Jim Bob shrugged. “No one knows where he went, and his phone just keeps going to voicemail. I can try again but—”
Susan interrupted him with a groan as another contraction started. When it was finished, she said, “honestly, I don’t even care anymore. The only man I care to see is the anesthesiologist.”
“Who’s he?” Jim Bob asked.
“The guy,” Susan breathed heavily, “who’s gonna give me,” another heavy breath, “the drugs.”
“Ah. Yeah, I’m sure that guy is way better than Tim at this point,” Jim Bob agreed.
“Yeah. Well, if you haven’t heard from Tim, you can go. I only had them bring you in here so I could ask. I don’t really need you to witness my baby’s birth,” Susan said.
Jim Bob put his hands up. “Nor do I want to.”
Susan wanted to laugh, but she was too busy trying not to break all of her teeth while clenching them together through the pain.
Luckily, as Jim Bob exited, the anesthesiologist was coming in with his cart of goodies. He made quick work of giving her the epidural, and she was finally able to relax. Since she no longer had to think about making it through the pain of her contractions, she became hyper focused on the fact that Tim wasn’t there, and her heart hurt knowing that it was her own fault.
If only she’d been a little more sensitive that afternoon, she wouldn’t be there alone. She could of course call Cynthia, but since the guys were already at the ranch, it had been easier for Jim Bob to bring her to the hospital. She could call her now and tell her that things were getting close, though.
When she picked up her phone to make the call, it started buzzing in her hand, and Tim’s name flashed up on the screen.
Finally! “Hello?”
“Susan? Are you okay? What’s going on? You’re in labor? Andy’s here with the boys and he said you’re in labor. Is that true? It’s not time yet, though. Is it?” Tim’s voice sounded panicky.
“Just calm down, babe,” Susan said. “I didn’t make it to my due date, but yes. It’s time! Baby should be just fine at thirty-seven weeks, and I can’t wait to see if we’re having a little girl or a little boy. You better get here as fast as you can. I’m going to deliver soon.”
“I’ll be there soon! I’m sorry I didn’t get your messages. My phone was dead and—”
Susan cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. Everything’s fine. I don’t need you to waste time with an explanation, just get here!”
“Leaving now,” Tim said.
Susan just hoped it would be soon enough.
* * *
“She’s complete,” the nurse said to the doctor as he walked through the room to the labor and delivery suite where Susan had been for the last hour.
“Wow. Already?” The doctor grabbed two gloves from the tray the nurse had prepped a few minutes before and put them on.
“It was so fast,” Susan said, looking over at the door the doctor had just entered. She wished it would open again and hoped that Tim would make it in time for the delivery.
“How are you doing?” the doctor asked.
“I’m all right.” There was a tinge of fear in her voice, but the life inside of her was helping her fight through it. There was a hope in that baby who’d grown stronger each day no matter what, and shown her that she was stronger than she’d even known. Together they’d maneuvered their way through the darkest days of Susan’s life, and here they were, ready to meet for the first time.
All along, this sweet babe had been with her—proving to her that life would move on, and that there would still be things to look forward to, even though Susan felt like half of her had died along with Clarence. The realization was freeing, and Susan felt a heaviness lift off of her chest. She didn’t need Tim there, but she still wanted him to be. She closed her eyes as the nurse grabbed her hand.
“Are you ready to push?” she asked.
Susan squeezed her eyes closed, and felt the warmth of the tears that leaked out onto her cheeks, but she nodded yes.
“All right, here we go,” the nurse said. “One, two, three and push,” she commanded as she watched Susan’s contraction on the monitor. “And break.”
Susan’s breathing was strained as she tried to gear up for another contraction and more pushing.
“Am I too late?”
It was Tim’s voice, and as soon as Susan heard it, the knot in her stomach eased. She knew she could do this without him. She was strong, and capable, and she was a damn good mother, but she was better with him by her side.
The nurse moved to make room for him to stand next to her, and by the time her hand was in his, the counting for her next push came.
“You’re doing great, honey,” the nurse said.
“There’s the head,” the doctor said after she finished pushing.
Susan looked up at Tim, and his eyes were swimming with tears, but there was an unmistakable light in them. A light of excitement, and love, and hope.
* * *
After all of the people had cleared out of the room, Tim took a moment to study Susan and the tender way she held the helpless baby girl in her arms. He would never forget the look on Susan’s face when the doctor had said, “It’s a girl!” If love was an expression, in that moment, Susan had worn it better than Tim had ever seen it on another.
She’d cried out in surprise and happiness, and immediately reached her arms forward, wanting more than anything to just hold the baby who’d held her together all of these months. It was the most beautiful thing Tim had ever experienced, and he’d never been more smitten in his entire life.
“I’m sorry,” he said after a few silent moments of reflection. “I know I’ll never be this baby’s father, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love her just as much as I love you and the boys. I’ve missed out on this kind of love my whole life, and now I finally have a chance to love you and these kids as a father and husband.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I was only thinking about myself when I said those things. You’ve been so selfless, and perfect for me and these kids in every way. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry,” Susan said. Tears were streaming down her face.
“I love you, Tim. It scares me to admit that, so I think I try to keep some degree of separation by saying things like I did earlier today, but I couldn’t have found a better man for myself if I’d tried. Dr. Lachele knew what I needed in you, and I’m going to let you love us without restraint.”
“Good, because I have plenty of love to give all four of you, and I’m going to do my best to be an amazing dad to this little angel,” he said.
Susan nodded. “You’ll be perfect for her. Do you wanna know how I know that?”
“How?”
“Because the most important thing you could do for her, is love me. And you already do that so well.” Susan nuzzled her nose into her daughter’s hair. “Mmm. I forgot how wonderful new babies smell. I wish I could bottle up this moment.”
“Me too,” said Tim.
Susan looked up at him. “I think we should name her Clara. Would that bother you?”
Tim shook his head. “Absolutely not. She’s his last legacy. We should honor that.”
“Clara, then.” Susan stared at the tiny baby in her arms, her tiny hands balled up into fists by her face. “You know, Clarence and I tried for years after we had Adin to get pregnant again. The day I found out Clara was coming I was in complete disbelief. This entire pregnancy I’ve been scared of losing her. We lost so many babies after Adin, and I don’t think I can be pregnant and not fear it at this point. But today, I finally allowed myself to let go of that fear, and the love that filled my heart to replace it was so beautiful.
“That’s really why I decided to contact Dr. Lachele. I did need help, but I also didn’t want to live the rest of my life in fear. I wanted to show my boys, and Clara that painful things can happen, your worst nightmares can come true, but you can still keep going. Clara is a living symbol of that.”
Tim leaned over and kissed Clara on the top of her fuzzy head, then kissed Susan’s cheek. “I’m so glad you were brave enough to take that step. You’ve planted a beautiful faith in the hearts of your children.”
Susan closed her eyes and buried her face in Clara’s tiny neck. “Thanks for being patient,” she whispered.
Tim wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or the baby, but he supposed her gratitude was fitting for both of them.
Epilogue
The next September came so fast, and on a sunny Saturday morning Susan was rushing around like a mad woman, hanging decorations, stirring food, and nursing a rambunctious one year old who didn’t like to sit still, all at the same time. It was the morning of Clara’s first birthday, and there was so much to get done that day.
Luckily Adin and Cody were around to help her. That was rare since they were both playing football again that fall. Cody had already played his game for the week the night before, and Adin had just finished up the shorter pee wee season.
“Did you two blow up the balloons yet?” Susan called from the rocking chair in the nursery.
Cody popped his head in. “Yep! What else do you need?”
“Can you pull the cake out of the oven when the timer goes off? It should be done any min—” Susan was interrupted by beeping coming from the kitchen.
“Got it!” Cody said as he left the room.
Susan took a deep breath and looked down at Clara. She looked so much like her father. She had his fine blonde hair, his big hazel eyes—just like Adin, and his dimples. There was still a piece of Susan’s heart where Clarence’s love resided. It would always be there, but this past year had been so healing.
Clara’s sweet coos and precious smiles had been a balm for her grief, and the parts of her she thought she’d never get back had slowly started to return. She was so grateful for how nursing forced her to slow down. She’d spent hours upon hours that year studying Clara, and reflecting on her birth. She would always be proud of the time she spent rocking her baby girl in that chair.
They’d start the weaning process now that she was one, and while Susan was ready to have her body to herself again, she knew there would be moments in the future when she would miss the special bond she felt with her babies while nursing. There was nothing like it.
“Hey, Mom. When will Tim get back?” Adin asked when Susan walked back out into the living room.
“Well, the girls’ flight landed at ten-thirty, so he should definitely be back by noon.” Susan looked at the clock, and it was already after eleven. Luckily, she only needed to frost the cake. Everything else was done.
Adin walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Good, because I’m starving.”
“Well, looking at the food isn’t going to make you any less hungry, so you might as well shut the fridge,” Susan said.
Tim had made his famous chicken salad croissant sandwiches, and several other side dishes early that morning. He was so excited about all six of the Firestone sisters coming to visit for Clara’s birthday that he’d hardly slept the night before.
“Susan!” Tim called as the front door opened about an hour later.
Susan walked in from the kitchen. “Ladies! I’m so happy you’re here. I’m Susan. Tell me each of your names. I’ve heard them many times, but I need to put them to faces.” She had Clara on her hip, but she wasted no time giving all of the beautiful women who entered in behind Tim a one-armed hug.
“I’m Blaire,” the first said, squeezing her tight.
“Brenda,” said the second.
“Brynn, here!” the third said, her spunky attitude showing through.
The fourth sister seemed shy, she was standing close to Brenda, and she seemed much more reserved than any of the others. “Hi, Susan. I’m Bridget.”
“Gosh! I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so happy we get to meet little Clara,” the fifth said as she reached for Clara’s little hand. “I’m Brittany, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you,” Susan said.
“Hey, there. I’m Brooklyn,” said the youngest of the women. She was absolutely stunning, and Susan finally understood why Tim always commented on their beauty. Each of them had a unique look, but they were all gorgeous.
After Susan and Tim introduced the women to Adin and Cody, they all squeezed around the kitchen table and shared stories over the wonderful meal Tim had prepared. When Susan found out how Tim had left those poor girls with no help though, she came unglued.
Brenda was quick to defend him. “We were all so upset at first,” she explained, “but we figured it out, and we all got husbands out of it, so how mad can we really be?”
“I think you still have a right to be mad, but I’m glad you’re not.” Susan said. “Tim loves you girls like you’re his own little sisters.”
Susan looked over at Clara who was sitting in her highchair, happily mashing her food up and babbling “dada, dada, dada,” over and over again. Susan smiled at her happy little face, and her two tiny teeth that had popped through her bottom gums recently.
Clara’s first word was dada, and even though it was kind of annoying because Susan was the one who gave birth, she wondered if Clara was saying it to remind her of her father and how special he was. Maybe that’s why she was sent to Susan—one last gift before Clarence had to depart from this life.
Either way, Clara was amazingly cute, and Susan would forever be grateful that she came to her so unexpectedly. She couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks as everyone sang Clara “Happy Birthday” over a chocolate cake with one glowing candle.
* * *
“Does it bother you that I don’t want to have more children?” Susan asked that night as she and Tim lay in bed together.
Tim turned over to face her. “Of course not. Why?”
“Well, I know you say you love them like they’re your own, but biologically they aren’t really. You know? I just worry you’ll be disappointed that we didn’t have more that are biologically yours,” Susan said.
“Susan, they are mine in the only way that matters. To me, it only matters that we’re together, and that we love one another. That’s family. I honestly could not love them any more than I do already. Biological or not.” Tim stroked Susan’s hair and kissed her on the cheek.
“I thought you’d say that,” Susan said.
Tim chuckled. “Then why’d you even ask?”
“I guess I still doubt how wonderful you are. It doesn’t seem possible that we could meet at the altar and be this in love. We are almost always on the same page, so I was testing you a little,” Susan explained.
“Did I pass?” Tim asked, rolling her over and pulling her close.
“Oh, you passed,” Susan giggled as Tim planted kiss after kiss on her cheeks, neck, and chest.
“Good, because I kind of love you,” he said. “Wouldn’t want you to kick me out.”
Susan smiled. “I love you too.”
* * *
Read Blaire’s story: The Charismatic Cowboy - Firestone Falls Book One
Read Brenda’s story: The Compelling Cowboy - Firestone Falls Book Two
About the Author
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Also by Keira K. Barton
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The Compelling Cowboy
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