Love on the Run (Pine Harbour Book 5)

by Zoe York

  “Oh my gosh.” Liana tightened her grip on Dean’s hand and bounced in her seat. He bit his lip to keep from laughing. This was better than Christmas, even if he didn’t really follow it completely. He could already see Andrew’s idea getting better as she rolled it around in her glorious, clever mind. “You guys are geniuses.”

  Andrew shook his head. “I wish I could take the credit. It was something that West said at one point, about giving up on the dream of getting picked up by a label, because—”

  “Because he can get the best of both worlds with me. Oh, you clever man.” She let go of Dean’s hand and launched herself at her bassist, peppering his cheek with kisses before she leaned across the table to high-five Jackie.

  Now it was Dean’s turn to do the lazy look around the restaurant, but nobody was giving them a second glance. And then it was his turn to get her appreciative kisses, although he hadn’t done anything to earn them. He still tangled his hand in her hair and held her close for a second.

  “You’re happy?” he whispered.

  “Very.”

  “Good.” He kissed the tip of her nose as he gazed down at her clear blue eyes. “I like that sparkle in your eyes.”

  Beside them, their waitress cleared her throat.

  He still maintained that grown men didn’t blush, but Dean’s cheeks felt suspiciously warm as he leaned back and accepted his monster plate of food.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  THE tour resumed with an outdoor festival in Tulsa.

  And like in Louisville, Liana found it too much. Too chaotic, too intense. It left her feeling too vulnerable, and she couldn’t crest that wave. Couldn’t get on top of it and ride it like a queen.

  The fact that she’d had such a good break in Nashville and had finally confronted Track made it even worse. So much for finding her inner warrior goddess.

  She finished the last song on auto-pilot, which of course wasn’t good enough and sent her even further into a spiral of negative self-talk.

  How was that? Was that good enough? It wasn’t, not really. The crowd wasn’t really into it. Should I have sat down on the stool? Would that have been more authentic?

  Her head started to spin, just a little. Not like she was going to pass out, but something more subtle than that. More concerning. Like she was starting to see what was happening around her from an odd, detached angle.

  “Great job,” one of the roadies said. Chris, her brain reminded her.

  Detached.

  Yeah. That was the word for it.

  “Thanks, Chris,” she heard herself say, then felt herself give a little fist pump in the air.

  “You want water?” he asked, holding out a bottle.

  “I’m good.” She clenched her hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

  A large, male body stepped in front of her. “I’ll take that,” Dean said to Chris, grabbing the water. Then he set his arm around her shoulder and propelled her forward. “Come on.”

  He walked them across the wing of the stage, letting her stop at the top of the stairs to sign autographs, then again at the bottom, but he kept her moving past the tent, down the carpeted path to the makeshift hallway of curtains that led to the tour bus parking. Behind her, she could hear her band veer off into the VIP tent, and then they were, for a split second, alone.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered under her breath, to herself as much as him. And she fought for that control, wanted to believe it, even as her head spun and darkness threatened at the corners of her vision.

  “You’re just going to get changed,” he responded just as quietly, his gaze staying straight ahead. He smiled at the security guard at the other end and flashed his backstage pass.

  “Lovely performance, Ms. Hansen,” the cop said with a flashing white smile.

  On autopilot, she winked at him. “I aim to please.”

  “And please you did,” he chuckled. “You coming back in?”

  “Absolutely. Just need to change. Won’t be long.”

  “I’ll be waiting for you.”

  She was still laughing when Dwayne spotted them and opened the bus door for her.

  She gave him a more tired but also more authentic smile. “Thank you.”

  “You have a good show?”

  “I did, thank you.”

  “Good to hear.”

  “I’m just going to get changed.” The words spilled out of her. Thanks to Dean for the excuse.

  “All right. I’m just going to sit here and finish this level of Candy Crush.”

  She nodded, her voice sounding more distant now, like she was listening to the conversation through a tunnel. “Have you passed Andrew yet?”

  “Not yet.”

  “You can do it.” She patted his shoulder and headed down the aisle, all the way to her room. It was all she could see at the end of the corridor.

  Dean was right behind her the entire time, and when she opened the door, he followed her into her private space.

  “Can you close the—” she started to ask, glancing back at him over her shoulder, then cut herself off when he’d already shut the door behind him.

  “How do you do that?” he asked, staring at her.

  “Do what?”

  “Go from nearly passing out as you came off stage to…flirting with a security guard and remembering that Dwayne is five levels behind Andrew in Candy Crush.”

  “Is it five?” She wasn’t the only person who remembered stuff. It wasn’t a superhero skill.

  “Doesn’t matter.” He pointed to her bed. “Sit.”

  She sat just in time for everything to fade. “Whoa.”

  “You’re doing it again. What’s wrong?” He took her hand and peeled her fingers out of the white-knuckled fist she’d made.

  “Nothing,” she said quickly.

  “You turned white as you came off the stage. I thought you might pass out. And now you just did that again.”

  “It’s hot today.”

  “You usually have trouble performing in the heat?”

  She didn’t answer him.

  “Here.” He unscrewed the lid from the water and pressed it into her hand. “Nobody can see that your hands are shaking.”

  “Except you.”

  “But your secret’s safe with me, so drink up.”

  “I need to go back to the tent,” she whispered after taking a few shallow sips. She pressed the bottle to her cheek, but that didn’t help. She wasn’t hot.

  “What happened out there?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Dean stared at her incredulously. “It damn well does. Tell me.”

  “Don’t yell at me.” She closed her eyes and put the cap back on the water bottle. She just wanted to lie down.

  “This is what happened in Savannah?”

  “Maybe.” Her stomach knotted up.

  She could feel him moving around her. She blinked her eyes open when he settled beside her on the bed and took the water bottle from her hands.

  “I think you need to see someone about this. A medical professional.”

  She started to cry. It was like a dam burst, and she sobbed against his shirt as he lowered them both so they were flat on the mattress. “That’s not the answer I wanted,” she sniffled, burrowing deeper into his chest.

  “I know. Do you want to talk about what you were thinking on stage? Would that help?”

  She shook her head. Not if she was going to have to talk about it over and over again with a doctor. And when was that going to happen? She was just kicking off the Western leg of the tour.

  “We can fly ahead of the buses and meet someone in Denver,” he said quietly into her hair, his voice steady.

  “That’ll mean telling people.”

  “People already know. That’s why you brought me on tour, remember?”

  She frowned. No, she’d forgotten that. And it had been a non-issue.

  “We can go out and do some shopping while we’re there. I’ll roll up my shirt sleeves a
nd everything. Start some Arm Guy rumours.”

  “You don’t want to do that.”

  “I want to do whatever it takes to keep you feeling safe.”

  “Don’t let go…” she whispered, giving in to the sleep that was calling for her.

  “I won’t.” Not ever, she wanted to imagine he said next, but she was already drifting.

  * * *

  — —

  * * *

  Dean watched Liana sleep for a while, then pulled out his phone and texted Brad.

  He filled the tour manager in on Liana’s panic attack. Brad immediately jumped into action, and they had a new travel plan within an hour.

  “She wants to keep this low-key,” Dean kept repeating, and he was ninety percent sure Brad got that, but there was enough doubt that he stayed in the close vicinity of the bus so when she woke up, he’d be there to stand beside her.

  The buses would be hitting the road in a few hours. They’d stuck around after her show so the crew could enjoy some of the other acts, and they had a day in between this concert and the next one in Colorado.

  But Dean and Liana would be heading to the airport shortly. Brad already had an appointment lined up for her with a highly-recommended therapist for the next morning in Denver.

  He was just climbing back onto the bus to wake her up when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

  Dean read the text from Sean twice, blood pounding in his ears.

  Leaving for the sandpit in six days.

  Damn. For his brother, it would be good news. A show of confidence from his commanding officers that he didn’t need the extended workup training. That his knowledge and skill level were deployment-ready.

  “Bad news?” He jerked his eyes up. Jackie was sitting quietly on the couch.

  “Uh…No.”

  She pointed to the bedroom. “I hear her moving around.”

  He nodded. “We’re flying ahead to Denver.”

  Her brow squeezed together and he realized her hands were fisted so tightly her knuckles were white. “It really hasn’t happened that many times before.”

  “I know. She told me about Savannah.”

  “We didn’t ignore it.”

  “I know.” He shot a quick glance toward the bedroom. The last thing Liana needed to worry about was people talking about her. He grabbed a chair and spun it around so he could sit facing Jackie. “This is new for her. The performance anxiety part. So it’ll get nipped in the bud. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I just…” She screwed up her face and exhaled. “I know about things getting out of control.”

  “And you know about getting them back in control, too, right?”

  She nodded.

  “Liana’s lucky to have you in her corner.” He stood again and tucked the chair back against the table. “We just need to insulate her a bit through this.”

  Jackie started to say something, then stopped. Started again, and he chuckled when she gave up again.

  “Spit it out.”

  “Don’t try to protect her too much. Remember she’s still a star. She’s worked hard for more than a decade to earn her place in the limelight. She hates scrutiny. Embarrassment. But she loves attention. For better or worse.”

  “Noted.”

  “Even if that means you end up in the limelight, too.”

  Yeah, he’d already figured that out. “Doubly noted.”

  He knocked on the bedroom door.

  A muffled “come in” came from the other side.

  She was curled up under a throw blanket now, her tablet propped up on a pillow beside her. She was responding to fan messages.

  He recounted the travel plans to her, underlining that so far, Brad and Jackie were the only ones who knew there would be any change in plans. “And you’ll do your show there just like normal. Easy peasy.”

  His phone vibrated again and he ignored it.

  Liana didn’t. She glanced to his pocket. He waved her off and she rolled her eyes. “Everything okay?”

  “Yep. Do you need help packing?”

  “No. Do you?”

  He laughed and climbed onto the bed. That deserved a kiss, but no sooner was his mouth on hers that his phone started vibrating and this time, it didn’t stop.

  So Sean would have told everyone else now. “I’m sorry,” he groaned, pulling it out.

  Six messages.

  He thumbed into the screen with one hand, tucking Liana into his side with the other. “It’s family stuff.”

  She read the messages along with him, her body tensing up and he swore under his breath. “Dean? Is your brother going overseas like…now?”

  “Not now,” he muttered. “In a few days.”

  “That’s earlier than expected.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you need to go home?”

  “I need to be right here with you.”

  “It’s okay if you do.”

  “And it’s okay if I don’t, too.” It would be, anyway. He sent out a group message to all of his brothers and the Minelli clan, too, that he was getting on an airplane and would reply once he got to Denver.

  Then he turned off his phone and pulled Liana tight into his chest.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  THE flight was short and uneventful.

  Dinner was room service in the Four Seasons, with a view of mountains in the distance.

  The entire rest of the day was quiet, too quiet, and calm. By the time it was dark, Liana felt so edgy and restless she wanted to snap at Dean and she had no idea why.

  She knew he didn’t deserve it. And in the back of her mind, she hated herself for keeping him next to her when his brother was about to head to a war zone and the rest of his family was blowing up his phone about that.

  He’d turned the ringer all the way to silent, not even letting it vibrate, but she knew he was still getting messages.

  “I’m going to go to the gym,” she announced.

  He stood, too.

  She tried to wave him down, but gave up when she got as far as her suitcase and realized she’d left her running shoes on the tour bus.

  Fuck.

  She dropped to her knees and hung her head.

  “Hey,” he said quietly, crouching behind her. “It’s fine.”

  “I don’t have my shoes.”

  “Can you do yoga or something?”

  She nodded. It wasn’t what she wanted, though. She wanted to run, hard and fast.

  “Come here.” He pulled her into his arms, rocking her almost, and it was awkward and sweet at the same time.

  “I hate being weak,” she mumbled into his chest.

  “But you really are strong. You are. This is just a normal human breaking point thing.”

  She shook her head. She didn’t feel strong. “I’ve learned how to act. How to survive. But this has been coming for a while.”

  “You’ve been knocked down how many times? Anyone would snap. And you haven’t snapped. You’re just…done with pretending, maybe? But you’ve climbed a hard ladder, princess. Hard. I had no idea until I saw you at work in Nashville. How many people try to do what you’ve done and fail?”

  She wasn’t sure she wasn’t failing at the moment. Darkness crept in closer, cold and clammy, because given what his family was preparing for, that was so weak. “You should go home.”

  “What? No. I’m right where I need to be.”

  “Your brother—”

  “Has two other brothers. And one of them isn’t an idiot. He has best friends and an entire community, including one of your best friends, too. You have me. It’s a fair trade.”

  She laughed, because he was being funny, and he was funny, but it still hurt.

  “You’re awesome, you know that?”

  She shook her head and tried to twist away from him.

  He caught her hands in his and held her still. “Listen to me. Listen. Stop and hear me.”

  “No, don’t do this.” When she realized he wasn’t going to let her get aw
ay, she tried to kiss him instead, but he rolled her onto her back.

  “I’m doing this.” He gave her a soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

  Her heart was going to explode. Was it wrong to feel happy and sad at the same time?

  “I’m telling you how awesome you are, and you’re going to hear it.”

  Swallowing hard, she forced herself to be quiet. Forced the voices in her head to stop arguing and let him do this, even if it was a lie.

  I’ve made him think these wonderful things. I’ve manipulated him somehow and he’ll realize it soon enough. She didn’t feel the tears on her cheeks until his fingers wiped them away.

  “Is that so hard to hear?”

  “Maybe,” she whispered.

  “Damn it, Liana.” He stared down at her, then shook his head. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Yoga?”

  Instead, he kissed her, and that was better.

  * * *

  — —

  * * *

  The next morning, a therapist came to the hotel for a private session.

  To her eternal relief, Liana liked the guy right off the bat. His name was Howard, and he wasn’t a big fan of country music.

  She laughed when he told her that. “That’s an interesting introduction tack.”

  “I don’t want you to be surprised when I don’t know any of your colleagues, or anything like that. The context, relationships, etc. My wife likes to watch Austin City Limits, though, that’s a good time.”

  “It is.” She gave a little shrug. “I’ve been on that, you know.”

  “That’s neat.” But he said it like one might comment on bright purple argyle socks. And where someone else might get uppity about that, Liana just relaxed.

  This guy didn’t care at all about her job. Which meant she could trust him to do his. She took a deep breath. “Okay. So. Where do we start?”

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on with you.”

  “I’m on tour.” She hitched her shoulders and tightened her knees together as she thought about how far back to go. “And twelve years ago I moved to Nashville to be a country music star. A lot happened in between.”