by E. Davies
Not until he turned the corner did he realize there hadn’t been separate doors for men and women. He froze for a second, hoping he hadn’t just walked into the wrong one, but…
No, there was a guy his age trying to comb his curly hair by the mirrors… and a woman by the lockers, making conversation with him.
Cas blinked a few times, taking in the full-length stalls that stretched from the floor to what had to be at least nine feet up, and the toilet stalls around a corner from the changing area.
This was a gender-neutral place?
As much of a punch in the gut as the fear had been, relief was almost dizzying. He could breathe now that he wasn’t preparing himself to be the scrawny, obviously gay guy in a room full of butch bodybuilder straight dudes who were desperate to be attractive to women, yet afraid of being attractive to men.
Cas almost teared up as he took a breath and strolled over to the changing cubicles.
Each had two sections: a shower cubicle at the back, and a small changing area with a bench and hooks at the front.
All he had to do was turn the shower on for a second, strip his t-shirt off, and rinse it out. Once he’d wrung it out, he slipped it back on and let himself out of the stall again, heading for the lockers to see if they were coin-operated.
Oh, perfect. It was a key setup, so he didn’t even need to bring his own lock.
It was like the owner—and that brought his mind right back to Matt—had thought of everything. Suddenly, the prospect of coming back here was much less terrifying.
He could shower by himself and nobody would have to cast him dirty looks or pointedly turn away from him when he walked in. No catching his breath when he heard someone walk in, and no comparing his own body to the flexed biceps and rippling abs of the men around him.
“First time here?” The woman by the lockers was fixing her hair now, and she gave him a friendly smile. She looked to be in her mid-thirties and post-shower, though it was hard to tell since her hair was so short he could see her scalp.
“Um—yeah.” Cas cleared his throat. “Yeah, just joined on impulse.”
“Welcome! I’m Kelly.”
“Jasper,” said the curly-haired guy with a wave.
“Caspian. Or Cas.” He smiled brightly. “Cool setup here. I’ve never seen this before.”
“It’s the reason I come to Lift,” Kelly said. “I don’t have to get weird looks as much, and I can shoot the shit with people.”
Jasper grinned. “Careful. She’ll talk your ear off if you let her.”
“I would never.” Kelly pretended to be offended, while Cas chuckled. “Anyway, have you got a good routine? Matt’s great at helping with that stuff if you need anything.”
“I thought I’d start with cardio. Free weights scare me, and I don’t know how to use the weight machines,” Cas admitted sheepishly.
“Oh, next time you’re here, grab me if I’m around! I come every day around this time,” Kelly told him. “I’ll help you out.”
Cas brightened up even more at the friendly attitude. It wasn’t like other gyms, where you walked in and had to prove yourself right away. “Thanks!”
After another minute of small talk, he headed out to the car to let his shirt dry in the heat that smacked into him like a wall the moment he left the gym.
He was still feeling good from the workout and the unexpected surprise of at least fifty percent less terror than he usually associated with a changing room, so he hopped on Grindr.
Just for a look.
A couple of profiles came up close by—in this area, that probably meant they were at the gym, church, theater, or maybe the fast food restaurant. Cas flicked through them as he leaned on the car and waited for the breeze to take the car interior down a painful degree or two.
Three were boring, but one stood out and really caught his eye… and the guy either was online, or had been very recently.
What the hell? Project New Cas is underway.
He sent a quick message, not really expecting to hear back.
Cas dawdled around as he started up his car, fiddled with the A/C, set his phone to driving mode, and picked up reward ice cream from the drive-thru. Even so, there was still no answer within the first ten minutes.
If he weren’t so sweaty, maybe he would have stopped at the theater and treated himself to a date, if nobody else would take him on one.
Or maybe he ought to have been looking at the church to say a prayer for his love life. The thought made him smile despite the pang of frustration and loneliness.
He just had to trust that the plan would work out.
5
Matt
It was one of those weirdly busy evenings—several groups of friends arrived, a big group of athletes who lived closer to this gym than their usual rec center, and a few newbies who needed spotting.
Busy was good, though. Busy paid the rent.
After Matt locked up, he realized he’d almost forgotten his charging phone. He had to sprint back inside for it and just beat the security alarm before getting the door closed again. His adrenaline still racing, he glanced at his alerts and raised his eyebrow.
Someone had messaged him on Grindr a few hours ago. Goddamn, it was probably too late. If they were after a quickie, they would have found someone else by now.
Still, he paused after buckling up, but before pulling out of the lot. With a swipe of his finger, he opened the app and waited to see what the message was.
swishy like wine: Hey there. I was in the area and spotted you. Nice abs! Mind if I ask how you got them?
That was probably the most creative opening line he’d seen in months, which spoke volumes about the kind of interaction Grindr encouraged.
Granted, his profile picture was a headless torso shot, which was basically a signal for fuck me but don’t talk to me in the morning, but it wouldn’t kill a guy to try now and then to boost his ego, at least. He liked Swishy already.
Smiling, Matt tapped out a message.
bi unicorn: Hey, sorry, I was at work. No problem! My routine’s pretty simple if you’re up for diet + exercise.
He checked the guy’s profile. The name already had him laughing. Swishy’s profile was pretty plain, with no photo, but he did say in the profile text that he wanted to meet fun people, not just for fun.
Judging by his stats, he was probably scrawny—he described himself as slim, which was the closest descriptor you could get on Grindr.
It wasn’t uncommon for guys to ask Matt about his routine. Back in Houston—when he’d lived there for college before he’d gotten sucked into 24/7 business ownership life—it had led to friendships. Why not try that again?
If Swishy wanted to meet for wine sometime, Matt occasionally let himself break his diet. Drinks might lead to more, they might not. At least it wasn’t another boring, secretive hookup in the dead of night. And it sure as hell beat sitting around at home, alone, staring through the TV.
He was home before he had his answer. He kicked his shoes off without even looking and dropped his keys on the table, too busy reading the response.
swishy like wine: I can do both… hopefully. Last time I lifted weights I nearly broke a toe.
The candid honesty had Matt laughing out loud. Not only did Swishy write complete sentences, but it was already easy to tell he had a wicked sense of humor.
bi unicorn: OMG. I don’t know about this then. I don’t want to send you to the ER.
swishy like wine: Worth it for abs like yours. ;)
Matt snickered and headed for the kitchen to grab half a gallon of milk and his dinner. “To hit on him or not to hit on him…” By the time he’d heated up the chicken breast, beans, and broccoli, he had his answer. “Definitely hit on him.”
He grabbed his phone and cracked his knuckles.
bi unicorn: Well, before I give you advice, I want to see what I’m working with. ;)
swishy like wine: I bet you think you’re smooth ;P
bi unicorn: I kn
ow I’m smooth! how close did you look at my photo?
swishy like wine: I plead the 5th
Matt laughed even harder this time. The flirting endorphins had kicked in, making him feel like he was floating between the microwave and the dining room table as he took his dinner there. He tried to come up with witty things to say as he ate.
bi unicorn: This is about your close shave, not mine. Are you going to break a nail if you lift?
swishy like wine: Excuse you? This better not be some masc4masc shit bro. I can hack a good workout
bi unicorn: God no. I know femmes who can kick my ass… in heels
swishy like wine: Me too. Maybe we know the same people :)
Matt finished dinner and put away his plate as he debated where to take the conversation next. But before he could, Swishy sent him photos.
None with his face, which was unfortunate. Matt liked to see people’s eyes. It was a good indicator of who they were—however people tried to hide themselves, their eyes told the truth.
Then again, Swishy had been pretty open already. And these photos weren’t very subtle. He wore tight shorts and he was shirtless.
And he couldn’t help but notice as he zoomed in on the abs to check for definition and separation—there was none of either—the lace peeking up from the waistband.
Matt was pretty sure he liked the implications. In fact, he was a hundred percent certain he liked them.
Now what the hell was he going to do?
6
Caspian
Cas paced back and forth in his living room, one hand curled in a fist over his heart, his other hand tightly gripping his phone.
Thank God he lived alone, in his own house. He never would have lived it down if anyone had seen this.
Sure, he’d been excited at first to get a message back from “bi unicorn” and all of his glorious abs. But even better, Unicorn wasn’t like most guys on Grindr. He came across like a real, well-rounded person, and…
Cas was not crushing. Not a chance. He’d had plenty of conversations with guys on Grindr that consisted of half a dozen texts before radio silence, or worse, ghosting. This might come to nothing.
He might just end up drinking a bottle of wine and crying at late-night TV again.
Er. Not that he’d admit the again part to anyone else.
“Okay. Let him see what he’s missing and then back off. Make him come to me.” Cas had a game plan… sort of.
bi unicorn: With that canvas how can you go wrong? You’ve got a good BF%. What are your macros?
swishy like wine: Flattery will get you everywhere! ;) I don’t have macros though. I have macaroni?
bi unicorn: Speaking of things you’ll have to cut…
Cas gasped out loud and clutched his heart. If that was Unicorn’s secret to success, he wasn’t sure he liked it.
swishy like wine: Noooo. Really???
bi unicorn: You can add tasty things. lots of meat
swishy like wine: I like meat. especially sausages. you’ll have to show me your meal plan sometime
Cas bit his lip and went for another walk around his house, trying to stay cool as he picked his way around tubs of twine, ribbons, paintbrushes, and enough nails to hold together his life.
Every damn time someone talked to him, he got swept off his feet. Even when he was under no illusions that this would lead to something more, he still kind of hoped it would.
Somewhere private, in the back of his head, where nobody would laugh at him about it, he daydreamed that a guy would get so smitten with him that… well, he’d call in the morning. Or the modern equivalent.
Cas would be certain that this was just another hookup for Unicorn, except he wasn’t cutting to the chase and sending dick pics and his location.
Did that mean he actually wanted to talk?
bi unicorn: you’re a hell of a good flirt
He could try to back off the flirtation, but it was way too much fun. The missing punctuation didn’t go unnoticed. Usually, on Grindr, that meant the other guy was now typing with one hand and busy with the other.
Was he jacking off to his pictures? It thrilled him to think about the possibility.
swishy like wine: I don’t have a lot of talents, but I know them well
bi unicorn: what are your others?
swishy like wine: You’ll have to wait to see :)
bi unicorn: teasing is one
swishy like wine: well, i’m good with my hands. but… where were we?
bi unicorn: looking at your before pics and I got distracted. do I see lace?
Cas bit his lip and tried to calm his nerves. The guy seemed open to it so far. This wasn’t him shooting him down immediately.
It was just a question.
Goddamn it, I need to be less gun-shy. One bad experience doesn’t mean they’re all bad apples… or whatever.
He decided to go for it.
swishy like wine: yes. you like it?
The response was almost instant.
bi unicorn: yes! love confident guys
swishy like wine: LOL. I don’t know if confident is the right word for me…
bi unicorn: hence wanting a new gym routine? you’re sexy like you are, you know
Cas blushed and pressed his hands against his cheeks for a moment, then bit his lip. If that was the case, why hadn’t Unicorn asked to meet him?
It was easy to say someone was attractive if you didn’t actually have to go on a date with them. And it was easy to call lace hot when you didn’t have to actually peel it off later.
swishy like wine: I got ditched on a date and my confidence crashed. and there’s someone I want to impress
The moment he sent it, he groaned. Good going, idiot. In the middle of flirting with Unicorn, he had to go and bring up the gym owner, didn’t he? And the fact that he’d gotten ditched on a date? Way to make himself sound like a catch.
His interest in the gym owner was purely physical—they’d barely even exchanged words. He was nowhere near as interesting as this guy. From a glance, Matt had been in great shape and had seemed friendly, but Unicorn? He seemed clever and kind already, being so willing to engage with him. And the flirtation was two-sided for sure.
Matt had just been there to welcome him. Pursuing that probably wouldn’t lead anywhere.
Better to keep the fish already on the line than throw it back and try to bait another.
bi unicorn: oooh gossip! tell me more
swishy like wine: nothing to tell yet, haha. I just want someone to look at me like I look at them
Fuck. Now that sounded desperate.
It took a few minutes before Unicorn answered him, and he resisted the urge to send any more messages. Trying to explain it would only look worse.
Unicorn liked them confident, so Caspian tried to stay confident. Thank God this was all happening by text.
In the meantime, he checked out the guy’s profile again. It was short and sweet:
Looking for fun/friends/both. I own a business (should be spelled busy-ness, I’d kill for a day off) so don’t get out much or date. Work keeps me discreet but you do you boo!
It made him smile. Most guys who had “discreet” in their profile were terrified of being seen with Cas in public—a Known Gay—but this guy seemed different.
Was he afraid of coming out because of his business? What did he do? For once, a profile raised more questions than it provided answers.
He switched back to the chat when it alerted him to a new message.
Whoa, this was a long string of messages.
bi unicorn: I know how you feel. Can I rant at you? I’m going to anyway LOL. So I own my own business here, which is all good, right? I really like it. I shouldn’t complain. I’m bi but I’ve only dated women. And every time I told a woman about being bi she just… well, it didn’t go well
bi unicorn: Anyway, I moved back here bc I heard there was a gap in the market and there is. Biz is going OK. But I want someone to look at me like I’m h
olding up their world sometimes, too. I get plenty of guys telling me I’m hot but I’ve always been too scared to ask one out. First world problems. IDK. I want more.
Cas swallowed hard. He hadn’t expected this kind of openness and honesty with a guy on Grindr, but hey. The world worked in weird ways.
At least here, everything about him was already on the table. No hiding parts of himself. No worrying someone would laugh at him. Maybe the fact that neither of them had shared their face was emboldening them both.
He typed slowly, trying to figure out what he wanted to reveal.
swishy like wine: Yeah I know exactly what you mean. So this date, he picked me up and drove to the park and tried to hook up. I wasn’t really into it though. He found out about the lace and shut down. Said we’d go to a BYOB place and ditched me in the wine aisle of JJ’s instead. I know it was about the lace because he asked me about it right before we went into JJ’s.
He hit send, cringed, and kept going. In for a penny, in for a pound.
swishy like wine: Sooo I just wanna be the guy that everyone messages first for once, you know? Not the guy who’s the ditchable emergency backup if you can’t get anyone else.
bi unicorn: Shit, that sucks! Thanks for telling me all of this. But yeah. I think we’re all afraid of being that guy. Man, I haven’t really talked to someone like this in a long time.
Even through text, Cas could feel the loneliness in those words. How long had it been since he’d shared his own fears and desires in so many words? Sure, he’d talked about it in a general sense with Gabe, but even that made him uncomfortable.