Summer at Conwenna Cove

by Darcie Boleyn

Darryl sat at the table and folded his hands on its shiny surface. Then he put them under the table. Then he folded them on top again.

  Eve smiled. ‘Nervous?’

  ‘Yes. It’s ridiculous but I can’t help it. This is so weird.’

  ‘I know. But try not to worry. It’s just you and me. No one else here to criticize.’

  ‘No. Of course not.’

  Eve poured water onto the coffee grains then added milk and two sugars to Darryl’s mug.

  ‘Here you go. You want a biscuit or a slice of cake? I have scones from Aunt Mary?’

  ‘No.’ Darryl shook his head. ‘But thanks. I don’t think I could swallow food right now.’

  ‘So how have things been?’ Eve asked as she watched him carefully. He’d lost weight in the months since she’d last seen him and she thought he had more grey spreading through his brown hair, but it could just be that she hadn’t noticed it before.

  ‘Oh, you know, I’m okay. It’s been tough, but with work and … and other things, I keep going.’

  ‘Other things?’ Eve asked.

  ‘Things like … I’m seeing someone.’ He let out a deep breath, as if it had taken him a lot of effort to say the words.

  ‘Oh?’ Eve tried to maintain a calm expression. She wasn’t really surprised, had expected it at some point, but now it was there in front of her, she didn’t know how to react. ‘Do I know her?’

  He shook his head. ‘She’s a teaching assistant at one of the local primary schools. I met her through a mutual friend. She has … um … a little boy.’

  ‘A child?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well that’s … that’s wonderful. I hope she’s good to you.’ Not like me.

  ‘She’s very nice but it’s early days. I can’t move on properly while we’re still married, Eve, if I’m honest. I mean, things are done between us, aren’t they? There’s no going back?’

  ‘You left, Darryl. Months ago.’ Eve spoke as gently as she could, but she saw Darryl’s blue eyes cloud with hurt at the reproach.

  ‘True. But you wanted me gone. It wasn’t just me.’

  Eve sipped her coffee. He was right. It had been over between them for a while before he left. If it hadn’t been for the pregnancy, it might well have happened sooner.

  ‘You’re right. It wasn’t just you. I guess it’s strange knowing that you’re with someone else now.’

  ‘How about you?’

  Eve’s cheeks flushed and she considered telling a fib, but it felt mean to deceive him. ‘There wasn’t anyone … until I went to Cornwall.’

  ‘You met someone in Conwenna?’

  She nodded. ‘But it’s not like a relationship or anything.’

  ‘It’s not?’ Darryl smiled. ‘What’s it like then?’

  ‘Oh I don’t know how to explain it.’ How could she describe her hotchpotch of emotions to the man she was still legally married to? It didn’t seem right, and yet … ‘I met someone kind, someone who hasn’t been through what I … what we … went through but who has been through his own tragedy in life. He kind of gets where I’m coming from.’

  Darryl stared at her for a moment, then licked his lips and took a breath as if he was going to say something, but instead he released it slowly and sipped his coffee instead.

  ‘So how do we sort all this? I know the solicitors will make things legal, but if we can hammer out the details then it will be easier in the long run.’

  Eve nodded. ‘I’ve made a list.’ She pushed the notepad in front of him and he read it in silence then gave a low whistle. ‘Very organized!’

  ‘You know me.’

  ‘And you’re sure that this is what you want? To sell the house, split our joint savings to pay the legal fees then go our separate ways?’

  ‘Yes, I think it’s for the best. Unless you want the house? If you do, we can arrange that instead.’

  Darryl leaned back in his chair and folded his arms then gazed around the room. ‘It’s a great house, Eve, but there are too many memories here. It needs a family and a fresh start. Just like we do.’

  ‘So we sell.’

  ‘You want me to ring the estate agent?’

  ‘No, it’s okay. I’m still off work so I’ll contact them tomorrow and arrange it all.’

  ‘Thanks. Now, how about I come over at the weekend with my brother’s van and take away whatever you don’t want or need? I’m kind of rattling around in my rented place at the moment and it’s embarrassing having to offer visitors a deckchair.’

  ‘Oh no! You don’t have furniture?’

  He laughed but shook his head. ‘I didn’t want to buy anything because I knew if I moved again it might not fit. Some of the houses out there have tiny lounges!’

  ‘Oh Darryl, there’s not much here I really want to keep. You make a list and we can split it all. Hell, you can have most of it!’

  ‘Very generous of you. But don’t sell yourself short.’

  Eve bit her lip. She hadn’t known what to expect but was surprised that things were so civil. There was a lot of pain between them but there were also good memories. They’d both said hurtful things when their relationship had deteriorated and they’d both been angry, but Darryl was seeing someone he liked now and Eve was just glad to be able to end things properly. The last thing she wanted was to make life more difficult for him; he didn’t deserve that.

  Chapter 21

  The next few days flew past as Eve contacted several local estate agents, signed the divorce forms from Darryl and spoke to her solicitor. Then she began, with a heavy heart, to sort out the house.

  She started downstairs by packing kitchen items into boxes that she placed in two piles, one for her and one for Darryl. As she emptied cupboards, she couldn’t help letting out gasps and sighs at the things they’d accumulated over the years. It was difficult seeing wedding presents they’d received, like a herb board with a special curved blade that a colleague had given them, and a set of steak knives still in their packaging. They’d both been full of hope when they’d opened these gifts together, and Eve’s throat ached as she remembered that time.

  But she also knew that she couldn’t carry on as she was; they couldn’t continue as they were. Darryl already had a chance at happiness and she was glad for him. A woman with a child, a chance at being part of a family; that was what he had wanted so desperately all along.

  In between packing and cleaning, she sneaked glances at the picture of her and Gabe, and every time she saw something new there, some detail Jack had captured that made her look at the drawing with fresh awe. He had such a talent. And she missed him, every minute of every hour of every day that passed.

  She had never felt this way about Darryl. Not even when they were first together. She’d happily gone off on education conferences for days at a time, been relaxed when he’d gone away on trips with the lads; even when he’d gone to Cyprus for a week on a stag do. Looking back, she could see that it wasn’t that she had trusted him implicitly or that they’d had an easy-going relationship; it was more that she just hadn’t minded being separated from him. They should never have got married and certainly never attempted to have a family together. It had all been wrong.

  But her feelings for Jack were sharp, intense and palpable.

  It terrified her yet it lifted her. She could love and be loved. And Jack could be the man she spent her life with, if only they could both surrender their fears and commit.

  But can I take that risk?

  She dealt with her feelings by working her way through downstairs, then the spare bedrooms and her own room. It was an arduous process, but as the days passed, she made progress, and soon there was just one place left to deal with.

  The one place she had deliberately left until last.

  The attic.

  Because that was where the baby things were.

  She pushed her hair back from her face, then climbed the staircase at the end of the landing. Before moving into the house, they’d had the loft conve
rted into an extra room, because who knew when they’d need more space? Darryl had nursed dreams of needing somewhere to escape his noisy family as they grew. Of having a hideaway where he could go with an ice-cold beer and a book when it all proved too exhausting. At the time, Eve had barely registered the implication – that she would be left with their brood – but now it made her smile sadly. Knowing Darryl as she did, he’d have been there in the thick of it, making more noise than any child ever could. She experienced a twinge then – of regret or grief or … something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. But this was natural, surely; the end of any relationship was difficult, especially a marriage that hadn’t worked out. If she didn’t feel sad, it would mean that she was devoid of all emotion, and she knew that wasn’t true. Yet in spite of it all, she also experienced a sense of relief. This would pass, everything would be dealt with, and they could move on with their lives.

  She pushed the attic door open and stepped into the bright open space. It was a large conversion with four windows set in the roof that opened up to the sky. The room was warm and slightly stuffy, so she pushed open all the windows and breathed deeply of the morning air, which carried the aromas of coffee and freshly baked bread, and beneath that the tang of fumes from the traffic that would be making its way around the bustling city.

  She steeled herself.

  In the far corner of the room was a pile draped with several large white sheets: old bed linen that she hadn’t minded using to cover up the things they’d bought for the twins. She had been reluctant to purchase anything early in the pregnancy, but once she’d passed the twelve-week mark, then the fourteen, Darryl had been unable to contain himself any longer. He’d gone out and bought nappies in a variety of sizes – never too soon to stock up – car seats – in case they come early; we need to be prepared – and a sterilizer kit – you might find breastfeeding too exhausting, then you can express and I’ll give it to them in bottles.

  At the time, it had all felt a bit surreal to Eve, as if they were playing a game of let’s pretend and there wouldn’t really be babies at the end of it.

  And there weren’t. Because of me.

  The things she dreaded seeing more than anything were the tiny outfits Darryl had been unable to resist buying; the beautiful matching outfits that their twin boys would have worn.

  She approached the pile cautiously, as if she was afraid that something would jump out from under it, and pulled the covers away. Her heart pounded and her hands were clammy. She hadn’t looked at this stuff in months, had hidden it away, buried it beneath the sheets as if that would help.

  Just like your grief. Buried. Covered up. Yet still there … waiting.

  She sank to her knees, her legs trembling violently, and took the top box from the pile. It was filled with clothes. Though she felt light-headed and nauseous, she knew that she had to go through with this. It was time. No more delaying.

  She removed the outfits one by one. Two blue babygros with an elephant print. She ran a finger over the poppers on each one, imagining how it would have been to do them up after she’d bathed her little boys. Next came two small cream cardigans with pearly buttons, to keep the babies warm and cosy. To go with these, a set of cream crocheted booties.

  Something inside Eve snapped.

  It was like the uncoiling of a spring that had been wound impossibly tightly, its unravelling an explosion of acid in her chest. She cried out as it surged through her, piercing, aching, breaking, and she buried her face in the tiny cardigans and finally released everything she’d been holding in.

  * * *

  Gabe followed Jack around the pen while he picked up the pieces of a ball Gabe had dismantled with his strong jaws, then swept the smaller bits into a dustpan. The hound had come along impressively the past week and Jack was delighted with his progress.

  ‘Not long now, boy, and we’ll go for a walk, eh?’

  Gabe’s ears pricked up and he turned his head slightly to one side.

  ‘Oh, so you fancy a walk, do you?’

  The dog gave a small jump then started circling next to Jack with his long tail arching upwards. Jack laughed at his enthusiasm. To see a dog go from a state of anxiety to being so pleased to be around a human was a rewarding experience. He’d seen it more than once during his time at the rescue sanctuary. Sometimes it took a long time; it depended upon the dog. One thing he knew for certain, though: greyhounds had a huge capacity for love and forgiveness. He was aware that certain things would remind Gabe of his previous experiences, but come what may, he’d ensure that the dog went to a home where he was able to move on with his life and hopefully live to a good old age.

  He’d hoped for a moment, when he’d seen Eve with Gabe, that she might adopt him. The dog had taken to her and she had clearly grown attached to him. But Eve had been gone six days now and he’d heard nothing from her. Jack had kept himself busy, of course, finishing off in Mary’s garden and working with the rescue dogs, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Eve, especially at night when he tried to fall asleep. He’d ended up in the shed every night until his muscles ached and his brain turned fuzzy, and only then had he been able to drift off into a doze. The feelings he was experiencing were unlike anything he’d ever been through before. He’d cared about his ex-wife and been hurt when she left him, but it had been nothing like this.

  And yet … Jack knew that he could contact Eve; that he could text her, ring her or email her, but he didn’t. Partly because he believed that she needed time and space to deal with her husband and whatever they needed to sort out, and to decide what it was she really wanted. He didn’t want to be some sort of holiday romance for her, but chances were he’d been just that. He’d felt drawn to her for a variety of reasons and he knew that she felt something for him, but it could just have been because she was in a vulnerable state. She needed some room to breathe, time to reassess, and Jack didn’t want to crowd her. If she decided that she wanted him, that she wanted to leave Bristol and move to Conwenna Cove, then he would be thrilled. If not … he’d deal with that when the time came.

  But he hoped that outcome wasn’t the one he’d be faced with.

  ‘Okay, that’s the last of it, Gabe. Let’s stretch our legs!’ He grabbed the harness and lead he’d brought into the pen with him and put them on Gabe, then led him out through the yard and headed towards the fields. An hour of exercise should wear both him and the dog out, and maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to get to sleep before four in the morning.

  * * *

  Eve placed the last of the babygros in the box and folded the lid over them, then Sellotaped it down. She used a marker pen to write Baby Clothes on the side, then she stood up and stretched. It had been a difficult day. She’d been delayed by her emotional state when she’d first come into the attic, but once she’d released her grief, she’d felt quite a bit better. She’d been afraid of letting it all out. Afraid that if she started to cry, she’d never stop. This had to be cathartic. She’d always carry the guilt around – she suspected she’d have to come to terms with that – but letting go of some of the grief did make her feel somewhat lighter.

  Now she had to be practical. She couldn’t hold on to the baby stuff any longer. She’d ask Darryl if he wanted it, and if not, she’d take it to a charity shop. Last time she’d been in the city centre she’d seen a greyhound rescue shop, and that seemed the most fitting place to donate to now. She pictured beautiful Gabe with his dark soulful eyes and his gentle nature. She wanted to help him and dogs like him; she knew she’d never stop loving the breed now that she’d experienced being around them first-hand.

  ‘Oh lordy, am I getting like Aunt Mary?’ she asked herself out loud. It seemed strange to hear her own voice, alone, in the attic room. She giggled. ‘I’m going to be an old lady with lots of rescue dogs and cats to keep me company. Won’t that be fun!’ She clapped her hands together. It didn’t seem like such a bad future, although it would be better if there was someone to share it with … someone like Jack.
Actually, just Jack.

  She shook her head. Too much to do now, no time for daydreaming about handsome ex-marines!

  She folded the white sheets one at a time and laid them in a pile on the floor, then dusted her hands off on her jeans. She’d take the smaller things down to the dining room, but Darryl would have to help her with the bigger boxes tomorrow.

  When she got downstairs, she saw that she had two missed calls on her mobile from Amanda. She listened to the voicemail her friend had left her.

  ‘Hey, Eve! It’s only me! Thanks for the text to let me know you were home. I’m glad to hear you’ve made some decisions about Darryl and the house. Fancy some company tonight? Only hubs intends to watch the match on TV and the kids are having their own friends round. You can tell me all about what happened in Conwenna Cove! I’ll bring wine and chocolate! Mwah!’

  Eve smiled. It would be nice to have a girls’ night in. She should spend some quality time with Amanda to thank her for her friendship and support; it would also give her a chance to talk about her time in Conwenna and articulate her thoughts and feelings about work and what she’d learnt about herself today. A second opinion was always a good thing, right?

  She headed back up to the bathroom. A bubble bath would be perfect to wash the dust off and help her to relax. She turned on the hot tap, poured some fragranced foam under the flow, then perched on the edge as the tub filled.

  It was as she stared at the bubbles that she realized something. She’d been in this house for two years and had taken only a handful of baths during that time, always jumping into the shower because it was faster. Well, not any more. The new Eve that was emerging from under the layers of self-preservation would be taking time out to enjoy life’s pleasures. She’d start with a long, hot soak then have a good chat with her best friend over a few glasses of wine. Small steps, seemingly ridiculous to some, but for Eve it was a big deal to come to terms with how much she’d denied herself over the years. And how unhappy that had made her.