by Jude Ouvrard
I managed to push Tiff from my mind up until about noon, but thoughts of her kept haunting me, driving me insane. A couple of hours had passed, but still no one had shown up or even called. Getting worried, I checked my phone to find fifteen missed calls from Levi and Tyler, and just as many messages.
Why the hell didn’t I hear the ringing? I wondered and checked the settings. Because, you idiot, you put it on mute last night.
“Fuck!”
I was in the middle of calling Levi back when Tyler came barging in the front door. “What the fuck is going on?” I asked ending the call.
“It’s Tiffany, Kyle. Something happened.”
My world came crashing down on me.
I knew what those two words meant, and knowing this was happening to me, again, sent my whole body into panic mode. Everything moved at hyper speed in my head, my heart raced, and the uncontrollable trembling started in my fingers. Flashes of Cassidy’s body on the ground hit me, followed by the smell of blood and an echoing gun shot.
“What happened to Tiffany?” My Tiff. Images of her inert body appeared in my head and I knew I needed to listen to Tyler very carefully. “Is she dead?”
Not wanting to hear a yes, I begged whatever being watched over us to let me hold her again, alive and well. I couldn’t do this. Not ever again. A silent prayer formed on my lips as I looked down at the floor. Closing my eyes, I waited for the moment of truth. Would every part of me be broken, or would I run as fast as I could to the one person I couldn’t lose.
“She’s stable.” His words made me sob like a baby. Not in pain, but with relief. Tylor held me in his arms, telling me to be strong. “Tiff is a fighter, but she needs you at her side.” They’d met years ago, so he knew her more than me, but I’d already known she was a fighter.
I nodded. “What happened?”
“She was hit by a drunk driver in the middle of the night.”
Fuck. “She left my place in the middle of the night…” I trailed off, feeling devastated.
And responsible.
He tapped my shoulder as if he knew. “That’s what we figured.”
“How bad is it?” Knowing Tiff was hurt, killed me. I wished I’d heard her when she woke up; this wouldn’t have happened to her. There’s not a fucking chance that I would have let her go home alone at that hour. If she’d wanted to leave, I would have driven her home.
“She has a concussion, a broken wrist, and a pretty bad cut on the back of her neck and arm.”
“Okay, let’s go.” Collecting my keys and phone, I closed up the shop. My place was next to her.
“Get in the car,” Tyler said pointing at his illegally parked Porsche when we got outside, and I shook my head. Idiot was lucky not to be towed.
“Hurry, please.” Wiping at the traitorous tears on my face, I tried to regain control of my fucked up emotions. The memories of Cassidy on a loop in my head were increasing my anguish.
“She’s in good hands, Kyle.”
I didn’t care if Tiff was in good hands, she needed to be in my hands. I had to hear her beating heart, feel her strong pulse beneath mine.
Tyler drove as fast as he could, for which I couldn’t be more thankful. He dropped me at the main entrance of the hospital and told me where to go, then drove off to park. I ran, even though the nurses kept telling me to walk. I didn’t give a fuck, I had to find her. There was no calming down until I touched her warm skin and heard her breathing. My lungs hurt, and my eyes were blurry from the panic still present in me.
Why the fuck did this have to happen? Why did she leave at that ungodly hour?
I couldn’t lose her. I’d just found her.
Rounding a corner, it was obvious which room was hers. All the gang were waiting outside her door. Everyone is here but me? That hurt even more.
“I have to see her, guys. I have to see her now.” I pushed past them, not hearing anything they were saying. I had one goal, one thing mattered to me, and nothing could have stopped me.
Tiff laid there, plugged into an IV, her eyes closed and bruises on her face. She looked small and fragile, but safe. There was no sign of her pain, apart from the bruises, of course.
“Tiffany!” I cried out hoping she’d open her eyes, but she didn’t. Once I reached the side of her bed and grabbed her hand, I entwined my fingers with hers. The warmth of her fingers holding mine with so little strength made me gasp. She didn’t look good now that we were inches apart.
“Sunshine, you have to wake up now. Okay?” This was harder than I’d thought it would be. She was alive, but not awake. I pressed my free hand over her heart and started crying again.
“She’ll be okay. Don’t worry, she’s not in any right pain now. They gave her some painkillers an hour ago,” Val said as she came up to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m right here for you, K.”
“She can’t die, Val. I’m feeling something again for the first time since Cassi. I don’t want to go back to that nothingness.” No longer able to contain my emotions, the tears fell.
“You love her, don’t you?”
I nodded. “I think so. Last night was our first date. It went well, I thought, but maybe it was too much too fast for her. I’m not sure. I don’t know why she left.”
“Tiff was just as excited about the date as you were.” She smiled at me. “She knew something was up, and she jumped in with both feet because she was curious. Tiff wants more with you, Kyle. You have to see that.”
“I’ll have to take some time off from the shop to care for her.” The shop had been my home, my sanctuary for years. Taking time off had never been a consideration before now.
“Levi was headed back there. He’s taking care of the clients for today. Don’t think about that for now.”
Right. I had to focus on Tiff. She would live through this, and part of me couldn’t wait to talk to her. To find out why she’d left in the middle of the night. My guess was that she’d gotten scared or insecure, because of her difficulty trusting people, but I wanted more with her.
“Wake up, beautiful. There are so many things we have to talk about.” My lips rested on top of her hand while I tried to blank the part of me still fearing she would die. She needed positive encouragement and vibes, not the opposite. “Wake up,” I begged while Val rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. She’d seen me at my worst, more than once. “Thank you, Val.”
“Anytime, K. I’m here, always. That’s what friends are for.”
I started to thank her again but Tiff squeezed my hand then, and I turned, my eyes fixed on my girl. Her eyelids fluttered as her tongue ran over her parched lips.
“Tiff, beautiful, I’m here, and so is Val and everyone,” I said in a whisper.
Tiffany cracked her eyes open a tad, then tried to move her arm but groaned while a pained frown took shape on her face. It seemed an age passed before I saw her beautiful eyes again. Unique in coloring, they brought me something so real.
“Tiff, I’m begging you to please come back to me. I’ve been through this once. I can’t, and won’t, survive it again. Please, wake up.”
“Kyle, she’ll be okay. Remember, they medicated her before and after they stitched her up. She’s probably very tired right now.”
Val had a point, so I had to trust them and believe she would be alright. For someone who had been hit by a car, her injuries were minimal. It could have been so much worse.
It could have been fatal.
“I’m going to sit here and wait.” Waiting sucked, but maybe this was meant to be. It wouldn’t hurt for me to take some time to relax before she was awake again. It was I calmed down before they decided to sedate me as well.
And so, I waited.
Tyler spent most of the time with me, but we barely spoke. With all of the ups and downs of the day, I could feel the exhaustion in my body. I wanted to crawl into bed with Tiffany and hold her safe in my arms. Doubting the doctor would’ve approved, I crossed my arms next to her pillow and relaxed my h
ead on them instead.
Two more hours elapsed before I saw any movement from her fingers or eyes.
Kyle
A small rusty voice echoed in my head, startling me. The back of my hands sufficed for rubbing my eyes before I noticed Tiff was awake, and watching me with a small corner smile.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. I don’t deserve to have you here, watching over me like this. Not after what I did last night.”
“Don’t say you are sorry. I’m the one who is sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you into something more serious than you were ready for.”
She winced. “My head hurts.”
“You had stitches, Tiff,” I informed her. “So, that’s not surprising. We should call the nurse in to check on you.” I wanted her to pinch me to make sure this was real. So many things, I wanted. Like my arms wrapped around her, holding her close to me, or my lips kissing hers.
Tiff nodded, and tears followed.
“You’ll be okay, beautiful.”
“I know.” She tried moving her injured arm toward me but stopped when she realized she was casted. “I hate being here, though. When will I be released?” Her upper arm was covered in bandages, and there were more on the back of her neck.
“I don’t know, but we’ll ask, okay?”
“Thank you,” she said closing her eyes.
I hoped she wasn’t going to fall asleep again. That she was awake and talking to me had made me feel a lot better, and I wanted more. I texted Ty to let him know she was up.
“Do the bandages hurt or make you uncomfortable?” I chuckled. “It looks like you’ve gotten half a sleeve and a neck piece done,” I teased, trying for some humor, which I sucked at, obviously.
“No tattoo today, bab– Kyle.”
“Babe is fine with me,” I said to watch her blush. I might have blushed, too.
A nurse entered the room then, talking a mile a minute. “Ms. Evans, good to see you up. How are you doing? Any pain?”
Tiff gave her head a delicate shake. “I really need to use the bathroom.”
What? “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped.”
“There is no way you are watching me pee, Kyle. We aren’t that close yet.”
I laughed, and so did the nurse. Even in a hospital bed, in pain, Tiffany still had her attitude and spunk. That had to be a good sign, right?
“Excuse me, young man, I need to help her out of the bed.”
Feeling useless, I let the nurse push me out of the way, and then watched as she helped Tiff up. With the connected IV, she would have to take the pole into the bathroom with her.
No sooner had she stood than Tiffany was closing her eyes and grabbing the IV pole for support. “I’m dizzy. I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Here you go, hon. Let’s sit you back on the bed,” instructed the nurse while she grabbed a metallic bowl just in time.
Tiffany threw up. Repeatedly.
I rubbed her back while the nurse yawned, bored. After numerous minutes, Tiff tried again, standing and wiping her mouth with a tissue. “Okay, I think I’m good to go.”
Helping her with the IV stand, the nurse escorted Tiff to the bathroom while I waited by the bed. A quick check of my phone showed Tyler had texted me back.
I’m on my way.
Okay. Bring me some food?
Already got you something, hon.
Hon? I rolled my eyes. What the fuck?
Fixing Tiff’s pillows and sheets on her bed before her return, I flipped over a pillow stained with blood. Her bandages made me feel helpless. I would never stop hating myself for not catching her before she left. None of this would have happened. No blood stains or stitches. No scar that would leave a mark on her skin forever.
“Kyle, can you move, please?” she asked, startling me out of my thoughts. Here I was zoning out and hating the situation while she needed my assistance.
“I’m sorry, sunshine.” I held her arm and helped her back into bed. “Feeling better?”
She nodded. “I’m actually hungry.”
Tyler arrived with food soon after, and they hugged for a long time. It was kind of touching how big brotherly he was with her. I took the ham sandwich he’d brought me and ate it out in the hall to give them some space. While I was eating, a nurse came with Tiffany’s food—broth and apple juice. Something light for her first meal after the incident. Probably to make sure she kept it down before giving her something more nutritive. After eating the sandwich, my eyes filled with tears again. What if I’d lost her, too? She was alive, and yet, I still hurt like hell. Did life have to be so cruel with me and Tiff?
I started to sob uncontrollably under the crushing weight of pain, fear, and the resentment I felt toward life.
“Hey man, she wants you back—” Tyler stopped talking at the sight of the mess I was in.
When he kneeled before me, I didn’t care that he was seeing me like this. I didn’t give a shit. I was sick of hurting, sick of the broken heart I’d lived with since Cassi’s death.
“I’d promised myself I would never care about another girl after Cassi. Look at me now.”
Tyler’s arm wrapped my shoulders. “It’s okay to feel something again, to care. Tiff is a great woman, for countless reasons. She’s strong and will be fine sooner than you think.”
“I know she is. It’s just fucking with my head, Ty.”
He pulled away. “She wants you back in the room. Go, man.”
Yes, I thought. Drying my tears, which I wished I’d controlled better, I got up and entered her room again. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Stop hurting yourself like this over me. I’m okay, K.” Her tired voice told me otherwise. She needed rest and someone to look after her.
I sat next to her on her bed, and she gave me her hand to hold. “You’ll be staying with me until you recover, okay? Please, no arguments. I need to make sure you are okay. I can’t imagine ever feeling right in my mind if you’re alone in your studio. Please,” I repeated, almost pleading.
She nodded and her bottom lip trembled. “Okay.” Her voice broke mid-word.
“We’ll get through this together.” In truth, I had more healing to go through than her. It pained me to see Tiff hurt, but it would have killed me to see her dead. I couldn’t think about it anymore as it seemed my heart failed each and every time.
The question was, why did I feel so attached to Tiff? Could these feelings and thoughts be anything like those I had for Cassidy? Deep down, I knew the answer. I had known for a while already, but the thought of telling her now, scared me.
“When I’m out of here, will you cook me some more of that Mexican food?”
I laughed. “For breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you want. As long as you are happy and alive, babe.”
Yeah, I called her babe, and she smiled as the sparks in her eyes returned. I’d made her happy. Maybe we could do this, because she made me more than happy.
She made me feel alive again.
Tiffany
A man was crying. A broken and desperate sound came from his shaking body. I heard him pray, beg, and make me promises. I recognized his voice, although the emotions stuck in his throat made it sound more hoarse than usual.
Every time my eyes closed to rest, he prayed out loud for my eyes to open again. Kyle had to be completely shattered to act so hopeless. I’d caused this. I caused him this pain by bringing back his horrifying past to haunt his mind. When I’d left, I didn’t want to leave him. Everything scared me with its sudden intensity, and I’d acted on impulse. If only I could’ve told Kyle how much I care about him, how my days are slow when I can’t see him or don’t expect to see him. He’d made my life in Seattle a whole lot better. I still had trust issues, and probably would until I died, but he had gained some of my trust.
All day was spent in and out of sleep. The pain medication mixed with the dimenhydrinate they’d given me for my nausea made me unable to stay up more than thirty minutes at a time. By the end of the afte
rnoon, I was able to eat an oatmeal muffin and keep it down. By that point, I was ready to do pretty much anything they wanted if it got me the hell out of there. A recurring burning sensation from the cuts came and went, but they’d been treated and my wrist had already been wrapped in a brace. They had no reason to keep me here any longer. All the test results had come back and nothing was wrong with me, apart from the surface wounds.
It was about nine o’clock at night when Kyle took over pushing my wheelchair out of the hospital and to his car. While the nurse held the chair steady, Kyle took my hand to help me get in. This was the first time we’d held hands and it was… amazing. It didn’t take much for me to swoon, a simple act of kindness in public. He kissed my temple numerous times on the ride home. Like he’d said earlier, he was taking me to his place, where I discovered most of my clothes had been moved into his wardrobe. Sweet.
“Sit here, beautiful. The doctor said you needed rest.” He held my hand until I was safe on his couch. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m famished. For something more than a muffin.”
He chuckled. “I’m hungry, too. Stay here, I’ll put something together in a jiff.” He kissed my lips and tucked me under a warm blanket. His couch caressed my back a lot better than the hospital bed.
I watched him walk away with a smile on my lips. Maybe I was naïve, but I didn’t know what we were exactly. Noises echoed from the other room—pans colliding, glass being moved around—and I pictured him in there cooking for me. The smells coming from the kitchen were intoxicating and made my stomach growl louder. Feeling weaker with each minute, I had to eat soon or I would pass out. Closing my eyes to rest, I did everything I could not to fall asleep again.
But I failed.
“Tiff, you with me? Or are you in the land of dreams? Tiffany?”
I heard him. Fuzzy. Distant.
“Tiff, wake up, you have to eat something.”
I forced my eyes open to a plate of homemade white cheddar mac-and-cheese and grilled chicken breast waiting for me. It all looked mouth-watering, and exactly what my stomach had craved. “This is going to be so freaking good, Kyle. Thanks.”