by Harloe Rae
Each push and pull, strain and shove, is for her. I force myself faster and harder, picturing her smiling face at the finish line. Tendrils of lust claw into my torso and I pump the weights at lightning speed to stave off the increasing desire. I need to be stronger, faster, and more powerful to ensure my body is an unstoppable machine against potential threats. I can’t stop until my mind is quiet. One-hour bleeds into two and my entire body aches from the grueling circuit. The nonstop assault on my muscles ensures every piece of me is worn the fuck out.
My sluggish feet stumble home far past midnight. I’ve still got a lot of work ahead of me but this is the money-making kind. As my numb legs give out, I collapse into the desk chair and listen for any sign of Lennon being awake. She never is but that doesn’t stop my starving ears from straining to hear the lovely notes of her voice.
I crack open my laptop before rolling my stiff neck, prepping for the pile of shit before me. Ignoring the corporate clowns and their demanding emails isn’t hard but the cash flow will run dry if I don’t comply eventually. They’ve been getting antsy without the daily security protection report, not that they truly understand the laundry list of numbers and figures I send out.
Such is my life after dark.
My screen floods with black and green as my fingers and mind work in tandem to scour the encryption code for any leaks. Once I’m assured the software is flawless and running as usual, I begin checking the company databases for breaches. This process has become second-nature and doesn’t take much effort anymore. Other than Lennon, hacking is all I know and years have been dedicated to shaping these skills into something relatively good.
A breach alert interrupts my steady flow, warning me that someone’s trying to crack through my system’s backdoor. Stupid idiot. No one can make a dent in my personalized encryption code but nice fucking try. When I see the username blasting between the streaming lines, a snort rolls from my exhausted throat.
AATS: You’re a fucking tool. Stop messing around.
Dx8MM: Where the fuck you been? No one else gets my humor like you.
AATS: Miss me? No one likes it when you bust into their shit and you’re slowing me down.
Dx8MM: It’s all in good fun. Where you been? With the girl?
AATS: Yup.
Dx8MM: Fuck that. That’s all I get after helping you?
I suppose he deserves a few crumbs after listening to my random rants about Lennon after all this time.
AATS: We talked today. And I’m walking her to class tomorrow. She knows about the stalking.
Dx8MM: And the personalized security detail?
AATS: Not exactly.
Dx8MM: You’re screwed.
An email notification pops up and distracts me from the bullshit with D. I switch screens and scan the message quickly. It’s a response to my inquiry about a rental property Lennon had bookmarked last week. Denten is a cozy area nestled far off the beaten city path. I’ve known Lennon has had her eye on moving to a small town for a while and that suits me just fine. The fewer people, the fucking better. I’d happily move to the middle of nowhere with just my girl in tow.
The building space will be vacant on the first of July, which is less than two months away. Lennon has access to the studio on campus through the summer but perhaps she’d skip out of this crowded college hotspot early if it meant having her dream location. This property is perfect for a workroom or a fully functioning store, depending on what Lennon wants. As of now, she’s doing all her sales online but that could change. It’s always nice to have the flexibility and options.
Why wouldn’t she agree?
I’m sure she’ll go for it . . . once she realizes this is a possibility. I just have to figure out how to set it up so she doesn’t see out how deep my involvement runs. At least not until I’m certain she won’t leave me. I need her to love me, truly and unconditionally, before the entire truth comes out. In the meantime, I’ll work even harder at becoming the man Lennon wants to spend her life with. A guy lucky enough to deserve all of her.
I wrap up the InfoSec reports and send them off with a heavy sigh, glad to be done with the repetitive routine. The darkest parts of my night are always the same without Lennon. I’ve never been a strong sleeper but at this point, my chaotic mind is ready to shut down like the computer before me. My head bobs and my eyelids feel like sandbags. As my mind starts drifting, images of a white picket fence and a quaint yellow home flicker in my subconscious before the darkness engulfs me.
Lennon
I haven’t visited the ocean or swam in the sea. I’ve been too busy drowning in his crystal-clear depths.
THE EARLY MORNING sun is already shining bright when I step outside. The Michigan climate easily slides from spring to summer this time of year and I welcome the humidity after months of dry static. Green grass decorates the ground in neon patches while pink blossoms bud on the trees. A breeze spreads the smell of fresh flowers into the air and my lungs greedily suck in the sweet scent. The lush scenery isn’t what I’m really interested in though.
After a few beats with my face tilted toward the warm rays, I lower my gaze, ready to find Ryker. I find him standing directly in front of me, leaning against a stone pillar with his hands full of my favorite breakfast goodies. My heart melts at his thoughtfulness as my stomach gurgles happily. Ryker straightens before moving closer, keeping his sights on me as a slight grin curls his tempting lips.
I wave and a blush creeps up my neck, unsure what to do while his scorching stare blasts straight to my core. Suddenly the balmy weather isn’t what’s heating me up. Just as I’m about to greet him properly, Lucy busts through the front door behind me.
“Urgh, sorry. My mom called and wanted to chat about this weekend. She should know this is the worst time to call.” She huffs and stops beside me.
My neck twists to her before turning back to Ryker. The joy drops from his mouth as he stares wide-eyed in our direction. He’s frozen solid but the cup and bag in his hands tremble. His gaze darts around wildly, as if looking for an escape out of this sticky situation. My chest cramps painfully at the clear discomfort marring his features and I’m eager to soothe his worry.
“Holy shit.” Lucy whistles quietly.
I shoot her a death glare—do not embarrass me.
She either doesn’t get the memo or chooses to ignore it.
“So, this is the infamous Seek? I suppose the appeal is clear,” Lucy mutters while scanning Ryker’s motionless form. I recognize the flare of interest in her brown gaze and bitter jealousy rears its head. I’m about to growl all sort of obscenities when her eyes dart back to me. “All right, I totally get it.” A short burst of laughter tumbles out.
I shake my head, completely confused. “Huh?”
“I’d let that sexy Manwich follow me around too.” Lucy nods toward Ryker.
My eyes shift back to him and my tears threaten at his ghostly appearance. “Are you being serious right now?” I bite out between clenched teeth.
Her forehead creases as she shrugs. “Ummm, yeah. I’m supporting your coocoo case. Figured you’d be happy about that.”
“I don’t need your approval.” I scoff while bumping into her.
“Pretty sure you do. That guy,” she gestures blindly to Ryker, “is crazy about you. That look he’s got? You’re his stars, moon, and sun above. Pretty sure this is way above your head, Lenny, but I’ll help.” Lucy’s voice is gentle as she lightly touches my arm. I barely notice since my concentration is solely focused on Ryker’s gorgeous face.
My sunshine.
Lucy makes a strange noise so I quickly glance at her. “Just as I suspected. You look at him the exact same way.”
“I do?” Not sure the question is needed since that’s exactly how I feel. Having her confirmation makes the possibility of love an absolute reality that’s sinking deep into me.
Her hand gently squeezes me.
“Why are you still standing here with me? Shouldn’t you go over there or
something? Pretty sure he’s not getting closer.”
I’m trapped by his stormy-sky eyes and a ball of desperation grows in my chest. Stupid me, I should already be wrapped around him, reassuring him that everything’s all right.
“Go get your guy,” Lucy murmurs before giving me a little shove. Before I can say anything else, she hops down the stairs and strolls off toward campus.
I bite my lip while trying to swallow the fizzing nerves suddenly rising in my throat. There’s no reason for worry but Lucy’s words have slipped a new awareness into my inexperienced brain. What I share with Ryker is serious.
My steps are slow as I approach him, never taking my eyes off his somber expression. Worry lines are etched around his tense features and purple smudges sit under his ocean eyes. When I stop in front of him, my body automatically sways closer as his magnetic aura draws me in. His rich woodsy essence surrounds me and I resist the urge to rub against him.
“Hi you,” I whisper while nudging his foot.
Ryker clears his throat while glancing away. “Hey, Lennon. Don’t you wanna walk with Lucy?”
I jolt slightly at his desolate tone. “I want to walk with you, like we planned. Is that all right?”
His light eyes flash to mine before darting away again.
“That’s what I want,” he mutters as his shoulders slump. The shift jostles the paper bag in his hand.
“Is that for me?”
Color returns to Ryker’s face as a vibrant blush explodes. He holds the coffee and bagel higher and I eagerly take them. As my fingers wrap around the cup, I notice the yellow note attached to the side.
I peek at him from under my lashes before reading his message.
Yesterday was the best day of my life.
Emotion stings my eyes and I blink quickly to keep tears from falling. A soft sniffle escapes me, despite my best efforts.
“Lennon? Are you upset with me?” The crack in his voice squeezes my heart painfully.
I wildly shake my head and step into his rigid form, trapping the treasured gifts between us.
“No. Never. You’re so impossibly sweet and making me so happy.”
My neck clenches with the weepy wail. Ryker loops his arms around my waist while setting his cheek against my crown, forming a protective cocoon around me.
“Why are you crying?” His deep timbre weaves into me.
“I don’t know,” I blubber. “You’re here, waiting for me. Then you looked so distraught when Lucy showed up. I’ve been on such a high and seeing you upset tore me up. Then, your note with the breakfast. You’re so perfect.”
My tears are flowing in earnest now, soaking into his cotton shirt. My belly flutters when Ryker rubs a soothing hand up and down my back. My face heats as I attempt to snuggle closer without smashing the coffee cup.
Ryker hums before murmuring, “I’m far from perfect.”
I try reining in the emotion pouring out and suck in several hearty breaths.
“We’ll work on you accepting compliments,” I say while blowing out a heavy sigh. “Can I ask why Lucy’s presence bothered you so much? Everything seemed all right until she walked out the door. You’ve been near her before . . . well, before I found out who you were.”
He shrugs against me before his body deflates from a heavy exhale.
“I guess she was a harsh reminder,” Ryker starts slowly. “I’m alone but you have other people in your life. I forgot that it isn’t just us.”
I tilt my head to look at him and my chest tightens at the hollowness shining in his eyes. There’s so much sadness radiating off him.
“What about your parents?”
Ryker scoffs as his gaze drifts away.
“They couldn’t wait to get rid of me. We never spoke to each other, even when I was young. They always considered me a nuisance, an unsolvable problem. Not that they tried very hard.” His hold around me strengthens as he grumbles through clenched teeth. “I never told them I was leaving but they’d never bother looking anyway.”
Burning anger blasts through my veins at the mention of such neglect. I can’t imagine what he’s been through. I gulp the fury down before straightening my spine.
“Well, you have me.” My tone echoes the certainty flowing through me.
“Do I really?” His question seizes my pulse.
I nod while wiggling away to set the stuff in my hands down. When I stand and face him again, our fingers lace together and rest between us. My light eyes laser into his. “Of course. Ryker, never doubt that. Don’t you remember yesterday?”
“I never forget anything you say. Each moment is a cherished memory.” His lush lips brush my forehead as he squeezes our palms together.
My knees wobble as the swoon-factor slams into me and my gut cues the swarming butterflies. “That right there? Wow. You know just what to say and most certainly have me. And the only other person I have is Lucy . . . and my parents, I guess. They don’t really count though because I keep my distance or they’ll suck me back in.” I cringe, feeling guilty for pushing away their smothering love. “In a few weeks, Lucy is leaving for the entire summer so it will just be us . . . all alone. If you want me gone, you’ll have to fight me off.”
Ryker yanks me impossibly closer.
“That will never happen. I will always want you.” The growl in his voice has tendrils of desire spreading through me and I almost choke from the sudden onslaught.
I manage to force my swollen tongue to function.
“Good. Problem solved then. Wanna sit down while I eat before walking me to class?” I gesture to a nearby bench along the sidewalk.
He nods before scooping up my breakfast and leads us down the path, managing to keep my left hand connected to his right.
“Who’s Seek?” Ryker asks as he lowers down on the creaky wood.
I stumble onto the seat as my cheeks blaze.
“Um, you.” I dip my chin and turn away slightly while muttering, “That was the name I came up with before I knew who you were.” My eyes slam shut as embarrassment washes over me. Why couldn’t Lucy keep her big mouth shut?
“You gave me a nickname?” His octave rises above his typical baritone. From the corner of my eye, I notice his face turning red too.
I bite my lip and twist back toward him.
“Yeah, but it seems silly now. Seek popped in my head one day while I was searching for you, like the game. You hide in the background and I seek you out.” My jerky hands unwrap the bagel as a distraction from my rambling thoughts. I take a massive bite and immediately regret it when my eyes lift to his potent stare.
“Didn’t know we were playing that. Not sure I’ve ever done that before. Was I good at it?” His gaze flares with something I can’t distinguish.
I nod with a mouth full of bagel before reaching for my coffee. The liquid is luke-warm but still tastes delicious as it hits my tongue. Ryker’s thumb swipes at the corner of my mouth, cleaning me up, then he sucks the dab of cream cheese off his finger. My blood pressure spikes as my startled gaze spears into him. My brain activity screeches to a halt and sticks onto one central thought.
I want to know what he tastes like.
Time for my idea.
I clear my throat before diving in.
“Speaking of firsts, Ryker.” I take a deep breath for courage. “I haven’t done a lot of cool stuff because my parents kept me very sheltered growing up. Everyday has been the same, over and over, like I’m stuck on the carousel. Go to class, work in the studio, eat at the cafe, watch the same shows at home, then go to bed only to wake up and repeat. The routine is stale and can be recited in my sleep, like that movie Groundhog Day.” My shoulders lift as I chuckle lightly. “There’s so much out there that I’ve been meaning to discover. Some of the stuff is random and some is everyday type things. Like bowling. Who hasn’t done that by twenty-two?”
Ryker offers a sheepish shrug and my gut confirms, once again, he’s the one I’ve been waiting for. I reach for his hand resting on
the bench between us.
“Exactly. You and me. So, I want to experience everything for the first time . . . with you.”
His gulp is audible.
“I want that too. So much.” Ryker’s hoarse rasp scrapes along my heated skin.
“Great,” I murmur into the shrinking space between us. “I’m glad we’re on the same page. Should we start tonight? With an official first date? I’ve never had one.”
He nods robotically as he glances between my eyes and mouth. My heartbeat booms in my ears as the possibility of rejection screams at me. The decision has already been made.
Fuck it.
When my lips lightly brush along his, Ryker startles with a gasp. I pull away and assess his wide eyes wildly scanning my face.
“What's wrong?” I whisper after backing up even further.
Color paints his cheeks as he averts his gaze.
“I’ve never been kissed,” he mutters while glancing at me from under his long lashes.
“Me either. That was a little peck to get us started. You’ll get a proper kiss later, after our date.” I smile at his shy expression as excitement prickles my scalp.
Everything changes, starting today.
Ryker
I vow to captivate her as she has done to me.
LENNON KISSED ME.
It wasn't a dream when her lips briefly dusted mine but rather, an undeniable fact. That slight connection, a quick peck, over before it began, was groundbreaking. My soul wept in relief and my mind switched to slow-motion so that mere moment was playing for hours. My eyelids flutter with the memory, like watching a looped snapshot. That flicker in time is something I’ll never forget.
My radiant sunshine gave her first kiss to me, a weirdo no one spares a minute for except to ridicule. Lennon is different, she always has been, she sees me, just like I always wished she would. Someone is finally giving me a chance and I’m so fucking grateful that person is her.