by Marc Fisher
He can overcome him because, as you may remember, he has a slingshot.
And with his slingshot, he has THREE STONES:
1. THE FIRST STONE is DISCRETION.
By using discretion, he sees that buying frenetically will not make him happier, and will even make him miserable and force him to work even more, and as a result, will rob him of or at least decrease his freedom, which in his eyes is one of his most valuable assets.
2. THE SECOND STONE is DISCIPLINE.
Discretion is good, but it isn’t enough. Everyone knows that smoking, overeating, and drinking too much is bad, but so is too much exercise. However, very few people have the discipline to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
3. THE THIRD STONE is BALANCE
The balance that keeps us from envying the success or wealth of others, of seeing that, no matter what, we are all “poorer” than someone else. The balance that allows us to be content, that allows us to appreciate what we really have, deep down, and that allows us to acknowledge life, and not immediately become disinterested in something in favour of something else. Because that too will become uninteresting once we have obtained it!
With these three stones in hand, little David is able to defeat Goliath, and preserve or rediscover the freedom that he has lost.
If you aren’t sure that you will be able to effectively use these three stones, just ask yourself the following three questions before you buy:
DO I REALLY NEED IT?
Most of the time, the answer will be “NO”.
Not convinced? Try the following exercise: Think about all the money that you have spent over the past 10 or 20 years, and answer the following question honestly:
“If I asked you to trade me all of the items, articles of clothing that you have only worn once or twice, the guitar you seldom play, the circular saw that you use once or twice a year —in fact, all the items that clutter your drawers, your basement, and your garage… Yes, if I asked you to trade me all of those items for the $50,000 or $100,000 they probably cost you, what would you do?
I am almost certain that you would take the money!
I would, because now that I have all of these items, I KNOW that they are useless, and that’s not because they are worn or outdated, it’s because they have ALWAYS been useless!
So why not get a head start on your future, and why not, instead of buying these useless items, choose the money right away, while you still have the choice?
The second question, which emerges directly from the first, is:
“DO I REALLY NEED IT RIGHT NOW?”
Most of the time, the honest answer in this case is also “NO”.
It can wait. It can always wait one week, one month, or even one year. The money will still be in your pocket, and the item will still be on the shelves, even if Goliath assures you that the super liquidation will only last 24 hours.
The third question, which is generally the most decisive question that we should always ask, but which in general we prefer not to ask, because we already know the answer, because we have been dazzled by increasingly significant credit alternatives that Goliath places at our disposal:
“DO I REALLY HAVE THE MEANS?”
If you owe money on your line of credit or your credit cards for more than one month, or in other words, if you have not been able to pay off the balance in the month you made the purchases, the answer is probably not what you want to hear, but it is quite clearly “NO”.
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE MEANS!
Thinking the opposite, and acting in response to this thinking is an illusion and a trap.
I have a friend who I spoke to not only about the necessity, but even about the giddiness (of course, it’s all relative) that comes from saving.
He immediately retorted: “I want to spend all of my money by the time I am dead.”
That’s fine.
In fact, I am sure that that if they could come back, many deceased wealthy people would be disappointed with how their heirs have spent their money.
However, the main problem with this philosophy, in my opinion, is that we generally spend our last dollar… BEFORE we die
Well before we die, in fact, and because of this, we have a problem…
So few people are balanced with their money.
Or instead, we could say that there are so few balanced people.
Barely 20% of the population, it would seem.
Most people suffer from one of the following two afflictions:
1. The most common: they spend too much, so much so that they will spend their entire lives in debt, and reach retirement age with the nasty realization that they have to tighten their belts in addition to licking their wounds.
2. Almost as common, although not as disastrous as the first, is a lack of ambition, courage, and imagination, to the extent that they do not dare to ever take a risk and invest, so much so that they vacillate instead of living to their full potential.
When it comes to your money, follow the Middle Road, like the Buddhists.
Don’t buy until YOU decide to buy, and don’t let others, like Goliath, decide for you, because that would mean letting them decide for your whole life.
Buy moderately, like a Buddhist.
Enjoy the things that you buy for a long time.
Because you will have cultivated contentment within yourself, which most people are lacking.
Act like a wise person…
Who does not depend on an object to bring him true happiness.
Because he has already found happiness, or at the very least is busy cultivating it, and is constantly seeking it, like he constantly strives to make others happy.
Draw your inspiration from the wise man, and from his remarkable capacity to think before buying, which is so mysterious to others, but so simple for him: he knows that his spirit, and not his possessions, is responsible for his happiness.
So why rush to buy?
He prefers to save, and to not give in to a false sense of instant gratification.
He prefers to invest in order to avoid the need to work like a slave until the end of his life: his future freedom depends on it.
And his peace of mind.
Because in reality, what is more precious than peace of mind?
And more importantly, how can we benefit from any possession, privilege, or wealth —no matter how immense —if we don’t have peace of mind?
How can we maintain it when we are riddled with debt, pursued by creditors, and constantly being forced to burn the candle at both ends just to survive?
Sometimes, at Christmas, I feel a pang of sadness when I watch the circus of presents being unwrapped.
The children are overexcited as they race towards the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, they furiously unwrap their first gift, barely glance at it, and often don’t even remove it from its package before quickly unwrapping the next one, which is far more interesting because it hasn’t been unwrapped yet!
This is the essence of post-purchase disappointment in fast-forward.
Which, if we think about it, resembles what the children will experience once they are adults.
Except that, because they are still children, once all the presents are unwrapped, the children leave them by the wayside and go to play together. We simply return to work!
To pay for the toys (both for children and adults) that we just bought on credit!
CHAPTER 4
FREE YOURSELF FROM FALSE OBLIGATIONS
(and nearly all of them are!)
Most people are overwhelmed, living in a constant state of stress, on the verge of burnout and depression, and they feel like they are only half-alive, even though they are always burning the candle at both ends!
At the end of each day and each week, they tell themselves: “I haven’t even done half of what I was supposed to do!”
I want to tell them that that’s a good thing!
Yes, it’s a good thing that you were only able to accomplish half of what you
“had” to do, because if you had done everything, you would probably be dead, because you’re already complaining that you are already half dead!
Furthermore, it’s not only people with financial problems who feel the need to burn the candle at both ends. Many wealthy people I know say: “Right now, I often don’t have time to go on vacation because I am too busy making money, but I’ll relax later…”
It’s a common illusion…
Because far too often, the time that they would have to relax never comes along, or comes along too late. It’s not so easy to tour the old cities of Europe using a walker or riding in a wheelchair!
I am convinced that most people, when they get to the other side, admit that death caught them completely off-guard!
Yes, they are probably surprised, even when they don’t die a violent death: they believed that they had more time!
Even people who retire are sometimes overloaded, and don’t have a minute to themselves, because they have so many obligations!
Obligation is a horrible word, when you think about it, especially for someone who is retired… Obligations fill all their days, days that are numbered, because the day of the eternal journey is fast approaching…
I have a charming friend who is 70 years old, who has been retired for quite some time, and with whom I occasionally play golf.
Last time, we took his car to get to the club. Climbing into his Jaguar XJ12 —he always loved nice things! —he explained to me that he had established a very specific route from his house to the course, which allowed him to bypass three stop signs and two sets of traffic lights, thereby “saving” three minutes.
“Fascinating!” I commented politely, and forced a smile.
Quite honestly, though, I can’t imagine what this retired friend could possibly want with three “saved” minutes, because in principle, all of his time is his own —not only is he retired, he is also independently wealthy… (I know, you already guessed it because I told you he drives a Jaguar)! Well, it’s not so bad, I told myself, after giving it a little more thought —it’s the old habit of a businessman who cannot —or does not want to —free himself from his iron collar…
Normally, it would be a pardonable crime, the inoffensive obsession of an elderly man (although young people aren’t much better, are they?) wanting to “save” three minutes. But that day —horror of horrors —there was repair work being done on the traffic lanes, to the extent that it was not possible for my old friend to take his clever route. This delay sent him flying into a rage, which was definitely not the best medicine for the stomach ulcer that he had been “cultivating” for several years…
On the golf course, this friend, who was extremely tight with his time (and with that of others —this coin has two heads, and they are both scowling!) had another attack of managementitis.
Managementitis: the acute inflammation of the tendency to manage one’s time —and that of others —which leads to all kinds of mood disorders, and in the end, costs you more time than it saves!
At the fifth hole (on the Bleu course at Laval-sur-le-Lac), two of my partners shot their ball into the woods that provide protection from a dogleg on the left. Only the best drivers (above-market, that is) can successfully defy it, but as everyone knows, it’s a mental error that is common among golfers to believe that they can hit harder than they really can, so we often “club up,” as is said in golf.
I courteously helped them to find their ball. A few minutes later, I reached my ball, which I had deftly shot to the right with a 5 wood instead of a driver because, as I neglected to mention, there was a pond on the right (certainly not an easy hole, this fifth!), so I took my time to evaluate my approach: there was a playful wind, and the green at the five is very hilly and surrounded with traps.
“We’re late!” my old friend yelled to me.
I turned to look at the tee for the fifth hole, which was deserted. Laval-sur-le-Lac is a very private club, and sometimes you don’t run into anyone at all for 4 or 5 holes, especially if you are playing early in the morning, before 8:00. “There’s nobody on the tee,” I objected.
“We’re still late!” he insisted.
I had scored par on the two previous holes. And because I don’t play very often, I like to take my time for every stroke, which usually means that I play better at the end of the day, because I use fewer strokes.
I didn’t want to point out to him that his comments were a little unjustified, because I had helped our two partners to find their ball —a six dollar Nike ball that they believed they would be able to hit as far as Tiger Woods.
But partly to teach him a lesson, and partly because I don’t like to be pushed when I am supposed to be enjoying myself and not working, I picked up my ball, gently tucked it into my bag, and said: “You’re right. I’m slow. I’ll go have a beer at the club while I’m waiting for you. You can mark me down as par for the remaining holes!”
My old friend understood the lesson. At least for this game, which he implored me to complete with him.
I know that there is some etiquette to golf, and that delaying the game is a faux pas.
At the club where I play, the members are asked to complete their round in less than four hours and fifteen minutes. It’s somewhat of a strange rule, when you consider the fact that playing golf is supposed to be fun. It’s a little strange to have to time your fun!
(I hope this benign comment will not earn me a reprimand similar to the one that was received by a member of Augusta National, who made a critical comment about a sand trap: they had it repaired, and deposited an invoice for $30,000 in his locker).
Yes, most golfers make it their mission to play their round of golf quickly. And it isn’t unusual to hear a golfer brag about completing his round in four hours, with the same amount of pride as if he had just run the Boston Marathon in under two hours!
Yes, there is a certain etiquette associated with golf, and very slow players are detested, but still…
It would seem that taking one’s time is not acceptable.
And doing nothing, well, that’s a crime against humanity!
Every minute must be used, every hour must be completely filled (with a little background noise from the TV to drown out the deafening silence that occurs between two telephone calls!), otherwise, it would be bad, and we would have to… think, and just enjoy the time passing by!
But that’s just it. Time cannot just pass us by without our permission. We must control everything; otherwise it’s just too painful…
But… are you like my friend the golfer?
Are you constantly on a mission?
Do you constantly seek to “save” three minutes, and do you fly into a rage that gives you ulcers if you don’t succeed?
Are you afraid to slow down?
What invisible golfer is following you, forcing you to always go faster, to never take your time, and to never relax, even on the golf course, where you are supposed to be relaxed?
Do you always try to save time and go faster, even when you’re on vacation?
Yes, we get caught up in our obligations.
Because doing nothing is not acceptable.
Try this experiment.
Invite a friend over and offer him or her a seat. Then do nothing, say nothing, and simply be in his or her company. Feel the discomfort that is released nearly immediately, especially if the modern “queen of the house” is not present: I am referring to the television blaring in front of your deadened spirits. “What game are you playing?” is the first question you might hear. “Is this some kind of a test?”
My six-year-old daughter often engages in this “activity” with one of her six-year-old friends…
In the morning, I drive with my wife to the street corner where our daughter catches the school bus. She runs with her friend, and sometimes sits with her on the side of a hill or a snow bank, and they sit doing nothing for ten, fifteen, or twenty seconds…
Twenty seconds is a long time for a child:
it’s the equivalent of fourteen minutes for an adult. What? Fourteen minutes? No, I’m joking. I was just making sure you were paying attention. Yes, adorable little girls are philosophers, without even knowing it, sitting doing nothing except smiling…
They don’t even wait for the bus, too classy to waste their time with this mindless task that they have delegated to us, the reasonable parents.
Their cheeks rosy, their eyes clear as the dawn, they don’t speak, they breathe the fresh air, simply happy to be together, and happy simply to be.
Yes, they take their time. They have free time. And we, who are supposed to be more intelligent than children, we who have “life experience” (what an asset!), and diplomas, are learning a lesson from them. In fact, they should be our masters of thought and in life, which comes down to the same thing. To live well, you have to think well.
I thought I would be the one to educate my six-year-old daughter, but she’s the one who is educating me.
For example, barely a year ago, she took one or two “long” minutes to tie her shoes. She had discovered and perfected a method that was unique to her. It was different from the traditional method, and it was much slower. At the beginning, I would stupidly get impatient, and I would unfairly offer to help her and tie them for her, thereby depriving her of an immense pleasure, because she relished this moment of learning.
And I repeated to her the sentence that parents probably repeat the most often to their children, next to “Don’t touch!,” of course. This phrase is “Hurry up!”
Yes, “Hurry up,” which is the deplorable mantra of parents, because it’s time that is more natural, healthier, and in fact the only real time: the present.
One day, a disciple, who was exhausted, asked his spiritual master for advice.
“Run, run, run until you fall down,” the master suggested.
“But,” the puzzled disciple replied, “Isn’t that advice a little…”