He Doesn't Deserve My Love

by Ashley Cruse

  Applause coming from the doorway brought me back to the reality of work. I jerked my head up to see who was clapping their hands. My coworker Tammy stood in the doorway. I burst out laughing at her. She, on the other hand, had a little attitude.

  “You’re in la-la land, lady!” She walked over to her desk and rested her brand-new Luis Vuitton briefcase on her desk. “That was your little convict, huh?”

  I rolled my eyes at her comment. It wasn’t a surprise to me that she disliked him. I loved Tammy, but I hated when her energy changed once the conversation concerned him. However, I was in the relationship with him, not her. I dealt with him, not her. She just wasn’t meant to understand. As long as I got it, that was all that really counted. Nobody could disrupt the smile fastened to my face.

  I had to confess, I was more in love with him now than I had been before. Plus, the sex was ten times better than I remembered. His voice made my heart melt every time he called me baby. I’m telling you, this boy had my mind gone.

  I had worn my hair down that day. I’d curled my hair so that big curls fell past my shoulders. The curls kept getting in my eyes. I didn’t mind. I felt as beautiful and loved on the outside as I did internally.

  “He was just telephoning to let me know he’ll be here at one thirty,” I replied.

  Tammy stood behind her desk and looked dramatically at her watch. I smiled to myself at her exaggerated entertainment. I leaned back to see what she was going to say next. I had no idea why she refused to give Corey a chance. If she got to know him, she would like him a lot. Especially now.

  “That’s another hour and a half from now. What you gonna do until then?” She sat in her chair and opened her briefcase.

  Tammy had just come back from meeting with a promising new consumer in Baird for Jerry. He couldn’t make it, since he was going to be in court in San Angelo all day. I could see that she was getting ready to type up the file for Jerry so he could evaluate it later.

  “I’ve done almost everything except type up these last payment notices,” I informed her. “I was saving these for after lunch, but I’ll go on ahead and do them now.”

  I pulled out the list that Jerry had given me so I could get started. We both worked in silence for thirty minutes, both of us taking turns answering the phone.

  Tammy had to remain in the office to talk to patrons in jail. They were supposed to begin calling around two o’clock, and she was going to be busy talking to them from two to four. Then, at four thirty, she had to go meet with another potential client in Tye. I knew this was going to be one of those days when she would be working after hours. I wasn’t too concerned about it.

  At the end of our thirty minutes of silence, Tammy pushed herself away from her desk and came and sat in the chair in front of mine. She waited silently for me to look up and begin chatting with her. I was too preoccupied and was on a roll with my task. I was determined to finish before my man arrived.

  “So?” she finally said.

  Her red hair was flatironed straight, which showed off it lusciousness and thick dimensions. Her white Gucci suit made her mane stand out, and her electric-blue eyes mesmerized you behind her Dolce & Gabbana glasses.

  I snickered at her. I made her wait as I finished typing out my fifth notice letter. Then I hit PRINT on the computer screen and made her wait some more while I left to retrieve the letter. I sat down at my desk and placed the letter in its proper envelope. I forced myself away from the keyboard to face her. She now had my undivided attention.

  “All is good. Ten times better than before,” I said, giving her the lowdown.

  “Is that so?” She took a piece of my Doublemint gum and unwrapped it. She eyed me.

  I filled her in on everything that was going on, from the plans to move to Bedford to him always being here with me lately. It was like he had done a complete one-eighty. Maybe my baby getting locked up was what he had needed, after all.

  “You guys ain’t together twenty-four-seven, right?”

  “Of course not.” I tittered to myself. “I just feel like we are making up for lost time.”

  “I wish you the best, though.” I didn’t trust that tone in her speech. It didn’t match the expression on her face. She had turned serious on me quick, and I could feel the caution in her voice. Her sincerity was spreading over her face.

  I hated to admit it, but I could feel bad vibes rush through my body, and then there was a tug at my heart at that very moment. A woman’s intuition? About what? Something was not right at this moment. I didn’t know exactly what it was. How could something go wrong at this moment when everything was going fine right now? Just as fast as that hunch came over me, I shrugged it off.

  I could tell that Tammy wanted to say more, so I leaned toward her to let her know I was listening. She was my friend, and her opinion did really matter to me. However, I just knew I had to use my very own discernment as much as I could.

  “Love makes us all do crazy things, girl. Has you thinking a piece of shit on the concrete is fresh, beautiful red roses. Don’t let him fool you and get you down, Dollie. Don’t believe the hype. Remember actions speaks louder than words. Before you go anywhere with him—I mean, up and move out of Abilene—you make sure he ain’t bullshittin’ you first. I just don’t trust that man at all.”

  Chapter 11

  It had been a couple of days since my last encounter with Tammy. I knew her schedule was going to be busy. Jerry had to be in court in San Angelo every day that week, which meant Tammy had to do his interviews for him. However, today she wasn’t interviewing. She actually had to go to San Angelo to help Jerry defend two of his clients. So I knew I wasn’t going to see either one of them today.

  Tammy’s words had never left me. But they didn’t get me down. After all, she wasn’t with Corey. I was. I had let him use my truck again. We had spent the night at his grandma’s house, just talking and laughing with each other. We couldn’t say that it was like old times. Not at all. It was more like something new, something I had never done with him. I had to admit, I was hooked on him.

  I had worn something simple to work today. I had put on a pair of nice jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt. I had neatly combed my long hair into an updo, and a big gray banana clip was holding it up. I had on a pair of black heels and my black hoop earrings. I was modestly dressed but stunning at the same time.

  My son had stayed up with us until bedtime last night. Even though we were at Corey’s grandma’s house, Drake had wanted to sleep in his own bed. So, we had to take him home. My aunt and uncle had agreed to look after him that night.

  Corey had dropped me off at work this morning, promising to pick me up for lunch. We had decided that we’d pick up Drake and take him to McDonald’s during my lunch break. I knew my son would like that.

  This morning the office was busy. I had clients pouring in to drop off payments. I was also getting data from new clients and setting up meeting times. Old clients were calling, wanting updates and information about their pending cases. I knew it was going to be a while before they spoke directly to Jerry. His schedule was full. He was going to be in court in San Angelo, Sweetwater, and Big Spring over the next three weeks, so a lot of the client meetings had to wait until after that. And if any of the hearings were delayed, it would be anywhere from three weeks to a month before Jerry was available. The best way clients had to contact him was speaking with his paralegal. So unless they agreed to meet with Tammy, it was going to be a minute before they talked with him.

  The first thing on my agenda after handling the clients was to run to the bank to deposit money. So as soon I got the chance, which meant as soon as the office was clear, I opened the safe, took out the cash and checks, and then I bolted down the block to the bank. While I treasured the times when the office was busy, since it made my time at work go by so much faster, today’s pace had been a little too frenetic.

  When Corey arrived to pick me up for lunch, I was scheduling a meeting with a long-standing client f
or Tammy. Corey and Bruce both walked into the office, but I was so busy, I didn’t notice them at first. They were watching me talk and type at the same time. As soon as I hung up the phone, Corey spoke. I swiftly raised my head up, with a huge grin on my face.

  “Damn. Look at my baby typing all fast and shit,” he joked.

  I laughed at him and flashed him a smile, revealing my perfect pearly whites. Bruce was a very good friend of Corey’s. He was married to a very beautiful young woman named Justine. She was Drew’s older sister. I had come to know her while Corey was locked up. We weren’t best friends or anything, but she was a cool female. She was always with Bruce when I ran into them over at the bakery. Bruce always gave me some money to put on my man’s books or some message he wanted me to deliver to him.

  Bruce was tall and dark. He was somewhat discreet, but he had a mean streak to him. He rode for anybody who was from his neighborhood, which was dumb to me. But I didn’t understand that or him, so I could care less about that lifestyle. To me, he was satisfactory, but I also sensed that he was a corrupting influence on Corey. He sold drugs. Well, really, a lot of them did. People said he was a snitch, and that was why everybody but him always seemed to get caught up. How true that was, I would never know.

  Corey informed me that we were taking Bruce to go get his car from the house of his sister-in-law, who was Drew’s sister. I guessed that Drew had another sister. I never seen that one before. I had just always assumed that it was just him and Justine.

  We ended up dropping Bruce off around the corner, at the store. Bruce said he’d walk the rest of the way to get his car. For a second, I found that suspicious. After leaving Bruce, Corey took me by the day care to pick up Drake. On the way there, I questioned Corey about Bruce’s actions.

  “What’s up with that stunt at the store?”

  He took a moment to answer. “What stunt, Doll?”

  “You told me that we needed to go take him to his sister-in-law’s. Why did we drop him off at the store, and not at her house?”

  “Man, her old man be tripping. He act funny when people he don’t know pull up at their house and shit. That’s why.”

  I accepted that answer, and the rest of the way to the day care, I listened to that new Z-Ro album, Drankin’ & Drivin’. We pulled up to the spot, and we both got out. While I signed my son out, Corey talked with my aunt Audrina in her office. I had primed my aunt, letting her know that he would be returning. Before we left, she hugged each of us and said that taking Drake was fine.

  “Bring me back a burger, Drake!” she teased him.

  “Okay, Aunt Drina,” he shouted back as he ran ahead of us to wait for Corey and me to catch up to him at the front door.

  I drove to McDonald’s, since Drake wanted to sit in Corey’s lap. Normally, I would have made him get in his car seat, but today I didn’t. I loved that Drake liked Corey. I loved more that Corey liked my son back. Their bond was quite unique. It made me love the man even more.

  We made it to McDonald’s and ordered our food. We all ate in the play area. After Drake was done, he went to play in the balls with two other little boys, whose parents were nearby. Corey gave his undivided attention to me. We talked for a minute before he broke the news to me.

  “My grandpa is sick. I need to go see him. His birthday is this weekend. My mom and them are throwing him a party in Denton. Her and her sisters have been working on it and invited us to come down.”

  “Oh, that sounds fun. Drake also?”

  “Man, hell, yeah! That’s my son too. Hell you mean?”

  I was beaming from the way he said that.

  “So we going down there?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m down, my love,” I said, biting into one of my fries.

  “Good, ’cause I already told them we would be there,” he confessed.

  “Okay, baby. That’s what’s up.” I giggled at his goofy ass. He let me know that we were going to leave that Friday and would come back Sunday. He also informed me that we were going to stay at his mama’s house in Bedford. We lingered at McDonald’s for another twenty minutes to finish up our food and go over our weekend plans. Afterward, Corey dropped me off at work first and then drove off to take my son back to the day care.

  Chapter 12

  The rest of the week flew by in a blur. Work being so busy here lately, along with shopping and preparing myself for the trip, contributed to time flying by. That Friday, my day at my job went by like crazy, just as I had predicted, judging by how every day at work had been pretty busy that week. Sure enough, five o’ clock arrived right on time, and Corey was outside in the truck, waiting on me, with Drake in the backseat. He already had his big cookie from my uncle Justin’s bakery.

  Corey had our bags in the bed of the truck, covered up by my bedsheets. I got in the truck, and we headed toward the highway. Corey was rapping to that new Ro album. The album had barely just dropped, and he already knew by heart all the words to every song. He loved him some Ro.

  “We gonna stay at my mom’s tonight and then go meet up with everybody else for a big family get-together in Denton tomorrow, It’s a party for my grandpa,” he reported.

  I knew he couldn’t wait to see his grandpa. His grandma had died years ago, and when she passed, he’d been locked up. I knew it meant everything to him to be around while his grandpa, at least, could see him.

  By the time we pulled up to his mom’s house, Drake was sound asleep. Me, I was almost dead to the world too. I woke up just as we pulled into his mom’s driveway.

  Corey’s mom had a small two-story ranch-style home. It was white, and there were big windows all over the house. Her front yard was large, and I could tell her grass was fake by the color of it. She had dandelions in her garden in front of her large porch. She had a big white fence along the back of her house, and I could tell she had a huge backyard as well.

  A chaotic scene greeted us. Corey had spoken with his mom while we were on the road, and she had told him what was up. From what I could tell by what Corey was saying, Tiger was here and his mom was mad. Naomi was supposed to pick up her daughter after she got off from work, but she hadn’t come to get her yet. What was new? I just shook my head in disbelief.

  Corey’s mom was on the porch, crying, and Tiger was on his cell phone, yelling at the top of his lungs. It sounded like he was yelling at his sister. Or at least one might have guessed that was the case, since she was the one causing the problems at the moment. Naomi’s little girl, Nestle, was observing what was going on.

  “Man, I’m going to whup Naomi’s ass, ’cause she know better than that,” Corey muttered out loud to himself as he turned the engine off.

  Corey got out of the truck and headed toward Tiger. He took the phone out of his hand and spoke to his sister. “Bring yo’ mothafuckin’ ass over here before I fuck you up, Naomi! Grow the fuck up and quit actin’ like a ho,” he barked, arguing with her as well.

  In the midst of this, Tiger approached me and spoke apologetically. “I am so sorry about this. This isn’t the way I wanted you to see us.”

  “No. That’s okay. Everybody has family problems,” I assured him.

  I took my sleepy son out of his car seat and into the house, and Tiger showed me the way to the bedroom we were going to be sleeping in. As I passed by his mom, she greeted me. I could tell she was extremely upset by the way she was shaking. When we reached the bedroom, I laid my son in the middle of the bed and sat on the edge of it.

  Moments later, Tiger and Corey were carrying our luggage into the bedroom. His mom followed behind. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. She cracked a smile and motioned for me to come and give her a hug.

  “Nice to meet you, Doll. I am so sorry,” she said to me as we hugged.

  “No. It’s okay.”

  The sadness that filled her eyes made me want to reach in and pull it out. I didn’t totally understand her pain, what she battled with on a daily basis as far as her children were concerned. I knew enough about motherho
od to tell that she tried her hardest to do her very best.

  “Don’t be sad. Be happy we made it!” I said, trying to cheer her up with some positive words.

  “Honey, if it ain’t one thing, it’s another.” She hugged me again very tightly.

  When his mom walked out of the bedroom, Corey followed behind her, trying to get the scoop on what was going on. I took one of my bags into the bathroom and took a nice long bath. When I was done, I walked back into the bedroom and immediately noticed that my son wasn’t there. I figured Corey had him and went to greet them all. Corey had gotten his mom to calm down. Drake and Nestle were sitting on the living-room floor, playing with one of his trucks. I went over to the couch and took a seat beside Corey. Tiger had already left, with the promise that he’d be in Denton after he was done coaching his Little League game in the morning.

  “I swear, your sister is the most selfish, ungrateful little bitch ever,” his mom said. She was sitting in the recliner, covered up by a checkered blanket.

  Her face had begun to clear up, but her eyes were still bloodshot from all the crying she had done. She was smoking a cigarette to help her calm down. Corey placed his arm around me and twirled my hair with his finger as he focused his attention on his mom.

  “As soon as she walks through the door, I’m gonna beat her ass,” he declared.

  “Corey—” his mom began, but he cut her off.

  “Fuck that. I didn’t come down here to babysit. You ain’t volunteered to babysit. Tiger didn’t, and my wife ain’t babysitting, either.” His voice was filled with anger. “If she didn’t want a baby, she should have kept her damn legs closed.”

  Brenda, Corey’s mom, tried to calm him down. The more she tried, the more annoyed he became. So after thirty minutes, she gave up and went to bed. It was going on eleven, and Naomi still hadn’t shown up. I had just laid my son down to sleep when I heard a loud popping sound. I left the bedroom and quickly closed the door on my way out, hoping that the commotion wouldn’t wake my son up.