by Nikki Landis
It felt that this war was never going to end. He could spend the next decade trying to fight the militia. What would happen if he found himself with a teenage son who hated and despised him for his absence? Or a wife who left him? What if she found solace in Mal? For the first time he realized the true implications for his actions.
No, Alec could not do that. He would not lose them. It was time to act. In the morning he would make preparations to leave. He became excited at the idea of surprising Lizzie. Soon, he thought, soon my love. We will be reunited and nothing will keep me from showing you how much I love you.
Chapter Thirty: Lizzie
I awakened to the sound of a low whistle, cheerfully and absently making noise from the kitchen. As I opened my eyes I realized the room was quiet and still. No noise or rustle of movement from my son. A quick glance at the empty playpen almost put me in a panic until I realized that little Benjamin was in the kitchen with Mal.
Light fluttering in my belly drew my attention. My new child moved happily in my womb. I slid my hands to my rounded stomach and smiled. The life inside me continued to grow, oblivious to the outside world. I grew wistful. Nothing would make me happier than to see Alec’s face when I told him I was carrying his child.
My stomach growled with hunger, as if the tiny baby was nudging me to eat. Reluctant to leave the warm bed I dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my long hair back, and entered the kitchen.
“Good morning,” I greeted them both.
“Good morning,” Mal answered.
He kissed my cheek and handed me a plate of eggs and bacon.
“Mama!” Little Benjamin squealed happily.
“Hi my little sweetheart,” I told him and placed a kiss on his cheek.
“Want any toast? There is fresh squeezed orange juice for you. Apparently this kitchen has been fully stocked,” Mal offered.
“Oh yes, please. I am starving,” I told him, laying my hand on my fluttering belly.
He set a glass of the juice in front of me as his eyes fell to my stomach.
“Do you feel the baby?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yes, like tiny butterfly wings.”
I smiled at him brightly. He looked thoughtful.
“I bet it would be amazing to know I was going to be a father. I envy Alec that experience,” he admitted.
Something in his expression was sad. I reached for his hand, squeezing it gently.
“It will happen for you Malcolm. I know it,” I reassured him.
He grinned at my using his full name. It humored him. I rarely did.
“I truly hope so. There is nothing that would make me happier.”
He held my hand, massaging it, lost in thought. I knew what he wanted. He was wishing he was the father of my baby. I was not angry or upset. He loved me. It was a natural desire for him to feel that way. I would not fault him for it.
I slowly withdrew my hand. “What would you like to do today?”
His expression was unreadable. I think he disliked my intentional change of subject. I could almost sense his frustration when I pulled my hand away.
“Well,” he answered, “I spent several hours last night walking the perimeter of the compound but I have some things I would like to discuss with Sam. Why don’t you visit with Carol?”
I considered his suggestion. “I will. I wish little man was walking more than a few steps at a time. He is starting to get heavy to carry.”
“Yes, I noticed that too. I think he is right on the edge and will do it any day. Why don’t I take him with me today? The fresh air would be good for us both. I’ll bring him back and meet you here for lunch."
I nodded. It sounded like a nice afternoon.
“Thank you. Is there anything you would like?” I asked, grateful to have time to myself.
He nearly burst out laughing. “That is not a question I will answer right now.”
He chuckled softly. I rolled my eyes at him playfully in response. He knew I was talking about food. Putting my hands on my hips, I pretended to be disgusted.
“Now listen Malcolm, naughty boys get punished.”
I saw him shiver. The playfulness left his eyes and I saw raw lust there for a brief moment. He crossed the distance to me in two seconds flat. Before I could stop him or figure out his intention, his lips were on mine. He pulled me close against his chest, his tongue darting into my mouth.
Surprised I placed my palms against his chest and pushed. He had never kissed me that way before. Ever.
At that exact moment Sam showed up at the screen door.
“Excuse me,” he said in shock, an uncomfortable timber to his voice.
I backed up against the table and took a deep breath. Then another. I shook my head trying to clear it.
“Are you all right Lizzie?” Sam asked.
I thought he had left at the sight of us embraced. No words would form. I shook my head again. Emotions waged war within me but I couldn’t quite place the cause of my anxiety. Was it the surprise of his actions? My guilt for enjoying it? The embarrassment of being caught? Or was it my own raging desires, torn constantly between loving two men?
I could not meet either of their eyes. I had no interest in seeing what lay in them at the moment. My cheeks flamed crimson and I was suddenly hot. Turning from both men I scooped up little Benjamin out of the high chair and left, the screen door banging loudly at my departure.
As soon as I exited the bungalow I realized I had nowhere to go. I was new here. I didn’t know anyone else yet besides Carol. I wished in that moment for a friend my age to talk to, like Diva.
Little Benjamin was squirming on my hip.
“Let’s go see the barn and animals,” I told him, trying to distract his wiggling.
It was close. I would not have to carry him far. Once inside I could let him down and relieve myself of the weight. Behind me I heard Sam tell Mal to let me go. That was a good idea. I wanted to be left alone. If he followed me we would argue and I did not want that.
The barn was large and sectioned off in pens and stalls inside. Both the front and rear double doors had been left wide open to admit the light and slight breeze that rustled through the trees. Aside from the stench of manure, I found it pleasant.
A lone individual was feeding hay to the animals, his bare back covered in sweat from the exertion. He was handsome and reminded me instantly of Sam. Feeling silly for disturbing him, I turned to leave.
“Morning. Don’t mind me. Feel free to visit the animals with your little guy,” he offered.
I smiled. “Good morning. Thank you.”
“My name is Mike. I’m one of the ranch hands. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you, miss…?”
He let the question hang in the air.
“Lizzie,” I answered.
He nodded. “Pretty name.”
I blushed and he smiled. After a moment he continued to feed the animals and then started to brush the horses down. Little Benjamin was heavy on my hip. I set him down and held his hand, pointing to the pigs.
“Look sweetie, pigs.”
He bounced up and down. “Piggie?”
I nodded. “Piggie.”
I made noises like a pig and he giggled.
“Mama see piggie.” He pointed and I helped him toddle over to the pig pen.
We stopped at each animal pen as he tottered along, saying each name and animal sound. When we came to the horses Mike looked up at us and led one over to the stall gate.
“This is Thunder. He is very gentle.”
I reached over and ran my hand along his velvety neck. “He is beautiful.”
“Yes he is Miss Lizzie. Pardon my asking but…do you have a man?”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. What?
“To look after your little boy here…and the babe you are carrying,” he explained.
Why would he like to know?
I decided there was no danger in being honest.
“Yes I do,” I replied slowly, “at least I
think so.” When my absentee husband decided to show up that is. No point in elaborating.
“I was just wondering miss. The war has left many of us alone. I wouldn’t want to see you both alone and unprotected.” He blushed slightly.
Was he offering? How adorable. I never got a chance to answer him. He quickly stumbled over his words.
“If you find yourself alone, I would like to offer my services. Sam can vouch for me,” he told me quickly. “I lost my family in the first air raids. I cannot stand to see a young woman and her child left vulnerable.”
Aw, he was totally sweet. I beamed a smile at him.
“I thank you Mike. You are most kind. But I have a husband…who I hope will return to me soon. I also have a dear friend helping me.”
He nodded. “I figured as much but had to ask. This war has made us all orphans, widows, and loners. Please remember my offer.”
“I will,” I promised.
He looked a little disappointed. I was incredibly flattered.
Little Benjamin and I finished visiting the animals in the barn. I picked him up and we waved bye to Mike, heading back outside the front of the barn.
“Lizzie?” Carol was calling me.
I turned to see her waving from the front porch.
“Come rest yourself dear and have some lemonade. Little Benjamin can play.”
I sank gratefully into a rocker and let her cover me with a hand crochet afghan. Fully expecting to have a long conversation she surprised me when she kept quiet. My little man was stacking wooden blocks and laughing when they fell. She joined him on the floor, sitting cross legged, and helped him restack them as they tumbled. He clapped his little hands in glee.
I must have fallen asleep because I awakened to the sound of several voices.
“She is quite the beauty,” I heard a voice say. Carol.
“Yes, she certainly is Mother.” A man’s voice replied.
I was pretty certain it was Mike.
“She has a husband son.” Carol again.
“I know. I asked her,” he admitted.
“You did?” Carol laughed.
“Yes. What is so funny about that?”
He sounded indignant. She laughed harder for a moment.
“That is Alec’s wife,” she answered.
“Damn,” I heard him chuckle, “he is going to laugh hard when he hears about this. He told me his wife was beautiful but…he did not say gorgeous.”
She laughed with him. “Yes.”
I heard someone walk onto the porch, boots scraping the ground.
“Hello Malcolm. I haven’t had a chance to introduce you to my son yet. This is Michael.”
“Mike,” he corrected.
I almost smiled at the attempt he made to sound more grown up. He had to be close to my age.
“Nice to meet you Mike.”
“When did you arrive?” Mike asked.
“Late afternoon yesterday. Your parents have been very welcoming to us here.”
“Us?” Mike asked.
“I brought Lizzie and her son with me,” Mal informed him.
“Oh,” he paused, “you must be the dear friend she mentioned.”
“Yes, you could say that,” he replied coolly.
What was going on with these two? I had to hide a frown. Were they developing a dislike when they only just met? Why?
“How is Lizzie?” Mal asked.
“Oh I am sure she is fine. Perhaps a bit tired,” Carol assured him.
“I worry about her,” Mal admitted.
“I would worry about her too if I were her husband,” Mike chimed in.
What was that? Why make such a comment? I nearly opened my eyes but decided to wait. I could feel eyes on me.
“She has been through a great deal recently. When we were bombed-”
I heard a sharp intake of breath from Carol.
“When we were bombed,” Mal tried again, “Lizzie suffered multiple injuries including a severe concussion. In her condition I worry about her health.”
“Oh my. When was this?” Carol asked.
“Right before we came. A week ago.”
“Does Alec know?” Mike demanded.
“Yes, he came to her hospital room but didn’t stay long enough to see her wake up or recover.”
“That doesn’t sound like Alec,” Carol thought aloud.
“I don’t think he would leave her again unless it was absolutely necessary.” Mike. He sounded angry.
Uncomfortable silence. I pretended to be sleeping since I obviously could not interject my thoughts at that moment. Now was not the time.
“I imagine she will still be asleep for a little longer. Why don’t you both go see to the animals before dinner? Mal I would be happy to have you join us,” Carol invited.
“Thank you Carol. After you Mike.”
I heard the scraping of chairs against the porch and boots clomping along the stairs.
“How long have you been awake?”
I peeped my eyes open. “Long enough to know I wanted to avoid that conversation.”
She laughed lightly. “I quite agree.”
“May I ask you something Carol?” I ventured, glad to have the chance to talk alone.
Little Benjamin was still playing with the wooden blocks and vrooming several small cars around the polished floor.
“Mama. Dada. Mow.” He said, clapping his hands.
I watched him playing for a moment and then looked at her.
“You have my permission to ask whatever you like, although I believe your question will be about your husband.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “How did you know?”
She patted my arm knowingly, rocking next to me.
“I would be asking if it were my Sam.”
I nodded. Right. Feminine curiosity.
“I don’t know where to start. Perhaps you could tell me how long he was here.”
She smiled. “Since you parted I would guess. He is the one who helped us escape and come home. Without Alec we would have been very lost, probably all of us dead.”
“Will you tell me about it?” I asked, curious.
“Certainly. Alec helped us escape from a militia camp. He raided it. His mission was to steal supplies and weapons but when he learned there were innocent people captured he came to our rescue. He saved us, especially Mike. They have grown quite close. Like brothers really. It was good for Mike…after we lost our other sons.” She gulped, holding back tears.
“I am so sorry,” I told her.
She shook her head. “I know your story my dear. You have suffered as much if not more. We are both familiar with loss.”
I looked away, out into the trees.
“I thought losing my father was horrible. I can’t begin to explain how much it hurt to lose my mother and sister too.” My voice was barely a whisper.
I was never able to talk about them in a normal voice. Something raw about the emotion held it in check, lodging in my throat, making it near impossible to speak.
“There is only one thing that possibly hurts more…the death of your child.”
I reached for her hand and held it a moment, both of us remembering. I let her think without interrupting. She squeezed my fingers lightly and went back to rocking.
“I digress. By the time Alec found us there was only the three of us left. Mike was horribly lost then. He clicked with Alec. I think it was a mutual understanding and suffering that brought them together. Neither Sam nor I could reach Mike. When Alec shared the loss of his brother and parents, it touched Mike,” she explained.
“Yes, I can imagine.”
“Alec has stayed with us off and on over the last eight months. In that time Sam and I have grown to love him like our own son,” she confided.
“That isn’t strange? After everything?” I asked, truly curious.
“No, Lizzie. Now more than ever we hold on to the people we care about. I hope you will grow to love us as we all love you. I feel like
I know you so well Lizzie. Alec spoke of you more than I can say. I’ve never seen a man so in love.”
“He mentioned me that often?” I was touched, by her hope and by her admission.
“Yes. You are his whole life. He has spent a great deal of time and effort to turn this place into a home for you. It is our wish that you would feel like you could stay here indefinitely.”
I thought about that. It would be nice to call someplace home again. I wanted to believe that he had created this for me as a surprise. But had it taken eight months to figure out?
“Did Alec say that?”
Why hadn’t he spoken of it? Why didn’t he tell Mal? His secrecy made little sense to me. I had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. Did he have doubts about us? Had he changed his mind after the fact? What held him back?
Carol was slow to answer.
“He never left any of this information with me. Please excuse my frustration. These last months have been difficult,” I answered, neither accepting nor refusing her invitation.
Feeling restless I stood and walked over to the porch railing. I leaned against the cool wood, my forehead against the balustrade. As I scanned the yard I noticed Mal’s eyes watching me. He wasn’t the only one. Mike was observing Mal with interest and glancing at me.
I sighed, letting out a long breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“Why don’t you take a walk and clear your head? I will bring in little Benjamin and give him a snack. Take your time Lizzie,” she offered.
“Thank you Carol,” I accepted, already leaving the porch.
The last thing I wanted to do was have a conversation with Mal about this morning. Instead of walking to the barn I set off on the dirt path in the opposite direction. It was well worn, hinting at a continued use. I walked in silence, my thoughts the only company I needed.
Carol’s words had given me much to ponder. Although I was extremely proud of Alec, there was a part of me that didn’t understand. Why was he willing to give up so much time with us? What was he trying to accomplish? When was he going to return to us? And most of all, why had he left me in the hospital without waiting for me to wake up?