A Brother At My Back

by A. J. Downey

  13

  Tiff…

  “Wait, you like him as in like him, like him?” Delia was staring at me, agape.

  “Yes.”

  It had been three days since he’d stayed the day in my apartment the first time and he’d stayed every day since, except we still hadn’t had sex. I wanted him, and I knew he wanted me, but what he was giving me was far more important right now. What he was giving me was an intimacy I had craved for a long time, yet hadn’t known with the front part of my brain that I’d needed.

  He held me. We talked. Sometimes he just listened, sometimes I did, but it was a bonding that I think we both needed. A friendship that was definitely going somewhere, but one of the things I needed was my best friend to accept him and the only way that was going to happen was if she got to know him like I did.

  Unfortunately, the closer I was growing to Nik, it felt like the further away I was getting from Lia, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt.

  “Come meet him,” I practically begged and Delia rolled her eyes at me but followed along reluctantly. Of course, that was probably because I had her by the hand and was towing her out the door past Zeke and across the back lot to where Nik sat bundled on the back of his bike.

  “Gidday, ladies.”

  “Hey,” I said softly, smiling.

  “You must be Delia then?” he asked, and held out his hand to her. She eyed him suspiciously but took it and gave it a solid shake.

  “Yep, I’m the best friend,” she declared.

  “Nice to meet you.” He gave her a smile that I increasingly was finding to be disarming and asked, “Join us for a bit of brekkie?”

  “A bit of what?” she asked and laughed a little.

  “It’s what Kiwis call breakfast,” I told her.

  “Sure, but for us, it’s sort of dinner time for us, isn’t it?”

  “True, but Nik and I have been going to this diner with really good breakfast food that starts up around this time.”

  “Maybe another time,” she said. “I’m meeting someone.”

  I blinked, taken aback. Delia was my best friend, we shared everything about one another’s lives. How did I not know about this until right before? I rocked back on my heels, surprised to feel more hurt well up and I immediately overruled my heart with my head, thinking to myself Delia is her own person with her own life apart from yours… Besides, you haven’t exactly been forthcoming about Nik. Of course, there was a reason for that. Delia, while having her heart in the right place, was also pretty judgmental about the Sacred Hearts as a whole. It made it hard for me to want to share.

  “Don’t look at me like that, please?” she asked softly. “It isn’t like that.”

  “Like what?” I asked back, frowning, my sixth sense tingling. Why would she put it that way? She read the look on my face clearly and sighed.

  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry.”

  Oh, that was rich! Now I really wanted to know just who it was she was meeting up with.

  “Why would I worry?” I asked, and now I was like a dog with a bone.

  “Cooper called,” she hedged and I felt myself scowl.

  “You’re going to meet up with Cooper Roth?” I demanded.

  “Like I said, it’s not like that,” she said quickly. “I was suspicious, too, but he swears he just wants to catch up.”

  “Conveniently, after three years and right after Silas is released from prison?” I asked. “Yeah, no. I don’t believe that for a minute, and you shouldn’t either, Delia.”

  “I’m with Tiffany on this one, Girl. Sounds sus to me,” Nik chimed in.

  “Nobody asked you,” Delia snapped at him defensively.

  “I asked him,” I said shortly, suddenly angry and feeling pretty betrayed. “I asked Dragon, and he asked Nik. I went to them and asked for their help. I need them to watch my back and here you are, my best friend, and what do you do?” I demanded, thinking to myself you stand there and put a knife in it.

  “This is why I didn’t tell you!” she said, exasperated. “I knew you’d be upset. You know I like Coop; that I have since like forever. Honestly, I figured it would be a good idea! That I might be able to find out what Silas is thinking or if he really is up to something. I wasn’t going to tell Cooper anything! I’m not going to tell him anything. I already told him that you are strictly off-limits as a topic of conversation.”

  I shifted from foot to foot and shook my head. “Now isn’t the time to play super-secret double-agent spy, Lia. Seriously. Leave it alone, don’t go. Come with us instead.” I could tell by the look on her face that she was going to be stubborn. She had the idea in her head and she was going to do what she was going to do. I hated how it sounded like I was begging when I asked her to come with us instead of meeting up with her long-time, one-time crush, but I couldn’t tell you how desperate I was for her not to do this to me.

  “It’s gonna be fine,” she said and she was already walking backward away from me. Emotions churned up from somewhere in my center and I jumped when Nik’s hands fell on my shoulders, kneading them reassuringly.

  “Lia,” I called out and she waved and went around to the driver’s side of her car.

  “Let it go, she’s a stubborn sort.”

  “Don’t I know it?” I asked, unease raking its claws down my insides.

  I trusted that she wasn’t going to say anything about me, at least not intentionally, but this was a dangerous game. One that I could potentially lose even though I didn’t even want to play.

  Nik sighed as she drove past us out of the lot, waving through her window, her face set in stubborn lines that were only accentuated by her worry. She was worried that she was hurting our friendship, which she was, but I was worried for a completely different reason. Cooper was Silas’ best friend. He also knew that Delia had a crush on him, so he was likely working her for information.

  My poor, much-loved but totally-being-an-idiot friend was trapped between her libido and her loyalty, and I knew that she had nothing but the best of intentions… but Jesus! Who was being the naive one, now? It certainly wasn’t me.

  God, what a mess.

  “She’s playing with fire, that one,” Nik remarked, and I loved that his voice held a similar worry for my friend that I was feeling.

  “I know,” I said, and the frustration was a palpable thing, rising to choke me. I sniffed and tried to pretend it had nothing to do with the warring emotions in my heart and head but rather had everything to do with the frosty winter air.

  “Let’s get you home,” he murmured and I realized that without knowing exactly what Delia was doing, I didn’t really want to go home. I knew she had my back, she’d always had my back, but the ‘what if’s’ were dogging me hard and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little bit worried about what if she slipped… what if she said something without meaning to?

  “Your home or mine?” I asked, staring off, after where her taillights had faded into the dark.

  “Mine, if you’d like, or the club. Anyplace that’s warmer than out here.” His voice was gentle, and I felt the tension in my shoulders ease.

  “Kind of can’t wait to learn more about that self-defense stuff.”

  “Tomorrow we teach you to shoot,” he reminded and I turned with a sigh. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole ‘guns’ thing. Bitterness and anger aside, I was a lover, not a fighter and I hated that Silas was making me turn to violence as a solution, but sometimes, just sometimes, it was the only one. The practical part of me recognized that, even if I didn’t like it.

  “Your place, if that’s okay.” I searched his face and took a half breath before letting it out. I had been about to ask if I could use his bathtub, but I tended not to ask things for myself anymore. I got too used to ‘no’ from both the way I was raised and Silas to the point I still had a hard time asking for anything.

  I think Nik knew that about me, though. His face split into a broad smile as he said
, “Go on, ask it.”

  “Ask what?” I tried playing it cool.

  “It was all over your face, Wahine. Ask me what you were gonna ask me, don’t ever be afraid of asking me for anything.”

  “What’s the worst that could happen?” I agreed, “You could say ‘no?’”

  “Too right,” he nodded and sat down on his bike, waiting me out, breath pluming the frigid air.

  “I was wondering if you’d let me use your bathtub, my apartment doesn’t have one, just a shower.”

  He nodded. “Sounds like a good idea; you need to relax. Come on, let’s go.”

  “Thanks,” I murmured but I couldn’t be sure he heard me over the bike starting up. I made sure my bag was secure across my chest and got on behind him. The air was so icy I tended to bury my face in his back in an effort to hide from the wind. He stopped at the twenty-four-hour pharmacy on the way to his place and ran in real quick while I stared at my phone in the parking lot, shivering and trying to decide what, if anything, I should text to Lia. I finally decided there wasn’t anything I could say that wouldn’t make her angry or upset her and as much as I loved her, my trust in her was more than a bit broken right now. The ‘what if’s’ were whispering some pretty awful things from their dark corner of my mind.

  If you text her, what if it makes her angry? What if she ratted you out? What if she’s sick of you and doing things for you all the time? What if, what if, what if…

  The mechanical tones of the doorbell went off signaling Nik’s return. He came over to me and asked, “Put this in your bag for the ride, yeah?” and held up a rather doubled up grocery bag with red 'thank you’ lettering on it.

  “Yes, of course,” I said swinging my gym bag around and unzipping the top. He shoved the bag of items away and zipped it closed and got back onto the bike in front of me.

  The ride to his place was pretty short but it was freezing. I was so ready to be warm again.

  He pulled into the alley behind the bar he worked at and we took the rickety wooden staircase on the outside of the building up to the floor Nik’s apartment was on. The door back here opened right into his apartment as he keyed his way into the two locks. It took me a minute to realize we were going in through the fire escape, but it was handy and it got us inside quicker. The problem was, it was just about as cold in here as it was out there.

  I pulled his bag out of mine and handed it to him. He thanked me and rooted around in it, setting a couple of big cans of stew on the kitchen counter and handing me first a box of bath stuff and then a plastic wrapped bath bomb.

  “I wasn’t sure what you liked,” he said, and finally added a big bag of lavender Epsom salts to the top of the growing pile in my arms. “So I got it all.”

  I blinked, surprised, and laughed a little, “You didn’t have to do all this,” I said softly and sniffed, my nose running from the cold.

  “I’ll get a fire going in the fireplace and the soup on. Your best bet on getting warm is the hot water from the tank, so, go on.” He hooked a hand behind my neck carefully and stepped up to me, pressing a kiss to my forehead, his thumb stroking along the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and sighed, grateful.

  “Okay,” I murmured and he let me go, moving past me to the cold, dark, fireplace grate set in one wall.

  14

  Zeb…

  I built a fire, put the soup on low and slow to heat and started to make her some hot tea to warm her up from the inside as much as the bath she was running would hopefully do for her frozen fingers and toes from the outside. She was silent, the strong sound of the water pouring into the tub drowning out any noise she might have been making as she moved around my bathroom. She’d left the door open, and more than just a crack this time. Then again, she’d had her clothes off for most of the night and I liked to think she was more comfortable around me even if we hadn’t gotten completely naked together yet.

  The water shut off and I heard her get in. I steeped her tea and the fruity scent of one of the bath bomb things that girls seemed to go crazy over wafted out of the open doorway and permeated the open space of my flat. I liked it. It was nice having her here and it was more than just having something or someone beautiful here to liven the place up.

  It was nice knowing she was safe here. That no one knew where it was, sure, but that she could breathe a bit easier knowing no one could find her here was something precious. That she could be herself and not look over her shoulder was nice.

  I fixed up another cup of tea for myself after a second thought and carried both steaming mugs to the golden rectangle of light coming from my bathroom.

  “Hey, I’m good to come in, yeah?” I asked before crossing the threshold and into her line of sight.

  “Yeah,” she said gently. I went in and handed her down one of the steaming cups. She was huddled in the bottom of the bath, hugging her knees, the water pink and swirling with what looked like silver vapor through it.

  I sat down on the floor and put my back to the wall, so I could face her. She took a tentative sip of the tea and closed her eyes, savoring it.

  “Got some soup on, no worries, though. I don’t want you to rush.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “The tea is good.”

  “You looked frozen,” I said, taking a drink of my own.

  “Kind of running low on clean laundry,” she confessed. “Usually Lia picks me up and I go over to her place with it. She lets me use her washer and dryer while we watch movies and I do some homework.”

  “Sounds nice, eh.”

  “Things are kind of all over the place now, though.”

  I nodded and she looked a little lost, laying her head atop her drawn up knees, one arm around them, the other gripping the handle of her tea mug as it rested on the edge of the tub. I was suddenly more cross with her friend than I’d been before. She had no idea what she was doing with this and needed to leave well enough alone.

  “Warm enough?” I asked and she smiled slightly.

  “Much better, yeah.”

  “Good. Did you bring something to sleep in?”

  She closed her eyes and her shoulders dropped, “Shit. I hadn’t thought much beyond the whole I don’t want to go home, you know?”

  “Yeah, it’s no worries. I have a shirt, I’m sure.”

  “Thanks,” she murmured softly and I reached out, stroking some of her long, silky hair out of her eyes, sweeping it behind her ear and away from her scarred cheek. She didn’t flinch this time, which made me smile in appreciation. She was learning there was no bad here with me. No judgment or anything like that.

  “I honestly don’t think I’m going to sleep that well today,” she said, and I nodded.

  “A lot going on upstairs, eh?”

  “That’s putting it mildly.”

  “I get it.”

  She shifted and the water sloshed in the tub. I always liked the sound of water any way I could get it. Just something nice about it. Soothing and whatnot.

  “You want I should read to you?” I asked.

  She smiled and even though it held an edge of sadness, it made her go from beautiful to stunning. “Figured out that I like that, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  I’d always had a habit of reading before falling asleep and even with her in my arms, I’d kept it up. I always had a paperback of some sort tucked into the inside pocket of my jacket or the back pocket of my jeans and the last few nights I’d brought it out to read while she’d rested against me as we’d gone to go to sleep. Two nights ago, she’d asked me to read out loud and I’d done it. It’d been awkward a bit at first, but she’d seemed to like it and now it looked like it was turning into one of our things.

  I sat up and pulled the book I’d started at the bar that night out of my back pocket. I liked to read things that were useful to me and she didn’t seem to mind listening to anything I’d read so far. She watched me with those deep brown eyes of hers as I opened it to where I’d marked the page.

  This book was b
y an American bloke in the security industry. Data had recommended it, and it’d just been the next one in my pile by the bed. It was about trusting your gut and how to listen to the unspoken little warning signs folks gave off before trying something stupid.

  Tiffany closed her eyes and listened, taking the occasional sip of tea. Wrapping both her hands around the mug, before long she unfurled the length of the tub, sinking down into the fruity pink water with its swirling silver cloud of sparkling whatever. She just listened to me, and it took a lot of willpower to keep my eyes on the words and off her face… and yeah, the rest of her too. She was one beautiful lady and it was hard not to stare.

  I finished the last of the chapter and closed the book, watching as she thought it over, simply sitting with her and relaxing.

  “The water is getting cold,” she said finally and I nodded.

  “I’ll get you a shirt and dish up the food, maybe drag the bed closer to the fire. You take your time.”

  “Okay, thank you.”

  “No worries.”

  And that right there was one of the reasons it felt so good to do things for her. She was appreciative, never missed an opportunity to say a simple thank you, but what’s more, it was the look she gave me. Every time I did something sweet for her, she looked at me with this amazed gratitude that did more for me than anything ever had before. I felt needed, not just wanted, and I have to admit it was a serious boost to my manly ego.

  I don’t think there was anything else that made me feel like half as much of a man as when she looked at me like that. I pushed to my feet and took her nearly empty mug of tea out with me. Refreshing both our cups, I dragged the mattress across the floor closer to the fire as I listened to her climb out of the tub. I couldn’t help myself, picturing the water sliding along her perfect skin, but I resisted the temptation to go to the door and actually look.