Road of No Return (gay outlaw biker MC romance)

by K. A. Merikan

  He pulled it out and when he saw it was Crystal, he wasn’t happy at all. Arguing with her was the last thing he needed today. “What?” he asked harshly when he picked up the call.

  She sighed into the line, and when she spoke, her voice was worried. “Are you all right? I just heard what happened.”

  “Ah, yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just tense here.” It was touching to hear that she cared enough after all that rotted between them.

  Captain sighed, relaxing into his chair. He probably heard the female voice. Crystal always spoke loudly on the phone.

  “Do you think you could come over? I was thinking maybe it could be good if we talked and you spent some time with Holly?”

  “Yeah,” he said before he could give it a second of thought. “Yeah, I’d love to see her.” Stitch just hoped the ‘talking’ wouldn’t develop into an argument, but he could take it if it was the price of getting to see Holly.

  “Cool. We’ll be home for the whole day, so come over whenever you have time, okay?”

  “Yeah, thanks for calling, I really appreciate it. See you.” He put the phone down only to get back to yet another uncomfortable conversation. “Can’t we just leave the drugs? We’re clearly still not big enough,” he went back right where they finished before. “I’m not chickening out, I’m just being logical.”

  “You’re being faggy.” Captain shook his head and emptied his cup without looking at Stitch.

  Stitch froze, using all the willpower he had not to slam Captain’s face against the table. Enough was enough. “You’re pissing me off. I’m gonna go see Crystal now, but I’ll come by the club later on and deal with everything that needs to be done.” He drank some coffee and got up, knocking the back of his chair against the empty table behind him. “You can eat the fucking gay cake if you want.”

  Captain leaned back in the chair and scrutinized him without even a trace of fear or shame. “I’m only keeping this secret because we’ve been friends so long, but that’s your only chance with me.”

  Stitch bowed over the table, his chest heavy. He hadn’t even noticed when Captain had become so different from him, when they started wanting different things. “Fine. I keep my dick in pussy, and you leave Zak alone, ‘cause he’s got nothing to do with this.”

  Captain’s complete silence was hard to interpret.

  “Good.” Stitch snarled at him, even though this wasn’t good at all. He turned around and walked off, tense like after a night of sleeping on the floor. He'd known yesterday that he would need to leave Zak for a while for safety reasons, but talking to Captain made him pessimistic about the future.

  He mounted his bike and stormed to his former home. At least visiting Holly would maybe make him feel better, so he bought her a chocolate bar on the way. If she was to see him so rarely the memories should be good.

  He was relieved not to see Milton’s car in the driveway. The positives didn’t end there. Crystal actually walked out to greet him. Not only that. When he got off the bike, she hugged him close, wrapping her arms around his waist like when they were still a couple.

  “I was so scared when I found out about the shooting,” she whispered into his chest. Her red lion mane tickled his neck, and when she looked up, eyes wide and sincere, he had a powerful sense of déjà vu. “You’re not hurt?”

  “Nah, I’m fine. Let’s go inside, huh?” He gave her forehead a kiss that was so automatic he couldn’t stop himself from doing it.

  Crystal stiffened against him and pulled back with an unreadable expression. “I’m not jumping on that boat again,” she muttered and turned on her heel to enter the house.

  “I… That’s not what I meant,” Stitch mumbled and combed his hair back with his fingers. Why was life so frigging hard today?

  “I know, it’s just... weird.” Crystal gave him a tight smile and moved toward the kitchen. The house felt so peaceful and familiar it was getting to Stitch immediately. “I heard three people died.”

  “Yeah, Joe, this new guy, Rat, and some girl. Penny was her name, I think.” He sat in one of the chairs by the small kitchen table.

  “Oh, my God...” Crystal slowly sat in the other chair, too shocked to offer him a glass of sweet tea from the pitcher on the table. “That’s horrible. What have you guys gotten yourselves into this time?”

  “Listen, Crystal, if you wanna lecture me, it’s not the right time. I’ve got enough on my plate anyway.” Stitch couldn’t even look into her eyes, too beaten down by the earlier conversation with Captain.

  His words seemed to have pulled her out of the stupor, and Stitch heard the familiar cling of ice cubes falling into the glass along with tea.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Captain saw me with Zak,” he whispered, accepting the tea like it was a peace offering. He didn’t know who else to talk to about this.

  Crystal leaned back in the seat with a deep sigh. “You really need to focus on what’s important right now. Is that gay thing really worth your friends? Your daughter? Clearly, this situation you got yourself into isn’t doing you any good.”

  Stitch wished he had actually eaten that cheesecake. He could use something sweet in his life. Tea had to do. “I know, I know…” He remembered how gorgeous Zak looked in the morning when Stitch had left him sleeping, curled under the sheet, with his hands next to his face. “I’m not like some typical gay guy or something…”

  Crystal shook her head. “Do you need help? I know there are therapies for people like you.”

  Stitch licked his lips. Had he just been trapped in a safety cocoon with Zak for too long? He took it one day at a time and didn’t really know what his life would look like in the future. How could he have been so stupid and believe that no one would find out about him fucking a guy? “I don’t know…” He clenched his fingers on the cold glass.

  Crystal’s hand trailed across the table to grasp Stitch’s fingers. “Look, I want you to be happy. If you agree to break up with that guy, I’ll let you see Holly again. Wouldn’t that be motivating?”

  ‘Motivating’? Everything would be so much easier if he broke up with Zak. But it wouldn't make him happier. Why did he have to choose? This wasn’t just about where he put his dick. Stitch had never felt such desperate love for anyone but Zak. But then there was Holly, and he wanted to be a part of her life so bad it hurt. He grew up with only his grandparents after his parents bailed on him and left, so having a family had always been high on his agenda. So much so that he didn’t even feel bad about Crystal getting pregnant all those years ago. He was sure he could make it work. Was he a scumbag for wanting Zak more than to see his daughter?

  “I could try,” Stitch said as if he were on autopilot. The last six months felt like someone else’s life, and that someone had it a lot better than Stitch did now. He wasn’t going to see Zak for a while, so maybe he could at least see Holly a few times, see how it went. Maybe it was a bit like drugs, and after the initial withdrawal period, he would be clean from the dirty lust he had for Zak?

  “You’re a good guy, I know you are. Maybe I just wasn’t the girl for you? There’s no reason for you to just go with the flow like that. Girls need more work than guys, I suppose, but isn’t it worth it to have a family?”

  Stitch had some tea, but barely managed to swallow it. “If I had another girl, you wouldn’t mind me seeing Holly?” Maybe he should give it try?

  “No, of course not.” Crystal sat up straight and smiled at him. “You need to make a life for yourself.”

  “And if I wanted a life with Zak, I wouldn’t get to have Holly in it?” He kept avoiding her eyes, feeling like an abused dog, always ready for another kick.

  Crystal pulled her hand away and looked at her lap. “Stitch, that’s not how it works. You can’t have a family with a dude, come on... You might think you’re infatuated, but it’ll pass. You know it will.”

  He nodded, knowing this was the end of it. The black hole in his chest grew ever stronger. “Can I go see her?”
he mumbled.

  Crystal stroked his hand again, gently moving her fingers over the knuckles. “Yeah, she’s taking a nap in her room. But she slept enough, I think.” She got up from the chair and looked at him with a frown. “You lost your signet.”

  Stitch had a whole bunch of them, but he knew exactly which one she meant. The one that actually had meaning to him, not like the random assortment of metal on his other fingers. “Yeah, I think I lost it.” Along with my heart.

  Crystal bit her lip. “Sorry. It was from your grandfather, wasn’t it?”

  “It was. Shit happens.” He looked to the trash can, dying to change the subject. “What’s up with that?” he pointed to the pile of broken dishes on top.

  Crystal’s mouth closed as if it was sealed, and she looked away, pulling a lock of hair behind her ear. “Just a misunderstanding.”

  “Fucking Milton. I told you he’s an ass,” Stitch groaned but made his way out of the kitchen, eager to see his daughter again. Crystal made no attempt to argue with him, so he rushed up the stairs, stopping only when he reached Holly’s door. He took a few deep breaths and slowly pressed the door handle. The door opened with a quiet squeak, and he peeked inside. Holly was curled up in her pink bed covers, with the swan headrest Stitch had made himself spreading its wings over her like a guardian angel.

  It was so fucking touching he wanted to cry. He came in quietly and pushed away the ballerina shoes from the carpet to sit by her bed. “Hey, sweetie.” He stroked her blonde hair, and she opened her tiny mouth with a loud yawn, stretching on the bed.

  “D-daddy?” she uttered, putting her fists against her eyes.

  “Yeah, come give me a hug. I missed you. What have you been up to?” He couldn’t help his throat constricting when he watched her little body climb from under the sheets and into his arms.

  “You’ve been away so long. How was your trip?” she asked, pushing her tiny hands around his neck.

  Stitch hugged her tight and closed his eyes. “It was amazing, but I had to come back to my Holly, right?”

  She gave him a wide grin and pulled herself up, kissing his cheek. “What did you get me?”

  Stitch laughed. “Always so greedy. Am I not enough?”

  “Well, you have to say sorry for not telling me that you were going away,” she said with a cute, childish pout.

  “I’ll make something nice for you, how about that?”

  “I want a rocking My Little Pony.” She climbed into his lap and tugged on his cut. “On a bike, and with a hound drawn on her butt.”

  Stitch scratched his chin. “That’s… a challenge.”

  Chapter 21

  It was the seventh day in a row when Zak tried to call Stitch with no success. Messages were left unanswered as well, and while Zak had several jobs throughout the week, even that wasn’t enough to distract him from the growing fear for Stitch. His bike was in front of the club, but as soon as Zak got his car back, he started making rounds, hoping to catch a glimpse of his lover.

  He found himself unable to sleep, with his head filled with images of Stitch beaten up, with knocked out teeth, or having his club tattoo burned away along with the skin, like in the television show they’d watched some time ago. Why else wouldn’t Stitch let Zak know what was going on? For lack of a better option, he invited Versay into his bed. The beast preferred to lie on the floor and always climbed off the moment Zak slipped into a slumber, but at least it helped a bit.

  The town was slowly getting back to normal after the shooting incident. Zak was sad that he couldn’t attend the funerals, but he didn’t want to interfere with Stitch’s plans.

  But after a week, the death-like silence was starting to sound like a hollow well, someplace that had swallowed his man and refused to give him up. It was a broken pencil that pushed Zak over the edge. He threw his sketchbook across the room, followed it with the pencil, and kicked the sofa with a low groan. Versay’s furious barking was like an accusation, and Zak raised his hand, turning the signet on his thumb. If Stitch didn’t come to him, he would go to Stitch.

  The day was ridiculously sunny for October, and Zak was boiling in the car, but things like that wouldn’t discourage him. He needed to know what the fuck was going on, even if he was uneasy about meeting Captain and the accusing stare of his one eye. When he got to the clubhouse, he could hardly believe his eyes.

  Stitch was there in just his jeans, hammering nails into wooden boards covering the spaces where the windows used to be. He stood on a ladder, his wide shoulders and glorious back like a free show for a group of girls sitting by a table outside and sipping drinks. One of them, a tall, heavily tattooed brunette with piercings sprinkled over her face like raisins in a fruitcake, got up and took a glass over to Stitch.

  Blood boiled in Zak’s veins, and he pulled into the parking lot without slowing down much. The girl yelped in surprise and spilled some of the drink on her shirt. Zak was out of the car before she could even unglue the wet fabric from her small breasts. His whole body was at the same time freezing and hot like the hood of his car. He could hardly catch a full breath as he approached the ladder, his eyes focused on Stitch as if he were his lifeline. When had he become so dependent on this guy? Wasn’t it always Stitch begging for Zak’s attention like an underappreciated golden retriever?

  Stitch turned around and gave a faint smile as he stopped the hammering. He looked so glorious Zak wanted to scream. The memories of seeing that club tattoo underneath himself as he fucked Stitch were so raw in Zak’s mind, his whole body throbbed at the sight and his legs carried him closer on their own accord. The jeans Stitch had on today were quite loose, all worn and torn, showing one knee and a bit of skin on his thigh. Stitch wore them for the DIY jobs around Zak’s house, and as much as Zak loved seeing Stitch in the tight leather pants, these were great for a tiny peek at the top of Stitch’s ass when he bent over. That had to be what the women were out here for.

  Zak stuffed his hands into his pockets and forced himself to make his breathing sound calm, even if it made his lungs hurt. “You skipped your tattoo appointment,” he lied, staring into the tanned face.

  Stitch licked his lips like he did when he was about to lie. “Yeah, I kinda—”

  “I don’t think he needs that appointment anymore,” Captain finished for him, walking out of the dark innards of the club like he was an emissary from hell.

  Zak looked at him with fire burning deep in his chest. If only he could choke this bastard to death without any consequences... He bet Captain was the one behind Stitch’s silence. “Nah, I’m pretty sure he does.”

  Captain approached Zak slowly with hands down his pockets. “I talked to him, and he doesn’t want your ink anymore. Get it?”

  Stitch wouldn’t even look into Zak’s eyes as he climbed down the ladder. It hurt much less to look into the hateful face of Captain, all tense and ready to sneer. Zak was surprised at how calm he was feeling.

  “I don’t think he needs a messenger.”

  Stitch passed Captain and slightly pushed Zak to the side and toward the club. “I’ll talk to him, Cap. Go chat to Raven or something,” he groaned.

  The man didn’t answer, but Zak didn’t care much for him, too focused on the warm touch of Stitch’s rough fingers. He looked at him even as they walked. “You’ve been here all this time?” he whispered.

  “Yes.” It was a barely audible mutter, and when they walked into the club, a dozen eyes watched them pass. It made Zak’s skin crawl. He swallowed hard and rushed forward, leading the way into the corridor where Stitch had taken him a few times. His feet moved quickly, as if wanting to keep up with Zak’s heart. He didn’t know what to make of this. How could Stitch worry him so much?

  The moment the door to Stitch's room shut, the silence became unbearable. And to make matters worse, Stitch actually backed off a few steps instead of following his usual voracious hunger for closeness.

  Zak’s teeth started slightly clattering, and he squeezed his jaw hard, his ba
ck hitting the wall. “What is this? What the fuck is going on?” he uttered, choking up at the back of his throat. His mind already knew, but he refused to believe it. He knew going into a relationship would end badly, he knew it!

  “I have to take some time off, Zak.” Stitch took a deep breath, which only emphasized just how ridiculously well chiseled his abs were. “There’s all this shit with Captain, with the club, with Crystal. It’s gonna take a while to sort out.”

  Zak laughed into his face, though to his own ears it sounded sad and desperate. “Time off? Are you fucking kidding me? Is that why you made me wait for a fucking message that you’re all right?” Within a single second, Zak crossed the space between him and Stitch, and pushed him to the wall, breathing hard. His whole body was burning with the need to hit someone.

  “I thought it’d be better if I stayed away. What if someone steals my phone and finds the texts, or sees you’re someone I talk to all the time, and they track you down, huh?” Stitch didn’t push back though.

  “Oh, fuck you,” growled Zak. He entwined his fingers over his nape and paced toward the other end of the small room, close to shaking in anger.

  “Please don’t be like that…” There it was. That puppy-eyed look that had no right to be there. Yet Stitch didn’t move closer, as if Zak were some leper all of a sudden.

  “Like what? Be like you and pretend that I don’t love you?” Zak stepped back and kicked the single chair to the floor. Every part of his body was aching with tension. “What is this shit? Those girls? What the fuck, Stitch?”

  Stitch frowned and hit his forehead against the wall. “It’s stupid. Captain found this girl, Raven, and he keeps pushing me at her like she can replace you just because she’s got tattoos and piercings. I’m playing along so he pisses off. He’s changed so much I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. I just need to make things right in the club and find a way for us to be together, but it’s not easy.”