Playing Heart to Get

by Kara Liane

  “Caylan is not here. We’re not hiding her somewhere. Don’t ask me where she is because I can’t tell you. She’s fine and she’s safe, though. She just wants to be left alone right now,” she relayed in a cajoling tone.

  My head slumped and my shoulders were heavy. She went on to say, “Come in and sit down dear. We should talk,” she pleaded.

  I sighed in deep resignation and defeat. I walked through the door, and shut it behind me. She gestured for me to have a seat. I sat on the couch, and she went to the kitchen probably to get refreshments—ever the daunting hostess that one is.

  She returned a few moments later with coffee and a plate of cookies. My stomach growled at the sight of them, but there was no fucking way I could eat right now. I accepted the coffee gratefully, but wished it was spiked with something. She sat in the recliner across from me, and I could tell by the way her jaw was set that what she had to say was difficult. This worried me. I was afraid something was really wrong. Milly took a sip of her coffee and then set it down.

  She lifted her eyes to me and asked, “You love my daughter?”

  My head moved like a damn bobble head from shock because love was not even the right word. “Jesus, of course I do Milly. She’s my life. I want to fucking marry her!” I conveyed.

  “Language mister,” she chided.

  Then she made an exaggerated sigh and persevered with, “I know you do. I don’t even know why I asked. But here’s the thing. Since you love her so much, I’m going to ask you to do the most selfless thing.” I looked at her in question with concerned eyes.

  “Let her go,” she affirmed.

  I was horrified by her words. I’m sure I wore the scowl of a thousand angry men, and I couldn’t even put into words a reply.

  “Alexi, I know you love her and she loves you. But if I know my Caylan, she wouldn’t have told you it’s over if she didn’t truly mean it, and actually believe it to be so,” Milly explained.

  I tried to speak, and it sounded like only a croak came out. Maybe I was in fucking shock or something. I knew for certain I was still in the stage of denial. What Milly was asking of me was impossible. Caylan made me want to be a better man, a better doctor, a better friend, a better everything. She was the air I breathed, and the sun that warmed my face. For Christ’s sake, she made me fucking spout poetry, so that said everything right there! She moved me unlike any other human being ever had. Now I was being told that it was gone. That it had to go away. That I was denied the sun, the air, and my existence.

  How the fuck was I supposed to live without my angel?—I didn’t know. Milly fidgeted in her seat slightly and pulled at her matronly, paisley dress. I knew she was uncomfortable in this moment, even though she was one of those moms you could go to about anything. I figured this was hurting her as much as it was hurting me.

  She confirmed it when she said, “Alexi, just so you know, our answer would have been ‘yes.’” She smiled sadly and chuckled a little. “I suspect you weren’t really asking us, though, you were more so just going to tell us. But that’s okay, my dear boy. I know you do things in your own way. And see that is why I’m asking this of you this one time—to do things Caylan’s way,” she begged.

  My chest ached, and I rubbed the spot to try and lessen the pain that was being inflicted upon it. Maybe this was all my fault. Maybe I pushed her too fast, too soon. Maybe she’d never be able to move on to a new chapter.

  I couldn’t ever be upset with her for not getting over her attack. Who in their right mind could? I didn’t always want her to be a victim. If that was what was holding her back, I wished she would let me help her. If only she’d talk to me. If only she’d let me make things better. Maybe time is what she needed. I couldn’t really believe this was over.

  I’m not a patient man, but I’d have to learn to be if I wanted to one day win her back. I understood what Milly was asking, even if I didn’t agree with it. I couldn’t fucking clip her wings! That old saying of setting what you loved free certainly applied here. I sat forward on the couch cushion and leveled with her.

  “Okay Milly. We’ll do it her way…for now,” I added. She narrowed her eyes but then smiled.

  ***

  Caylan

  After Meg picked me up from the condo and hugged me for what seemed like hours, she drove me straight to see my parents. She held my hand as I told them. I did it, I had told my parents and they were not upset at all. They were quite happy, actually. My mom cried and my dad brushed away some tears too. They were sad to hear I didn’t want to tell Alexi, and couldn’t understand why at first. They couldn’t understand why he wasn’t by my side. Without revealing too much of his personal information, I explained as best as I could that he didn’t want children. I explained that he had made that clear, not directly to me, but in a roundabout way.

  I also clarified that it was my fault that I had gotten myself into this situation, and I wouldn’t force something on Alexi. They didn’t agree with me that I shouldn’t tell him, but they also understood it was my decision. They were good about not interfering in my life like that. It seemed my dad held a bitterness or grudge towards Alexi. I’m sure my dad was upset hearing Alexi didn’t want children. He probably thought Alexi abandoned me, even though he didn’t. I’d try to remind myself over the years to change my dad’s outlook on Alexi’s supposed abandonment issue.

  It struck me that this was weird to give them direct confirmation that I was sexually active. But luckily it wasn’t too awkward because they didn’t ask questions or judge me. Come to think of it, they probably already assumed I’d slept with someone previously—well maybe my dad had since I was twenty-freakin’-two years old. But my perceptive, romantic mother probably knew better.

  It was hard for me to ask them to help me through this. I knew without a doubt they would, I just felt terrible for adding more stress and being an even bigger burden on them. Another mouth to feed would be hard, but doable of course. I’d go without so my child would never have to. My father was upset that I even worried over this nonsense, as he deemed it.

  “That’s my grandbaby. I’d do anything for the baby, just like I’d do for you. How dare you think you or that child is a burden! Family comes first, you know that. That’s how I raised you young lady,” his voice reverberated throughout the tiny apartment.

  My mom held my face in her hands and blubbered all over me. “My baby is having a baby,” she cried. She was smiling through her tears. “We’ll do anything for you and our grandchild, my darling. Don’t think anything of it. We’ll get everything you need. You and the baby will always have a home with us wherever we are, and for however long we’re here on this earth. We’ll support you in any way we can,” she managed to say.

  Now I cried too. The weight of what was occurring finally caught up to me. Meg rubbed my back as I cried on my mom’s shoulder. Goodness, I was the luckiest girl in the world—now soon-to-be mother could be added to the list.

  Meg and I told my parents I’d be staying with my Uncle Craig and Aunt Alice. They agreed it was best at least for a couple of days or so, until the dust settled. They didn’t voice it, but I knew they suspected what I did—that Alexi would ignore my request. In fact, I was surprised he wasn’t banging on the door right now.

  We should’ve left already. So I said goodbye to my parents and since my stuff was still packed from Alexi’s, we went onward to Meg’s parents’ house. On the way over, I couldn’t help but think that I would have to tell my brother soon. Yikes! I was more afraid of that conversation than of telling anyone—well, besides Alexi of course, but I’d never tell him. There was still a long road ahead, but for now this road we were on was taking me to my aunt and uncle’s. So I’d focus on that.

  ***

  July 2, 2016

  It had been five days before I finally decided to return back to my parents’ apartment. I wouldn’t say it was a productive stay at my aunt and uncle’s, but it was as good as it was going to get. Alexi wouldn’t stop texting and ca
lling me, but I remained steadfast, and they all went unanswered. I will admit that my resolve was waning, and I was cracking more and more each day that crept by. I had to stay strong, though. I couldn’t bring myself to block his number like I said I would do.

  I took Uber to the apartment instead of waiting for Meg to get home from camera shopping. I walked inside the apartment, and I remembered that my mom said she’d be at the grocery store so she could start making my favorite foods again. I was sad she wasn’t there to greet me. However, I was lucky that I wasn’t too sick, so far, with this pregnancy so I could actually enjoy my favorites. Only certain foods like bacon and pineapple smelled funny to me for whatever odd reason. I craved cheeseburgers so much, but read that cravings didn’t really kick in until the further along you got. I guess in between studying, I’d have to work in reading up on pregnancy and parenting-for-one.

  My dad was at work. Sometimes he worked on the weekend, and this happened to be one of those occasions. I was alone at the moment. I looked at my watch and it was later than I thought. I told my mom I’d be home in the afternoon. It was just after 5 p.m. I threw my stuff down in the living room and was thinking back on the things I got accomplished while away this week. I did at least make an appointment for my first ultrasound, which was scheduled for next Wednesday.

  I also managed to tell my brother about the baby—by phone. He deserved to know in person but with his crazy work schedule, I just couldn’t seem to find time to meet with him. Honestly, I wanted to just get it over with too. He wanted to cut Alexi’s—dare I say—balls off, but I finally got my big bro calmed down. I was quite fond of Alexi’s balls, even if they wouldn’t ever be mine again.

  It pained me to think of him in any capacity, so I couldn’t wait until everyone knew about the baby so I could get past all the questions and reactions people had. I didn’t even want to think about the fact that one day my child would ask me where their father was. I sighed heavily and rubbed my belly. At least Alexi and I didn’t have mutual friends, so I didn’t have to worry about him finding out. I would also continue to steer clear of social media for obvious reasons.

  Alexi’s latest call and text attempt was thirty minutes ago, which is why I put my phone on silent and shoved it deep in my jeans’ backside pants pocket. I turned toward the kitchen and there on the small wooden eat-in kitchen table was a big bouquet of blood-red roses.

  How did I miss them when I first walked in?

  There was a notecard with three large words that said “Angel, I’m sorry,” with no signature. Hmm, odd. I could have sworn I had told Alexi once that I didn’t like roses. I didn’t even want to smell them or touch them. Even the sight of them was turning my stomach. I was actually mad he even sent them. I decided my resolve had finally faded completely, and picked up the landline on the kitchen wall to call Alexi. I had my back to the living room and stared at the cracked plaster on the kitchen wall. It rang once and he picked up.

  Oh God, what was I thinking? This was going to suck. I would have to blame it on baby brain—I just couldn’t tell him that.

  “Angel…,” he croaked.

  God, he sounded awful. I wanted to cry for how I broke him. “Alexi…,” I breathed.

  We were both silent a minute and then I plunged ahead. “Why did you send me the roses? You know I can’t stand them,” I cried out.

  He cleared his throat and replied in puzzlement, “What roses?”

  Now why was he being silly and so obtuse?

  “Alexi, the bouquet is sitting here on my parents’ table. It’s huge with a note saying ‘Angel, I’m sorry,’” I explained in exasperation.

  “Angel, I didn’t send you flowers,” he sounded bewildered.

  Well now I was really confused too.

  “Caylan, my love, if I was going to send you flowers, it would have been your favorite tiger lilies,” he sounded so sad.

  “But then if you didn’t send them, who did?” I asked in panic.

  He then commented, “Angel, I don’t want to scare you, but what if it was….”

  But the line went dead. Then from behind me I heard a sinister laugh. The worst kind of chills ran up and down my spine. In an instant my one hand went to my belly, and the other hand dropped the phone. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around. I knew who it was by the sound of his cold laugh. Oh God, I was going to faint. Suddenly it became very clear who sent the horrible, ugly, black and blue tainted roses.

  “YOU’RE MY ANGEL!” Greg bellowed.

  I closed my eyes and prayed for me and my baby.

  Chapter 25: Fetal or Fatal Attempt

  Alexi

  What the fuck just happened? Something was really wrong. I knew when the line went dead that it was something bad. I frantically dialed her apartment and her cell phone, but they both went to voicemail. There could only be one fucking person that would send her roses, with a sorry note, and use MY name for her.

  It had to be Greg.

  I was about to tell her that, and then the line went dead…oh my God…dead. I fucking shuddered from fear. I had to get a fucking game plan together and think. I would call Caylan’s mother too. Surely Milly was at the apartment. I dialed and Milly picked up. It was noisy in the background.

  I was in a hurry, “Jesus, Milly is Caylan with you?”

  Milly didn’t hesitate in her response, as I’m sure she picked up on my sheer sense of urgency and panic. “Umm, no Alexi she isn’t, actually. She was due home this afternoon. I’m at the grocery store right now. I didn’t think to wait for her because I wanted to make something special for dinner. Why, is something wrong?” she questioned.

  Fuck! I ran my hand through my hair and closed my eyes. I knew I failed to protect Caylan. Even though she wasn’t with me, I still fucking failed her.

  “Milly…,” I choked out. I tried to continue on, “I think Greg is with her at the apartment.”

  I heard Milly gasp in horror. “No!” she yelled.

  I had to explain and clarify why I thought this. Christ, why didn’t I tell her parents about the fucking letter? Surely God was punishing me now for my sins.

  “Greg wrote her a letter a few weeks ago. I’m sorry, she asked me not to tell you and now I fucking regret it more than you know. He threatened me in the letter and threatened to come back for her. Fuck, Milly I’m so sorry,” I stammered out.

  I had tears leaking from my eyes. I was the dumbest son of bitch that walked the earth. I failed the one and only person that was my world. Milly started crying and she just kept repeating “no.” I went on to explain anyway.

  “Caylan called me a minute ago to ask me why I sent her roses. She said there was a note that said ‘Angel, I’m sorry.’ I didn’t send them, though. While I was about to tell her it was probably Greg, the apartment phone line cut out. I can’t get a hold of her,” I screamed. I hoped she was comprehending everything because she was still sobbing.

  I had to take charge so I told her, “Milly, this is what I want you to do. After we hang up, call the police and tell them everything I told you. Then call Fred and Brent and tell them to meet you at your apartment. Do not go inside unless the cops are there. We don’t know what Greg is capable of, and we don’t need you to get yourself hurt in the process. I’m heading there now, and I promise you no matter what, I’ll get Caylan and ensure Greg never fucking touches her again!”

  She whimpered but said she understood. We hung up and I had already been in my car by the end of our conversation—driving like a bat out of hell. I was hoping no one else but the cops got there before me, but I would deal with that if I had to. My main focus was getting to Caylan as fast as possible. I wanted to give Milly something to focus on, so that is why I gave her the task of calling the police, her husband, and her son. I had one more phone call to make. On my favorites list I hit Caleb’s icon, and he picked up right away.

  I took a deep breath and explained, “Caleb, fuck I don’t know where to start. I may need a lawyer, though, if this goes down the way I
think it will. I am going to kill someone!”

  ***

  I arrived at Caylan’s place and there were cop cars everywhere. Fuck, I didn’t know what to make of it. I had arrived in fucking record time of like twenty goddamn minutes, but clearly it still wasn’t fast enough. The cops and Milly must have been nearby. I was praying Caylan was safe with an officer, and the piece of shit was being hauled off to jail. I parked my car haphazardly and ran inside. Milly was clutching her sides and crying hysterically. Fuck…no! I ran toward her and knelt, grasping her hands.

  “What is it?” I asked frantically.

  She was shaking. “She’s gone. He must have taken her. They’re not here,” was all she could get out.

  The cop standing to the side taking notes, with a nametag indicating it was Officer Pike, filled in some of the gaps after we made introductions. I gathered that they hadn’t even assigned a fucking detective to this case yet because they hadn’t yet established that it was in fact a missing person in danger. Christ, this was already a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

  “Sir, it appears Caylan was here and she must have left in a hurry. We don’t know if she was with someone but given the history of what Mrs. Peters told us, I would suspect that you were right in thinking it was this individual,” he stated looking down at his notes.

  Then he went on, “Umm…this individual, Greg. We are contacting the precinct that handled the case in Texas to get a full report. All we found here in the apartment was her purse and keys. She, or someone else, threw up in the kitchen on the floor but didn’t clean it up. We’re checking with local hospitals in case this was an illness-related emergency. I’m sure you understand we don’t want to jump to any conclusions quite yet. We’re also questioning neighbors, or anyone who may have witnessed her leaving with someone,” he added.