Darkest Dreams

by Jennifer St Giles

  Alex’s ship had docked three days before, so I knew he’d received my letter, thanking him for saving me and wishing him a happy life.

  Sean, who had gone to Dragon’s Cove to see him, said Alex had lost some weight, but looked well. He didn’t tell me anything else, and I curled my hand into a fist, refusing to give into the temptation to touch him and to see Alex’s image.

  A beautiful fall morning arrived. A morning where the sea and the wind swirled briskly, let loose from the heat of the summer sun to dance excitedly amid the chill in the air. Cassie declared at breakfast that Sean could send an entire army with us, but the women were going into town to shop. Quite frankly we were all aware of the fact that if we hadn’t been forbidden to leave the castle, we wouldn’t necessarily be dying to leave at the moment. But I could see Cassie’s point in that we couldn’t spend our entire lives hidden either. Whether Constable Jack Poole had died at sea, or if he ever appeared again to terrorize women, we couldn’t stay imprisoned by our fear.

  That revelation drove home a very sore point to me, for that was exactly what I had planned to do with my whole life just a month ago. Having lived through the evil of Constable Jack Poole and Sir Warwick, my urgency to leave had eased a great deal. What had once seemed my only choice had now faded to an option. Did I want to live my life alone and hidden?

  It wasn’t until we were in the back corner of the mercantile store, admiring a section of fashion wares and looking through a number of older issues of Godey’s Lady’s Book on Fashion and Patterns, that I was reminded of the ugliness still in the world.

  Two women came in the door, speaking loudly. At the time I was sure it was for me and my sisters’ benefit.

  “I tell you, Alex Killdaren killed those women and then framed the poor constable and that sad, lonely Sir Warwick. The rich think they can do anything they want regardless.”

  I saw red and went steaming across the store. “You ignorant fools don’t have a clue what you are talking about and how much a disservice you are doing a great and honorable man! Alex Killdaren had nothing to do with those women dying. The constable tortured women. He raped them, and if they were virgins, he carved their breasts with a sacrificial symbol, and if they weren’t he tortured them. He…oh…God…he—”

  “Andrie!”

  I froze at the sound of Alex’s voice and shifted my gaze. He stood across the room, looking more of a pirate than ever, sun bronzed, dark hair longer and wilder, features leaner and harsher. But his full lush mouth was the same.

  “You have to let it go,” he said softly. “You can’t let that monster haunt you. Hopefully, these women will never know the horrors we’ve seen. I’d much rather have my incorrigible self impugned than for any woman to know what that man did. It sickens the soul. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Tears filled my eyes and fell. He was right, my soul had been sickened, and I hadn’t let myself grieve or heal.

  “Are you ready to marry me yet?”

  “No,” I whispered and turned from the store and ran.

  He caught up with me outside of the store. “Why the bloody hell not?”

  I shook my head and began walking down the street. Killdaren guards followed and everyone on the street stared.

  “Andromeda!” Alex shouted. “Damn woman!” He snatched me off my feet and flung me over his shoulder. My breath flew out in a whoosh. I kicked and he grabbed my legs tighter.

  “Put me down.” He didn’t, and I couldn’t read a thing in his mind.

  I arched back and looked at the following guards. They were grinning, thoroughly enjoying the spectacle, obviously not seeing Alex as any threat to my well-being. “Fools,” I yelled at them.

  Alex marched down the street to the docks. Charging over to the planks, he carted me to his ship and crossed the gangplank, yelling at the men to make themselves scarce, quick. Everyone disappeared, and the guards didn’t board the ship. Once Alex reached the far end of the deck, he plopped me on my feet and grabbed my shoulders.

  “Tell me!” he shouted. “Tell me why you won’t marry? Why would you rather face ruin and being ostracized than be with me?”

  Real pain and confusion filled him. I inhaled, trying to see past my own emotions to make him understand. “Alex. You don’t have to marry me. Whatever the repercussions of our affair are, I am fully prepared to face them. And after last week, I know there aren’t any forthcoming consequences either.”

  “Hell,” he said, releasing me and raking his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean for it to sound as if I had to marry you. I want to marry you.”

  “No. You don’t. I know. So you don’t have to lie to me.”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Good God, woman. You must be the most exasperating person on the face of this earth.” He paced the deck a minute. “Believe me, I wouldn’t marry you if I didn’t really want to marry you.”

  “You don’t understand, Alex. I know you don’t because…” I drew a bracing breath. “I can read people’s thoughts.”

  He froze for a long moment; his sharp green gaze searched mine. “What do you mean you can read thoughts?”

  I turned and faced the sea, setting my hand on the railing, drinking in the salt and the sun. “Remember that day in town when the man on the boardwalk bumped into me? I had said more to him than I admitted to the constable. And it wasn’t anything as like ‘Lou Tiller or Miller’ as you suggested. I’d said, ‘You killed her. You strangled her.’ When he touched me I could read the thought that he currently had in his head; it was of him murdering his wife. It’s that way with most people, most of the time. You’re a little bit different for me. I can only read your thoughts occasionally.”

  He moved to stand beside me, facing out to the sea as well. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “So what thoughts of mine have you read?”

  I drew a deep breath. “Here on the ship, the day you got Iris, you had an image of me bound naked in a ship’s bunker. Another clear thought was immediately after the first time we made love. More than anything else you wanted to make love to me again, right that minute, saw yourself thrusting into me, but the hunger scared you somehow, and you wanted to get me dressed and out of your home as quickly as you could. And you were very much of the opinion that I had seduced you, and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. When I fell into the sea and you found me, you blamed yourself for what happened. The moment I reached the surface and could speak, I—”

  “You said, ‘Don’t you dare think that! It’s not your fault.’”

  “Yes. In the sheriff’s office and when you…when you tried to free me in the dungeon, you had only one thought in your head. You—”

  “I had to marry you. That thought has been consuming my every waking moment for some time now. Andrie, just because a woman ruins herself before the world to save him, and that man walks out of jail panicked that he has to marry her before anyone causes her any harm, does not mean that the man doesn’t want to marry her and that he doesn’t love her. When a man thinks he is dying and that the woman he loves will be left unprotected, he’s thinking with his whole soul that he has to marry her before he dies.”

  “I know,” I said softy, tears gathering in my eyes. “Alex, that is your honor crying out, not your heart.”

  He swung me around to face him, cupping my cheeks in his hands and staring deeply into my eyes. “No, it’s not. Reading a man’s heart is different than reading a man’s mind, Andrie. And you can’t read all of a person’s thoughts, therefore, you don’t ever have a clear picture of who that person really is. Everyone is like the sea, different on the surface than beneath. By reading random thoughts you’re always drawn beneath the surface and must feel like you’re drowning all the time. At least those of us in complete ignorance can choose to stay on the surface and accept people for who they purport themselves to be, or delve beneath the surface and conjecture if they are v
astly different. You’ve been saddled with a grave disability in life. It’s mind boggling.”

  Nobody in my entire life had ever understood me so well. I set my hand on his shoulders and searched his gaze. “How can you see that so clearly? How can you accept what I am so easily?”

  “I’ve explored many things in this world and have discovered many mysteries. There is much that can’t be explained. But more than anything else, I believe in things greater than myself and of times and people different than me. The Druid chanting can only be done by a few that are blessed with the right tone to their voice and an inner knowledge, or instinct if you will, of what the creature or person is feeling. Usually it is only when I am focused on that individual, and I have blocked everything from my mind, that I can sense emotions. When you declared you wouldn’t marry me in the constable’s office, I knew you needed a lot more time and space, but I’m out of patience. I so desperately need you. Will you marry me, Andrie, and share life with me?”

  “What about your vow to leave Sean your title?”

  “That’s what my challenge in the sword fight was all about. You urged me to see for myself if he was crippled or not, and you were right. I was more hindered by the past than he was.”

  “And what if he’d stumbled and faltered?”

  “And I still felt compelled to leave him my title to make amends for the past?”

  I nodded.

  He grinned. “Well, before I became involved with you I’d decided that I wanted you for my mistress. I’d never had one really, and you were it. Once you became my sister-in-law and I didn’t see that as possible, I tried to stay away from you, but that was becoming impossible. Then when I became involved with you, I decided that having you for a mistress just wouldn’t do. On my trip to Penzance, I began investigating just how Alexander Killdaren could disappear forever, and Captain Black could move to America. But that was going to take some planning because I couldn’t leave Cornwall without my Friesians.”

  I frowned then blinked. “Iris and Eros.”

  “Yes. Are you by chance wondering where you were in this grand scheme?”

  I nodded.

  “Maybe I can read a thought or two of yours as well,” he said, making me laugh.

  “You were in my bunk in my cabin. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to imagine you there bound. It is a thought worth investigating, though, especially since it seems to be your, um, secret desire.”

  “What?’

  “I’ll lay claim to all of those other thoughts but that one had to come from you.”

  “That’s impossible; I’ve never imagined something like that, ever.”

  “So you don’t have imaginings about a swashbuckling pirate having his way with you?”

  My cheeks burned. “No.”

  “What, never?”

  “Not ever,” I said, though I had and he knew it. He scooped me up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to have my wicked way with you.” Then he stopped and looked very seriously at me, his green gaze teeming with heat and deep emotion. “I love you, Andromeda. Will you marry me?”

  “I love you too. Yes, I’ll marry you.” I leaned up and kissed him, my heart singing.

  “Tonight?”

  “What?”

  “Will you marry me tonight? We’re on a ship in the sea, and Captain Jansen is somewhere below deck. We can send for family and be married when the sunset paints the sky with glory.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll marry you again, later, as well. I want the whole world to see that you are mine.”

  “Then I’ll marry you twice.” I sighed with pleasure and a bit of relief, for I think Cassie would have had my hide if I’d cheated her of the pleasure of planning a wedding.

  “All right, you eavesdropping, wily sea dogs. Show yourselves or face the cat’o’nine!” Alex shouted, making me jump.

  Loud grumbling of voices came from behind a pile of crates.

  “He heard you scratching, Davey.”

  “Did not, Brighty, you uppity fool. The captain’s got ears in the back of his head.”

  “Eyes, you dolt. The saying goes ‘eyes in the back of his head’. His ears are on the side.”

  “Men!” Alex yelled.

  “Aye, Captain.” Half a dozen sailors popped up, hats in their hands. Brighty, wearing his best butler’s suit, was among them. His wig kept flapping up in the breeze, and I was sure a gull would swoop down and claim the prize for its nest.

  “Swab the deck and inform Captain Jansen that we set sail an hour before sunset. Brighty, go to Killdaren’s Castle and tell anyone who wants to see the wedding to be on aboard. We will wait for no man, nor woman, except the bride, of course.” The men scattered, and Alex strode to the stairs that led below the deck.

  “Alex,” I whispered. “Where are you going?”

  “To show my new bride the captain’s quarters. You’ll need to inspect them very closely and give me a list of things that you’ll think necessary to have with you for when we go sailing.” He rambled competently down the stairs with me in his arms.

  “What kind of sailing are you talking about?”

  He grinned. “The kind of sailing that a pirate like me does very well.” He pushed through a door, then kicked it closed with the heel of his boot. He kissed me deeply as he strode across the room to his bunk, where he gently laid me down and covered me with the warmth of his love and the heat of his passion. I slid my hand down and pressed my palm to his urgent arousal. “Does this mean you’ll always be sailing with a Jolly Roger now?”

  Alex laughed. “At full mast at all times.”

  Epilogue

  “You may kiss the bride,” said Captain Jansen just as the sun cast the sea and the horizon into a glorious array of golden yellows, wavy blues and soft pinks. Looking regal, with sharp blue eyes that were filled with haunting shadows, he appeared to be a man of many experiences, and not all of them good. He wore the military uniform of an officer, but he was no longer in the queen’s service, a mystery to be sure, but one for another day.

  No bride could have had a finer sanctuary to wed than that of God’s own. Nor could I ask to have better people with me. Cassie, with a peaceful hand gently pressing her stomach, stood to my left. She glanced my way, and I knew we’d won, we’d slain the Dragon’s Curse and conquered the evil with love. Gemini was next to Cassie, and didn’t look my way. I didn’t think she could see anything but Captain Jansen. Sean, wearing dark glass spectacles Alex had found in his travels, braced Alex’s right. They were brothers that no man nor curse could split asunder. Bridget was next to Gemini, and was now known as Mrs. Bridget Frye, having married Stuart not more than ten minutes ago. She smiled brightly, her hopes and dreams shinning like stars in her eyes. Stuart stood by Sean, looking antsy. He was a man with a dream that he couldn’t wait to make happen. Alex had promised Stuart Friesians to breed on his future farm.

  “Has he kissed the princess yet?” Rebecca asked in a loud whisper.

  “Not yet,” said Alex, grinning so broadly that both his dimples danced with humor.

  I smiled, turning to face the full warmth of Alex’s love. “Tell him to hurry, or you’ll be all grown up before it happens,” I said.

  “Hurry,” said Rebecca. “You have to kiss the plums, Georgie Porgie.” She stood between the earl and Prudence, holding their hands.

  “Sugar plums, Becky,” said the earl. “Remember that makes them dance, not cry.”

  Alex blinked. “Kiss the bride,” he whispered. “A very special bride. My bride.”

  Lord Ashton, Mr. Drayson, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, Mrs. Lynds, Dr. Luden, Brighty and all of the sailors witnessed Alex declare his love for me and mine for him. The sea swayed the ship, rocking us gently. Salt flavored the air to a tangy sweetness, and the wind kissed my skin like a benediction from a host of angels. I turned my face to Alex, reading his heart in his eyes as he leaned down and kissed me. Just before I closed my eyes to gi
ve myself over to feeling just Alex, the emerald eyes of the serpent’s ring winked at me, as if Aphrodite sent her approval. I winked back and then felt my spirit soar. I could be all that I longed to be.

  Only love could lift the weight and pain of life and fill the heart.

  Alex loved me, and the cleansing wonder of it renewed my soul.

  About the Author

  Jennifer St. Giles, a USA Today Bestselling Author, also writes Contemporary romantic suspense as J.L. Saint. She is a nurse and mother of three. She has won a number of awards for writing excellence including, two National Reader’s Choice Awards, two time Maggie Award Winner, Daphne du Maurier Award winner, Romance Writers’ of America’s Golden Heart Award, along with RT Book Club’s Reviewer’s Choice Award for Best Gothic/Mystery. Websites: www.jenniferstgiles.com, www.jlsaint.com. I love hearing from my readers and you can find me on Facebook and Twitter. Midnight Secrets is the first book in the Killdaren Trilogy and tells the story of how love can make the difference and change the lives of everyone it touches if you let it. So open your hearts and enjoy!

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  © 2010 J.L. Saint

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