by Tricia Goyer
He smiled at his wife. “I enjoyed tonight. It was good to share a meal, to see the kids having fun.”
“Did you know Marianna went to a prayer meeting?” Ruth’s voice was tense.
“I overheard. And that explains what Aaron was up to, fixing the buggy. Explains why it got stuck. It looks like she had a bumpy ride through the woods. Silver must have gotten spooked.” He smiled.
“This is no laughing matter. First, she’s meeting with the Englisch, praying words out loud. And what next?” Even though Ruth asked a question she didn’t wait to answer. “Our daughter will go the way of the world, that’s what will happen. And then—”
“What, Ruth?”
“Two children lost. Levi left for a time. Marianna next.” They’ll say we did this to our children—that we had no right having them.”
“You’re letting your thoughts run away like a scared horse. Marianna’s going nowhere. She’s curious. You have to admit we were too at that age.”
Her back stiffened, but instead of releasing her, he clung to her. “Besides, you saw her and Aaron tonight, didn’t you? If anything she’s drawing closer to him—and to her own baptism.”
“We need to be setting an example of what is and isn’t Amish. It’s too easy for things to get confused in this place.” She pulled away, scooted closer to the edge of their bed. “The children need to know . . .”
Abe clenched the quilt in his fists. They’d shared much under this quilt. Years ago they’d shared dreams. They’d fought some, but not often. Mostly about small things—things not worth the air to speak them. But now . . .
This was different. What he had to say mattered.
Abe leaned up on one elbow and gazed at his wife’s brown hair in the moonlight. “That is why we’re here, Ruth. So our children will know. Being in Indiana made it too hard to show them what was important. Everyone watched their neighbor without looking at the concerns of one’s own heart.”
Ruth shifted but didn’t speak.
“Our children are learning what’s important. Didn’t Jesus Himself say to love thy neighbor? I’m not sure He just meant those similar to oneself.”
“It’s not right, that’s all I’m saying.”
Abe lowered back down and rested his head on his pillow. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Abe Sommer?”
“It means that if things aren’t exactly your way, they’re not good enough, godly enough. I imagine God doesn’t know how to run the world on His own.” He sighed and lowered his voice. “Good thing there’s always an Amish woman or two around to help Him out.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Edgar hobbled into the restaurant kitchen and pulled two cookies from the cooling rack. He headed back to his place at the cash register. He didn’t seem to notice the women circled in the kitchen, sitting in chairs. A few people shopped, picking up items from the store shelves, but the women in the kitchen paid them no mind. Sarah, Jenny, Annie . . . their eyes were fixed on Marianna.
She bit her lip as she glanced at them and swallowed hard, noticing tears in Jenny’s eyes.
Annie eyed Marianna. “Are you sure this time?” She smoothed her apron.
“Ja, Aaron and I are set to leave in a few days’ time.”
“I’m sure your parents are pleased Levi will be joining the church.” Sarah leaned forward, her eyes fixed on Mari’s. Both knew her words were an understatement.
Jenny crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t understand. Your parents are happy that your brother got his girlfriend pregnant?” A low, harsh chuckle burst from her lips. “Wish they could have talked to my parents. As soon as they found out I was pregnant, wham! They gave me the boot. I was on my own. They even changed the lock on the door. If it wasn’t—” Words caught in her throat. “The love I’ve been shown in this community has made me trust in love again.” She reached forward and took Marianna’s hand, squeezing it hard. “I’m going to miss you.”
Marianna nodded. “Ja.” She wanted to tell Jenny that she’d miss all of them too, but heat rose up her neck at the thought of sharing her feelings like that. She decided to change the subject and talk about Levi and Naomi. She could do that without tears.
“Jenny, please don’t misunderstand. Pregnancy outside of marriage is not encouraged, but people know it happens. Usually the couple marries in a simple ceremony. No one speaks of it, but they have only a lunch without the wedding dinner. Only later, when the baby comes too soon, do others realize what happened. But bed courtship, well, it’s an old tradition that sometimes leads to other things . . .”
Jenny cocked an eyebrow. “Bed courtship?”
“It’s how an Amish boy and girl date. He picks her up at his house and takes her home or to a friend’s house. They spend the night together, you know, to get to know each other better. With everyone working so hard during the week on their farms and jobs, weekends are the only time for young couples to get together. They want to spend as much time together as possible.”
“I bet they do.” Jenny smirked. “And I thought . . .” She shook her head. “Well, I thought different of your people.”
Annie joined the conversation. “Traditions are traditions, and sin is enticing to everyone—no matter how you were raised. Sexual impurity is wrong, but each of us must make the decision to stay strong. I’m just thankful Levi’s making a good choice and that he’ll be there for his child.”
“Did the letter say when the baby’s due?” Sarah asked.
“In a matter of months.”
“Really? That soon?” Sarah’s eyes widened. “I thought they weren’t together.” Her eyes bored into Marianna, and she could read the question in her friend’s eyes. It was the same question that met Marianna on the walk to the store this morning. Last night she’d been so excited about Levi’s return. Her heart had been so light with the idea of becoming a bride that she hadn’t taken the time to think about Naomi’s pregnancy. The slow walk in the chilly air had awakened those thoughts.
“I’m not going to get into their business. I just wanted you to know that my brother and my friend—they need me. And . . . while I’m there I’ll be planning my own wedding.”
A gasp escaped Jenny’s lips. “To Aaron?”
“Yes, of course. Who else would it be?” Marianna laughed but the look on Jenny’s face made the answer clear.
It was a look of relief that Marianna was not marrying Ben.
A pang struck Marianna’s heart. She started. Was she . . . jealous? No, of course not. What did it matter if Jenny ended up with Ben? In fact, it would be a good thing for them both. They each deserved someone good.
Marianna forced a smile, then turned back to the pie crust she’d been rolling out. She had a beautiful future to look forward to . . . she needed to be thankful. She needed to see this time in Montana as the way God helped her finally understand where she belonged.
Marianna waited until everyone else was in bed to ask Aaron the question that had pounded in her head all day. She sat in the rocking chair by the fire, close enough to see his face but far enough to buffet the pain if she didn’t receive the answer she was hoping for.
“Aaron, there’s something I need to ask you. About Naomi.”
The color drained from his face.
“Were you wondering when I’d ask?” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
“Not really. I didn’t think—”
“That I’d hear?”
His cheeks reddened. “No. Not really.”
“You should know better, Aaron. I mean, you heard about me—about what people were saying about . . . well, you know, Ben.” She had a hard time saying his name and ignored the deep stirring inside.
“But that’s different. Every time I was with Naomi, we were alone.”
Somehow that wasn’t comforting. “Girls talk, Aaron.”
“It was nothing. We were just keeping each other company. My heart ached so wi
th you gone.”
She wanted to tell Aaron she understood and, in a way, she did. That’s why she’d been so drawn to Ben. She was sure of it now. She’d been lonely. She was looking for someone to fill the hole that being without Aaron had caused. She didn’t blame Aaron. He needed to be admired and appreciated—even though it was clearly a sin for a young Amish woman to desire such things.
As for Naomi, with Levi breaking up with her, it was only natural she had turned to Aaron. Even so . . .
“Did you kiss her when you were together? I have to know.”
Aaron lowered his head. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t need to.
“Did you do more? Did you treat her in a way a husband treats a wife?”
“No.” The word shot from Aaron’s lips. “It—it wasn’t like that.”
Marianna studied his face, trying to decide if she believed him. She had no choice but to try. She’d made mistakes too. “So, where do we go from here?”
“If you want to talk to Naomi, you can. Just so you know I’m telling the truth.”
“I wasna thinking about that. I mean, now that we know we are both human and that we are prone to mistakes. I suppose we should expect shortcomings. I have no doubt we’ll continue to fail each other. We’re not perfect.”
“You’re not mad?”
“I have to admit my heart is a little crushed, but I understand. I left you, Aaron.” She looked into his face. “And an empty heart is always looking for things to fill it.”
Aaron stepped forward and placed both hands on her shoulders. Then he pulled her toward him. Though his touch was gentle, his urgency as he drew her into an embrace was not. “Do you promise you’ll never be apart from me again?”
She leaned her cheek again his chest, amazed to hear the beating of his heart through the rough cotton of his shirt. “I cannot promise that.”
“Yes, I know. But least you’re returning with me, right? And you’ll come see the cabin.” He stroked her neck under her kapp. “And then will you let me court you proper-like?”
“You mean sketching me before the fire and allowing me to wash your hair isn’t a proper courtship?” She chuckled, trying to ignore the pain she felt. Trying not to think that Aaron may have held Naomi like this.
“No. I wanna do it like I’ve been planning for two years.”
She pulled back from him and looked into his face. “Really? How is that?”
“I can’t tell you. It’ll ruin the surprise.”
“Well, if you don’t tell me, I will not let you have a piece of apple pie.” She hurried to the kitchen, where the pie cooled on a wire rack.
“You wouldn’t . . .”
“I would.”
“Okay, but let’s sit by the fire.”
Marianna took his hand and followed him in to the living room, facing him on the sofa.
He smiled. “Well, there was going to be the typical rides down the country roads. Sitting side by side at youth sings. I might have come a time or two and woke you up to go visit with friends. Then, when I was sure that you were dreaming of a wedding as much as I was, I was going to take you to my house—our house. I was going to show you the barn first and my herd that was growing. Then, as sunset neared, we’d walk though the trees to the house itself.”
Marianna smiled and closed her eyes, picturing it all as he talked.
“I’d show you the front porch, then I’d take you inside to the kitchen and living area. I’d show you the indoor bathroom and the small side room for our first child. Then I was planning on taking you to the bedroom—our future bedroom—and give you your first kiss.”
Marianna swallowed, her gaze on Aaron’s lips. His hand reached up and cupped her cheek, then slowly—so slowly she thought she’d pass out waiting for him—he leaned forward. Her eyes fluttered closed and she lifted her chin. As his lips touched hers, a bolt of lightning shot through her, down her body, zapping her heart.
He pulled back, but she refused to open her eyes. She focused on the warmth of his breath. His touch. “I love you, Aaron. I’ve waited for these kisses from you. I’d always planned for them to be like this . . .”
Then, unbidden, another face filled her mind.
Naomi’s.
Stop it. It wasn’t anything. He said so.
The fact that Aaron and Naomi kissed wasn’t what bothered her, not really. Marianna was no fool. She knew few young men kept themselves pure through rumspringa. But the idea that Naomi had unwrapped the gift that Aaron had been saving for her . . .
Naomi saw the cabin. She’d seen the sunset through the trees. She’d enjoyed Aaron’s embrace. All before Marianna had. Her wave of happiness was replaced by a nauseous feeling in the pit of her gut. She pushed away from Aaron and rose.
“What’s wrong?” He stood, favoring his good leg.
“I’m tired, that’s all. It’s been a hard day.”
“You’re lying, Marianna. I can tell. You’ve never been a good liar.”
“I just wonder why I had to come here at all. I should have stayed. Things would have worked out. You wouldn’t have kissed Naomi in our place—the cabin—where you should have been kissing me. And . . .”
Marianna stopped there. She didn’t want to continue. She didn’t want to talk about how her heart was wrapped up, or who it was wrapped up with. She didn’t want to picture Ben’s face or long for his smile. She didn’t want to admit that even as Aaron’s lips were on hers she’d wondered what it would be like to kiss Ben. She blew out a soft breath realizing that she regretted not trying at least once. She hadn’t been baptized to the church yet after all.
She sat on the couch, snuggling into the corner. “I feel sick.”
“I’m sorry, Mari. Sorry I failed you, but I have to admit I don’t understand. Weren’t you the one who just said it was good to know neither of us is perfect?”
“I know.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I just . . . need some time, Aaron.”
He nodded, and left the room.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Aaron sat in the corner booth feeling as out of place as if he were walking on the moon. The Englisch and Amish sat together in the booths, talking with each other about things like the weather and how the hunting season was going. It was Marianna’s last day of work, and everyone gathered to wish her good-bye. She moved around the room, taking time to talk to each person.
Aaron picked up his knife and brushed butter over the thick slices of bread. He’d have her all to himself soon.
Ben blew warm air into his hands as he stood on the porch of the store and watched a buggy approach, not wanting to go inside. How long had he been standing there? Fifteen minutes? Twenty? He wasn’t sure.
The horse’s hooves crunched the frozen snow and the buggy rolled under the street light. Ben sucked in a breath—the icy air feeling like razor blades in his lungs. That’s when he saw Mr. Sommer in the buggy. Abe waved a mittened hand, and Ben waved back, forcing a smile to his face. He hurried up to help with the horse. He’d have to go in now. No more hiding in the darkness.
“What are you doing out in the cold, Ben? Aren’t you going to come in?”
Ben took the horse’s reins and patted the animal’s side. “Oh, I saw you coming and just thought I’d see if you needed any help.” It was a lie, but he didn’t think Abe would care for the truth.
“Not really. I’m not staying long. Just picking up Aaron and Marianna and getting them home. They have an early train tomorrow.” Mr. Sommer tied Silver to the hitching post and then waved Ben to follow him in.
Ben’s eyes scanned the restaurant, and his eyes fell on the one he was looking for. She stood there, with her simple blue dress, her apron dingy from a day working in the kitchen, her woolen stockings. Her clothes were pinned. Her face held not a hint of makeup, but she was beautiful in a way none of his old friends from Southern California would ever understand.
She hugged a few people, then moved to the table where Jenny and Kenzie sat, taking time to
give them both a long hug. Ben watched as she slipped an envelope from her pocket and pressed it into Jenny’s hand. He was pretty sure inside the envelope was the money she’d received for the quilt she’d made for Annie. It was only a guess, but it was something Marianna would do.
Voices, loud laughter, and the sound of the radio filled the room. Annie didn’t have the radio on often, but no one wanted to miss news of the upcoming storm. And then Ben heard it, his voice, his song. On the radio.
The pounding of his heart increased and he looked to Marianna. She paused, lifting her head as if recognizing something familiar. She looked up at the ceiling, as if trying to concentrate, and just then someone approached. The tall man walked with hardly a limp. He placed one hand on her arm, in the other he held his brimmed hat. She turned and a smile filled her face. He pointed to the back door, and that’s when Ben saw them. Two brand new suitcases, most likely for their trip.
Marianna wrapped her arms around Aaron, clearly excited, and placed a kiss on his cheek.
Tears filled Ben’s eyes and the blue dress blurred before him.
“Every warm cabin needs a good wife,” his voice on the radio sang. Hot emotion tightened Ben’s throat. A tear slid from the outward corner of his eye, and he wiped it away. He’d been gone too long. He’d missed too much.
Lord, is this how it’s supposed to be? If so, why does my heart hurt so much?
Ben watched as Marianna hurried to Annie, offering a warm hug. Then others—Jenny, Edgar, Mrs. Peachy—rushed forward, each waiting their turn.
“Good-bye,” Marianna said to everyone. Aaron stood to the side, waiting. A soft smile filled his face and his love for her was clear.
Why did I have to fall in love with her, Lord? Why did it have to come to this?
He’d done everything God had asked. He’d walked away from fame. He’d been content to serve others. He’d loved God, shared his faith. So why had God brought Marianna here? To hurt him? To test him?