by Marc Fisher
He didn’t dare say stupid or strange.
The master, guessing his thoughts, added:
“It’s stupid, isn’t it? But it’s what you’re doing. It’s what most people do. They run and run and run until they fall down.”
Always in a hurry, people are short on time, and most of the time, they reach the end of the line without having had the time to do everything they had to do.
I even believe that most people would arrive at their own burials stressed or late if they could, only they can’t! They are dead and buried —well, not quite yet, but it won’t be long!
This somewhat simplistic joke reminds me of an old friend: “I warn you, it you don’t come to my funeral, I won’t come to yours!”
I am sure that many people have such bad habits and are so alienated that, even from the heights of heaven, they will still be acting as if their car is stuck in a traffic jam: if they could, they would unleash themselves on other motorists, on the municipality, on bad weather, and yell at the driver of the hearse: “Come on, hurry up! If I arrive late at my own funeral, what will people think? That I have poor organizational skills, and that my family doesn’t know how to do things properly!”
“Relax,” their guardian angel would probably say. “You’re lucky. You’re dead. It isn’t your problem anymore. And hey! Let it be said in passing that I don’t want to upset you, but most people don’t even want to go to your funeral … The shorter it is, the happier they will be. If you don’t believe me, just watch how quickly they leave once all the wine has been drunk at the little reception following the funeral.”
So stop for a second! Not just for a second, but… for several seconds each and every day.
And during this break, do something that you should have done years ago, if of course you want to start living before you… die! And this simple thing, which has become so rare in our time, is…
CHAPTER 5
WRITE: “DO NOTHING!” IN YOUR AGENDA…
The average person spends:
8 hours per day sleeping…
8 hours per day working…
3 hours per day watching television…
That’s 19 hours already…
Yes, 19 out of 24 hours spent on only three activities: sleeping, working, and watching television…
That leaves only 5 short hours for everything else…
And generally speaking, what does this everything else include?
You know as well as I do, but let’s take a look at it together…
There is the time we spend travelling to and from work, which is usually at least one hour, in the best case. However, if you live in the suburbs and work in the city, or if you live in a big city like Paris, Tokyo, Los Angeles, or New York, you can double this time!
There’s the time we spend eating (I have included grocery shopping, meal preparation and clean-up, and travelling to and from restaurants in this), which represents two hours per day, even if we eat quickly, and badly…
That’s three more hours gone!
We had already frittered away 19 hours, if you’ll pardon the expression, and now we’re up to 22…
So now you’re left with a measly 2 hours per day for everything else: for all of your other obligations. I’m not saying that you don’t draw a certain amount of pleasure from them (especially if you are a philosopher or a Zen enthusiasts, in which case I congratulate you!), but that you are… obligated to do them by definition, because they are obligations (sometimes even chores!), and they can and often do end up being annoying over the long term.
Let’s review them … calmly:
1. taking care of the house: maintenance, repairs, renovations, associated purchases such as linens and carpets…
2. answering mail (electronic and otherwise), returning telephone calls, agreeing to spend 5 minutes answering a dumb telephone survey in order to finally get rid of the interviewer who is wasting your time by explaining to him that you are busy preparing dinner, and besides, why in the world do they always call at mealtime?
3. paying bills, going to the bank, doing your accounting, spending fifteen minutes to explain to the lady from the credit card company that you didn’t make such and such a purchase that appears on your monthly statement, only to spend fifteen more minutes on the telephone the next month contesting the interest that the company charged you, even though the purchase was successfully contested, doing your taxes, taking care of your investments…
4. taking care of your spouse and your (sometimes sick) children who need to be bathed; making lunches and doing homework every day; dropping off and picking up at daycare or school or at friends’ houses; driving to dance class or hockey games; not to mention the dog that needs feeding and walking (a polite way of saying taking him out to do his business and then picking it up with a plastic bag, which has to be disposed of!); regularly taking the dog to the veterinarian, who will take advantage of your soft side in order to artfully relieve you of $100, which you don’t have, and which you must pay on your credit card…
5. going to the doctor or the dentist for yourself, your children, or your spouse; going to the phytopherapist, or the psychologist, or the psychiatrist for yourself, your children, or your spouse, who has or is in the process of losing her mind, because she feels suffocated by her obligations, or because you live in New York City, or because you have seen too many Woody Allen movies!
6. taking care of your car (and sometimes your spouse’s car), changing the oil or the tires; getting body work done because you shattered your nerves in a traffic jam and hit the brakes too late to avoid hitting the guy in front of you, who braked too fast and, late for a meeting (because you didn’t leave early enough!), or because you recklessly (if not stupidly) tried to park in a spot that was big enough for a mini Cooper when you drive a minivan, and the only thing mini about it is the name —and as a result, you scratched two sides —the side of your car and the side of the other guy’s car, which was poorly parked! Because you left at the last minute, you lost half an hour writing up the report, and were late for your meeting, which then had to be postponed, and you wasted four or five hours having the bodywork done on your car, not to mention the fact that you might lose your client because he hates to wait: he is impatient and stressed like everyone else! Yikes! It’s called the automobile domino effect!
7. Networking, going to the chamber of commerce, taking advancement courses for your job…
8. Taking care of family obligations (Families—I hate you!” André Gide, famous French writer) such as birthdays, baptisms, weddings, time with parents, in-laws, brothers and sisters, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, not to mention ex-spouses, hospital visits: in large families, this alone is practically a full-time job!
9. Shopping for clothes for the various seasons, for yourself or for the children, without forgetting the search for the missing mitten or misplaced scarf in the morning before sprinting to the school bus stop…
10. And oh, I almost forgot, last but not least, making love!
I put this… obligation —it’s a strong word, but it is a conjugal duty! —at the end of the list, because this is the obligation that most established couples put off until last. It’s hardly surprising, because they hate the fact that they are too tired to do it, they do it last, and as a result, rarely do it —together, that is —and end up doing it with another person, which creates other obligations: buying condoms, for example, unless of course they are complete morons and spend hours fine-tuning their alibis and their lies, buying extra “spontaneous” gifts to hide their crimes: that’s the beauty of leading a double life!
Everything on this list must be completed in two hours. Yes, that’s right, in two hours.
And that leaves little time for… for everything else that is supposed to be fun, exhilarating, memorable, relaxing — everything that is supposed to be the fruit, or the trophy of thousands of years of civilization: that which is so anticipated by our leisure-based society!
Yes, it le
aves very little time to reap the rewards of so much effort, so much work, so many projects and courageously fulfilled obligations…
Little time to go to the cinema, the theatre, or a restaurant, cafe, bookstore, yoga or tai chi class, or even the gym or swimming pool…
Very little time for a nice long massage, a manicure, a golf lesson to quickly cure our slice before the start of the season, or quite simply (which would be the culmination of the ultimate fantasy!) to DO NOTHING!
Yes, just DO NOTHING. Whenever you want, do it with the ultimate pleasure, while taking your time, doing it while savouring every moment, because it is a rare pleasure, even more so because it has been an eternity since you last tasted this pleasure, this privilege that belongs to children or to lazy millionaires: DO NOTHING…
And don’t feel bad doing it…
Or maybe feel a little bit sorry for others, those poor souls (because in reality, that’s what they are!) who don’t know how, or have forgotten this joy, and who deprive themselves, through their own fault, due to their lack of originality, or gregarious spirit, or in short, because everyone around them deprives themselves, and instead behave well, or at least badly, to tell the truth, because since the age of reason, or at least since they became adults, they have allowed themselves to be overcome by their obligations, which were mostly false at the beginning, and aren’t really necessary, but for some reason they have become obligations, and have ended up turning them into machines that are increasingly less effective, when it comes to. fulfilling their obligations!
Is it so surprising that these machines become increasingly depressed and worn out, and need more and more psychology, Prozac, alcohol, pot, and ecstasy (because they have never experienced true ecstasy in their lives) in order to continue to function?
No!
Because these machines are not programmed to DO NOTHING…
They don’t even have the time for “sacred peace,” to be able to go to the washroom without being interrupted, because yes, even what you see as being the ultimate refuge of modern solitude (how naïve you are!) does not hold up when you live with little iconoclasts called children, who don’t hesitate to barge through the bathroom door while you are busy doing… what your boss does to you —to ask you to come and retrieve the ball that the younger brother has stolen from them, or to make a Nutella sandwich —and how appropriate is that?
Yes, do nothing, lounge around, sit on a bench, watch the poetic movements of the clouds, children playing, the clear water in a stream, or on a beach, the ocean, which renews itself constantly, or the graceful movements of bathing beauties!
Just taking care of… YOU!
Taking time for… YOU!
The person that you have lost sight of, and whom you would like to find again before it’s too late…
Yes, your list of obligations leaves you with two hours, but the awful thing is that most people follow this terrible plan every day, without realizing that some people have two —or even three —jobs; two families, because they are divorced; and sometimes even a mistress or a lover (or both —let’s get with the times!), because their official partner didn’t take the time to take proper care of them!
I don’t know if you’re like me, but I am exhausted just reading this list of obligations!
And I know that the list isn’t even exhaustive…
I’m sure you could add much more. After all, you’re good at it…
So it’s hardly surprising that everyone feels overwhelmed, spent, or irritable…
Of course, you’ll tell me that you still have your weekends…
But by the time the weekend comes along, people are exhausted —so exhausted that all they want to do is sleep until Monday, which is exactly what they sometimes do! This is called sleep healing, and it has become a fantasy for many people!
In general, though, people cannot afford this luxury of just staying in bed for two days without being ill (it’s a shame, isn’t it?), because they have a whole other list of obligations, not including reviewing the file that they brought home!
Not to mention those who work all weekend, or at least on Saturday…
In fact, weekends are not generally spent relaxing or enjoying our leisure-based society, but doing everything that you did not have time for during the week, because in two hours, it’s virtually impossible…
Of course, your spouse can help you, but sometimes without even wanting to, he creates additional work, simply because he leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste or shampoo bottle, or clogs the drain with his long hair, because he is a huge creator of… disorder (Because your spouse is an artist, or creative genius… deep down!”)!
Yes, your spouse “creates” work for you because he borrowed your keys the evening before when he couldn’t find his own, and he was too rushed to look, because he was already late —a chronic state for him, except in bed, but that’s a whole other story!
And because of this, now you can’t find your keys, and you ask yourself how you will get to your important meeting on time, even though you are already late… because of HIM! You quickly call him on his cell phone, which you hear ringing in the hallway, to your great joy. You hurry, thinking that he might not have left yet, but no! He simply forgot his cell phone at home!
Because you are in the hallway, you feverishly hunt through his pockets for YOUR keys. Finally, having no luck, you take a cab, and as a result, you start your day with a needless $15 expense!
Or worse yet — I have never done this, but it would appear that others have — he hasn’t returned the remote control to its proper place, and you waste ten minutes (and your good mood!) searching for it, and once you find it, you realize that he didn’t take the time to change the batteries, and you, yes YOU, end up changing the batteries, which are dead (like you!) because your spouse — yes HIM again - did not take the time to dispose of the old ones!
And this sends you flying into a rage, not unlike road rage, and makes you lose control, because your remote control has not been working all evening: if you don’t believe me, just try watching television without it…
I have to ask myself what people did instead of watching television before television was invented. I’d love to know how people distracted themselves before 1953, not because that’s when it was invented, but because it was around that year that it helped people to waste one sixth of their lives!
I guess they would have been forced to read Stendhal’s Red and Black, listen to Bach, or spend time with their friends or their children, the poor souls!
So let’s return to the couple — we always come together, and never separate for long enough to ask ourselves whom we would like to enjoy as the other half of our couple!
It is a well-known fact that being a couple takes time: it takes maintenance; you need to talk, flow, engage in psychoanalysis and therapy (as a couple, of course!):
“Darling, I’d like to talk about us!”
You’ve heard it before, and you know how much time it takes. You may also need to repair any cracks in the couple foundation and bridge any voids, and if infidelity or divorce are on the horizon, then you will be there for many months —good luck managing your agenda over the next few months!
Yes, you need to take the time to take care of yourselves as a couple, otherwise you risk having your relationship shrivel up and die. Like Buddha said, nothing can survive without food, and couples are not immune to this universal law.
And if we consider single mothers, who cannot rely on any help (not just financial!) from a spouse — a spouse who understands the necessity of dividing tasks equitably — it’s hardly surprising that many of them are on the verge of depression, and have even contemplated suicide…
Let’s get back to how we spend our time…
We have just outlined the broad strokes of your typical use of time, with the procession of obligations that go with it.
I had the urge to write “funeral procession,” because most people have one
foot in the grave…
Now let’s get real, and carry out a useful exercise. Take a few hours of your precious time (forgo watching television for one night — just one night — is it so much to ask?) to devise a blueprint for your entire week, including your most common obligations…
Then, with this blueprint in hand, ask yourself one critical question…
CHAPTER 6
ARE YOU AFRAID TO STOP?
Do you feel overwhelmed as soon as you … do nothing? As soon as you stop everything?
Like a Japanese koan asks: “What do you do when there is nothing left to do?”
Do you constantly strive, from morning to night, to feel important?
It wouldn’t surprise me.
Because nine times out of ten, when we pass someone in the street whom we haven’t seen for a long time, (too busy!) and we ask them “How are you?” they answer:
“It’s going well —I’m working hard!”
And they say it with a broad smile, as if they had just won the Nobel Prize, or a huge lottery jackpot.
And in order to not cause them concern, or traumatize them, we answer:
“Good. I’m working hard too.”
Yes, we feel important when we are busy, and one of the reasons is undoubtedly because society makes us feel that we aren’t busy if we aren’t running around in circles like a crazy dog.
When you do nothing, when you are alone with your thoughts, without the television, music, newspaper, or computer, are you overcome with a feeling of emptiness, or worse yet, by a feeling of unbearable existential angst?
If you work a certain number of hours, if you run constantly, is it not because you have a morbid fear (which, if it continues, may really end in morbidity) of finding yourself face to face with yourself?
Face to face with your distresses, your fears, and your complexes, which you forget when you’re constantly in the heat of the action.
But if you never face your real problems, then how can you possibly hope to overcome them one day?