by Hayden Hunt
“Is everything okay?” Eli asked suddenly, a few minutes after we had started eating. “Sorry if this is a little awkward or—”
“No, no, it’s genuinely sweet, but…” I hesitated.
“But what?” he smiled.
“A little unexpected, I guess.”
“Oh, was it? I mean, when you said you hadn’t eaten I just figured this would be a nice thing to do and everything—”
“Oh, and it is!” I said quickly. “It totally is, I just wasn’t expecting it, I guess.”
“So, what were you expecting?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to be honest because I knew when I’d say out loud that I’d thought he only wanted me for sex, it would sound like I was assuming the worst of him. But, I didn’t want to lie, either. I’d just have to word this right.
“I’d just thought, you know, that you were looking for something casual here. Like, you know, I’d come over and we’d—”
“Have sex?” he finished for me.
“Yeah…”
He laughed. “Yeah, that’s not really what I was looking for here.”
“And what are you looking for?” I asked. It was a little bold, but I wanted to be open.
“Honestly? Hopefully this isn’t off-putting, but I really enjoyed our time together last night. And not just when we were having sex. You are really easy to talk to, and, frankly, I like you. You seem like the kind of person I could be in a relationship with.”
I had to keep my jaw from dropping. This is totally not what I had been expecting. I didn’t even know how I felt about all this.
“I, uh, wow, uhm—”
He laughed again. “Is this really that much of a surprise?!”
“Uh, yeah, kind of!”
“And why?”
“You are just… so out of my league!” I admitted. “You’re an assemblyman, you live in this big beautiful house, you’re handsome, and you’re sweet, and I’m just—”
“Also handsome? Also sweet? Not to mention funny and compassionate?”
I blushed. “Well, I don’t really think about myself like that…”
“And how do you think of yourself?” he asked.
Ugh, I had no idea how to answer this without sounding totally insecure. But, I guess I kind of am.
“As someone who doesn’t have his life together? I’m still working a job that is only barely above minimum wage. I’m not traditionally successful for my age or anything—”
“I love your job!” he said quickly. “And you do it because the animals at the rescue need you. You do a hard job for way too little income because you’re a caring person. And you don’t think that makes you a great potential partner?”
“Well, uh, I guess so.” I looked down at my food and took a few bites. I was totally embarrassed – I don’t take compliments that well. And all the bold flirtiness I’d had last night dissipated now that I knew he was actually looking for a serious relationship.
“But, the real question is, what do you want? Where are you at in life and what are you looking for?”
This has got to be the most direct conversation I’ve ever had about starting a potential relationship. But it was actually really nice to be this upfront. There were no games with him, and I appreciated that.
“I honestly don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it. I totally came over here with the expectation that you just wanted a fuck-buddy, and, I knew I wanted that, because, well, you’re obviously very sexy. But, I’d never even considered if I want a relationship…”
“But now that you’re thinking about it?”
I took a deep breath. “Now that I’m thinking about it, I still don’t know, I guess. I mean, obviously I’m attracted you, and you’re very nice, and you are what I would look for in a relationship. But, I haven’t been looking for a relationship for a long time, and you recently got out of a long-term one…”
He sighed. “Yeah, I know, and I know the general consensus is that after a big breakup, you’re supposed to take time for yourself and heal on your own, and you’re not supposed to date someone else so soon. But, hear me out: the minute I’d found out that bastard was cheating on me, our relationship died in my eyes. He became the scum of the earth to me. I spent years of my life with him, not knowing what a total piece of shit he really was. And, now, I don’t want to give him anymore time.”
I nodded. “And I can understand that, but, at the same time, I don’t want to just end up being your rebound.”
I didn’t say this out loud, but, the reason for that was I didn’t want to get hurt again. Obviously Eli is out of my league, which means I could potentially fall quite hard for him. And, if I do, well, it’s going to make it that much harder if he ends up leaving me because this was all an after-break-up-fling.
He shook his head. “I don’t think you’re a rebound, I really don’t. I…” He paused. “It feels so weird to say this after only one night together, but I really like you. And I’m not saying we’re going to end up together anything, who knows what this relationship would be like if we were even to start one, but I’d like to explore it. I’d love to see where things lead with you, if that’s what you want.”
I still didn’t know. I liked Eli, I absolutely did, but I’d liked my last boyfriend. Correction, I had been totally in love with my last boyfriend. And I had been burned so badly that I still am not sure if I’ve really recovered.
“I just… think maybe I need to think on it a bit? I like you, I really do, but a relationship was not a plan I’d had for my near future, so I’d really like some time.”
“Of course!” Eli said quickly, making an obvious effort to not seem disappointed in the slightest. “Take all the time you need! Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.”
I’m not really sure that’s true, though. If this is a rebound situation, then I’m positive he’ll actually find someone fairly quickly.
And I suddenly realized just how much I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him ending up with any one else. When this man, as out of my league as he is, is actually interested in me. I should take advantage of this.
But my excitement about a possible relationship stemmed from the same place as my fear. That he’s so great, I’ll fall right in love with him and get my heart broken.
“Yeah, maybe, let’s just take things slow.” I suggested, which is funny considering I had planned to come over here tonight solely to fuck. “We can just talk for awhile? Get to know each other?”
He grinned. “I would love that.”
7
Eli
Gene and I aren’t exactly in a relationship, but we’re slowly getting there. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish things were moving along faster, but, at the same time, I’m so enthralled with him that I’m just happy at the possibility of a relationship.
Still, I’d be spending every night with him if I could. As of now, we’ve averaged at a date or two a week, and we usually just go to the movies or ice-skating. It doesn’t allow for as much time as I want with him.
The upside, though, is that we text literally all the time. Which sounds boring, but it isn’t at all. I’ve learned so much about him just from texting on a daily basis.
I’ve learned that he isn’t terribly close with his parents, but that they always speak on holidays. I’ve found out his favorite color is pink and that he’s embarrassed to like country music. He doesn’t have too many friends, but, he’s close with the ones he’s been friends with for years.
Mostly, though, he doesn’t hang out with many people. He sees his friends every once in awhile, but, most of them live out of town, anyway. He works, he goes home, he reads books, and that’s about it.
And, of course, I’ve spilled to him a lot about my life, as well. It sounds weird to say I feel like I’ve really gotten to know him, but that is how I feel. I’ve only fallen for him more over the last few weeks we’ve been talking.
But he hasn’t given me the official okay on trying to start a relationshi
p. And, the more I get to know him, the more I understand why.
His last relationship had been tumultuous and had ended up with him completely and totally unhappy. Unlike me, it had taken him a long time to get over his ex. I can understand why he’s nervous about getting into a new relationship.
Which is why I’m absolutely giving him all the time he needs. I’m very careful not to seem pushy in any way. I don’t want to put any pressure on him.
And, I think it’s working. He seems genuinely comfortable with me. The more he gets to know me, the more he trusts that I’m not going to hurt him the way his ex did. And the more I get to know him, the more I know it, too. Because, honestly, if I get to be with this boy, I can’t imagine ever ending the relationship.
That sounds crazy, but he is honestly perfect for me. I’d never known how compatible somebody could really be with me. We match up in so many ways, and it feels so fucking good. Especially when I reflect on my last relationship…
Obviously, it had imploded in a very dramatic way, but, even before our explosive breakup, we had never really been compatible. I think I just hadn’t wanted to be alone. I’d wanted to settle down, so I’d picked the guy I was dating and had been committed to making it work.
But it had never worked naturally, not even from the beginning. I had constantly been trying to get him to change. I’d done everything I could have to push him in the direction I’d wanted him to go. It wasn’t ever healthy, but I hadn’t even noticed until it all had ended.
And, thank god it did. Honestly, it all felt like divine intervention. If Joshua hadn’t broken up with me that day, I would have gone to that shelter with him instead of alone. I never would have flirted with Gene, and we never would have had a chance to actually meet.
Hell, maybe I wouldn’t even have chosen Cody, who I was already in love with. He is the perfect dog for me.
He’s been keeping me very active. I’ve been on my toes with him, and I love it. He makes me feel younger, and having him doesn’t allow me to be lazy in the ways I used to be.
I feel like my entire life has been revitalized. Ever since my ex had walked out of it, I’ve been a new man living a new life. And I’m thrilled that he hasn’t even bothered to contact me after I’d ended things.
At least, I was thrilled.
It was six o’clock when I heard the doorbell ring, and I lunged to my feet. I knew who it was. Gene and I had a date scheduled tonight. Although we weren’t going out, we were eating pizza and watching movies at home. Gene was picking up some rentals.
I didn’t want to jinx it, but I had a feeling that tonight was the night he was going to ask to make things official. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a hunch. Something about the way he’s been acting. ‘
And he was the one who suggested we hang out at my house tonight, which we haven’t done since our first conversation about possibly starting a relationship.
Since that first night, he insisted on making all our dates public. I think it’s his way of distancing himself from me a little bit, stopping things from getting too intimate.
But now that he’s asking to hang out at my house? That’s gotta mean something, and it’s gotta be good.
When I answered the door, though, I was incredibly surprised to find it wasn’t Gene at the door. Instead, there stood Joshua.
My jaw dropped. I hadn’t been expecting this at all. I thought, after weeks of no contact, Josh would’ve realized it was a lost cause by now.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I snapped.
“Can I come in?” he asked sheepishly.
“No.” I answered immediately. “I’ve got plans.”
“Please, Eli? I need to talk to you. Please just talk to me.”
“No, I’ve got nothing to say. You need to leave.”
He sighed. “Fine. Can I at least use the bathroom?”
I gave him my best bitch face. “I think you can find a toilet elsewhere.”
“Come on, Eli! Where I’m staying is so far from here! I really just have to pee.”
“And where’s that? With your new girl?”
“No, Eli! I’m not with her. If you let me talk, I’d explain that.”
“Well, I’m not going to, because I honestly don’t care who you are or aren’t with. Now, please, leave.”
“I swear to god, I’ll leave just as soon as I use the toilet. Please, Eli?”
Dammit, why do I have to be such a good guy?
“Fine. Hurry up.” I said, letting him inside.
“Thank you,” he nodded and immediately headed for the bathroom.
Even just knowing he was in my bathroom was irritating to me. I’d never wanted to see his face again, and now he’s taking a piss in my toilet, ugh.
Though, I guess it’s better than him taking a piss in my lawn or against my house. Which, if I’d shoved him out without letting him use the bathroom, I wouldn’t have put past him.
He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, a sheepish expression on his face.
“All right, now go.” I insisted.
“You never called,” he said sadly.
“Uh, neither did you?”
I know what he was saying was supposed to make me feel bad for him or whatever, but it honestly only made me more infuriated with him. Why did he always use these tactics? It’s like, he does the same shit I do, but it’s only ever my fault.
He was only reminding me of how happy I am to not be with him. To be soon dating a man with some actual fucking maturity.
“But I thought you would. I thought you’d be worried about me, knowing I’m dealing with pregnancy and everything…”
I laughed. “Yeah, when you treated me like total and absolute shit, I decided I didn’t care that much anymore. Funny how that works.”
“It’s been a really hard time for me, Eli. Can’t you try to understand?”
“I do understand, totally. You cheated on me and made everything in life hard. You did this, Josh, nobody else. This wasn’t something that just happened to you.”
“Who cares?!” he snapped back. “Who cares the reason it happened or who started it. All that matters is that it’s been incredibly difficult.”
And that sums up his entire view on life. It doesn’t matter what he’s done, all that matters is that he’s hurting.
“Just leave, Josh.”
“We could get it all back,” he said quickly. “I know you’ve been miserable without me… That’s the real reason I didn’t call.”
“What do you mean that’s the real reason you didn’t call?”
“I mean I knew that if I just stayed away and gave you space, you’d realize how badly you want me, too. You’d want to come back, and then you’d call me and we’d fix things.”
“There is nothing to fucking fix, Josh. It’s over. You’re having a baby with a woman you cheated with.”
“No, but I’m not!” he said quickly.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“She decided not to keep it. She had an abortion. For real this time. It’s already done. So, you know, it can be like it never happened. I swear to god, Eli, I truly am sorry. And I’ve learned my lesson. I am never going to cheat on you again. Never! I realize now how badly I hurt you.”
“Oh, do you? And it only took me leaving you to figure that out, right? Because it wasn’t enough to realize how you hurt me when I was sweet and loving to you?”
“Everybody fucks up, don’t they?” he asked, pleading with me. “I had a crisis about our relationship, okay? It was getting serious, and I couldn’t handle it. I did the immature thing. Like I always have. But I want to change all that now. I want to be the mature, loving man you’ve always wanted.”
“Not interested. Baby or not, I just don’t care anymore. Though, I gotta ask, how did you get her to have an abortion?”
He immediately looked guilty, so I know he did something fucked up.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, obvi
ously she wanted to keep the baby. How’d you get her to get an abortion? Did you say you’d give her money and then didn’t?”
“No, of course not, I gave her money for everything.”
“Did you promise you’d be with her if she aborted?”
By the way his face sunk, I could tell that was it.
“You’re sick, Josh. Seriously fucked up. I don’t know how anyone can have so little empathy as you. Go be with her, go keep your promise.”
“But I love you!” he cried. “I want to be with you!”
“You don’t even know what love fucking is. Love doesn’t do the shit you did. You are fucking full of it.”
“I’ll be different! I swear, I’ll fix everything, I’ll be a different person. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to be dating a mature, kind man?”
“I already am.” I told him. It was only half a lie. But the look on his face was priceless.
“Wh-what?”
I walked to the door and opened it. “Now get the hell out of my house.”
I stood in the doorway, my arms crossed, clear that I was not giving in this time.
He started walking to the door, and, for a second, I was hopeful he was going to just walk out. Of course, that was too good to be true.
“You’re lying,” he said, as he stood in front of me in the doorway.
“About?” I played stupid.
“About dating someone else. It’s all bullshit.”
“No, it’s not. I am dating someone else. And he’s fucking fantastic, let me tell you.”
“How could you?! How could you date someone so soon after I was dating you?!”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You dated someone while we were still fucking together?! How can this surprise you?!”
“Because it was a fuck up! But this isn’t a fuck up for you! You’re just making the choice to date someone else!”
“Yeah, I am,” I told him. “I’m not letting you take any more time of my life away from me. So, see you.” I motioned out the door.