by C. A. Harms
“You do that, and he’ll be your friend forever.”
“How old is he?” I ask, looking up as the doctor gathers her equipment.
“Gizmo is nine years old and has been coming in to see me since he was about a year old.” I watch as Dr. Daphne begins to examine Gizmo. The big and brave guy doesn’t even flinch.
“It’s almost like he already knows what’s coming.” He remains completely calm.
“He is definitely one of my easier patients.”
I don’t honestly know what started my fascination with animals or my need to treat them. I guess I just look at them as helpless and unable to ask for what they need. I want to fix them, save them, and care for them. It is a need inside that nothing seems to tame but the reassurance that the animal in need gets my help.
The longer I sit and watch Dr. Daphne treat Gizmo, the deeper the knot inside seems to grow. A sense of clarity sweeps over me. An understanding of just what may have passed through Dawson’s mind when Renee asked for his help. He is a nurturer too—just in a different form. It isn’t always an emotional connection, but more of desperation inside of him that needs to be soothed. Dawson’s primary goal is to help others. It’s why being a fire fighter is the perfect career for him as he’s not only saving lives but doing what he loves.
Tears fill my eyes as I picture the emptiness in Dawson’s stare when he watches me from across the table each night. Things have been so stressed between us. I know that we’re trying, but now I understand that it is me holding us back.
I’ve taken a hit to my ego, a tainted swing at my trust.
If he wanted Renee, I’m sure he could’ve had her. But he wants me. Even after I push him away, he still wants me.
Gizmo meows, tilting his head as he pushes it against my hand. “You stopped,” the doctor says with a laugh, and I feel just a small amount of that tension that I’d been holding ease.
“And we’re done,” I look up to see Dr. Daphne pull back with a needle in hand. It amazes me that Gizmo doesn’t even flinch when she gives him a shot. He just accepts it like a champ.
“Hello?” I close my eyes, letting the sound of his voice sink in through the other end of the line. “Reese?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” I squeeze out, forcing myself to speak. My heart races as my hands shake. “Where are you?” Sitting on the bottom step leading upstairs to our apartment, I’m unable to go inside. He isn’t home, and that disappointment filled me the moment I pulled in to find that his space was empty.
“Just waiting for my session to start.” I hate how hollow his voice sounds. It’s missing that charm. That spark it’s always held. “Ready to have this shit done and get back to work. I need something to fill my days with right now."
I know he isn’t purposely attempting to make me feel bad, but I feel like crap. I’ve felt the emptiness in our home. I’ve felt the lingering sadness whenever we both sit in the same room.
“Maybe we can rent a movie for tonight.” When he doesn’t say anything in return, my stomach does that crazy nervous flip that instantly makes me wonder if I’ve pushed too hard for distance. That maybe he’s finally accepted that we aren’t together and now he no longer needs that connection. “I’m planning on making that pasta you like and maybe even cheesecake for dessert.”
“Depends.” His voice continues to hold that same monotone. “You making regular cheesecake or that Oreo cookie one you made a few months back?”
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “That depends. Which one do you like better?”
“Oreo.”
“Then I’ll make that one.” I wish more than anything for him to be standing before me so that I can see his gorgeous smile. “Do you wanna choose the movie, maybe grab it on your way home?”
“I can do that.” Maybe it is all my imagination, but he sounds less drained and distant. “Do you have a preference?”
“Funny or a romantic comedy even,” I suggest, then instantly think that maybe I should have left the suggestions out.
“Let’s skip the romance side of things.” He covers the receiver, leaving his voice muffled, and I realize that he must have been talking to someone else. “Listen, it’s time for me to go back. I’ll pick up something that makes us both scream in fear.”
I can say a million things right now. Instead, I allow him to end the call. I remain seated in the same space and feel my heart ache.
Dawson
We sit across the table from each other, the only sounds are our silverware when they clink against the ceramic plates. Every so often Reese lifts her wine glass or I’ll raise my beer, and the tap of each as they are placed on and off the tabletop can be heard.
“How long are we gonna do this?” I ask before I have the chance to stop myself. Reese looks up from her plate and stares at me with a blank look on her face. “We sit in the same damn room, yet we pretend we’re alone. We pass in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, and we look at the floor instead of one another. We move around like we’re nothing more than strangers, ships passing in the night.”
She swallows hard, her throat bobbing from the movement.
“Besides a few weak moments on your part and mine, we’ve been nothing more than two people existing. Two fucking strangers so uncomfortable that we walk around like the ground is gonna shatter beneath us.” I don’t know how much more of it I can take.
“I’m sorry.” Reese pushes her plate away. “I was hoping that . . .” she pauses, looking around the table at the dinner she made. “I don’t know what I was hoping.”
She stands in a hurry, the chair beneath her wobbling from her forced movements. My heart rate spikes and I frantically follow her actions with my eyes.
Before I have the chance to say anything more, she rushes from the dining area and walks toward her bedroom without looking back.
“Reese!” I holler, my mind catching up with what’s taking place. “Wait!” She pauses, not even turning around to face me. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I step up behind her, watching as her shoulders rise and fall with the deep breaths I know she’s taking. I want nothing more than to reach out and pull her close. It’s all I ever want to do, but the fear of her reactions leave me paralyzed.
“No,” she finally whispers, “you’re right.” Slowly Reese turns around to face me, her head still tilting downward, as she looks at the small amount of space separating us. “We have been more strangers than friends, and I know it's my fault.”
I start to shake my head in disagreement but she then looks up with fresh tears on her face that slice me in half, stripping me of everything inside.
“I believe you that nothing happened. I’ve already told you that.” I fist my hands at my sides when her voice trembles with the sadness she feels. “But what I didn’t tell you was that I forgive you for lying because I wasn’t sure that I could give you that. I couldn’t look past the sense of betrayal. The anger I had knowing that you chose her over what we had ate at me.”
Fear hits me, and again I shake my head.
“You did, but it’s okay. I understand it now. I still don’t like it, but I get it. It’s who you are, the guy that needs to help those in need. The one who is desperate to keep anything bad from happening whenever the chance is presented.” She inhales a deep breath. “I know you didn’t set out to hurt me. I guess I just had to get over it in my own time, and I had to know that what you feel for her is innocent.”
“It is,” I assure her, though it’s not needed at this point.
“I hate how things are between us.”
“Me too .” More than anything.
“I don’t wanna be like this anymore.” Her lower lip trembles, her eyes once again filling with tears. “I just want my friend back.”
“Is that all? Are we just friends, Reese, or are we more?”
There is a long pause. Too long. Her eyes lock with mine with a look of resolution on her face. Only I don’t know the results. Friendship or more? I
watch her, silently pleading for the answer I need. More. If she tells me that friendship is all she wants, it will shred me to pieces.
“I need us,” she confesses. “I need you to be you, and I need to be me. I want all of it back. I want your comfort and your touch—”
I don’t let her finish because it has already been too long since I’ve held her. I step forward, placing one hand on each side of her face, and pull her in close. My lips crash with hers, a desperate kiss that conveys so many things. A kiss to feel those lips and that fire from her touch. A kiss to let her know how much I love her. A kiss to make her mine again. She moans, and I take the opportunity to deepen our kiss. Her sweet tongue rolls with mine, the satisfied whimper that she gives makes me only strive for more.
“I want you too,” I assure her, still holding her face in my hands. “I never stopped wanting you, not even for a second.”
Reese places her hands on my sides, her touch igniting a pang of hunger in me. I back her up to the wall behind us, using the weight of my body to hold her hostage. I can’t let her go. Not yet. Feeling like a lifetime since I’ve kissed her, my body shakes from the rush of adrenaline that races through me. So many visions, so many wants surge through me at once.
“You’re all I need.” My sides twitch when her fingertips touch the skin beneath the hem of my shirt. “Damn, I’ve missed you. Missed everything about you.”
She bites my lower lip and gives it a gentle tug. The movement alone electrifies me from the tip of my toes to the ends of my hair. Fuck. She is a jolt of electricity that leaves me jittery and unsteady on my feet.
“It’s you and me, baby,” I whisper into our kiss. “I’ve never needed anything more than I need you.”
“Me too.”
“I love you, Reese.” My hands shake as I release her face and search for her hands instead. She links her fingers with mine, the best my casted hand will allow, and I lift our joined hands above her head. Pinning them to the wall behind us, she arches her back and looks up at me through her long lashes.
“No more.” I pause, trying to reword all the things I want to say in my mind. “Nothing comes between us. I can’t take it, being without you. It’s too hard. It’s left me empty. You’re the only one that can fill this space inside me. I can’t do that again, Reese. It’s killed me.”
“I can’t either,” she confesses too as my last amount of resolve fades.
“Tell me we’re okay, Reese,” I demand, but need to hear it. When she nods, I kiss her once more. “Tell me your mine, baby. All mine.”
“And you’re mine,” she demands in return.
“Deep down, I’ve always been yours. It’s always been you, Reese.” I know that now without a doubt.
She tugs against me, and I loosen my grasp, giving her what she needs. What I need too. Reese links her arms together tightly around my neck and then begins to climb me. I offer her the support she strives for and bind her legs quickly behind my back. “I need you to remind me of what it feels like to be yours.” Excitement races through me when she nips at my jaw. “I need to feel you—every part of you—and need you to erase all the distance between us.”
I don’t take the time to ask any questions. The want in her voice is all I need. With my hands holding her ass firmly, I secure her small body against mine as I lead her down the hall to her bedroom.
Laying her on her bed, I cover her beautiful body with my own, still kissing her softly. Each time I pull back, her eyes open, and she looks up at me with desperation. She wears the same look I’ve craved so many nights and wished for the chance to see again.
“Every doubt fades now,” I state, and she looks up at me with a puzzled expression. “If this is gonna happen, then I need to know that tomorrow we aren’t gonna wake up and go back to the same shit. I need you, Reese, all of you. You’re all I want. You’re all I need. I need to know that all your questions and fears are gone so I can focus on you, Reese. I want to devour every inch of you while you scream my name in pleasure. I want to own not just your body but your soul.”
“Yes,” says softly as she applies just enough pressure to the back of my neck to tug me in closer. With her lips hovering above mine, she gazes up at me. “You’re mine, Dawson, and nothing or no one is gonna take that from me.”
“No, they aren’t.” It has never even been an option. Reese has owned me for longer than I think either of us realize. Everything I’ve ever done or even thought of doing, I’ve done with her in mind. She’s always been there, always the one person I’ve valued the most. We’ve always complemented each other, offering each what the other was lacking. It’s crazy how everyone around us knew and saw what neither of us ever could.
Until now.
I hold her body to mine, not caring in the least that we feel sticky. It’s hot, but I'm not ready to let her go. Her body is still draped over mine, her perfect tits smashed against my chest. She still straddles me as I remain buried inside of her, my piece of heaven. We each take in one deep breath after another, neither of us attempting or should I say willing to move.
“That was . . .” she pauses and I smile against the top of her head where I’d pressed my lips moments ago. “Wow,” she adds and this time I chuckle. The movement makes her small body bounce against mine.
“That’s what weeks apart caused, a full-out desperation for the touch of the other.”
“Well in that case, maybe we should take—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, woman!” She laughs this time, and I tickle her sides. Her body slips off mine and falls to the side, making me instantly regret my actions. I already miss her warmth.
“I’m just saying that if abstinence leads to animalistic activities like we just shared, we should take that into consideration.” She shrugs, and I reach out to push away the mess of red curls that cover half her face.” I feel like I just spent two straight hours at the gym without even a five-minute break.”
“You complaining? From the sounds I heard, babe, you were definitely satisfied.”
“Absolutely not .” Her body slides closer to mine. Reese looks up at me from beneath her long lashes with a smile on her lips. “My only complaint is that it’s now over.”
“Who says it’s over?” I challenge her as always. Life is just better all-around with Reese in it. “I’m just taking a little breather before we go for round two.”
“Is that so?”
I lean over, kissing the corner of her mouth, as I press my now hardening cock against her leg. “It is definitely so,” I whisper as I kiss along her jaw toward her neck. “In fact, now that I’ve got you next to me, I’m thinking I’m gonna keep you here for a while.” A moan falls from her lips when I suck softly at the base of her neck. “How’s that sound?”
“Good,” she whimpers, “Oh yeah, that sounds perfect.”
In our rush to reconnect with one another, neither of us considered protection, but I wasn’t worried with Reese. I know she’s clean and I too. The fear of pregnancy isn’t a concern. If it happens, it would be just another part of her that would be mine. But in the back of my mind, I know we have it covered because Reese is a stickler about her pills. Living with her for as long as I have, I know she is consistent. A bit of an OCD fanatic about it is an understatement.
She rolls onto her back, allowing my own body to move with hers. Her hair is damp and sticking to her face in some places. The natural waves are now more of a ratted mess. Her cheeks are still red from the hot make-up sex we just had and her skin is glowing. She simply looks beautiful.
“What movie did you get?” she asks as she wiggles her hips beneath me.
“Conjuring,” I smile when she wrinkles her nose at me. “I told you I wasn’t going for anything with romance.”
“Why?”
“Because it would have just made it even harder for me to keep my distance from you.” Her fingers comb through my hair, and I fight the urge to allow my eyes to fall shut. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we�
��re doing, when Reese touches me, a sense of calm takes over. With Reese comes a sense of peace I’ve never felt anywhere or with anyone else.
“Do you understand even for a second how hard it’s been for me to keep my distance?” Her fingers pause in my hair as she looks up at me, her face void of whatever she is feeling. “Since the first night you’ve been back here, I’ve laid awake wishing that you’d come to me. Even if it meant all I’d gotten was the chance to hold you. It was torture knowing that you were under the same roof as me, yet I could have you at my side. But even though that was the hardest thing to face, it was worth it because what was even harder was not being able to see you every day.”
For a second maybe two, she presses her eyes tightly together as if to rid herself of some terrible vision.
“And I laid awake in my room each night wishing for the same things.” When she opens her eyes again, they lock on to mine. “I know I said I needed time, but I’ll admit now I think I just needed to know that you wanted me—only me—even more.”
“I do want you,” I murmur, kissing her softly, “and only you. I’ve spent the last couple of years wanting you, so scared for you to know because it could have cost me everything.”
“So much time wasted.” She smiles, though in her eyes I see a hint of sadness.
“Not anymore.” Her legs part as I shift my hips against hers. Within seconds, I’m sliding inside of her once more. Her back arches, her hands fist my hair, and for the next hour, we are once again lost in one another.
The memories of the torturous weeks that passed are nothing but a distant memory. With our bodies formed as one, we show without words just how desperately we need and love each other.
Reese
Listening to my father laugh through the phone or even in person is something I haven’t heard since before my mother passed. Well, with the exception of my recent visit with him. I distinctly remember him smiling and laughing while we talked about memories of my mom once all the tears had passed.