by Naomi West
He felt so much rage toward himself for letting it happen. For half a second, the thought flashed through his mind. Maybe he’d take her out, too. But with that thought came an intense pain. He wanted to defend her. He wanted her to fall for him. Against everything he ever stood for, he wanted something deeper with her. Something more meaningful.
But could he do it? Could he be with her and not kill Carter? Not avenge Liam, the next best thing to his own brother? After Nolan died, Liam had been there for him. Had been there through everything in his messed up life. And he’d loved him like a brother. Liam’s death was harder to take than Nolan’s in many ways. He was closer to Liam, had spent more time with him, had relied on him and loved him. They had a relationship like he’d never had with Nolan, who was content to run around on the streets by himself rather than team up with Saxton.
He couldn’t just let it go. Liam may not technically be blood, but he was the closest thing Saxton had. And he hadn’t known Sara long enough to put her above him. He had no commitment from her and if she couldn’t understand why he had to do this, then he didn’t want one. He was better off alone, better off without her anyway.
But if he could make her see why he had to do this, if he could get her on board, then he could keep her and still regain honor for the Jagged Souls. He’d have the best of both worlds. But was it possible?
“Say something,” she said softly. It had been a long time since either of them had spoken.
“I just… I can’t believe it.”
“Me either.” She got to her feet slowly. “Saxton, he’s not a murderer. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t hurt anyone like that. And he wouldn’t do something so dishonorable. It must be a mistake. Maybe his knife was stolen from him. Or maybe it got there some other way. Maybe he was there, I don’t know. But he didn’t kill Liam.”
He stared at her, trying to decide how to react. He ground his teeth together.
“Please believe me,” she said.
“Sara—”
“Please,” she pleaded. “I know you don’t know him. Trust me. Please. Let’s talk to him. Maybe he knows something. Maybe he can help us.”
“Or he found out that you’ve been with me. And sent someone after you to kidnap you.”
She shook her head. “He wouldn’t do that.”
“Wasn’t he the one running the auction? Did you ever think he’d do something like that?”
Her jaw dropped open. Her face still looked too pale. Not good. If she was so shocked, then she thought too highly of him. He’d never convince her. His heart ached at the thought of losing her, but the fresh determination was stronger. He had an answer. He had a direction. He had a name.
“He might come after you,” he said. “And hurt you to get to me. And hurt Ian. If he thinks you’re on my side, thinks you’re friendly with my MC, who so clearly isn’t friendly with his gang, then you’re Carter’s enemy.”
She shook her head again. “No. No.”
“Sara, listen to me. Liam wasn’t killed over a small dispute. He did something major to get himself killed. And something probably really major to warrant a death like that. You don’t shoot someone in the back of the head in a dark alley unless they really, really piss you off. Without knowing what it was, I don’t know how deep it goes. But if it’s serious and if it involved more than just Liam, I can guarantee that being seen with me would put you and Ian in danger. And you’ve been seen with me. Many times. There’s nothing we can do about that now. It’s too late. But I can keep you safe. I have to get to Carter first. I have to stop him from hurting you or Ian or anyone else.”
“You can’t. You can’t kill him.”
“Sara—”
“Saxton! Promise me you won’t kill him!”
“You know I can’t do that. This goes beyond us. It’s not just about you and me.”
“There is no you and me if you kill him.”
“I want to protect you.” He took another step closer to her. He was afraid she’d bolt out the door before he could finish what he had to say. “There’s only one way I can do that. I know you want Ian safe more than anything. So do I. And I can keep him safe. I can keep you safe.”
“What are you saying? You’re going to kill my brother to keep us safe?”
“I have to stop him. That’s the only way to make sure he won’t hurt anyone else.”
“He didn’t hurt anyone,” she growled. “He did not kill Liam. He had nothing to do with the guy who almost kidnapped me.”
“How do you know?”
“I know my brother! He’s not like that. He does bad things, but not violent things. He doesn’t hurt people. I’ve never seen him act violently.”
“Never?”
“Never.” She crossed her arms and glared at him.
“So, you’ve never seen him get into a fist fight? Punch a wall or something else? Never saw him throw something or lose his anger?”
She gritted her teeth. “People can be mad and not be violent about it.”
“Have you? Have you ever seen him use his fists in anger?”
She shifted her weight and didn’t answer.
“So, I take it that you have, then. Even the most violent men can hide it when they want to. Maybe he hid most of his violence from you. Maybe you only saw him get into a fight a few times. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable of doing horrible things. Violent things. You never thought he’d be running an auction for women to sell themselves, either, and he does. That auction goes on every month, did you know that?”
She refused to answer again.
“I can stop things like that from happening, too. Just tell me where he is, and I can save those women and protect you and Ian.”
She let out a bark of a laugh. “Tell you where he is? Do you think I’m crazy?! Tell you where to find my brother so you can go kill him? You’re insane.”
“I know he’s your brother and you want to think the best of him. Of course you do. You think the best of everyone. But that doesn’t change what he did. He killed Liam. Who knows how many others. He facilitates the selling of women. I’m sure he’s into drugs and weapons, too. I’ve heard that the Crows are into all sorts of things that would make you sick. And I suspect that Carter is the leader. Which means, he makes all those things happen that hurt people.”
“And you don’t? You think you’re some saint? You do the same type of shit, Saxton, and don’t act like you don’t.”
“I don’t do what the Cruel Crows do. My MC doesn’t do things like that.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, we don’t.” He braved another step closer to her. “We don’t sell women, we don’t get violent without cause—”
“But you do get violent.”
“Only in defense.”
“Or revenge. Like in Carter’s case.”
“This is defense. This is protection. This is making the city better.”
“Making the city better! Are you flat-out nuts?! How can you honestly believe that?”
He had to get her calmed down. Had to get her to stop shouting and listen to him. “You’re going to wake up Ian if you don’t keep your voice down.”
“Oh, right.” Her tone turned even more disgusted. “Because you know what’s good for my son, don’t you?”
He held up his hands in a position of surrender. “Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me what to do!”
But she did lower her volume some, even if the harshness wasn’t any lessened. Time for a different angle.
“Look at us right now. You’re accusing me of being the violent one, yet you’re the one yelling and getting angry while I’m perfectly calm.”
“Oh, no. Don’t you try that with me. You’re calm because you’re plotting murder. I’m angry because you want to kill my brother. This isn’t some indication of personality, here. This isn’t some sign of violence or tendency toward violence. Don’t you dare pull that bullshit on me.”
“I’m just pointing out that I
can be calm. I don’t get violent unless I choose to. It’s not some uncontrollable thing. Please understand that.”
“I don’t care!” she shrieked. “Are you going to control yourself and not kill my brother for something you think he might have done that he didn’t do?”
“He did it. No doubt about that.”
“You are completely delusional. You’re so set on the fact that Carter killed Liam and that you have to defend his honor or whatever bullshit, and you’ve convinced yourself that this knife is total evidence, when it’s not, and you’re just deluding yourself into thinking you’re doing some noble and good thing by committing murder. By doing the very thing you’re saying was so wrong when Carter did it. Which he didn’t. My brother is not a murderer, but you are. You’re the one who should be taken out for safety sake, not Carter.”
“The knife isn’t the only proof,” he said sternly. She had to hear him on this. “Are you forgetting my stab wound? As soon as I got close to finding his killer, I was attacked and told to stop asking questions. That’s only because I knew too much. If I was on the wrong path, they wouldn’t have paid me any attention. But I was close, and now I know. And you were attacked, which is further proof that I’ve found it. You recognize the knife and know whose it is. That’s all the proof I need. You’re the one being delusional. You’re refusing to see it. You think you know your brother, but you’re believing his lies. You’ve fallen into his trap. I don’t blame you. Blood is like that. But please.”
He took a step toward her and she took a step back. He needed to go deeper. He wouldn’t convince her unless she could see what he really felt. It was a big risk, and one he didn’t take lightly, but she had to know how he felt about her. That might be the only way he could keep her.
“Sara, as much as I’ve tried to deny them, I do have feelings for you. And they keep getting stronger. I don’t want to lose you. I want to keep you and Ian safe. And I can. But I have no choice. There’s no other way. Taking care of Carter will not only set right what he did to Liam, but it will keep you and Ian safe from his retaliation. It will end a lot of horrible things that his gang does. It might even break up the gang if we’re lucky.”
She took another step back and was just in front of the door. She didn’t look like what he said had mattered much. Or at all.
“You know what, Saxton? Okay. You do whatever you think you need to do. If that’s what you believe, fine. Somehow, I’ll prove it. I’ll show you he’s not the murderer you think he is. But it’ll be too late. I’ll be long gone from your life by then. You’re giving up whatever it is we have or might have in the future for the sake of killing someone on a whim—”
“I’m not—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “I know what you think, but you’re wrong. You don’t have solid proof. You have circumstantial evidence, and I’ve seen enough crime shows to know that never holds up.”
Was she joking? “Crime shows? Give me a break. And circumstantial evidence is completely—”
“I don’t want to hear it! It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to convince you, and you’re not going to convince me.”
“Okay…”
“I will tell you this.” Her voice grew flat and her eyes turned hard as stone. “I’m taking my son home. I’m getting as far away from you as possible. And if Carter turns up dead, I will go to the police and tell them everything you told me tonight. I will make sure you’re locked up and pay for killing my brother.”
Saxton ground his teeth together until his jaw hurt. He held her glare for a long moment, then she turned and left the room.
Hot rage boiled over him. His hands clenched into tight fists. How dare she threaten him like that? Good that she was leaving. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to control himself and not get violent with her after all. He was so angry, he could put his fist through a wall or her skull and not think twice about it.
If she wanted to be like that, fine. Then he’d just have to take her out, too, wouldn’t he? For a moment, he pictured sliding his knife across her throat and watching her blood spill. But in the next moment, he saw her lifeless body slump to the floor, and his heart lurched in agony.
He stepped into the hall, and she came out of the room she had been staying in with Ian. He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to beg her to stay and tell her never to come back. He wanted to kiss her and shove her down the stairs. He stepped aside and let her pass.
She had a bag slung over her shoulder and carried Ian, still asleep, in her arms. His little face bounced against her shoulder as she stepped carefully down each step. He watched them go, his chest burning with anguish.
He made himself stay where he was. He commanded his feet not to move, not to chase after her. She still had his gun. She was safe enough. She had a gun at her place. And hopefully being in an apartment building meant too many witnesses around for anything to happen to her.
He’d check on her tomorrow. Make sure she got to work and Ian got to school okay. Then, he’d go out and find Carter.
Saxton breathed hard for several minutes. Car doors shut outside, she drove off, and he stood there for another few minutes before he returned to his room. He walked over to the bed to put the knife away.
The towel was sitting there, where it had been when he unwrapped it to show her. But the knife was gone. He picked up the towel, looked around the bed. Had it fallen? Gotten shoved somewhere? They hadn’t been on the bed after the knife was there. Where could it be? He searched the area and found nothing.
He thought back through their encounter. The only thing that made sense was that she had it. She had to have it. She’d picked it up to inspect it. He thought she’d put it back down, but she must not have. She must have stolen it.
Saxton threw the towel across the room and growled loudly. No, it was okay. He didn’t need the knife. He had photos of it. And now, it didn’t matter anyway. He knew who it belonged to. Maybe he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of stabbing Carter with the same knife he’d stabbed Liam with, but he’d have to let that go. Any weapon would do. The important thing was that Carter was taken out.
Chapter Twenty
Sara barely made it down the road before the sobs started. From the moment she saw the knife, it had been building. The emotional strain was too much. She had kept it in for all that time while she argued with Saxton. She hadn’t broken down or gotten overly emotional in front of him. That was good. But after all the confusion and panic and rage and longing and disgust, she couldn’t hold it in any longer.
She had to pull over. She stopped the car, glanced at Ian to make sure he was still sleeping, and let the tears break free.
When she saw the knife, her blood had turned to ice. She knew it was Carter’s. She picked it up to make sure, but she knew. The tiny scratch on the hilt by the eagle’s foot? She put that there when Carter was teaching her to throw. She’d missed and hit the stove’s edge, putting that ding in the metal. The weight of the knife was just right for throwing, he’d said. Not all knives were good for that. But this one was. He’d taught her to throw it. Taught her where to aim to kill someone, or where to aim if she only wanted to incapacitate them. But go for the kill, he’d said. If you let them live, they’ll come after you, he’d said.
She shook her head to block it from her mind. Why had she lied to Saxton like that? Of course Carter had gotten violent. He’d punched holes in every wall in their house. He’d gotten kicked out of three schools for fighting. He’d been arrested countless times for having weapons or for assault. She knew, deep down inside, that Carter had most likely done exactly what Saxton had said. He’d probably killed Liam in cold blood, in some dishonorable way. Her brother did things like that. He’d been accused of even more dishonorable things over the years. They hadn’t all stuck, but there had been a rape accusation and even trafficking charges that he’d gotten thrown out.
And he was running this auction. If he’d be accused of trafficking before, there was no reason to think he wasn’t
doing it again. Saxton was right. Carter was a bad man. He should be taken out. It would save many people.
She thought back to all the times she’d been afraid of him. The times he yelled and punched things and broke things. It was horrible living with him. That’s why she’d moved out when she found out she was pregnant. Why she’d dropped out of high school to work to pay for a place to raise her son. She didn’t know what would happen if a crying baby woke Carter up or disturbed him in some way.
Since she’d moved out and wasn’t around him all the time, she’d started to forget over the years how bad he’d been. She had less contact with him, and it was always under casual, low tension conditions that gave no cause for him to act out. She’d convinced herself that he’d changed. That even if he was still getting into trouble, he wasn’t as bad as he used to be.