Heartfelt

by Lynn Crandall

  Yes, she had the signs, but she rejected the label. Asia balled her hands, shaking her head at the idea of being labeled. She was so much more than the fearful and broken person everyone had expected her to become. The whole idea of labeling dismissed her painful and daily brush with losing her mother and everything that was her life. Even now, it weighed heavy on her heart that she hadn’t heard from her mother in months.

  Disappearing for weeks or months, then popping up at home had been her mom’s pattern since Asia had become an adult. She had room in her condo for her mother, just not her mother’s habits. But the not knowing, the concern that went unanswered—was her mother surviving, did she have food and a place to live—was ever present.

  She didn’t cry about it anymore. The worst of it was in the past. And that was something she and Conrad shared—the belief the past belongs in the past and there is no point crying over spilt milk.

  That’s why she’d dropped counseling. Besides, the woman didn’t really vibrate at the same level Asia did. She’d tested the waters with the counselor, vaguely suggesting that other forms of beings could exist and that many things in life were not what they seemed. The woman dismissed those possibilities as fantasy thinking.

  Whether or not the counselor believed in things that didn’t fit in her small worldview didn’t change the facts. In Asia’s small circle alone proof was plentiful of a large, complex life. Asia’s colony of were-cats was an example. Her friend Lacey Aegar, a human the colony had befriended, was another. She was a private investigator whose husband, Nicholas, had been killed and then returned as an embodied spirit. And there was Casey’s fiancée Michelle, who worked for Lacey and her sister Sterling. Michelle had psychic and empath abilities.

  Asia gritted her teeth. The thoughts of her colony and the few human friends she and the other colony cats had taken into confidence and revealed their true identities to reminded her the colony had unfinished business. It had been four months since the last run-in with the group’s nemeses, The Nexus Group, a secret organization whose purpose was to grab more power and money for themselves even if it meant death and destruction as a result. The group even had a name for their plan: Project Powering. With each new incident, the colony had learned more and more about TNG’s ultimate goal. So far the colony had managed to squelch the group’s efforts to create a drug that would turn were-lynxes into warriors. While nothing big had cropped up in the last four months, Asia knew TNG hadn’t given up. Just a few months ago they’d broken into Asher’s apartment and stolen the hard copy of the colony’s database of all were-lynx lineage dating back thousands of years. Stealing it was a big move on TNG’s part. The colony had to get it back before TNG could use the information in its Project Powering to use enhanced were-lynxes to take over the world. Her brows drew together. Already it might be too late to prevent the group from using the information.

  Chill, Asia, she told herself. There would be time to think about how the group would get back the database, and that time was not now.

  First she had to address keeping her sanity. She glanced at her cellphone for the fourth time. Conrad must have had a struggle leaving his date behind. He lived only minutes away. Then she lifted her nose and caught a whiff of Conrad’s scent. He plowed through the front door before she could get off the couch.

  “Hey, Conrad. What took you so long?” She loved the ease with which they teased each other. Completely uncomplicated and stress free, their relationship was perfect. His mussed blond hair hung in his eyes, and he shoved it back with impatience.

  “Hey yourself. What’s so urgent that I had to leave a promising late night to help you?” He tossed his spring jacket on the floor and dropped onto the couch beside her. “Don’t keep me waiting.” His warm brown eyes gleamed at her. She couldn’t help but let her gaze pause. That look was friendly, kind. But it came from the same eyes that charmed women into his bed, just before he tossed them aside. How could he be at once gracious and unfeeling?

  But he was here for her now. “I can read minds.”

  He slanted his head. “I know. It’s a skill you’ve had since you were eighteen years old. I remember. I was there when you were trying to understand it.”

  “No, you don’t know. I can read human minds now.”

  • • •

  Conrad ran his hand through his hair. “Holy shit! Are you sure? When did this happen?”

  Asia’s dark brown eyes glared at him. “Of course I’m sure. Except when I’ve been asleep, it’s been two days of nonstop chatter invading my brain. I can’t tune it out.” She started pacing in front him.

  “Holy shit!” he repeated. It wasn’t like him to be speechless. He watched her pace, back and forth and back again. His heart pounded. Not only was she clearly distraught, the idea of her reading minds made him cringe. She’d never attempted to read his mind or that of any cat in the colony. Suddenly, things were changing. He felt like he was under a spotlight.

  “Are you just going to keep swearing or are you going to help me, Conrad?” She shoved her hands onto her hips and glared again.

  “Umm … ” Still speechless. “Okay, let’s take a look at this new ability. Can you read my mind?” He knew it was a self-serving question but he had to know. He felt exposed, like the wide open book he would never choose to be. He wanted his thoughts to remain private. It hadn’t been safe growing up to let people get close enough to see his insecurities and needs.

  Asia stood very still, her eyes shifting as she seemed to be checking. “Think something.”

  “I am. I’m thinking holy shit!”

  Maybe his years of meditating was paying off. He’d started the practice in college as a way to escape the despair and depression from his meaningless life. The fact that his parents’ wealth could buy him anything—little boy toys when he was a child and big boy toys as a teen and young adult—as a way to keep him occupied took value out of all his experiences. From college education at a top university to a job with an elite banking and investment firm, Duncan and Miranda Pike had given him, their only child, the best of things. But expectations of excellence and stature among the one percent exerted never-ending pressure. It wasn’t enough to have everything, when everything felt shallow and meaningless. A deep vacuum of loneliness and fear of imperfection needed acknowledgement. Instead, Conrad had turned to instant gratification to feed the nagging in his brain that he needed more.

  But over the years he’d become more practiced and more skilled at calming his thoughts. Maybe he could keep his mind empty if he needed to and nothing would change between him and Asia. .

  “I’m not getting anything. You’re blocking me, aren’t you?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know how to open up a connection.”

  “Just relax. I’m opening to you and all you have to do is trust me.”

  Sweat started to moisten his forehead. Nerves fired in his body at the thought of losing control of his own mind. He closed his eyes and repeated a mantra in his head. Peaceful mind. Peaceful mind. Peaceful mind.

  “Peaceful mind, peaceful mind.”

  Conrad opened his eyes as Asia repeated the mantra with him. “So you can read my mind.”

  “Yes. I’ve never tried to read yours or anyone’s in the colony, you know that. Friendships need boundaries. But thank you for trusting me enough to allow a connection. I won’t do it again, Conrad.” Her eyes got soft and his nerves settled. She’d treated him respectfully and he felt closer to her than at any other time. It felt good, in an intimate sort of way.

  She slid into the couch beside him again. Her hand grazed his leg, eliciting an inner growl from Conrad.

  Did she hear that? It was a surprising reaction to her touch. His libido didn’t factor into his relationship with Asia. He dropped his head into his hands. “Now we know you have a full range of telepathy access.”

  She twisted in her seat to face him. “Dinner with Gavin was a disaster. His thoughts kept pouring into my mind. And as if that wasn’t hard enough,
I heard a constant drone of thoughts from people in the restaurant and people out on the street.”

  “Out on the street? You can read minds from a distance?” Conrad couldn’t imagine how stressful this expanded telepathy must be for Asia.

  “Yes, it seemed like it.”

  “I guess that makes sense. Thoughts are a form of energy, and physical distance could be irrelevant.”

  “Wow, there are so many things I don’t know about this ability.” Her eyes looked out across the room as though searching. “I couldn’t hold a conversation. I just had to get away from Gavin and away from people. I came home and called you.”

  He nodded, contemplating her predicament. “So your telepathy is evolving. You know what our fearless leader Casey says—”

  “That everything evolves,” she interrupted. “This feels more like Chinese torture than Telepathy 2.0. And why now, with humans all of a sudden?”

  His stomach churned, trying to sort out this development. His ability to envision solutions to problems kicked in. But more than that, it was natural for him to want to support her and help her. Ever since they’d met, when he’d been at his lowest, it had been like that for him. Asia was anything but helpless, but he would do anything for her. “It’s a good question. Do you have any ideas why now?” He had his own theory, but better to let Asia take the lead on this. “You didn’t drink any magic potions, right? So I vote that it’s a natural evolvement; we just don’t know what triggered it.”

  “You goof. Yeah, maybe Gavin slipped me some magic potion,” she teased.

  Conrad frowned. “He better not.” The idea of Gavin hurting her twisted his stomach. He suspected Gavin was the problem, the trigger, but he knew if he suggested that to Asia, she’d get defensive and reject it out of hand. She had to be ready to see that her interest in getting serious with a human—Gavin—could subconsciously open her telepathy to allow better understanding of humans.

  “Of course he wouldn’t do such a thing. I doubt he’d know how to make a magic potion or find where to purchase one.” She socked him in the arm playfully.

  “You know what I meant. He better not hurt you.” He shook his head and shoved her back. “I don’t understand your fascination with dating a human.”

  “You date humans all the time.”

  He stubbed his foot along the carpet, leaving a trail in the plush weave. “I am not trying to mate with any of the women I date. They offer me something I want. A good time. That’s all I’m looking for. You’re looking for something permanent. You’re hoping that the so-called normal life you fantasize about with a human will change everything. No more colony to contend with, no more pain from your past to weigh you down.”

  “Wow, thank you for that analysis, Dr. Pike. Do you charge for that?” Her rich brown eyes glistened. Her expression was stoic, but Conrad suspected he’d crossed a line. Fear twiggled inside his gut. It was tiny, but ever present. He didn’t want to lose her and he certainly didn’t want to push her away.

  “Okay, I deserved that. I apologize. You know me and my opinions.” He ducked his head sheepishly. “Forgiven?”

  “Of course.” She released a big sigh. “I know you don’t agree with my intentions to build a normal life. Maybe it’s a pipe dream, but it’s what I want. I don’t expect you to understand.”

  He nodded. She was right; he didn’t understand. But he respected her right to choose.

  “Can we get back to figuring how I’m going to survive my new skills?”

  “You’re going to need to practice. I think that’s what it will take.” He stared out the large living room window in her condo and let the pull of nature entice him. He turned back to her. “Just as you open and close your connection with animals, you’ll have to practice doing the same with humans.”

  Her eyes suddenly went wide. “So do you think humans can read my mind? If my mind has become open all the time to them, it would make sense that anyone could pick up my thoughts, too.”

  “That is something to check out. That would put you at risk. But honestly, did Gavin seem to be reading your mind? You already have the skill. Most humans don’t have special abilities.”

  “Michelle has abilities.”

  “True, but she’s rare. And she doesn’t read minds.”

  She placed a finger to her chin. “Good point.”

  Conrad stretched and got up off the couch. “I’m sorry your date didn’t go well, Asia. After the stress of your new ability driving you nuts for the last two days, it would do you good to drop it for now. How about a run?”

  She jumped to her feet and hugged him. “You’re the best. That sounds perfect.” She pulled back, seemingly unaware of the low rumble building in his chest at her touch. It was his natural reaction to passion. It didn’t jive with the terms of their friendship, but he couldn’t deny it. “Thanks for your help. You’ve given me hope.”

  “Glad to help. We can work on this situation together any time.” He meant it with all his heart. Asia was an amazing woman who’d weathered really harsh times with her mother and survived. He respected her for that. He’d never lose gratitude for her friendship. It was out of character for him to care so solidly without wanting to bed her, but what they shared was too precious to risk ruining it with sex. Unfortunately, his distance from her was closing and his body wanted more.

  Chapter Two

  In her bedroom, Asia dropped her clothes in a pile and drew inside herself. For a brief moment her body was between forms. A pause so small it might be imperceptible if she hadn’t made a habit of staying alert in the shimmering process. Shimmering sent a wave through her body and all she had to do was let it glide along. One moment of intention, one moment of pausing, and one moment of shifting.

  On all fours, Asia trotted into the living room, where Conrad sat waiting. She chuffed, gesturing with her head to the back door. As in the homes of the others in the colony, her back door suited her needs and was fitted with a lever handle. She pulled it down to release the back door and she led Conrad to her small, private backyard.

  The spring night sky was dark with cloud cover. She didn’t stop to savor it, not when they were within view of humans. She leaped up into the tree at the back of her small outdoor space and followed the branches that spread toward another tree, to where she could leap and continue into the forest adjacent to her apartment complex. She heard Conrad’s body slice through new leaves that gave them cover, and knew he was right behind her.

  Adrenaline sparked through her body, heightening her senses. Her heart thumped steadily in her chest. With her preternatural sight she could see in the darkness that the forest was empty of any humans. Her enhanced hearing captured small sounds of rabbits and mice scrambling through new grasses on the ground. She glanced at Conrad sitting on a nearby branch and nodded. First she leaped to a lower branch in another tree outside of her backyard, then Conrad followed, leaping to the ground and landing with a soft thud. Instantly, Asia dropped beside him.

  He glanced at her briefly, then took off, stretching his legs long in a fast sprint through the trees. Glee bubbled up to her throat and she chuffed and rolled a soft growl in her chest. In seconds she’d caught up to him.

  They just ran. Asia breathed in deep breaths that smelled like damp earth and fresh spring air. Exhilaration from her paws pounding against the ground and the breeze ruffling her fur fired her senses. Every cell in her body pulsed with life.

  She darted around trees and chased Conrad in circles until, exhausted, she sprawled out on the dewy grass, catching her breath. Conrad sat on his haunches, breathing heavily and surveying the forest.

  The quiet embraced her, and she relaxed completely into it like resting in a soft cloud. If she could hang onto this calm, grounded state of being Asia knew she could find a way to create the normal life she longed for.

  Conrad chuffed and pawed at the ground, urging her to get up and return to her condo. It was easy to deduce what his body language said and she didn’t need to open her min
d to his thoughts to understand. No, she would never attempt to connect with his thoughts, because although he was her best friend she’d always been a little fearful to read what was inside his mind. As rough as her childhood had been, Conrad’s life of riches hadn’t been a fairytale either.

  They trotted back to her condo and climbed the trees to the yard without incident. Inside, they parted, Conrad to the living room and she to her bedroom, to shimmer back into human form. The contrast between her two forms slowed her movements as she pulled on her jeans and sweater. She slanted her head, letting her change to human form settle thoroughly from head to toe. She didn’t remember a time when she’d been so aware of the difference in her human interface with the world and that of her connection with her surroundings in were-lynx form. Compared to the acute awareness of her lynx self, her human self was covered in a dulling film. “This can’t be right,” she said to her mirror. She rolled her shoulders and dismissed the curious situation inside her body. I’ll think about that later.

  “Are you decent?” Conrad called from the hallway. “Are you all right? I’m coming in.”

  Asia beat him to the doorway. “Sure, I’m fine.” She looped her arm through his and headed to the kitchen. “Hungry or thirsty? I can whip up some scrambled eggs, if you’d like.” With the were-lynxes’ fast metabolism, they ate often and a lot.

  “No, I’m fine, too. Water would be great, though. I can get it myself. You sit. Relax.” He grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, filled them, then set one on the table for her while he took a seat.

  She pulled out a chair and sat across from Conrad. “I am relaxed. That run was great. Thanks for that.” She eyed his somber expression. “Something on your mind?”

  “My mother called today.” His eyes were focused on the water glass in front of him. “She’s having a party at the house and she wants me to be there.”