The Truth About Falling

by H. M. Sholander

  And I let him.

  I let him fight for me because I can’t do it anymore.

  I wake up to the sound of a bang, followed by cursing. I turn on my back, expecting to see Hudson watching me nervously, but he isn’t there.

  I relax into the bed and stretch before I crawl out and slip out of my room. The kitchen has been put back together like my dad didn’t ransack it for anything he could take with him.

  Hudson steps out of my mom’s room carrying the neighbor’s toys in his arms. He stops in his tracks when he sees me. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “I was just cleaning up some. I taped a garbage bag over the window until it can get fixed. The guy I called said he couldn’t be here till tomorrow to replace it.”

  “Thanks,” I say, grateful it’s one last thing I have to deal with.

  “You shouldn’t stay here tonight.”

  “Where else would I go?” I swipe my index finger under my eyes, rubbing any eyeliner away.

  “You can stay with me.” He says it like it’s the perfect solution. Simple. Easy. It’s not.

  “Thanks, but I’ll be fine. I don’t want to intrude. Plus, you have Chris to worry about. You don’t need to add me to your list.”

  He shakes his head, disagreeing with me. “It’s not a problem.”

  “I have to work tonight,” I argue, trying to come up with an excuse to stay here. But why do I want that? Do I really want to be alone in this place? No, I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I should fall into Hudson and be a burden to a guy who has his own life to keep afloat.

  “Please,” he begs. “I’ll feel better if I know you’re safe. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you can have my bed.”

  “Hudson–”

  He interrupts me. “I’ll pick you up after work.”

  I concede, knowing I’m never going to win. “Did you get the glass?”

  “Yeah. It’s all taken care of. I just have to drop these toys off next door.”

  I smile in thanks and collapse on the couch as he steps out the door to return toys that I’m sure I will never see in my yard again. In fact, I’ll be surprised if my neighbors ever let their kids outside with me living next door.

  He comes back inside and sits on the opposite end of the couch, staring me down. “Tell me what happened.”

  I know I’m going to sound insane for flying off the handle the way I did.

  “My mom is dying.” I pause, looking at him, and he waits for me to continue, knowing there’s more because…he already knew that. “They gave her a month, tops. No surgery. This is the end of the line.” I wrap my arms around my body, holding myself together. “My dad left. He abandoned both of us, and now I have to tell her. I have to tell her when she’s about to die that her husband won’t be around because he’s an asshole.”

  He waits a beat, contemplating what to tell me before he says, “Don’t tell her.”

  “What?” I ask, confused. “She deserves to know why he’s not here.”

  He scoots closer to me, leaving little space between us like he usually does. He’s always invading my space. I should tell him to back off, but I don’t because I’m getting attached. And now I’m dragging him down with all my baggage.

  “She’s dying, Jade. What good is it going to do her if she knows her husband is gone? Don’t you want the last of her time here to be something good?”

  As cruel as it is to leave her in the dark, he has a point. The stress could weaken her heart, further limiting the time she has left, so why should I tell her? Will she even notice? He wasn’t around before, so it won’t be any different. Why should I crush her right before she passes away?

  “You’re right,” I admit.

  “You’re agreeing with me without putting up a fight?” he asks, amused.

  “I’m full of surprises.”

  His thumb sweeps across my cheek as he pushes my matted brown hair away from my face. “I came for you. As soon as they drove away with you, I ran back to my house to get Chris and my car. I dropped him off with my mom and drove straight to the police station, but they wouldn’t let me see you.”

  “Why?”

  “They said they were holding you over night to let you cool down.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head, “why did you come for me?”

  “Because you’re worth fighting for.”

  My lips part and pulse pounds in my neck. I know he said he wanted to fight for me, but I never expected it to happen because I don’t feel like I’m worth it.

  His lips connect with mine before he backs away. “You’re worth more than you think you are. For some reason, you don’t see it, but I do because me and you are two lost souls who found each other right before the ground crumbled from beneath us.”

  He’s more right than I want him to be. I’m drowning, lost at sea. “So you’re here to save me?” I ask.

  “No, I’m here to help you. I’m here to stand with you. But most of all, I’m here because I want to be in this exact spot with you and all your bad behavior.” He smiles at the last part.

  “Can you handle it?” I say as a joke, but I mean it more than anything.

  He dips his head toward mine, running the length of his nose across my cheek until his lips hover above mine. “More than you know,” he admits, and I don’t dare question him as his mouth descends on mine, creating a beautiful explosion.

  A volcanic eruption starts in the pit of my stomach and moves through me, scorching and fierce as his hand moves to the back of my neck, guiding me closer to gain better access to my mouth. His lips move across mine like lava flowing down the rocky terrain of a volcano. When his tongue enters my mouth, I explode, hot, and needing everything that is him.

  Wrapping my hands around his neck, I pull him closer, begging for him to surround me and put me back together after he made me erupt into a pile of ash. He pushes me back on the couch, hovering over me and caging me in, protecting me from the elements.

  My hand moves through his soft hair, the hair I’ve been dying to touch since the first time I saw him, and it’s better than I imagined. Luscious and as soft as cashmere. If I could hold on forever, I would, but if I do, I feel like I’ll burn him–scorch him with the lava running through my veins, but I’m selfish so I don’t let go. My hand stays firmly in place, burning him, and he doesn’t even know it.

  My free hand slips down his shoulder and moves over the veins in his arms. The ones protruding that have been teasing me for some time, taunting me because I couldn’t feel them. Trapped under his body, my fingers drift over the lines in his arms, plump like a tomato, and then I grab on, holding for dear life as his tongue moves through every part of my mouth, branding me, but my hand turns his arm to ash.

  So you see that’s the thing. He holds me together, but I feel like I’m going to rip him apart, leaving nothing but ashes and bone in my wake. But I take what I can get, sucking the life out of him before he realizes what I’ve done.

  He pulls away, leaving me hollow, and I shiver at the chill that runs through me. “Tell me something.”

  It’s easy, telling him exactly what I’m thinking before I can second guess myself. “I don’t want you to leave, but if you knew what was good for you, you would,” I say. Honest. Honesty is the best policy…or so they say. “But I never want to see you go.” Human. We all have flaws. Me? I’m chock full of them.

  “I’ll hold on, only leaving when you’ve cut my heart out of my chest, and I can’t take it anymore.” He bends down, kissing my neck, tasting me while he can.

  I wonder how two people like us end up finding each other. How on earth did we fall into each other’s lives?

  The better question is, will we both be left standing in the end?

  I dry the shot glass in my hand and set it on the shelf with the other clean glasses.

  I turn back around, and Jason is holding open a small black box.

  “What do you think?” he asks, stretching his arm out t
o me with the goofiest smile I’ve ever seen plastered on his face.

  I raise an eyebrow. “I think she’s going to kill you.”

  “What?” he balks.

  I shake my head, an amused smile slipping across my face. “Have you even talked to her about this?”

  “Not in so many words.” He shrugs.

  I put the glass in my hand down and lean closer to the small box balancing in his hand. If this were anyone but Kristy, they would hate this ring. By any normal person’s standard, a black engagement ring is ludicrous. But this is Kristy, and I know she’ll love the black diamond sitting on top of a petite silver band. It screams her, but I’m not so sure if she will scream for the ring.

  “It’s perfect,” I say, trying to be supportive. “She’d be insane to say no.” Optimistic. It’s a new look on me, but the hopeful look that crosses his face makes it worth it.

  “I knew it.” He shoves the ring in his pocket, pleased with himself.

  “When are you going to ask?”

  “I’m not sure, but this damn thing is burning a hole in my pocket. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to keep it to myself.”

  “Well, technically, you just told me, so you didn’t keep it to yourself,” I correct.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He waves me off as he twists around on the barstool, his eyes scanning the room. “I’m pretty lucky. She’s got the best ass I’ve ever seen,” he says, his gaze fixed on Kristy.

  “Yeah, that’s why you’re lucky,” I scoff.

  “I’m marrying up. Don’t ya think?”

  “You’re something, that’s for sure,” I mumble.

  “I’m the customer, aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?”

  “Customers usually pay.”

  He nods his head. “True.”

  Marriage. I can’t believe Kristy was right about Jason proposing. I only wonder how she’s going to react to the news. Hopefully she’s had plenty of time to be okay with this, but who knows. What I do know is that I would love to be around when Jason asks because Kristy will either flip her shit or nonchalantly agree. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her be ecstatic about anything, but then again, nothing around the bar has ever been thrilling.

  The hair on my arm stands on end, and my eyes gravitate toward the door. Hudson is standing there in all his glory–tall, commanding, fierce.

  His eyes bore into me as he stalks closer, the crowd of people parting for him like he’s a magnet being drawn to me. His chocolate brown eyes never leave mine with each step he takes, and I find it hard to rip my gaze away from him–like he has me hypnotized.

  And when he’s standing directly in front of me, leaning against the bar with his palms flat and body inclined toward me, a zing shoots through me.

  His mouth moves, but I don’t hear what he says as the smell of cinnamon wafts over me, and I lose myself in the fantasy that is Hudson because that’s what he’s done to me–cast a spell over me. One I was never strong enough to fight no matter how hard I tried. He forced his way in, and I surrendered, giving him the power to slice me open whenever he sees fit.

  The day the steel fortress began being built around my heart was the day I saw everyone for who they really were. Liars. Ungrateful. Selfish. Assholes. I only saw the ugly.

  But for some reason, my heart convinced itself to loosen a few screws in those walls, letting Hudson seep in through the cracks, exposing myself to his charm. But he’s not trying to charm me–he’s not trying to win me over. He’s showing me compassion. He’s giving me as much as I give him. Trust.

  The thing about those loose screws is that more are falling out, and the steel walls meant to protect me from the hideous things in the world are getting weaker, threatening to collapse, leaving me naked and exposed.

  “Jade? Jade?” Hudson says, concern sweeping across his face.

  “Yeah, sorry.” I blink my eyes, bringing myself back to the present. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to pick you up.” He places his elbows on the bar, moving closer to me, and I fight to keep myself in place. “I didn’t want you to back out on me. There’s no way I’m letting you stay at your place.”

  “Bossy. I like it.” Kristy grins, slapping my ass as she passes me behind the bar. I glare at her.

  “I’m sitting right here,” Jason says, waving a hand in front of himself.

  “I know,” Kristy backfires, placing her hand on her hip.

  He’s going to have his hands full with her the rest of his life. I chuckle under my breath, imagining Jason trying to wrangle Kristy when she’s in her sixties, making inappropriate comments. Never going to happen.

  Jason takes a gulp of his beer before setting it back on the bar, ignoring the attitude Kristy is throwing his way. “I’m Jason,” he says, holding his hand out to Hudson.

  “Nice to meet you.” He nods as they shake hands. “I’m Hudson.”

  “So you’re the guy who’s going to turn Jade’s frown upside down?” Jason asks, pursing his lips.

  I smack Jason with the rag in my hand, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “Ouch.” He rubs his arm, feigning being hurt.

  “Can I get you anything?” I ask Hudson, deterring Jason from asking any more questions.

  “Just you,” he replies with an air of confidence exuding from him.

  I don’t take it as anything other than what he said. He’s waiting for me to get off work, and he’s not leaving until I’m walking ahead of him where he can keep his eyes trained on me to ensure I don’t run off.

  I’m not running away, and that’s terrifying because for the first time, I don’t want to hide from someone. I want to run headlong into them, consequences be damned.

  Kristy fans her face dramatically. “It’s getting hot in here. I think you better listen to your man.”

  “He’s no–”

  “You should leave. Amanda and I have it covered. Take the night off.” She winks. “If you’re worried about Anthony, don’t be.”

  I wave her off. “Like I would ever be worried about him.” He probably doesn’t even know who he scheduled tonight. “I don’t want you to have to fend for yourself. You and I both know Amanda is useless,” I protest.

  “I got it. Trust me.” Placing her hands on my shoulders, she guides me out from behind the bar and doesn’t stop until I’m standing dangerously close to a man I’ve become dangerously close to. “Go have fun.” She tugs the string on my apron, pulling it off me and throwing it on the counter.

  “I can’t–”

  “Go!” she demands. “I’ll push you out the door if I have to.”

  She will, I know she will, but I hesitate, thinking of the money I’ll need to get myself afloat because as much as I hate to think about it, I know when my mom passes away the bills are going to pile up.

  I’ve blown through a lot of money lately with all the trips Mom’s been making to the hospital, and I know I’m going to need to make up for it.

  But this isn’t what I’ve been saving money for the last three years.

  I’ve been working my ass off to try to keep her alive, not to bury her. But Mom knew all along, and she didn’t bother to say anything. She didn’t tell me she wanted to die.

  I close my eyes and sigh. “Take me home,” I say, my voice full of desperation. Because that’s what I am, desperate to forget everything around me and the shit hand that was dealt to me.

  When I open my eyes, Hudson is staring down at me with a gaze full of understanding, not the sympathy I was expecting. I’m beyond grateful that he seems to know what I need, even when I don’t, because as much as I need to stay and work, my mind hasn’t been in it all night.

  And while it might be a great distraction, I’m starting to think I need to face my problems and deal with them before they eat me alive. But I’m pretty sure all that’s left of me is a cold heart, nothing of use to anyone–not even me.

  Hudson takes my small hand in his and weaves us through the crowd to exit the bar. I
take a deep breath, thankful to be somewhere quiet. I didn’t think the quiet is what I wanted, but it is because even though my thoughts will drive me absolutely mad, it’s something I need to deal with.

  “You said ‘take me home.’” His voice startles me, and he squeezes my hand once, comforting me. “Just to be clear, I’m taking you to my home, not yours.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I say without fighting him, letting someone else take charge for once because I can’t trust myself to do anything. I mean I did get myself arrested, so my judgement isn’t the best at the moment.

  He opens the car door for me, and I slide in, but he doesn’t shut the door like I expect him to. He squats down next to me, placing his hand under my chin. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on in your head?”

  I let my eyes travel over his strong jaw and back up to his deep chocolate irises. How is this going to work? How do I make a relationship with him work without breaking him–without bringing him down?

  I feel like I’ve already broken so much in my life, and it’s hard not to think that he will be next.

  “I’m going to ruin you,” I whisper. “I’m almost done destroying myself and my parents. You’ll be next–I just know it.”

  He studies me, wheels turning in his beautiful head. “You won’t because even though you feel helpless and broken, you’re not. You’re strong and courageous. You can’t ruin me because this”–he gestures between us with his free hand–“was meant to happen. We were meant to find each other.”

  “I think you might be a sap,” I say, a smirk forming on my face.

  “Maybe, but I’m always right.”

  “And cocky,” I add.

  “I like optimistic better,” he says, his thumb sweeping across my chin.

  Therein lies the problem. He’s optimistic, and I’m pessimistic. Two opposites. Does that ever work out in the end? Maybe it does because despite our personalities being different, it’s the dark that has brought us together. Lives we’re leading that we wish we weren’t.

  “What makes you human, Hudson?” I ask, needing to hear something that binds us. Is it weird that I love the secrets we tell each other–the things normal people would think make us horrible people? Probably, but I like knowing I’m not the only screwed up person in this world.