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Page 41

by Jo Beverley


  She would not be embarrassed. He did not know how it felt to be so completely alone. She had no husband, no child—no home. She swallowed a sudden lump in her throat. Well, there was no point in dwelling on things she had no power to change.

  So, no, Mr. Wilton had no conception of her plight. He was a man. He was in complete control of his destiny. He could choose to marry or remain single. He was the master of his estate. He had not the slightest inkling what her life was like.

  “I believe I should like to return to the ballroom now, if you please,” she said. “I have been remiss in my duties. I should see if Grace has returned.”

  The cabbage-headed, cork-brained lobcock stood rooted to the spot, staring at her. Well, she could find her own way back to the ballroom if he did not wish to escort her or was incapable of the task.

  “If you will excuse me then, Mr. Wilton? I’m sure you will understand when I tell you I would prefer any future encounters we may have be limited to a cordial nod. I believe we’ve exchanged all the words we need to for the duration of our separate stays in London.”

  She was very proud of herself. She had got that speech out without crying or even suffering her voice to crack. She moved to step by Alex.

  His hand shot out to clasp her arm.

  “Lady Oxbury.” He paused. His face was in shadow; she couldn’t see his expression. “Kate. My pardon. I meant no insult.”

  She snorted—she couldn’t help herself. Meant no insult? Did the man think she was a complete paperskull?

  “No,” he said. “I was just…surprised.”

  All right, she could understand that. She’d been surprised herself. She never would have guessed she’d have the temerity to say such a thing.

  “Very well. I accept your apology. Now please be so kind as to escort me back to the ballroom.”

  He looked away. The moonlight glanced along the side of his face—she could see his jaw clench. He made no move to leave nor did he release her.

  What was he thinking? Surely he didn’t intend to keep her here until Grace came searching? How would she explain her presence in this secluded place? She must go inside now.

  She opened her mouth to demand he release her when he turned back.

  “Kate.” His voice was low and tight.

  “Mr. Wilton—”

  “Alex, Kate.”

  He almost sounded as if he were in pain. “Alex, then.” She put her hand on his arm. “We should return to the ballroom.”

  “I…may I…that is…” He took a deep breath and seemed to gather his composure. “If I may, I would like to take you up on your kind offer.”

  “My offer?”

  “Yes. I would like to…visit you. Tonight.” He was having a hard time getting the words out. “If I may.”

  Her stomach roiled with nerves and excitement. This was her last chance to change her mind. She should be sensible. She should be cautious.

  She should be daring. She had not followed her heart before and had regretted it for years. She would not make that mistake again.

  “All right.” Now what did she tell him? He couldn’t very well knock on the front door—she wasn’t that bold yet. But there was a sturdy tree outside her window…“Give me half an hour—no, an hour—after I leave the ball. Throw some pebbles against my window—second floor on the northwest corner—and I’ll let you in. That is, if you can still climb a tree?”

  He grinned then, his teeth flashing white in the moonlight. “I believe I can persuade this old body to do that much.”

  She frowned. What if he fell? He might do himself a permanent injury. And the scandal! Every last member of the ton would be sure to speculate on what Mr. Wilton was doing on the ground outside Lady Oxbury’s bedroom. “I’ll leave the servants’ door unlocked.”

  “You don’t think I can manage the more romantic route?”

  She smiled. The teasing note she’d missed was back in his voice. Perhaps this was going to be all right. It wouldn’t be love—at least not on his part—but it would be…all right. If nothing else, it would satisfy her curiosity. She could finally put her infatuation with him in the past where it belonged.

  “I want you to be able to manage other things once you arrive.”

  “Ha! Ye of little faith. I’ll be delighted to show you I have endless stamina.” He leaned forward and kissed her nose. “But I believe I will make use of the servants’ entrance. No point in wasting energy I can apply to more enjoyable pursuits.”

  Light and teasing—that was best. Let him think her a merry widow. She ran her hands up his chest to his neck. She would flirt, she would learn to seduce. “I can hardly wait.”

  She was encouraged by his kiss to surmise that he was as impatient as she.

  She was not going to think about Papa and Lady Harriet, Lord Dawson’s mother. She was not going to think about the baron’s bizarre marriage proposal. She was not going to think at all—she was just going to enjoy fully the one dance she’d ever had when she didn’t feel like a lumbering—a regal—Brobdingnagian.

  Lord Dawson was mad, completely and utterly mad, but he was a wonderful dancer. Grace spun through a turn, tethered by his large, strong hands. She wanted to put back her head and laugh. She’d never felt such joy in movement.

  She hated to dance, and she hated to waltz most of all. She always felt so large and ungainly. Most of the time she was taller than her partner and sometimes…well, back at Standen she’d been forced to inform Mr. Fenton she would no longer stand up with him—ever. He was almost a head shorter than she and took dancing as an opportunity to get a very close look at her bodice.

  But tonight, with Lord Dawson, dancing was an entirely different experience. She felt light and…graceful. Her smile widened—and then faltered.

  John hated to dance—or at least he hated to dance with her. They plodded around the floor in time to the music, but…She sighed. Dancing with John was prosaic at best, but wasn’t that the way life was?

  This—the dancing, the music, the brilliant colors, and beautiful dresses—this romance was merely a moment out of time. A glimmer of magic, impossible to hold. In the morning the elegant members of the haut ton, the flowers, the musicians would be gone and all that would be left would be a scuffed floor, a scattering of dead leaves, and a few wilted flower petals.

  But that was the morning. Tonight she would revel in the magic; when it was time, at the end of the Season, she would go home to her dull, commonplace life, to Papa and to John.

  “Enjoying the music, my dear?”

  She would even pretend for the moment that having handsome men call her “dear” was normal. “Yes, I am.”

  His mouth turned up in a half smile—and her stomach did that odd little flutter again.

  It was not fair he was so sinfully handsome. That strong, square chin with its little cleft was completely captivating. And that dimple! Dimples should definitely be outlawed in a face as attractive as Baron Dawson’s. He had sun streaks in his slightly shaggy, dark blond hair, and his deep blue eyes glinted with humor—and something else…something hot and intense.

  She felt rather hot herself. She must be blushing—his smile had grown, damn it.

  She closed her eyes, but that didn’t help at all. Now she focused on the feel of his hands—firm, yet gentle—as they guided her through the dance. Her bodice brushed against his waistcoat briefly and her breasts felt fuller and heavy. Shocking. She drew in a deep, shuddery breath and inhaled the spicy heat of him.

  Her eyes flew open. This was too much. She should have run from him in the garden or at the least fled the moment she’d returned to the ballroom.

  She glanced up at his face. His cheeks creased, making the dimple deepen as his smile broadened to a full grin. He knew exactly what she was thinking!

  Blast, now her face must really be as red as a fire’s embers. She certainly felt as if she were glowing. She frowned again.

  He had to swallow a chuckle. Did she think to cow him? That look might wo
rk on her not-quite betrothed, but it didn’t on him. He could almost feel sorry for the man. If the fellow did wed Grace—an event David was becoming more and more determined to prevent—she would ride roughshod over him. In truth, it would be a charity for David to take Grace off the gentleman’s hands. He knew how to manage her fire.

  Damn. He edged his hips back slightly. Thinking of managing Grace—in his bed, of course—had the predictable effect on his person.

  She was still frowning.

  “Don’t try to look so fierce, Grace. You don’t scare me, you know.”

  Scare him? Grace was tempted to roll her eyes. He was the one who was frightening, like a spider sitting in his web of seduction, waiting for her to fall into his trap. “You are absurd. Of course, I don’t scare you. I’ve never scared anyone in my life.”

  The odd glint in his eyes grew more pronounced. Was he laughing at her? How dare he? She should…she should…

  She should feel angry, but instead she felt hot and unsettled.

  “Ah, there I’m certain you’re wrong,” he said, swinging her through a turn. “I imagine the average male quakes when he sees you.”

  She snorted. “Only because he fears for his toes. The men of Standen know too well what the ton will soon discover—I’ve sent more men limping home than Napoleon.”

  He pulled her close to avoid another couple and her bodice brushed his chest again. Her breasts were still extremely sensitive. Her nipples hardened. How mortifying! He couldn’t tell, could he?

  “Nonsense,” he was saying. “I don’t worry about my toes at all.”

  Toes? Damn, she suddenly had salacious thoughts about the man’s toes. They were talking about dancing not Lord Dawson’s bare feet. “You don’t worry about your t-toes only because you are an amazingly skilled dancer.”

  His mouth slid into a slow, knowing curve. He dropped his head and his voice—he had the most wonderful voice, deep and smooth and warm like a cup of the richest chocolate. His words stirred her hair, caressed her ear, sent heated shivers down her back to her—

  No. She would not think about such things. No toes, no feet, no secret, wet, aching—No, definitely not. Most assuredly, without a doubt, without question—

  “Would you like to see what else I’m amazingly skilled at, sweetness?”

  The dark, wet, empty, aching place throbbed with eagerness. Her head snapped away from his lips, and she sent an urgent message to her heart and other organs to behave themselves. She wasn’t a child. She knew seduction when she heard it. She gave him her sternest look. “Lord Dawson—”

  “Shh, Lady Grace.” His eyes were glinting—he was laughing at her again, damn him. “Why are you so agitated? I was merely referring to parlor games—Twenty Questions, Pope Joan, charades, spillikins.” One eyebrow arched up. “What did you think I meant?”

  Drat her pale complexion! She was definitely burning hotter than the candles now. He was trying to intimidate her. She would not let him do so.

  “Seduction, my lord. Do not play me for a fool. You were trying to seduce—”

  The orchestra played its last note. Her voice had, unfortunately, got somewhat strident. The ladies and gentlemen near them turned to stare. Lord Dawson raised his other eyebrow.

  Damn.

  “—to seduce me into the re-refreshment r-room.” Please God, let no one be able to see how red she was. Or, if they noticed, let them think it was from the exertion of the dance.

  Lord Dawson smirked slightly. “Ah, yes, those lobster patties are so enticing, are they not?”

  Thankfully, everyone around them went back to their own conversations. “What?”

  “The lobster patties, Lady Grace. The alluring, tempting, seductive lobster patties.”

  “Oh, do stop laughing at me, will you?” And he was laughing. Not out loud, of course. He wasn’t even grinning, but his damn eyes were positively gleaming.

  “But you are so amusing.” He took her hand and laid it on his arm. “And the most amusing thing is you have no idea how beautiful, how utterly enchanting you are.”

  The man was definitely mad. “I am not amusing or…or…any of that other balderdash.” Lord Dawson had started walking, and since he was keeping her hand firmly on his arm, she had to walk as well. “Where are we going?”

  “To the refreshment room, of course, and the ravishing lobster patties.”

  She pulled back. “I’m not hungry.” Unfortunately, it was true. Her stomach was too busy jumping and twisting and shivering—all due to his annoying presence—to accept even the smallest morsel of food. A shame, as lobster patties were generally one of her favorite dishes, and she suspected these would be splendid. The Duke of Alvord did not seem the type to stint on his lobster patties.

  “Have a glass of lemonade instead, then.”

  He was very highhanded. “Perhaps I should look for my aunt.” Where was Aunt Kate? Grace glanced around the ballroom as Lord Dawson stubbornly steered her toward the door to the refreshment room. “And you could look for your uncle.”

  He smiled and inclined his head toward the garden door. “No need to look. See, they are returning from a promenade in the greenery.”

  “Well.” Grace tried not to stare. “They look as though they are on cordial terms, don’t they?”

  “Yes, indeed. Perhaps they have managed to deal with their differences.”

  Grace glanced at the couple again. Aunt Kate was smiling, though she looked a little nervous. And Mr. Wilton appeared a touch stiff. Still, they were together—they were even joining the next set. Was Aunt Kate going to find love again?

  Grace grinned. “Perhaps I’ll have a glass of champagne.”

  Chapter 5

  She’d actually asked Alex to come to her bed.

  Kate gripped her hands tightly together in her lap and pretended to look out the carriage window at the dark London streets.

  She must have been mad, that was the only possible explanation. She’d never been so bold before. Bold? Ha! Her action was beyond bold, it was…

  It was too outrageous to contemplate.

  Yet she had contemplated it. More than that, she had done it. She had asked Alex…and he had said yes.

  Oh, dear God. She pressed her hands to her stomach. The damn stays. She could barely breathe.

  In just an hour—perhaps less—Alex would be in her bed.

  Her stomach twisted. She bit down on her lower lip. At least she had shown one shred of good sense. She had avoided the refreshment room. If her stomach rebelled, she would be saved that humiliation.

  What was she thinking? Her stomach was the least of her worries. If Alex actually came to her room—to her bed—he would expect her to show some…experience. Some talent. Something to make the trip worth his while. She couldn’t just lie still as she had with Oxbury.

  Oh! She tried to breathe. She must not panic. Oxbury had never complained. He’d seemed to enjoy the exertion. He’d kept at it all those years, even when—

  Well, he’d kept at it.

  Men needed their release. It probably didn’t matter what female was beneath them. In the dark, surely all women were much the same.

  Were all men?

  No. Alex would not be like Oxbury…would he?

  She would find out tonight. After all the years of wondering and longing, she would finally know. Perhaps she’d learn what she’d longed for was no different from what she’d had.

  Good. The point was she could finally put aside her wondering and move on, unencumbered by the “what ifs” and “if onlys.”

  Would the experience be different with Alex? Kissing certainly had been. Mmm. She closed her eyes. Just thinking about his lips on hers, remembering the feel of his hard form, the strength of his arms around her started an odd ache in her center.

  She flushed. Well, not her center precisely…

  “That was quite, um, f-fun.”

  Kate’s eyes flew open. Surely Grace hadn’t read her mind?

  Grace hiccupped and grinne
d at her—a rather broad, sloppy grin.

  Heavens! Kate squinted at her niece in the dim light. Grace’s eyes did look slightly glassy, and now that she considered the matter, the girl had stumbled a bit getting into the carriage.

  “How many glasses of champagne did you have, Grace?”

  “Only t-two.” Grace dropped her head back against the squabs and contemplated the carriage ceiling as if the correct number were written there. “Or th-three.” She giggled. “I lost count.”

  “Wonderful.” Kate blew out a short, exasperated breath. Obviously she should have been paying more attention to Grace and less—much less—to Mr. Alex Wilton. But how could she have guessed Grace would get brandy-faced at her first London ball? The girl—the woman—was twenty-five years old. “Surely you’ve had champagne before?”

  “’Course I have!” Grace snapped her head forward to glare at Kate, but spoiled the effect by losing her balance and slipping sideways. She braced herself on the seat beside her. “Just not s-so much.”

  “You’re going to have quite the head in the morning.”

  “S-so?” Grace settled back against the squabs again. “I feel sp-splendid now. I’ve never felt so h-happy.”

  “Happy’s one way to describe it. Jug-bitten is another.”

  “Oh, pooh. Why are you such a crosspatch? Didn’t you have f-fun?” Grace wiggled her eyebrows.

  Kate looked out the window in earnest, cupping her hands to block out the dim light of the carriage. Good, she recognized the neighborhood—they were almost at Oxbury House. With luck she would be able to get Grace upstairs and into bed before she fell asleep—or got sick.

  “I was not at the Duke of Alvord’s ball to enjoy myself,” Kate said. “I was there to chaperone you. Obviously, I did not do an adequate job fulfilling my duties.”

  Grace was contemplating the carriage ceiling again. She giggled and transferred her gaze to Kate. “Is that what you were doing in the g-garden with Mr. Wilton? Chaperoning me?”

 

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