by Chloe Walsh
Cade’s eyes locked on mine.
I licked my lips and ran my fingers through my long hair.
Cade’s step faltered.
The hand he had wrapped around his Emily’s waist dropped.
And I won.
“I’ll catch you up,” he told his friends, his eyes never leaving my body.
Pushing myself off my locker, I walked down the hallway with a victorious smirk on my face, before slipping inside an empty classroom.
Cade followed me. Like I knew he would.
The second I stepped inside the empty art room, I felt Cade’s breath on my neck – fast and strained – as his erection pressed against my back. His hands clamped down on my waist, clenching my soft skin before slowly turning me to face him.
“Are you going to talk to me today?” he husked, pulling my body closer to his. I was enjoying the feel of his touch on my skin far too much. His blue eyes were full of emotion and fixated on me.
“No,” I whispered, remaining perfectly still. “You chose your bed.” Rising up on my tiptoes, I leaned into Cade’s ear and whispered, “Emily’s – so go lie in it.”
Cade’s face contorted in pain and he let out a ragged breath. “Goddamn, Mackenzie, I did not choose this. I was fucking trapped into this.”
With his hands clamped on my hips, Cade walked me backward until I felt the cool metal of a desk at my back. “You,” he snarled. Hoisting me onto the desk, Cade stepped between my legs and pressed himself against me. “I choose you. I swear to God, all I want is you!”
“You’re a liar.” Wrapping my legs around his waist, I hooked my fingers into the waistband of Cade’s jeans. “You used me for my body – just like all the others!”
“Don’t say that, baby, please,” Cade snapped, cupping my face in his hands. “I love you,” he vowed, searching my eyes for something I wasn’t sure he would find. “I would never use you, Mackenzie. Never! I plan on putting a ring on your finger and a baby in that belly of yours – I always have. I plan on doing those things with you – not Emily. You’re my future. I just need a little time. Can you give me that, baby?” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “A couple of more weeks – until Emily’s back on her feet – then I’ll leave her.” Cade’s voice broke and I could tell that he believed every word he was telling me. “I haven’t touched her, Kenz. Not once. I promise.”
“And what about your mother?” I asked in a flat tone. “Think Sharon will be happy for us, if you really follow through on your promises?”
“I don’t care, Kenz,” Cade shot back in a desperate tone. “I don’t care about what anyone thinks.”
“You do care, Cade.” Pushing him away from me, I hopped off the desk and stepped around him. “That’s the problem – you care too much.”
I didn’t wait for Cade’s answer before leaving the room.
****
Mackenzie
April 7th, 2006
You know that girl in every high school – the beautiful, leggy, popular girl with the loyal group of gorgeous friends and the shiny car – the girl who gets straight A’s and who has a 4.0 GPA?
You know her: she’s the one you see all the teachers smile at, every boy in school leer at, and the girls secretly sneer at. She’s the girl with the best smile and the tightest ass, and the fake-as-fuck attitude. She’s the girl everyone in your class is friends with on Facebook. The one everybody follows on Twitter.
And if you’re anything like me, she’s also the girl who has her claws sunk into the guy you like – the guy you secretly, or not so secretly, yearn for.
Do you know her now?
You do?
Well, good; at least we can distinguish that this girl is not me.
Apparently my sex life is a little much for a girl of eighteen years, and there are many people out there who would – and do – call me a whore, trashy and a million other bad names.
The truth is: they’re all right.
I am a whore.
I’m his whore and I make no qualms about it.
And I am a bitch.
I’m life’s bitch. I’ve been shat on more times than most forty-year-olds I know.
And sure isn’t there always a reason for people turning out the way they do?
Turning out all fucked-up like me?
I know I have a reason.
I have three years’ worth of reasons. I know most girls in my situation would deal with this differently, but those girls are not me.
I’m me.
Mackenzie Moore.
Warped and transparent.
Secretive and whorish.
So now, we’ve established that I’m not the good girl, the popular girl, or the shy, sensitive, beautifully broken girl who gets the hot guy in the end.
Oh, I am broken all right, I am most definitely that, but I don’t give a shit about the rest of it. My conscience is redundant and my moral fiber is all kinds of fucked-up.
No, see I’m the girl who takes what I want and doesn’t give a damn about the consequences.
You see I’m the girl who fucked the popular girl’s boyfriend.
I’m that girl, and it just so happens that that guy is my stepbrother.
And even though I know that I didn’t get the guy in the end, every time Cade Mathews had his cock buried deep inside me was a prize all in itself ...
Scribbling the words ‘The End’ under my essay, I leaned back in my chair and sighed.
“Okay, pens down,” Mrs. Regan said, as she paced the front of the classroom with a piece of tethered white chalk in her hand. “Mackenzie Moore?”
“Yes,” I muttered through clenched teeth, dropping my pen before tucking my hair behind my ear. My fingers tapped on the desk, and I bounced my knee restlessly. My knee touched Cade’s, and we both froze.
“Read out your essay,” she demanded in her usual condescending tone of voice. “An in-depth account of your deepest desires.”
Cade’s shoulders stiffened beside me.
“Sucking cock,” someone fake-coughed and the class erupted into fits of laughter.
“Back off,” Cade snarled, and I closed my eyes briefly, allowing his voice to echo through my hollowness, filling me with some substance … something … love.
“Yeah,” Emily snorted from the desk in front of us. “Back off or be infected with STD’s.”
“Mackenzie Whore.”
“Girls, stop that!” Mrs. Regan protested.
Some of the girls in class laughed, but I remained expressionless, refusing point blank to give them the satisfaction of seeing how bad their comments made me feel.
“Enough!” Shoving his chair back, Cade jerked out of his seat. His eyes were locked on my face, and his expression was one of barely-restrained fury. “I’m taking her to the office,” he said, and his voice was confident and strong.
No one argued with him.
“That’s fine, Cade, but come straight back … oh, and you too, Mackenzie,” Mrs. Regan replied, before quickly moving on to someone else. “Ezra, read out your essay, please.”
She didn’t care if I came back or not.
No one did.
Rising slowly from my seat, I picked up my bag and followed Cade out of the classroom. He was walking too fast for me to keep up, and the way his muscles were bunched tight made me thankful I couldn’t keep up with him.
“Goddamn it,” he snarled when he turned the corner. His boot connected with the nearby trashcan sending trash everywhere.
“Why?” Swinging around to face me, Cade stalked towards me with his chest heaving and his eyes wild. “Why didn’t you defend yourself?” he demanded. “Goddamn, baby, why did you sit back and let them make fun of you?”
“What’s the point, Cade?” I replied quietly. “It won’t change anything.”
“I can’t sit back and watch that,” Cade growled. Tapping the side of his head with his palm, he let out a sharp hiss. “Ever again. Do you get that?”
Without another word, Cade leaned down an
d pressed a kiss to my forehead before stalking off, leaving me silently reeling.
****
Cade
April 9th, 2006
Coach concentrated on fitness during football practice tonight, and I was glad.
I worked hard – like a goddamn dog. I fucking had to. I ran until I puked and then I did push-ups until the skin on my knuckles scraped off.
The excess energy I had swimming inside of my body from being so close to Mackenzie the other day was fucking driving me crazy. I was agitated, off-kilter and feeling incredibly aggressive. I was also horny as hell. I couldn’t get the image of Kenzie’s long smooth legs out of my mind.
This was so unfair. Damn, Kenzie thought I used her! She had basically compared me to those animals that abused her.
“You used me for my body – just like all the others!”
I honest to God felt like dying when those words came out of her mouth. She’d actually fucking said those words.
Did she not see how much I loved her? It was a plain as the nose on my face. For fuck’s sake, everyone knew it. That was why my mother spent the majority of her time trying to keep us apart. That was why Emily stuck to me like a bee to honey. That’s what Rita had implied at lunch earlier. I didn’t choose Emily’s bed. I hadn’t fucking lain in Emily’s bed since Kenzie came home.
I remained with Emily out of selflessness, not fucking selfish fear. Well, I feared Emily harming herself, so I guess fear played a small role in my motives, but there was no fucking competition for my heart. It was all Kenzie’s. One hundred percent.
The sound of banging on my shower stall door broke through my thoughts followed by, “Dude, did you hear one word of what I’ve just said?”
Shaking my head, I pushed my drenched hair out of my eyes and muttered some semblance of an apology to Ezra. Keeping my eyes shut, I remained under the showerhead, allowing the scalding hot water to cleanse my weary muscles.
“I said hurry the hell up,” I heard Ezra grumble impatiently. I’d taken a ride to school in Ezra’s truck this morning, and I knew I was holding him up. Z didn’t play football and waiting patiently was not one of his strong points. I would’ve taken my bike to school, but Emily didn’t like my motorcycle – refused to ride on the back of it – and I was on chauffeur duty. Come to think about it, she was probably waiting on me too. Damn it!
“You guys head on home, Z,” I called out, wiping the water from my eyes. “I feel like taking a walk.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
I waited until I heard the sound of the dressing room door slam shut before taking my dick in my hand.
With one hand pressed against the shower wall, I closed my eyes and visualized Mackenzie with her mouth on me as I guided my hand up and down my shaft …
****
After spending the best part of an hour jerking off to the image of my stepsister, I had still needed to burn off some excess energy.
I ran for miles, until the sun went down, and the battery in my phone died, and then I ran some more. It was pitch dark outside by the time I made it back home.
Using my house key, I let myself inside and headed straight through the hallway to the kitchen, praying Emily or Ezra wouldn’t jump out of the lounge and demand my attention. I needed a fucking minute to myself.
“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I heard my mother say as soon as I stepped into the room.
She and Mitch were in the kitchen and Mom was clearly fretting, switching between hovering over Mitch and checking her watch.
Walking over to the refrigerator, I grabbed a can of Coke. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I silently observed my Mom and Mitch.
“Maybe it’s too soon for Mackenzie to be left home alone without adult supervision,” Mom argued. “It’s a lot of responsibility to put on Cade’s shoulders, Mitch.”
“You heard Dr. Rosetta,” Mitch shot back impatiently, climbing to his feet. “Spending time with Cade will be good for Mickey.”
“What’s this about?” I asked, masking my excitement. What the hell was happening that involved me spending time with Kenzie? Had Mitch suddenly become a fan of me hanging out with Kenzie?
“Dr. Rosetta called me this afternoon,” Mitch told me. “She feels that Mickey hasn’t been mixing enough. Rubbing his brow with his hand, Mitch let out a weary sigh. “She’s becoming withdrawn, Cade, and Dr. Rosetta thinks that it would help Mickey to spend some quality time with you.”
Looking me up and down, Mitch shrugged his shoulders and asked, “Is that something you’d feel comfortable doing, Cade – spending time with my daughter?”
Hell fucking yes …
“Of course,” I managed to say calmly.
Thank you, Dr. Rosetta, you beautiful woman …
“I could take her to the movies or bowling … swimming?” I was rambling, but Mitch was nodding enthusiastically so I continued. “Jogging or we could take a class together at the rec center?”
Mitch grinned from ear to ear. “Yeah, she’d like that I bet.”
“What about Emily?” Mom – ever the fucking buzz-kill – piped up. “Cade has enough on his plate with his girlfriend, Mitchell. Emily has been through …”
“Quite frankly, darling, I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Emily or what she has been through,” Mitch snapped. “My number one priority here is my daughter. Emily has enough people taking care of her – I’m sure Mickey’s mother is doing a great job taking care of Emily.”
Mom gasped and I smothered a chuckle. Go Mitch …
Placing his mug in the sink, Mitch walked over to my mother and placed a kiss on my mother’s graying hair. “We need to work as a team here, Sharon,” he told her in a gruff tone. “As a family. Let Emily’s family take care of Emily. We’ll take care of Mickey. Dr. Rosetta truly believes that spending time with Cade will help Mickey find her place in the world again. She’s talking about leaving, damn it.”
“Leaving?” I demanded, as my heart dropped into my ass. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Mitch sighed wearily. “She doesn’t want to be here anymore, Cade.”
“But you can stop her right?” I asked in a desperate tone. “She can’t just leave, right?”
“She’s over eighteen,” Mitch replied in a gruff tone. Tears filled his eyes. “I can’t legally stop her…”
No, no, no, this was all fucking wrong. I’d only just got her back. She couldn’t leave me …
“I get that you’re worried about her, Mitch,” my mother piped up. “But Cade has his own responsibilities ...”
“Mom,” I snapped, suddenly sick to death of my mother’s attitude. “What’s your deal?”
“What do you mean?” Mom replied in an accusatory tone.
“Have you got a problem with Kenzie?” I straight out asked my mother. I knew she had a problem with Kenz; it was obvious, but calling Mom out on it in front of her husband – who happened to be Kenzie’s doting father – seemed to be the best way of nipping her shit in the bud.
“Of course, not,” Mom stuttered, red-faced. “I love Kenzie like she was my own.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Mitch asked, clearly irritated.
“Well, you weren’t the one who found them in the shower together now were you, Mitch?” Mom snapped haughtily.
“Don’t,” I warned, glaring at my mother, furious she was bringing that up again. “I explained that to you. Nothing happened.”
“It’s like you said, Sharon, the boy has a girlfriend,” Mitch said in a tight tone of voice. “And besides, Cade thinks of Mackenzie as a sister now, don’t you, son?”
“Yes, sir.”
What could I do except nod? Nod, and lie through my teeth.
It was that or take an ass-kicking from my stepfather.
Mitch was trusting me here.
He was putting the utmost faith in me – to protect his daughter – to do the right thing.
“Fine,” Mom snappe
d. “Do what you damned well like.” Grabbing her purse off the counter she stalked past the both of us with a look of thunder etched on her face. “I’m late for my shift at the hospital.”
“I’m counting on you, Cade,” Mitch told me before grabbing his car keys and following after my Mom. “Don’t let me down, son.”
“I won’t,” I vowed, and I meant every word.
I wasn’t letting her leave me twice.
No goddamn way.
I had to end things with Emily.
****
Mackenzie
April 9th, 2006
I had another session with Anna this afternoon.
She told me she was worried about my state of mind – felt I was closing down. I had explained to her that it was hard not to close down when you were branded the town slut and mocked every livelong minute of the day. Plus, I had no friends. None. It also didn’t help having to watch my arch-enemy saunter around the town like her shit didn’t stink.
She had the love of my Mom, the approval of my stepmother, and worst of all she had Cade …
All I had was my Dad, and whilst I loved him, I couldn’t talk to him. Not about the crazy thoughts that entered my brain on a daily basis – not the dirty thoughts or Master’s voice.
“… She’s becoming withdrawn, Cade, and Dr. Rosetta thinks that it would help Mickey to spend some quality time with you. Is that something you’d feel comfortable doing, Cade – spending time with my daughter?”
“… Of course, I could take her to the movies …”
The front door slammed shut and I threw myself back against my pillows. Then I heard footsteps on the staircase and almost fell off my bed in my rush to lock my bedroom door. I managed to lock it just as he knocked.
“Kenz …”
I kept my back to the door and remained motionless.
The door handle twisted. “Mackenzie, please open the door.”
What the hell was I supposed to do? Open the door and pretend I was totally fine with Cade taking me out on a pity date? Go out with Cade and spend the night tortured by the fact that he was still Emily’s boyfriend? The same Emily who pretended to cry and grieve in school but the minute anyone’s back was turned, bullied and harassed me and painted the word ‘whore’ on my locker? I knew what she called me behind my back – what they all called me.