by Jude Ouvrard
“It was just a one song deal, but it was fun to do,” Nix admitted.
Nix, who had a beautiful voice, also had a confidence issue where her voice was concerned, including any commitment with regards to it. I remember how fucked up her situation had been when her father showed up and invited her as a guest to a concert. Poor Nix ended up being high on drugs after her father and entourage offered her God knows what. She performed on stage afterward and everything went to shit. Nix ended up going to rehab for a second time to battle a drug addiction. No need to say that she never saw her father again after that. Bad influences were not welcome around Nix. I didn’t know Levi’s cousin well, but I was sure as hell Levi had made things clear on their agreement. The lawyer in him was never far away.
“Well, congrats. It’s a catchy song. Oh! What if you make the billboard?” Tiff got excited all of a sudden about the song. “It’s good enough, you know.”
With her face three shade of red, Nix thanked Tiff.
“Seriously, if they want you to sing again, I don’t think you should refuse,” Tiff added.
We all knew Nix’s potential. She could hit it big if she wanted it.
As I’d desired, Levi drove us to the apartment. Everyone followed us upstairs, which had never happened before. I invited them in despite having nothing but hard liquor to offer since we hadn’t been here.
“I have vodka, tequila, and Jack Daniels, if anyone’s thirsty,” I offered. “Oh, and water.”
“We’re good, thanks,” Val answered for everyone. “You look great, Kyle. Like you’ve finally had a normal night’s sleep,” she teased. “I’m kidding, but you do look great. Relaxed and, I don’t know, happy?”
“I am.” I smiled because it felt good to tell the truth, and because of all the girls in our group, Val was who I felt the most at ease with. Other than Tiffany, of course. “I’m very happy.”
“What did her parents say about the accident? They must have freaked.”
“We didn’t tell them right away. If it hadn’t been for the scars on her neck and arm, she wouldn’t have mentioned it. They weren’t happy we hadn’t called to let them when it happened, but they understood Tiff hadn’t wanted to alarm them. She’s almost as good as before, now.”
“Yes,” Tiff joined our conversation after she returned from the bathroom. “I only get small headaches once in a while now. Nothing like I used to have.”
That got Tyler’s attention, as his head snapped our direction so he could ask, “Are you going to be okay to work?”
“You bet, if my boss still wants me,” Tiff replied without missing a beat.
Like he would say no.
“Tonight or tomorrow? How soon? We can’t wait to have you back. Bekka hasn’t worked for a long time and I haven’t hired anyone to take her place yet, then, with you off…” He trailed off and sighed. “We really need you back at the club. Even Miles here tried his hand at bartending.”
Miles? The cowboy veterinarian had become a bartender? I bet Val was pleased to teach him few of her tricks but Miles didn’t seem like the type of guy who would enjoy bartending. Val and Miles were a good match and they looked adorable together.
“Hey, I wasn’t that bad,” Miles balked, pretending to be insulted.
“You were perfect,” Val gushed then sealed his lips with hers while we all told them to get a room.
“Okay, enough chit-chat for now, let’s head over to the club. Dinner should be ready and waiting.”
“What, a welcome home breakfast?”
“That, and because it’s Bekka’s thirty-ninth week.” Tyler covered her belly with his hand, rubbing it softly. “The baby’s coming soon, and it’s important for us to share a meal with you all. We’re pretty nervous about what’s about to happen.”
“No sleep, breastfeeding… so many big changes are coming for us,” Bekka added, nervous.
“And we are going to face them with you guys.” I wrapped my arms around them both. “I may not know much about babies, but we aren’t going anywhere. If you need help, I’m here, and the girls will be there for you, too, Bekka. Never be afraid to ask any of us for help.”
“I’m just a call away, twenty-four hours a day,” Nix confirmed.
“Okay, enough now. I don’t want to cry. I’m always so emotional these days. Let’s go, I’m starving.” Bekka tried to laugh. “Welcome home, guys. It’s good to have you back,” she added, looking to Tiff and me.
Tiff stared at me, and as we locked gazes, it was like she was trying to talk to me without spoken words. We were in the middle of all of our friends. All of them excited to have us again. Bekka led the way out of my place, Tyler following on her heels without hesitation. Val and Miles fell in line behind them, and then Levi and Nix. For a minute, we were alone in our place, still gazing at each other.
“What are you trying to tell me?” I asked. “Tiffany, say something.”
“This is it. We’re back. It’s just hitting me now that our friends are about to have a baby. I wish I could say I wasn’t envious, but I am.”
“That’s normal, beautiful. Our reality is different from theirs, but we can’t let that taint their happiness. They deserve to be happy, and you’ll have that same happiness, too. I promise.”
“I know, I’m just—”
“Don’t worry about it right now, Tiff. We’ve had a long emotional day. I’m sorry they’ve got other plans for us already or else we’d stay home and relax together.”
“Later. I’m taking my night off, no matter what Tyler says.” She snorted.
“Absolutely.”
After a quick kiss, we met the gang outside the building. We squeezed everyone into two cars and then drove to the club for our last adult-only breakfast before the gang’s first baby arrived.
Tired and suffering from the time difference, I yawned every three minutes but enjoyed every second of our meal together. Tiff’s hand rarely left my thigh, and I kept my arm around her shoulder as much as I could. I wanted to hold her and enjoy this nice time with her before our new reality set in.
Kyle
As I looked around the club and watched Tiff working, I wondered how we were going to do this, our serious thing. Some people think tattooing is nothing more than drawing on skin, but it takes a lot of creativity and concentration. Hanging out at the club until her shift ended every night, on top of having worked my shift beforehand, would make life difficult in the long run. At some point, I had to sleep. I wanted to spend my time with her, all of it, but knew some decisions would have to be made. Having the choice of working a day or evening shift had always been one of the things I loved about tattooing. Especially when I lived by ‘work during the day and party all night’. There were still some days I let that rule win, but with Tiff in my life, settling down was becoming the preferred way to go. She worked late into the night, or even early mornings—depending on if she stayed to help clean the club after her shift. Most of our time together at home would be spent sleeping.
I wanted to be with her, at home, like we’d been able to do for the past couple of weeks. I knew it was an unrealistic expectation, but a man could dream, right?
With the music blasting through the speakers, the inside of The Black Shakers was freaking loud. After our night hanging out at the pub in London, this was way too loud. Tiffany danced every second she could, though; she smiled and laughed a lot, but mostly, she watched me watching her. Some of the times she’d catch me, she’d blush, and the other times she’d grin and blow me kisses.
A beer in hand, and my best friends by my side, I asked myself what I’d done to deserve this second chance at happiness. Some people lived their entire lives not even getting one chance. Millions of kids were born in the middle of wars, or in underdeveloped countries where they had more chance at catching a virus than surviving. Some women and men, no matter how they try to be careful, fall into the wrong relationship and die, unloved and unhappy.
When I first met Cassidy and fell in love with her,
my life gained new meaning filled with new dreams. Nothing in life had ever made me feel so good. Then she was shot, gunned down with no chance of fighting for her life. Cassidy was taken from me without mercy. She died along with our baby, and I lost my way, lost sight of my goals in life. Everything. I drank the memories away, numbing the pain. A few times I thought about ending my life, too. So, again, I had to wonder why I was getting this second chance to be happy.
I didn’t do shit to make my life better. I didn’t volunteer, or save anyone like superheroes do, and yet, here I was, staring at my gorgeous girlfriend. A girl whom I’d tried so hard not to like. The woman who I was falling more in love with each day that passed.
“Why are you looking at her like she’s some kind of, I don’t know, meal? You look like a predator on the hunt.” Levi nudged my shoulder.
“I’m acting the same way you do when you watch your wife.”
“Have you seen my wife? She’s perfect.”
“Perfect to you same as Tiff is perfect to me.” I smiled at how cheesy that sounded. “I can’t believe I said that out loud. We’re not the same men anymore, Levi. We’re getting old.”
He laughed and took a sip of his Jack Daniels. “One thing’s certain. We aren’t getting any younger.”
“Tiff and I have been talking seriously about our future. We may not wait too long before we take the next step. I don’t want to waste any more time, she’s the one for me. I know it.”
“The difference between Tiff and Nix is that Tiff is almost thirty. Nix is still young. We married in a hurry, the rest will follow in time. Believe me, I want a family with her so bad, but I also want her to live a little, get to enjoy her life before we’re weighed down by the responsibility a child brings. Think about all the things you and I did in our twenties.”
We both chuckled at memories of how we’d embraced our bachelorhood and lived like there was no tomorrow.
“She deserves that experience, too. I didn’t always think this way, but we’ve been talking lately, and have decided we’ve got plenty of time to start a family,” Levi finished.
“Given all the shit we went through before we met, I think Tiff and I both know what we want out of life. We’re going to live in the here and now. So, whether it happens today, or five years from now, we’ll be happy.”
“You mean a baby, yeah?”
“Yes.”
He nodded.
I’d never told him about Cassidy's pregnancy because talking about her, or what happened, was never easy for me. He was my best friend, though, and it was time to share. Just like Tiff had gotten closure by facing Rob, I needed to let this secret out of the dark. To be free of the pain.
“You know, when Cassi was killed, she was pregnant,” I confessed in a quiet tone.
Levi set his glass on the counter and turned to me. Tears invaded his eyes as he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because...” I swallowed. “My pain was unbearable enough. It was our special secret, we’d just seen the baby that morning, and I guess I felt like I needed to keep it that way. Only you and Tiff know.”
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me, taking away part of the guilt and pain I’d born on my shoulders all this time. “I’m so sorry, Kyle. I wish you had told me before, but now I understand why losing her, them, took away so much of you.”
“Losing Cassidy alone would have destroyed my sanity, but losing the baby on top of that… I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was empty, a shell.”
“You’ll have that life with Tiff, I’m sure. You’ll never get back what you lost, I know, but life has given you another shot. Go for it, man.” He nudged me then pointed across the dance floor. “She’s been looking at you all night.”
“Thanks, man. For never giving up on me.”
“I had all the reasons in the world not to.”
We both smiled, shaking our heads.
“We’ve come a long way,” I said. We’d been friends for so many years, I’d lost count.
“Yeah, from acne and pre-puberty facial hair to now,” he joked. “Come on, let’s drink another shot to our long, happy lives ahead.”
We’d maybe enjoyed one too many shots while our girls worked. Except Bekka, of course. She hadn’t been feeling well today, and thought it had to do with last night’s dinner. Nix and the girls doubted that, though. They insisted it was time for the baby to show up. Who could know for sure?
Tyler had stayed home today with her regardless, and asked us to cover the club. Miles was helping out the girls as needed. While everything was under control, we could all feel the tension in the air. It wasn’t a bad tension, we were all excited about the baby coming. Also, with the girls so sure tonight would be the night, we all kept expecting to hear from Tyler any minute that they’d headed to the hospital.
“Do you want to dance? One song,” Tiffany whispered in my ear, and I jumped in my seat. She’d snuck up on me in one of the few moments I hadn’t been gawking at her.
“Aren’t you working?” I turned in my seat to face her beautiful face.
“I’m allowed a break, and I can do what I want when I’m on my break,” she said then bit her lip in a seductive way.
“I know better than to go against your will, beautiful.”
Sliding my arms around her waist and holding her close, I let her lead the way to the dancing area. I wasn’t much of a dancer, but loved dancing with her. It was easy, as our bodies were in sync.
As we entered the area and the music switched to deadmou5, who was one of my favorite DJs, and I decided she’d planned this out. Tiffany turned until she faced me, locked her arms behind my neck, and then we started dancing to the bass of the music. I tried to stop, but couldn’t. There was a permanent smile on my face while we shared this moment together.
“You’re so beautiful. Have I ever told you that?”
“So many times that I wonder how my ego still fits in this place.”
Chuckling, I planted small pecks on her lips.
“Is that all you got?” she taunted me.
“You might be on break, but you are on the clock, too. I don’t think Tyler—” She didn’t let me finish.
Tiffany pressed her mouth against mine and kissed me like she wanted to be kissed. All I could do was agree and respond to her demands. We kissed and danced at the same time, not keeping rhythm with the music. We were in our own private universe. One I never wanted to leave. Holding her and kissing her, I was lost, drunk from her presence, her perfume… her beautiful soul.
“Time’s up, baby. I have to get back.”
“Miles can keep filling in. He’s good at it. Let him.”
I loved the sound of her giggling. “Be serious, K. I only have two more hours to go.”
“Okay. In,” I looked at my watch to mark the time, “one hour, fifty-nine minutes, and a couple of seconds, you are all mine.” Before she was out of reach, I gave her one last kiss.
“You, my love, are a dream come true.”
“I keep thanking God every single day, saying the same thing.”
She blushed and smiled, and then walked away from me to resume her life behind the counter. Like a professional, she slipped right back into her groove of serving beers and mixing drinks.
And I kept watching her.
At two minutes and fourteen seconds left until closing time, the crowd was thinning as people disappeared through the front doors. Some of the lights had been turned on as a signal it was time to leave. After two minutes, the music was changed to a soft ambient selection. My ears, which were clogged and felt like maybe there was some hearing damage, appreciated the change.
Soon, the last clubber had left, and then I helped the girls clean the bar and gather trash. Levi swept the floors while Miles restocked the beer refrigerator. When everyone chipped in, closing up the club wasn’t all that bad, plus, I didn’t mind helping Tyler. He’d been doing this on his own for many years. I’d always known he worked hard, but dealing
with all of this alone had to get tiring at some point. At least at the shop, I had Levi’s help, and more recently, Val’s too. Ty had to be going to bed exhausted every night. I couldn’t imagine how tired he would be with a baby added to the mix. The club had always been a fun place to work or hang out, but how was he going to be able to make everything work with a newborn at home? I shook my head at how impossible it all seemed. To me, anyway.
If I ever got the chance to have another baby, that child would be my first priority. My schedule would be arranged around it; I’d even take a few weeks off to help Tiff when it was born. So many things to think about and get used to. It was time to think of something else, though, because Tiff wasn’t nine months pregnant, not that I wasn’t ready for it to happen. We had plenty of time to plan for the arrival of a baby, and the impact it would make on our lives. I chuckled at my erratic thoughts.
“Hey, K, you hungry?” Miles asked, officially taking my mind off the baby subject. “The girls want to stop by the burger place before calling it a night. Are you in?”
My stomach growled at the mention of food. “Are you really asking, or are you just telling me where we’re going?”
“More like telling.” He laughed.
“Burgers sound good.”
Twenty-five minutes later, a waitress was taking down our order of hamburgers, French fries, and drinks. We were a bunch of pigs. Time had flown and we were now closer to breakfast than dinner, but who cared? All of us were hungry after a long night of work and anxiety. We still hadn’t heard much from Tyler or Bekka, other than when Tyler sent a text an hour before saying she’d fallen asleep in the tub. Since he hadn’t made it down to the club for closing, we all assumed he was preoccupied.
“Why are you so quiet, babe?” Tiff whispered in my ear.
“Thinking about Tyler and Bekka. It makes me, I don’t know. Anxious?”
“Hey, babe, they’ll be okay. The only thing you can do for them is send a prayer or positive vibe their way.”
“I know.” I sighed. “It’s not just that, though. I don’t know how I’ll react when I see the baby. I’ve seen other babies since Cassi, but not one who is related. I’m rambling, ignore me.” I tried to act like I was making no sense, so she’d forget it, but Tiff wouldn’t let it go.