by Tricia Goyer
God, do You want to know if I love You most?
His mind told him he did love God more. But his heart?
Ben watched as Aaron returned his hat to his head and placed his hand on the small of Marianna’s back. She paused, looking back over her shoulder, scanning the room one last time as if she were looking for something—someone. Ben stepped into the kitchen before her gaze reached him. He couldn’t let her see him like this. He’d always told her he believed God had a perfect will. He couldn’t let her see the anger, the pain in his gaze.
Why, God?
Morning light shone through the windows. Marianna hadn’t looked at the photo of her and Ben for weeks. Knowing it was tucked away in her journal—protected by her wonderings, questions, and prayers—helped. Like armed sentries, her words would not accuse because the photo was there. A few times she thought about digging that journal out from beneath her other things. Once she reached down and touched the leather of the book but then pulled her hand away.
She had to stay strong.
Seeing her joy in the photo, and Ben’s gaze upon her, would do her no good. It would puncture her heart again and replay accusations of her mind. I should have known better. Becoming too friendly with the Englischer had been the cause of most of her pain.
She knew that now. The boundaries her community placed on outside things—outside people—were for her own good.
So why had she kept the photo? Would Mem have kept a photograph of the Englischman she once loved? After all, photos were slices of reality, unlike the dangerous nature of one’s fanciful thoughts.
She looked down at Aaron’s letter in her hands.
She’s almost missed it. She’d almost walked away from a love that was true, one she was created for. In a few day’s time she’d be back. In Indiana.
She placed a hand over her heart. In a few days she’d see Levi. And then . . . she imagined walking through the home designed for her.
Marianna rose and dressed, then tied up her snow boots, slid on her coat, and headed out into the chilly morning air. The light filtering over the mountains seemed to sharpen the white around her, causing it to glow. She walked behind the house, and even though she could no longer see the trail to the pond, she knew the way. Trapper trotted by her side, stopping every now and then to sniff a thicket. Even though the world was quiet, life was buried deep under branches or in the ground. That’s what things seemed like lately—that true life was hidden under the surface.
She made her way to the pond and noticed it was frozen over, still. The beaver dam was there, and she smiled thinking of the creatures safe and warm inside. For so long her mind seemed frozen with questions. But today things were different. Today life had thawed and hope had sharpened everything, just like the sunlight through the trees. She would return home. She’d help Levi, she’d spend time with Aaron and get to know the man she was loving more each day.
But there was more than that. Truth had come to her in the night as she’d prayed. She was going back different. Not only did she have new friends and a different outlook on life. God had changed her inside, and that was something she wanted to share.
Marianna reached down and plucked a small pinecone off a broken branch, tucking it in her pocket. Just as one pinecone could scatter many seeds and grow a forest, maybe the truth she wanted to share would plant new hope in the Amish community she’d grown up in.
She started back to the cabin, her steps quickening. Suddenly she couldn’t wait to go back with Aaron. She hoped to have another day making pies with Rebecca. She wanted to sew baby clothes with Naomi and work on mending by the fire with Aunt Ida, and as she spent time with them, she wanted to share about what she’d learned here. Not the fact that Amish and Englisch were more alike than she thought or that some snow was so wispy and light that it couldn’t be formed into a snowball—although those things might come into the conversation.
Instead, she wanted to talk to them about God, His word and His goodness. Faith wasn’t about their dress and their ways. It wasn’t about doing things like their ancestors. It was about learning that the One who created and brought order to the world was the One who loved in deeper ways than she could imagine.
Excitement filled her. It would be impossible to sleep. Was Aaron awake? They could talk about their trip, and maybe he could tell her more about the cabin.
Her heart ached. How she must have hurt him by not going to see it. He’d worked so hard on it.
Warm heat hit her cheeks as she entered her parents’ cabin. As she hoped, Aaron was awake. He sat on the couch as if waiting for her. When he glanced up at her, she noticed his smile. She took off her mittens, coat, and boots, and joined him.
She smiled back, a cold blustering filled her stomach as if a winter storm stirred inside. Amazingly, it was a welcoming feeling. It showed her she was on the right track.
Aaron extended his hand to her and she reached for it, taking slow steps forward. She looked around at the simple house and imagined the place Aaron had built for her—the type of place she’d always pictured growing up.
When did I forget those dreams?
This is where I belong. With Aaron.
She let out a slow breath . . . if only she’d realized it sooner. If only all her feelings for Ben would vanish with the morning dawn.
“Ready to go?”
She met Aaron’s gaze. “Yes, I believe I am.” She put her hand in his and followed him out the door. To the train.
To her future.
EPILOGUE
Marianna scanned the crowd—and then she saw him. Levi, the man—no longer the boy—strode to her. Tenderness for her brother, still with close-cropped hair and Englisch clothes, tugged at her heart. But as Marianna approached, she saw something. A shadow of stubble on Levi’s face. The beginnings of a beard.
Her heart leapt.
Marianna held back the questions on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to know about his plans, about the wedding, yet she waited. Other Amish milled around. Such things as she wanted to know were shared in private, around family. Only after the engagement was published a few weeks before the wedding would they be able to talk about it in public.
Even though it wasn’t ladylike, Marianna lifted her skirt and ran to him.
Levi opened his arms to her, and she stepped into them. His T-shirt was soft on her cheek.
“Thank you for coming, Mari. I can’t tell you how much it means.”
She swallowed hard and nodded. Her lips parted to answer, but the quiver of her chin stopped her words. She looked back and noticed Aaron gathering their suitcases. He looked at her, waiting, giving them time before he approached.
“Are you crying?” Levi’s hands touched her shoulders and he pushed her back to see her face. “You don’t have to cry. I’m all right and Naomi will be too. We’re figuring things out.” He wiped away a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. Levi’s touch was gentle. “Don’t cry, Marianna.”
“They’re happy tears. Levi, you have to know that. The days to come . . . I can’t even imagine, how full of happiness they’ll be.”
“Yes, Marianna.” Levi hugged her again. “I suppose it’s what we’ve always wanted. We just didn’t know.”
“We do now, Levi.” Laughter replaced her tears. “We do now.”
Hamburger Potato Dish
2 pounds hamburger
1 medium onion, diced
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can water
6 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
salt and pepper to taste
Brown hamburger and onion. Add soup, water, potatoes, and seasoning. Bake in casserole or cook in a skillet, stirring occasionally. Meal is done when potatoes are tender.
Corn Bread Meat Pie
1 pound ground beef
1 large onion, chopped
1 can (8 oz.) tomato sauce
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 cup chopped green pepper
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1 3/4 cup water
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 can (12 oz.) whole kernel corn
Corn bread mix (prepare as on package but do not bake)
Brown ground beef and onion in skillet. Drain. Mix in the other ingredients and let simmer for 15 minutes. Pour into a greased casserole dish. Top with corn bread mix. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
Amish Peanut Butter Pie
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup sugar, divided
3 cups low-fat milk, divided
3 large eggs, separated
6 tablespoons cornstarch, divided
3 tablespoons flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons vanilla, divided
1 pie shell, baked
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
Beat together the powdered sugar and peanut butter till the mix is crumbly; set side.
In a large, heavy saucepan, combine 2/3 cups sugar and 2 cups low-fat milk; heat to scalding or possibly till bubbles start to form on the bottom. Don’t let it boil.
Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, beat the egg yolks to mix; blend in 3 tablespoons cornstarch, flour, and salt. Stir to make a paste.
Whisk in the remaining cup of cool low-fat milk, whisking till the mix is smooth.
Pour in some of the warm low-fat milk mix, stirring to combine.
Add in mix in bowl to the low-fat milk in the saucepan. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, till the mix bubbles up in the center.
Add in the butter and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Remove from heat and let the custard cool.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Sprinkle 2/3 of the crumbly peanut butter mix in the bottom of the baked (and cooled) pastry shell. Pour the cooled custard mix over the top.
In a large mixer bowl, place the egg whites, cream of tartar, and remaining 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat till stiff peaks form.
Gradually, while beating, add in the 4 tablespoons remaining sugar and 3 tablespoons remaining cornstarch. Continue beating until the eggs whites are very thick and glossy.
Spread meringue on top of pie; sprinkle the remaining peanut butter mix on top.
Bake for 10 to 15 minutes; watching carefully, or possibly till the meringue is golden. Chill and serve.
Amish Caramel Pie
3 cups brown sugar
3 cups water
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup all-purpose flour
3 cups milk
6 egg yolks
2 pie shells, baked
Mix together flour, milk, and egg yokes. Set to the side. Boil brown sugar, water, and butter together for 2 or 3 minutes for a good strong caramel flavor. Slowly stir flour mixture into boiling syrup, stirring constantly until it comes to a boil. Remove from heat; cool 5 minutes and stir once. Pour into 2 baked pie shells. Top with either a meringue from the egg whites or allow pie to cool and top with whipped cream.
Amish Breakfast Casserole
1 pound sliced bacon, diced
1 medium sweet onion, chopped
6 eggs, lightly beaten
4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cups small curd cottage cheese
1 1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese
In a large skillet, cook bacon and onion until bacon is crisp; drain. In a bowl combine the remaining ingredients; stir in bacon mixture. Transfer to a greased 13 x 9 x 2 baking dish. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees for 35–40 minutes or until set and bubbly. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.
AUTHOR’S NOTES
Dear Reader,
During the writing of Along Wooded Paths, as Marianna was adjusting to life in West Kootenai, Montana, I was doing some adjusting of my own. I’d just moved from Kalispell, Montana, to Little Rock, Arkansas. Like Marianna, I started making friends with people very different from me. While I missed my old friends back home, my heart had plenty of room for new relationships, too. Moving away, I wasn’t giving anything up . . . instead I grew in my knowledge of a new place. I also found my place within a new community.
When I started working with single moms in inner city Little Rock, I thought I had something to offer them. What I didn’t realize was how much those relationships would change me. Just like Marianna found with Jenny, it was a special give and take. The laughter and hugs of those young moms is something I’ll always cherish.
Sometimes in life we have an idea of what God’s plan is. And other times His greatest plan is simply for us to love the people He’s put in our paths.
Who has God put in your path? It may be someone who’s facing a challenging time, like Aaron. It maybe be someone who just needs a little help, like Jenny. Next time someone enters your life, consider how your love and support can make a difference. The truth is, sometimes you’ll be the one who is impacted most of all . . . just like Marianna. Just like me.
With care,
Tricia Goyer
TEASER CHAPTER FOR BOOK 3, BEYOND HOPES VALLEY
Naomi’s parents’ big, white clapboard house was newer than other houses in the community. Marianna remembered when the new house went up. The Dawdi Haus—the smaller, older farmhouse where Naomi’s grandparents once lived—was in back.
From the porch of the Dawdi Haus, Marianna could see the trees her parents planted after her sisters’ deaths. And beyond that she could see her parents’ property and house. It didn’t feel like home any more.
To her, home was where her parents were, where her siblings were. And Montana was very far away.
She’d get over to the old place soon enough. She still had a hope chest filled with her things upstairs in her room. She thought again about the many journals she’d written. It would be interesting now to go back and see what she’d written. Did her words come across as sad as she’d always felt? Would she read the weight of trying to live her life to make up for two sisters lost? It would be interesting to find out.
Naomi paused next to a trunk on the porch of the Dawdi Haus. “I’ll be setting everything up for after the wedding, of course.”
Marianna looked from Levi to Naomi. “So you’ll be living here? Near your parents’ place? I hadn’t thought to ask.”
“Ja, it’s a gut home. It’s been empty in the year since my grandfather passed. Levi got a job on the Stoll farm. Aaron gave a recommendation.”
Marianna nodded. “Did he now? That sounds like Aaron.”
“With the house and the income, s’pose we’ll have enough to make it. And after the wedding, as we go around visiting, we should get enough for me to keep a home.” Naomi rubbed her round belly. She talked like things were happening no different than with every other Amish young couple. The truth was, it wasn’t uncommon for Amish girls to get pregnant before they married. What was uncommon was for their boyfriends to come back from the world.
Naomi sniffed the air and rose. “I think my pie’s done. I’ll be back in a minute.”
She smiled at Marianna and Mari smiled back, but as soon as Naomi was out of earshot she turned to her brother.
“Are you certain, Levi?”
“Certain?”
“With this decision.”
Levi looked deep into Marianna’s eyes. She could see he knew what he ought to say, ought to do, but that didn’t mean it would be easy. Gazing into Levi’s eyes was like looking into her own soul.
Levi sighed. “Love is a choice, not a feeling, Mari. Didn’t you write that in one of your letters to me?”
“Yes, it is a choice, and you’re not making an easy one.” Marianna forced herself to ask the question she’d been wanting to ask. “It isn’t your baby, is it?”
Levi sat up straighter in his seat. “Why would you say that?”
“There is something different about you two. Distance. She. . . it’s as if she’s worried you’re going to walk out at any moment. And you—you ha
ve the same look in your eyes as when you were ten and Dat gave up on that newborn calf. You stayed with the calf day and night for a week, feeding it at all hours until it was strong enough to nurse. You were proud. You were weary too, but that didn’t compare. It was as if the sacrifice was worth it. It’s as if this marriage to Naomi is out of duty, not love.”
“You’re seeing things where they ought not be.”
“Am I? It’s me you’re talking to, Levi. I’ve come all this way to help. Shouldn’t I know the truth?”
He studied her. “And you’ll not speak it to anyone.”
“Of course not. You know me better.”
“I have not slept with her, Mari. I may not have followed the Amish ways, but I believed Dat when he told me that union ought to be saved for marriage.”
Marianna’s trembling fingers touched her lips.
“Whose? Whose baby is it, then?”
Levi shrugged and lowered his head. “Would you believe me when I tell you I won’t ask? I don’t want to know?”
“But why? How could you not want to know?” Marianna felt a sickness coming over her stomach.
“I want to love this child like my own, to think of it as mine. As far as everyone else is concerned, it is.” He covered his mouth with his hand and then wiped it, as if wiping poison off his lips. “I don’t want to think of her with another man. Don’t want to think what I’d say to a man who would do such a thing. Who would do that, Mari? Who would leave a young woman pregnant and alone?”