How The Wolf Lost Her Heart

by Sarah Brownlee

  “Come on, let’s get going,” said Raphael, finishing his tea and wiping his lips. “We’ve been here for over an hour. We don’t want it to get too late before we arrive at the place I want to show you.”

  “OK.” She pulled out her purse and took out several notes, much to Raphael’s objection.

  “I don’t think so, miss. This is on me.”

  “You paid for the bubble tea. It’s only right that I pay for this one.”

  “It doesn’t matter. The gentleman always pays.”

  “You’re a gentleman?” said Skye craftily.

  “Sure am. Hey – waiter! Bill please.”

  The waiter, who was standing nearby, nodded and scuttled off to fetch the bill.

  “All jokes aside, I’d like to pay for this one,” said Skye, who was accustomed to independence and didn’t feel comfortable with somebody else paying for her twice in a row.

  Raphael sighed.

  “What is it with you? First you don’t want me rescuing you, then you don’t want me paying for you. You’re an odd one.”

  “Thank you.”

  “We’ll split it. That’s my final offer.”

  Skye couldn’t help grinning.

  “Fine,” she said.

  They paid for the bill and Skye followed Raphael out of the restaurant, the waiters and waitresses smiling and thanking them as they left. They walked down to the parking lot.

  “You OK jumping into the car with me this time?” he questioned as they approached the row of cars. The day was dimming into dusk now and the sky was a striking red colour. “You’re not scared I’m going to kidnap you or anything like that?”

  “I’m hardly scared,” said Skye coolly. “Besides, I’ll just transform and eat you up.”

  Raphael raised his eyebrows.

  “Oh, really?” he said, his eyes sparkling and a smile hovering about his lips.

  Skye blushed at the implication of his response, glad dusk was settling.

  “Well, obviously not, you’re a tiger and a tiger would beat a wolf in a fight,” she said hastily. “Whoa – is this your car?”

  They had come to a standstill at the most magnificent car Skye had ever laid her eyes on. Not that she was a big fan of cars, (she couldn’t even drive) but even she could not deny the splendour of this vehicle. It was in pristine condition, a striking orange Cadillac with black stripes from the boot to the front, completely outshining every other car in the vicinity.

  Just like a tiger, Skye thought, impressed as she observed the markings.

  “Yep, this is my baby,” said Raphael proudly, patting the car as though it were a beloved pet. “She was a gift from my dad on my 21st birthday. I don’t drive her much because it’s too risky in the city; she’d probably get stolen or something. Normally, I use the family cars that my brothers and I share. But I thought you might like to see her.”

  He pressed a button on his car keys and opened the passenger seat for her. Skye got in, her mouth dropping open at the inside interior. The seats all had similar tiger-striped patterns and there was even a holographic TV in the back, along with side compartments filled with wine glasses and several bottles of champagne.

  “Wow,” she murmured.

  Raphael got in beside her and turned on the engine. Skye continued to stare towards the back seats.

  “Erm, champagne?” she said to him questioningly.

  “Oh yeah, don’t worry,” said Raphael, reversing backwards. “They’re only there for show. I don’t allow any drinking in my car and I certainly don’t drink in here myself. She’s far too precious for that sort of thing. Put your seatbelt on. You ready for the surprise?”

  “Ready.”

  Raphael smiled and turned their windows down, switching on the radio which blasted out some old-school rock music. It wasn’t long before they were cruising down the city of London, the deep red sunset glaring down on them, the wind sweeping through their hair and various pedestrians staring at them in admiration as they sped past. Skye wondered where he was taking her and (there was no use denying it) her heart bubbled with anticipation.

  Chapter Eight

  “We’re here.”

  They had arrived at what looked like a large field. A blaze of red and orange highlighted the vast grassy land. Rows of trees shadowed the wide open space. Sundown was slowly descending into nightfall and fireflies could already be seen flitting through the sky, adding their gentle light to the sun’s mellow beams.

  “Have you been here before?” Raphael asked, as he pulled the car to a complete stop and parked on the grass underneath a large oak.

  Skye shook her head, mystified.

  “I’ve never seen this place before,” she said, gazing around at the wealth of nature that lay before her.

  “Good. That’s what I was hoping to hear.”

  He switched off the engine and unlocked his seatbelt, gesturing for her to do the same. Deeply curious, she wondered where they were and why he had brought her here. Raphael opened his door, got out of the car and moved round to let her out also. They both stood at the front of the car, gazing out towards miles of land and green grass that seemed to touch the brink of the sunset itself. It was so quiet here, except for the rustle of the wind and birds chirruping among the trees.

  “This is Hampstead Heath,” said Raphael. “It is one of the most ancient parks in the city, dating back hundreds of years ago. Some of the towns surrounding this place were destroyed by the rioters – a segment of the park was burned down by the filthy thugs twelve years ago. But much of the park remained untouched.”

  He turned to Skye and, for the first time, she saw real sorrow in his eyes.

  “I don’t know if it’s because of the tiger inside me or if it’s just me. But I’ve always felt more at home when I’m outside. Out in the wild, I like to call it. When I’m in the city, I feel so enclosed. Trapped almost. Here I can be free. I can be myself. Do you ever feel that way?”

  Staring out into the vast plains, Skye remained silent for a while. The truth was, that was exactly how she felt and it was almost frightening to hear such words come from another human being. When she embarked upon her ‘runs’ several times a month, she always did so outside of the city. When she transformed into her inner beast and felt the wind rush through her fur, to feel such strength and power in what she truly felt was her natural habitat, this was the only time she could let her guard down; when she did this, she didn’t have to pretend to be ‘normal’ or feel as though she was an outcast. Society, with its ignorance and judgement, had done its best to exclude her; it was Nature, with its quiet unassuming grace, that had welcomed her with open arms.

  “Yes … at times I do feel like that,” said Skye finally.

  “It is enormous, this park,” said Raphael, his head high, his black hair blowing softly in the wind, a fond expression materializing on his face. “I used to come here with my mother when I was very young. She used to bring me here every weekend, just me and her. My brothers would remain at home with my dad. None of my brothers are Morphers, you see. And she would let me transform. Just a tiger cub and his mum.” He smiled. “She would play with me, throw sticks for me, chase me and let me chase her; I would swim in the pond and she would watch. And every weekend after our visit she would always say, “Be proud of who you are, Raphael. You are a Morpher, like your father. You have a gift to help others and help yourself. Use it wisely.” ”

  He closed his eyes, pausing for a moment as though savouring the memory.

  “She died a few years ago. I was fourteen. There were no more weekends here after that. From then on, any trips I made to the Heath were made alone.”

  “I’m really sorry,” said Skye quietly. “How did she die?”

  “Illness. Disease. She knew it was her time to go, but she told us not to be sad. She told us that death takes us all in the end and all that matters is the life we led while we lived. She was the kindest, most beautiful soul. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and how m
uch I wish she was still here.”

  He kneeled and seated himself on the grass, his hands clasped together, gazing out into the distance. Tentatively, Skye took a seat beside him. She could feel the grief that was now releasing from within him and she appreciated that this was a deeply personal moment, one that he had chosen to share with her.

  “I lost my father too,” she said softly. “I know … that it hurts so much.”

  Raphael raised his eyes to her, a pained expression upon his face.

  “I’m sorry. What happened?”

  Skye never discussed her father with anyone, not even Daphne. The memory and guilt that played upon her mind when she allowed herself to think about him was too powerful for her to handle. It was a brave step she was taking to share this information, but her instincts were pushing her to tell him. Deeply afraid, but resolute, she revealed to him what had happened.

  “I was six. I remember the riots outside; people screaming, the rioters laughing, explosions and fire everywhere. It went on for days, as you know. My dad had ordered me to stay inside. He told me it was too dangerous to go out and that we should be safe in the house, because our house was hidden behind fencing and barbed wire, unlike the other houses in the area. But – but I didn’t listen to him. I was always transforming every day; back then, I was still learning to control myself, but it didn’t stop me from turning into a wolf whenever I felt like it. The last day of the riots, I transformed into a wolf cub and found a window on the bottom floor that my mother had opened briefly to let some fresh air in. It wasn’t her fault, she only turned her back for a minute … but I squeezed through the hole and found myself outside. I just wanted to run around outdoors; that was all I wanted, I didn’t care about the rioters. I – I ran through a gap in the fencing and found myself among these thugs, they had almost destroyed the town. My parents realized immediately that I had vanished and my mum told me afterwards that they feared the worst. My dad –”

  She stopped talking, unable to prevent the lump that had formed in her throat. Raphael moved closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

  “It’s OK,” he said quietly.

  Skye took a minute to compose herself. Her chest was heaving and, with great difficulty, she continued.

  “My dad ran outside and jumped over the fence, holding a golf club. I remember because I could sense his presence in the distance. I could always sense when it was him, whenever I transformed; my eyesight isn't good as a wolf, but he had a certain musky smell that only he possessed. Several thugs had surrounded me; one attempted to grab my tail, but I managed to escape him. I remember being scared, snarling at them, hoping to drive them off, but to them I just looked like a puppy and they were laughing. The musky smell of my dad got stronger. I remember him standing there in front of them. He’d raised his golf club and was warning them to leave me alone. He was always so strong. The thugs turned away from me and towards him. My dad yelled at me to run. At first, I was frozen. I just cowered on the ground. I watched as my dad swung his golf club at one of the thugs, knocking him to the floor. As soon as that happened, the others jumped on him. I just remember terrible things … loud thuds as they kicked and beat him … I remember his shouts, still yelling at me to run back to the house … eventually his voice fell silent; the thugs were laughing. One gave him a final kick, then they all stopped moving. It was then that I ran to a nearby tree and hid behind it, so that they wouldn’t see me. The thugs smacked each other on the backs, hi-fiving each other; then they walked off, as though nothing had happened. I came out from behind the tree. I just remember going towards my dad; I was petrified. He wasn’t moving; his golf club lay on the floor beside him. I could smell the scent of blood and, as I got nearer, I could see his body bruised and battered. His eyes were closed. I – I moved closer to him and sniffed him. I wanted him to wake up so I started to lick his face. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t open his eyes, pick me up and carry me away like he always did. Eventually, I sensed there was no life left in him and that he was dead. I started to howl; it was the worst feeling, the very worst … I just remember lying there for ages, lying on his body, realizing in that moment that my dad was gone and he was never coming back.”

  She broke at that moment. The tears that formed in her eyes produced a steady stream down her cheeks and she threw her hands to cover her face, her shoulders shaking. Raphael, who looked deeply distressed upon hearing this story, placed an arm round her shoulder. But Skye shook herself, feeling she did not deserve his comfort.

  “It was my fault, you see,” she sobbed. “He told me to stay inside. But I didn’t listen. I just wanted to run around. I didn’t realize how dangerous it was. If I had just done as I was told, my dad would still be alive. He would still be here. He died to save me. But he would never have had to if I had just stayed inside when he told me to.”

  Despite her attempts to shake Raphael off, he put his other arm round her, embracing her in a great hug while she continued to cry, barely able to contain the despair and remorse that was running through her.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Raphael whispered, cradling her. “It wasn’t your fault. You were only a child. You were six years old, you didn’t know any better. Your dad did what any other dad would have done. He was a hero. It’s those thugs who are to blame. Not you. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.”

  “I didn’t even help him,” whimpered Skye, her voice muffled through her hands, the horror seeping into her voice. “I just sat there and watched … I watched them while they killed him … I was a wolf and yet I couldn’t even help him … and he died because of me, because he was protecting me …”

  She cried even harder and Raphael continued to hug her, making soothing motions with his hands.

  “There was nothing you could have done,” he said, stroking her hair gently. “Skye – look at me. Look at me.”

  With deep reluctance, Skye removed her hands that were shielding her drenched face and looked into the intense green eyes that were staring determinedly into her own.

  “There was nothing you could have done. Nothing. You were only a cub. You’re lucky they didn’t kill you too. The blame lies with the evil thugs who murdered him. Your dad did what he had to do to save you because he loved you, just like any father who loves his child. He died a hero’s death. But he is still with you, everywhere you go. Just like my mother is with me, every day. We can’t see them, but they’re there. Your dad wouldn’t want you to feel guilty. He would want you to be happy, to be proud of him and proud of who you are. Don’t let what that evil scum did cause further harm to you, by making you feel a guilt that you don’t deserve.”

  Skye nodded, gulping, inhaling his words as though they were a breath of fresh air. She felt extremely shocked that she had opened up such a deep wound in the presence of someone she had met only a few weeks ago; it was even more shocking for him to see her weeping in this way. She never cried in public, certainly not in front of people she knew. And for her to speak so openly about the one thing that had haunted her for as long as she could remember was something she had not foreseen. But Raphael’s kindness and understanding of how she felt about her father, who she thought about all the time and missed dearly, did not go amiss. She did not think she could ever let go of the guilt she felt … but his words were not unappreciated.

  “Yes,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes, pulling herself upwards and trying to gain control of herself. “I am proud of him. I really am. I just … It hurts. It really hurts. Sorry – I didn’t mean to lose control like that.”

  “Don’t apologize. I know that must have been difficult for you. But sometimes it’s good to talk about these things.”

  Now that she was starting to compose herself and her tears were flowing slightly less forcefully, Skye felt rather empty inside and a little embarrassed at the display of emotion she had shown to the man beside her. Reaching inside her pocket and pulling out a tissue, she blew her nose, turned to him and said,

 
“I – I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anyone about what I told you. It’s something very personal to me. To be honest, it’s something I haven’t spoken about in a very long time …”

  “Skye, why would I tell? Who would I tell? What you say to me stays between the both of us, just the same as I’d expect you not to tell anyone about what I reveal to you.”

  He rose from his position on the warm grass. It was nightfall now on Hampstead Heath and a strange beauty illuminated the park, stars twinkling high above and the fireflies incandescent as they flitted throughout the air. There was silence between the two companions for a while; their emotions rendered them almost numb.

  “Your dad and my mum … They’re up there, you know, watching us,” Raphael said eventually, hands in pockets, tilting his head back to gaze at the stars. “I think there’s something we could do which would be a real treat for them to see.”

  He turned to Skye with a small smile on his face.

  “I didn’t bring you here just to talk. I want you to transform and run through the park with me.”

  Skye stared up at him, speechless at these words. Raphael chuckled at the look on her face.

  “I know it may be a strange request. If I brought any other friend here and asked them to run with me, they’d look at me like I was insane. Trust me, I once asked a couple of mates to do it – they’re normal people so obviously I’d be the only one to transform – and they just thought I was crazy. They don’t understand the rush. It’s something you can only experience as a beast. So … what do you say?”

  He held out a hand to her, an inquisitive look filling his handsome features. After a moment, despite how incredibly unusual the experience would be, Skye took his hand and nodded. Too many strange, surreal things were happening. Before this evening, she never would have thought in a million years that she would have spoken to Raphael about her father. She certainly would have never believed she would express to him just how deep a wound this was and how much it plagued her. And she would have never thought she would transform with him and they would run together in a park in London.