Darkest Dreams

by Jennifer St Giles

“Stay, Andromeda. The earl is leaving now.”

  “Not unless you’re strong enough to toss me out on my ear, and by then I will have said what I came to say anyway.”

  Alex sat up, looking as if he was going to oust the earl. Then he glared at his lap, and I realized his dilemma. His pants were halfway down his hips. It would not be a very dignified move to stand up, and it would be highly improper because I was here. Not that the Killdarens did anything properly, a trait that I feared the Andrews family fit with all too easily. Alex wobbled a bit and then lay back with a groan. “Make it quick,” he said curtly.

  I jumped up. “I’ll be outside the door.” The earl didn’t even wait until I’d cleared the room before he started speaking. “I’ve said this to Sean, and now I’m saying this to you. I am sorry.” Though I stepped into the corridor, I could still hear his voice. Surprisingly, I found Prudence there, nervously smoothing her skirt. From the hopeful look in her eyes, I realized she’d heard the earl. We both listened.

  “I deeply regret what happened eight years ago and the fact that any harm fell to any lass because of my actions. My intent had been to protect me and mine. Someday I hope you will understand that, right or wrong, you will do anything and go to any length to assure that your children are safe, especially when you have already lost someone you loved. Maybe you will forgive me then. I’ll be removing myself from your lives just as soon as this horrific madman has been caught, and I won’t be troubling either of you again. Should you have any reason to contact me, you may send word to my estate near Hampton Court.”

  Prudence gasped, pain struck her features and she nearly doubled over. It was clear the earl had not informed her of his plans, and my heart went out to her. I reached for her, but she backed away, shaking her head, and ran for her quarters. She disappeared before the earl stepped into the corridor. Rather than saying anything, he just nodded sadly in my direction and turned to leave.

  “So that’s it?” I whispered. “You’re just going to disappear from everyone’s lives? Take the coward’s way out?”

  He froze in mid-step, but didn’t turn to face me as he spoke. “Everyone is better off without me in their lives.”

  The words I’d been about to say wouldn’t come, because what the earl said so mirrored part of my own reasoning for leaving my family and for eventually leaving Alex. But I couldn’t just let him walk away. Prudence deserved more and, as flawed as the earl was, she loved him.

  “Sophocles wrote almost five hundred years before Christ that ‘One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.’ Your life will always be burdened and you will always burden other people’s lives unless you find the courage to love again. You may not have had a choice in losing the woman you first loved, but you are choosing to lose the second woman you loved. And the saddest thing about it is you’re making Prudence suffer the same pain that you live with day in and day out.”

  He turned to face me, his features drawn, in pain, his complexion ghostly white.

  “She’s in her room,” I said softly. “She heard you say you were leaving.” Turning from him, I started for Alex’s room, but went to Gemini’s instead. My emotions were too raw to face Alex at that moment. My situation with my family and Alex was nowhere near similar to the earl’s with Prudence.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I found Cassie asleep in Gemini’s bed, cradling Gemini’s head against her shoulder as if she were a fragile child. As I crossed the room, I earnestly prayed that Sophocles’s words would prove true. Something needed to remove the weight and pain of what happened to Flora from Gemini’s mind, and all Cassie and I really had to fight such a horror was our love.

  I set my hand on Gemini’s arm, searching for her thoughts, but found nothing but an inky darkness so desolate that tears stung my eyes.

  “Nothing yet?” Cassie whispered.

  I met her sleepy gaze and shook my head.

  She forced a smile. “Don’t worry. There’s time yet.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed and clasped Gemini’s hand in mind. “I keep thinking back, wondering what we could have done differently today. There was no warning in Gemini’s thoughts that the screams were hurting her so badly. All I could read from her was that she had to help.”

  “We never should have gone. My stubbornness and pride let this happen to her,” Cassie said.

  “No. You’re wrong. In fact, it may be a good thing that we all went together. Ever since Mr. Drayson mentioned the haunted mansion at dinner, Gemini has been fascinated and has mentioned her desire to go there more than once. She would have gone alone. I’m sure of it. And her fate then would likely have been…”

  “The same as Flora’s?” Cassie whispered.

  “Yes.”

  Tears fell from Cassie’s eyes, and I reached for her hand. “We’re going to be all right, Cassie. All of us. Me, Gemini, you, Sean and the babes inside of you. And Alex. Both Alex and Sean are reasonable men…well, mostly reasonable men, and I think we’ve seeded enough doubt in Sean’s mind that the Dragon’s Curse doesn’t have as much of a hold as it did. The truth is shining through. The fact that Sean brought Alex here is very telling.”

  “I know. I’m holding that very close to my heart at the moment. What about you? Surely after everything that has happened today you can’t still believe that you and Alex have no future.”

  “I’m not sure,” I said slowly. “I have decided that I will tell Alex when the time is right. Then we will see. Do you want me to sit with Gemini for a while?”

  “No. I’m not leaving her tonight. If she wakes she’s going to need me. And I’m sure Sean will camp out on the divan. Why don’t you get a bath and some rest?”

  “First, I’m going to check with Mrs. Murphy about dinner trays for everyone and then get back to Alex. I’m fine for now.”

  By the time I made the quick trip to the kitchens and returned to Alex’s room, he’d fallen asleep. I found his pants and the wet bathing cloths on the floor next to the bed. He’d finished the job himself, it would seem. Unable to keep from touching him, I brushed his hair back from his temple, wishing so much that things between us were different. That I was different. That I was normal.

  I then left a maid listening for him and went in search of hot water and soap. When I finished bathing and eating a small bowl of savory chicken soup, I could barely keep my eyes opened. Donning one of my simplest house dresses, I headed back to Alex’s room. A quick peek into Gemini’s room showed Cassie with Gemini and Sean resting, his long legs dangling over the end of the divan. Empty trays outside the doors told me that everyone had been fed. Night had fallen, and dim shadows filled the castle’s stone corridor. I thought about tapping on Prudence’s door, then changed my mind. Tomorrow would be soon enough to learn if the earl had had the courage to see her. And by not checking, I’d at least have the hope of a future for them to ease the darkest moments of the night.

  Slipping into Alex’s room, I dismissed the maid and curled up in the wing chair next to his bed. Unorthodox or not, it was the only place I knew I would be able to get any rest tonight, for alone in my room, I feared my darkest dreams would return with a vengeance.

  Alex lay sleeping with several freshly plumped pillows behind him. The covers were pulled up to the middle of his stomach, leaving the broad expanse of his tanned chest, shoulders and arms exposed. I drank my fill of his dark beauty, mentally enjoying all of the pleasurable sensations he’d brought to me. That his life could have been forfeit today wrenched me deeply, made me ache in the very depths of my soul. I loved this man beyond reason, and I had no idea what I would do about it. Was it really my concern for others that had me planning to isolate myself from the world? Or was it my fear of others that had me seeking to escape?

  My eyes drifted shut, and I eventually found myself carried away on a ship, sailing swiftly across a turquoise sea with the hot sun kissing my naked body and a sensual wind caressing me everywhere—the pirate Alex filling me completely.


  I moaned, arching my back to the hot pleasure licking my breasts.

  “Wake up, lass. This isn’t a dream but a real man a’wanting you like no other.”

  I slit my eyes open to find Alex kneeling before me. My dress and chemise were unbuttoned completely, and his hands were cupping my breasts, tweaking my nipples to hard points.

  “Alex. Good heavens!” I tried to close the edges of my dress. “Somebody could walk in at any moment.”

  “I’ve locked the door and for the next little while you are all mine.” He leaned forward and kissed me, expertly opening my mouth for the sweeping pleasure of his tongue. My heart leapt in pace with the hot rush of desire filling me. “Please,” he whispered against my lips. “I need you. I must hold you and feel you. When I think about what almost happened today to you and to me, I…”

  He shuddered and I clearly read his thoughts. He couldn’t face the idea of losing me. Realizing how deeply he did care for me, though he’d never said so, wrenched my insides. I needed to tell him the truth about who I was, but not yet. “Shh,” I said, then kissed him. “I understand, and I need you too.”

  Taking my hand, he stood and tugged me up from the chair. His naked body shook, and I knew it wasn’t as much from his need of me but that he was still recovering from being injured. He started to press my dress from my shoulders, and I stayed his hands.

  “Lie down and let me.” I urged him to the bed, and he fell back on the pillows with a sigh big enough to make me hesitate. “Are you sure you’re strong enough for this?”

  He gave me an impish grin. “We’ll see. I sure as hell know I’m not strong enough to go without being with you.”

  I wasn’t looking for declarations of love and most likely would have rejected any, not until he knew the whole of who I was, but that came as close to one as any heart could desire. Shedding my clothes and climbing into bed with him felt as natural as turning my face to the heat of the sun.

  He pulled me down for a kiss. Teasing me with light brushes of his lips, then dipping to soul-searching duels with my tongue, he brought my burgeoning want of him to a feverish level as he ran his fingers through my hair and down my back.

  “Sit up for me,” he whispered in my ear. “I want to come inside you, and I want to see the pleasure on your face as you make love to me.”

  I angled up, bending my knees on each side of him, and felt the brush of his hard, hot sex against my bottom and lower back. Slipping something from beneath his pillows, he reached behind me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Readying myself to come inside of you.”

  “Can I help?”

  “Next time. I’ve almost finished. But you can do something else for me.”

  I lifted a questioning brow, and Alex reached back beneath the pillow again. This time he handed me a tiny silver snuffbox with a polished shelled top. “You want snuff now?” I asked.

  “Open it,” he said softly. “But be careful it doesn’t spill. We only want it to go on some very special places.”

  “What is it?”

  “Dragon’s oil.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A very potent aphrodisiac. Originally made exclusively for Chinese Emperors. It is very expensive to obtain due to its rarity.”

  “How expensive?” I popped open the box, which had a unique cork lining about the lid, sealing it like a bottle of wine. There was a mercurial-looking liquid inside that smelled faintly of ginger.

  “The small bottle I have at home cost two thousand pounds.

  I almost dropped the box.

  “Easy.” He steadied my hand and dipped a finger into the oil.

  My mind boggled as I watched him paint each of my nipples with the oil.

  “Raise up on your knees a moment.” When I did, he slipped two fingers in the oil and liberally covered my sex. The oil felt cool and pleasant, but other than the excitement of having him touch me, I didn’t experience any other sensations. He took more of the oil and covered his sex.

  I frowned. “Did the apothecary in Penzance sell this to you as well? If so, I think you may have traded a fortune away on a pleasantry. I don’t feel anything different. Should I?”

  “You must have patience. This was a gift from the Emperor of China himself in exchange for a Friesian horse.” Taking the silver box from me, he dabbed a bit of the oil on his tongue and lips, then shut the lid, sealing it carefully.

  “Why on earth would you spend so much money on this?”

  “Because your ultimate pleasure is worth any price, Andromeda.” He gripped my hips, and angling me back just a little, he surged himself inside of me. Sliding so smoothly into me, he took me by surprise.

  “Oh.”

  He leaned up and kissed me hard, spreading the pleasant-tasting oil through my mouth. I expected him to start touching me and rocking himself deeper into me, but he didn’t. He leaned back and set his hands on my knees and looked at me.

  “Now what do I do?”

  “Nothing for the moment. Just sit there and enjoy the feeling of me inside you. I’m going to relax and absorb the pleasure of being there. Then when the time is right the Dragon will move you. Just follow the path of his fire.”

  I giggled and rolled my eyes. “This is lot of blarney, Alexander Killdaren.”

  “Ah, lass, are you not believing me when I tell you that there is no price on your pleasure?”

  “Yes, but this whole Dragon’s oil malarkey goes over the top.”

  “What do you have to lose? Trust me, the Dragon will move.”

  Just then I felt him inside of me. He hadn’t shifted his hips, but he’d done something that stroked me deep inside. My stomach clenched in response, and a sharp pleasure rippled through me. “Oh my.” My eyes widened and he smiled.

  He moved again, and this time an arrow of burning heat went straight to my breasts, and I arched my back, needing more.

  “Do you feel the dragon’s fire, Andrie?”

  “Yes,” I gasped as he made another magical stroke. My breasts ached for him.

  “Follow the path of the fire. Where do you burn?”

  “My breasts. Touch me, Alex, please. Make me yours.”

  “Mine,” he whispered just as he covered my breasts with his hot hands. He grasped my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and rubbed back and forth, just little, tiny, squeezing strokes that sent my hips jerking hard against his. He didn’t stop until I cried out with my need for more.

  “Where do you burn?” he said.

  “Here!” I grabbed his hand from my breast and shoved it down to my sex. I was so hot that I knew at any minute I would erupt in flames. Every part of me thrust to him, and my whole being rose to a pinnacle of pleasure so excruciating that I thought I would explode if he didn’t assuage me.

  The moment he slid his thumb over my most sensitive spot he surged his hips up from the bed, driving deep inside of me, and I came apart in a shuddering explosion of intense pleasure that overtook every part of me, filling me with heaven. He groaned, his body spasming intensely against mine before he fell back to the bed. I collapsed against his chest, gasping for air as badly as I had when he’d thrust me to the surface of the sea.

  For a long time neither of us moved. We held each other with only the sound of our thudding hearts and the rasps of our breaths filling the room like the lulling waves of the sea, rocking us both to sleep.

  A piercing scream woke me, and I knew it was Gemini. I rolled off Alex and the bed, landing unsteadily on my feet.

  He grunted in pain as he sat up and grabbed his head. “Bloody hell, what’s happened?”

  “It’s Gemini. Oh God, I have to get to her. Where are my clothes?”

  “On the chair.”

  I grabbed my chemise, shrugged it on and fumbled with the buttons, managing to get two in place. Then I slid on my dress, belting the skirt to my waist. Patting my fingers through my hair, I rushdc to the door.

  “Andrie, wait!’ Alex hisse
d.

  I turned look at him and he held up my drawers.

  “I don’t have time. You hide them.” Grappling with the lock, I peeked into the hallway in time to see Bridget and Prudence run into Gemini’s room. I opened the bedroom door, and glancing toward the stairwell to make sure no one was coming down the corridor that way, I dashed across to Gemini’s room and ran immediately into a hard wall of male flesh.

  I didn’t have but a second to read Sean’s thoughts before he set me quickly back. But that second was devastating enough. It was fear. I gasped in shock. Sean didn’t even look my way. His gaze was centered on the room I’d just left. “Cassie needs you,” he said curtly.

  Tears stinging my eyes, I dashed into the room. He’d lied, my mind cried. He did fear me. The fear in him had been extreme, much as I imagined that of an unreasoning mob would be. I shoved the rejection from my mind and focused on what was happening across the room.

  Gemini was no longer in bed. She cowered in a far corner of the room, keening softly. She held a poker in her hand and had it threateningly held aloft as to hit anyone who came close.

  “Good God, what’s wrong?” Stunned, I couldn’t move.

  “Don’t make any sudden movements. She woke up screaming and then when she saw Sean, heard Sean, she went wild and ran for a weapon.”

  “Gemini, it’s Andrie and Cassie. What’s wrong?”

  My sister didn’t act as if she even heard me. She continued to cry inconsolably.

  “I need to touch her. I need to know what she’s thinking.”

  “How? What do you want to do?”

  “Trying to approach her might make it worse,” said Prudence.

  “What do you mean?” asked Cassie.

  “She’s threatened and confused and obviously doesn’t recognize either you or Andrie, people she should know. With Rebecca there was a time we had to leave her alone and let her cry herself into exhaustion before we could help her.”

  “I wish Mother and Father were here. Maybe Mother’s voice would get through to her,” I said.

  “Cassie,” Sean called softly from the corridor. “Stuart is going to come into the room. There’s something I have to know.”