
Rory snorted. “Your boy crush.”
Matt’s jaw dropped. Had he been that obvious when he’d been eyeing Caspian the other day? “I—no, I…”
“Uh huh. I know what a man looks like when he’s on the prowl.” Rory smacked his arm with a rolled-up membership leaflet. “He’s looking lost in the weights area. I was going to help, but I thought you might want the chance.” She smirked.
Matt glared, but he couldn’t defend himself against the truth. “I’m on it.”
“Rawr. Yes, you are,” Rory growled, grinning even more as Matt’s cheeks flushed. “Go get him, tiger.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Matt muttered under his breath, and he walked slower than usual over to the weight zone to let his blush fade. The last thing he needed was to turn into an awkward, stammering mess.
He hadn’t gotten laid last night after all, but he’d gotten an amazing conversation out of it—with a promise of much more. Swapping numbers was a great sign.
Sure, it wasn’t sex with a hot guy, but that was probably for the best. Matt didn’t know how to talk to guys aside from as friends or fuck-buddies. Dating them? Hah.
Which was why he was kind of in the closet. Apparently, not very deep in there, though, if Rory had picked up on it already. Maybe he was just sneaking around the door, trying to sneak peeks outside without falling out.
The blond twink—Caspian, Matt’s brain helpfully reminded him—was awkwardly doing bicep curls, his wrist bent a little too far.
“Hey.” Matt smiled at him. “Good to see you again.”
Caspian nearly jumped out of his skin. “Oh! Jesus, you scared me.”
“Sorry. Watch the mirror. Not only will you improve your form, but you’ll stop assholes like me sneaking up on you.” Matt grinned.
Caspian jutted out his jaw, and Matt recognized the mixture of embarrassment and stung pride.
It didn’t make sense to him—how could a newbie be expected to magically know how to work out? It wasn’t like people expected you to boil an egg without being shown how. But when most guys realized they didn’t know what they were doing, they took it personally.
Matt decided on the gentle approach. “Want me to show you a better form? I’m all about optimizing output with minimum input.”
“I’d like your input.”
Caspian said it with a straight face, but was that a hint of a teasing, flirtatious grin on his lips?
Goddamn. Matt had gone from having a void of a social life to suddenly flirting with two guys in the span of a day. Not the worst problem in the world to have, but still… confusing. Had someone snuck him a love potion?
“But seriously,” Caspian added, suddenly more businesslike, “I was just going to do some bicep curls, pull-downs, and then bodyweight exercises.” He straightened out his wrist when he caught sight of himself in the mirror.
He sat up straighter now, showing way more confidence than he had a few moments ago.
Oh. He did know what he was doing. Had he been trying to entice Matt over? It had worked, damn it. Like a bee to nectar.
“That’s, uh, a great way to start. I’ll let you get to it.”
Matt walked away before he could say anything stupid. He was reacting like he did to attractive women—by losing track of his words.
It was only inevitable. I was bound to meet a guy who’s my type.
He’d met pretty twinks before, and they’d screwed, and they’d gone their separate ways. He’d never tried to have a conversation with one.
This one seemed to be trying to attract his attention, but Matt was still too scared to take the chance.
God, he sounded like a social recluse, and a loner, and a loser. Exactly what he’d been called before. Still held true so many years later.
Maybe people really didn’t change. Maybe he was going to stay socially awkward and alone forever, like the high school kid standing against the wall at prom.
Okay, get over yourself and get back to work, Matt told himself. He joined Rory at the front desk and took his chair by the computer. He was confident at work, at least, if nothing else.
“Well?” Rory murmured.
He shook his head. “Yeah, he’s cute. But you know I don’t date members.”
“At least you’re admitting you’d consider guys. It took you long enough.”
“Speaking of which,” Matt said, turning to look at her, “how did you know?”
Rory giggled. “Come on. You’ve pinged my bidar for ages. And I’ve seen you on Grindr.”
Matt blinked. “Huh? Are you on there?”
“I recognize the glaring orange and black glow against your face.”
Matt huffed and leaned back in his chair, then turned for the computer. “Nosy.”
“I just think you should think about dating someone, if that’s what you want.” Rory kept her voice down. “Every guy I know who’s on Grindr is… well, it takes a lot of self-esteem out of them.”
Matt’s glance strayed her way again. From his conversation with Swishy, it sure sounded like he wasn’t alone in being disillusioned. Hell, most of the guys he’d hooked up with had openly admitted that they hated it, but they all kept using it.
“Surely we can afford a second employee now. You don’t have to keep pulling ridiculous work weeks,” Rory told him. “And you can get friends and hobbies again. You’re barely living for anything but the gym.”
“I know. But we can’t—not yet.” Matt tapped his pen against the desk and then pointed with it at the screen. “My take-home pay. What’ll probably be left over after everything, that is.”
It was livable in a small town like this, but a little less than he paid her.
Rory sucked her breath in sympathetically, then nodded. “Right. So there isn’t money for another person yet. But we can work on that. I’ll help.”
More than she already did? That was hard to im
agine. “Would you? I don’t want to ask too much—” Matt started.
Rory laughed quietly and hugged him around the shoulders. “Matt. Don’t be a dumbass. Ask for help.”
“Ah.” Matt’s cheeks flushed. He wasn’t very good at that sometimes. “Then yeah, if you want to… that’d be great. I’d like to date and have a life. But if I met the right girl—or guy—or whatever—right now… I couldn’t.”
“If two people want to make it work, they will,” Rory said sagely and wiggled her left hand at him. The engagement ring was a sharp reminder of how long he’d been slogging away at this. A year and a half—no, nearly two years now—and she’d managed to meet someone, fall in love, and get engaged?
And all he had to show for it was a modest twenty percent membership increase and no real dates in many months. It wasn’t the growth he’d dreamed of, on either level.
“You’re holding on too tightly to this,” Rory told him softly. “So go talk to people. Let them get to know you. Hell, live a little. The gym will grow faster if you let other people work on it, too. Let me run the Facebook account, for starters. Have you even logged in at all this summer?”
“You’re right. Yeah. You can take that over, if you really want to. Aren’t you busy enough?”
Rory shook her head. “No, I’ve got plenty of time just sitting around here. Budge over, let me see what we’ve got here.”
Matt moved aside, his attention drawn when Caspian passed him on the way to the front door.
He hoped that was a genuine spark of pleasure to see him in Caspian’s smile. “Oh, hey. Just heading out.”
“Yeah, I see that. Coming back this weekend?”
“You bet. Probably Saturday. I might need a partner for, um, spotting.”
Matt smiled and raised a hand. “Cool. I’ll be here. See ya, partner.”
After he left, Matt lowered his hand, wincing to himself. See ya? I sounded all… I don’t know. Cowboy.
Rory said nothing, but she was smirking obnoxiously at the computer, pointedly not looking over at him.
“Shut up,” Matt laughed.
“I didn’t say anything, partner.” As Matt covered his face and shook his head, Rory suddenly hissed, her tone changing. “Oh, for fuck’s…” she trailed off.
Matt looked up quickly. “You all right?”
Rory was staring at their Facebook notifications. “Um… yeah. We’ve got a little problem.”
Matt drew a sharp breath and leaned in, trying to see what she meant. “What’s that?”
“The internet.”
8
Caspian
“I might actually die,” Caspian announced as he snipped another price tag off the sheet of labels. “Keel over. Cease to live. Finito. Muerto.”
Gabe snorted at him. He lay on his back on Cas’s couch, his sketchbook against his knees as he worked. “You’re the one who decided to work out and get swoll.”
“Swoll as hell, bro,” Cas snorted at the very idea. “All I wanted were some abs and real biceps. I didn’t realize I was going to die in the process.”
“Oh, stop being dramatic.” Gabe laughed.
Cas gasped. He was one to talk. He had a flair for the dramatic just as much as Cas did. “Dude, you don’t understand my pain.”
Gabriel eyed him. “I built that retaining wall almost by myself. Orion tried to help and I wouldn’t let him.”
“Well, that was dumb. What are boyfriends for if not to order around while admiring them getting sweaty?” Caspian grinned.
Gabe looked distracted for a moment before he refocused. “Right. I’m gonna need some time in the shower if you keep talking like that. Speaking of which, how’s the locker room there?” He smirked. “Lots of hot guys around? That could help break your drought.”
Cas flipped him off and kept trimming the rest of the label sheet. “It’s not a drought. And it has individual shower stalls. I met a cool woman there, Kelly, who offered to help me learn the machines.”
“Oh! That’s cool. Very modern,” Gabe approved. “And convenient if you find a hunky gymbot.”
Cas was torn between laughing and groaning. The strangled noise he emitted had elements of both.
Apparently, it must have also given something away, because Gabriel squinted at him. “Oho. Have you met one already?”
“No,” Cas said firmly. “There’s cuties, but I’m looking and not touching.”
“That makes a change.”
“Why do I even invite you to my place?” Cas laughed and counted up his stack of labels. He was going to need new price sheets, too, but he needed laminating sheets for those. “Come in here and call me a slut…”
“Honey, I promise my friends both charm and honesty. One at a time, though.” Gabriel winked. “And it’s honesty hour.”
Caspian couldn’t stop laughing.
“Make sure you take a hot shower tonight and soothe those muscles. Nice and long. And hard, when you start thinking about all your new gym buddies.”
“More drawing, less nose in my business,” Caspian told him.
Just then, his phone went off. He picked it up so fast he nearly dropped it, not wanting Gabe to see the notification. Just in case.
“Oho,” Gabe crowed. “What’s this?”
“Shut up,” Cas mumbled under his breath.
bi unicorn: How’s your work day? :)
swishy like wine: Productive! A friend and I are supposed to be working but we’re gossiping, lol.
bi unicorn: Sounds like fun! Is he single?
swishy like wine: Nope :P
Cas grinned. He’d answered that a little too fast. Sure enough, Unicorn didn’t miss his chance.
bi unicorn: That was a quick answer. Jealous? Of whom?
swishy like wine: Not jealous… but finders keepers.
bi unicorn: Keeping me or him?
swishy like wine: I’ll let you decide.
“Well, that’s a lot of giggling,” Gabriel said. “Spill.”
Cas sighed and forced himself not to watch the phone like it held the answer to world peace. “Just a friend. I like him so far. We met on Grindr. We were gonna hook up, but we got to talking… and…” he trailed off.
“And?”
“And we’re, uh, friends. I guess.”
“Uh-friends. My favorite kind of friends.” Gabriel smiled wickedly. “So, when did you meet?”
Cas blushed and stared at his label printer, willing it to work faster. “We haven’t.”
“Really? Get on that.”
“No,” Cas said, surprising even himself with how forceful he was. When Gabriel blinked at him, he tried to figure out his own thoughts and express them clearly. “It’s like: how often do you get to talk to a guy who’s smart and funny and kind? So far, he’s been all of the above. We’ve been chatting before and after work every day.”
Gabriel lit up. “But isn’t that the best kind of guy to date?”
“I don’t know if we’ll end up going on that date,” Cas admitted.
“Are you into each other?”
Caspian nodded. “We’ve been flirting. But we’re talking. And we’re starting from a different place than usual, because he knows everything I’ve got out there on Grindr.”
“He accepts you for who you are, personally and sexually, and he wants to talk to you instead of fuck you and leave. Which is hot, but also terrifying, because you don’t want to screw this up.”
Gabriel’s summary of the situation made Cas catch his breath. “Um. Yes. Since you put it like that…”
“That’s good,” Gabe told him with a smile. “So keep talking to him, then. I’m glad for you. But I’ll keep teasing you as long as you look like you’ve got cartoon hearts floating around your head…”
Cas pretended to throw scraps of paper at Gabe, who didn’t even duck. “What a jerk.”
He hadn’t asked Unicorn about his day in return yet, so he went back to texting. He still didn’t know what the guy actually did for work, but he seemed
to want to be purposefully vague about his name and occupation.
Whatever made him comfortable, Cas was fine with. Being kinda-closeted couldn’t be easy, and he knew how scary it was to take those first steps out of the closet in a small town.
swishy like wine: How’s your work day?
bi unicorn: Grrr. It WAS good. A real cutie came in and I think he flirted. And then I got news that’s pissing me off. Some assholes are being assholes.
Gabe cleared his throat. “However cute he is, those labels aren’t doing themselves. You said you needed them done today.”
“You’re right,” Cas sighed. He had a photo shoot set up that weekend with some of his new products, so he could get his website and flyers ready for Christmas. August was never too early to start preparing—in fact, it was a little bit late, but he performed best under pressure.
swishy like wine: :( That’s a downer. Keep your chin up. I gotta go, talk to you tonight?
bi unicorn: Text me, sexy. We can work on that routine!
swishy like wine: Yes please! I have a guy to impress.
bi unicorn: You impress me :) TTYS.
“Okay,” Cas told himself, setting his phone aside. “Fine. Work.”
“Work is less fun than flirting, but it pays better.” Gabriel chewed his lip. “I heard back from that buddy of yours. He thinks they’re going to need my help on a project coming up soon at the retirement center.”
Caspian grinned. “Yes!” A few weeks ago, he’d deliberately introduced Gabriel, an up-and-coming garden designer, to his buddy from a landscaping business. Then he’d dropped a few hints and waited to see what would happen. “That’s amazing!”
Seeing his plans come to fruition was satisfying, but especially when it was to help Gabriel. Gabe really deserved a shot at this.
“He said there’s no guarantees yet, but his boss isn’t happy with the last designer, and they were impressed with my portfolio. I have a good chance at the job.”