Tapping out

by Nikki Ash

  I wake up from what feels like a deep sleep but don’t hear Micaela, so I look over and she’s still asleep. I must have dozed off while she was taking a nap. The clock next to my bed reads 4:03 p.m. I was only asleep for two hours. My phone lights up and I’m thinking that’s what woke me up. Hoping to see something from Marco, I type in my passcode so my phone comes alive.

  There’s no missed calls or texts but I notice a ton of notifications on my social media app, so I open it up and click to see what’s going on. Scrolling down, I see Marco has been tagged in a post so I click on it. It’s a photo of Marco sitting with a woman. His arm is around her and their faces are merely inches apart. It’s too dark to see his expression but it’s definitely him. The photo caption reads: Look who’s back!

  Back where? Then I see the owner of the post is Jelly Licious. What the hell kind of fake name is that? I click the name and the profile pic is of a marijuana leaf. Real nice. Swiping left, I go through the person’s pictures until one stops me in my tracks. It’s her. It’s Janell. The blonde bimbo I last saw Marco snorting coke with almost a year ago.

  Clicking back on the picture I look to see if she checked in when she posted the picture. Logan Heights and it was posted an hour ago. What the hell is Marco doing in California? Did he move back? Just like that?

  Confused as to why I would even get this update since I never added Marco as a friend, I click on my notifications to see I was tagged in a comment. It’s from Gina.

  Bella Cooper

  There’s no comment, just my name so she could rub it in my face.

  Looking closely at the picture, I can see the drugs on the table, and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Once again, Marco has left me. Except this time, he didn’t just leave me, he left our daughter as well. Throwing my phone against the wall, I watch it smash as it hits the wood floor and then I grab my pillow and let the sobs come.

  Twenty-Six

  Marco

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!!! This is not good. I am so fucking fucked right now! I did it again, only this time I didn’t mean to. But it isn’t going to matter that it wasn’t on purpose. It isn’t going to matter that the last eighteen hours have been hell—hours I never want to relive again. There is no way Bella is going to forgive me.

  Eighteen hours ago…

  My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I ignore it. When it buzzes again, I grab it to make sure it isn’t Bella’s parents since they have Micaela. The caller ID reads Reese so I slip out of bed, throwing on a clean pair of boxers and shirt, and walk outside the bedroom to answer the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Marco! I’m so sorry to have called you so late but something’s happened. It’s Logan, Marco. He’s taken a turn for the worse. It’s not good. He may not live through the night.”

  “What happened?” I am already grabbing a pair of jeans from the laundry room.

  “He went into cardiac arrest. They resuscitated him but it’s not good. They are saying it can happen again.” My phone beeps indicating it’s about to die.

  “I’m on my way,” I say quickly before it powers down. Thinking about nothing else other than getting to my best friend, I set my phone down on the dryer so I can find some clean socks. Once I find a pair, not giving a shit if they even match, I slip them on along with shoes. Then grabbing my keys, I get in my car and start driving West. It’s a four-hour drive from here to Sharp Hospital and I make it in less than three hours.

  Pulling up to the wing he’s in, I park and check-in at the front desk. Thankfully visiting hours began a few minutes ago. They let me through and a few minutes later I am sitting at the side of my friend’s bed. My best friend, who barely looks like himself anymore. He’s skinnier from the lack of working out and being fed through a feeding tube. His skin is a pasty white and he looks like he’s aged years instead of months.

  “Hey.” I look up and see Reese standing in the doorway. I get a sudden sense of déjà vu like we were in these same positions before.

  “Hey,” I say back and then turn my attention back to Logan. Reese must get I just need some time with my friend because I hear the door close. Taking Logan’s hand in mine, I put my head down against the rail and close my eyes for a few minutes. I’ve been driving since four in the morning. I am mentally and physically drained, and on top of that, my heart is hurting for my best friend who I will most likely never have another conversation with.

  “Sir! You need to move.” I feel a tapping on my shoulder causing me to jolt up. There’s a loud beeping sound going off and I realize it’s Logan. Something is wrong. I stand to back up, sending the chair toppling over.

  “Sir, you need to leave while we assess the patient.”

  I am kicked out of the room and I feel sick to my stomach. Is he going to die right now? Is this the end? Not being able to be anywhere near the hospital right now, I run out the door and into my car. Before I know it, I am sitting at the bar I used to frequent with a bottle of Jack in front of me and the first shot already poured.

  It’s been over a year since I won the title fight. It’s been over a year since my best friend was put into a coma after celebrating our wins. Why the hell doesn’t it get any easier? Will it ever get easier? And while I am sitting at this bar, Logan is probably dying, and if I’m honest it’s probably for the best because is he even really living? The thought that I just wished my friend dead is what sends me over the edge and before I can think twice I am downing the shot, my body welcoming the liquid burn as it goes down my throat.

  “What the hell are you doing here, man?” I look to my left and see Tristan. What are the fucking odds!?

  “Drowning my sorrows. You?”

  “I’m meeting someone here. Is everything ok?”

  I chuckle. “Wouldn’t you love it if everything wasn’t.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “C’mon, like you didn’t call it. You said it yourself. I can’t be trusted and look at this; here I am drinking a bottle of Jack while Bella is at home with our daughter.”

  “You fucking left her, again?” Tristan sneers taking the bottle away from me.

  “Logan went into cardiac arrest. I drove here and was in there with him when it happened again. He’s in that coma because of me.”

  “Really? Don’t be a whiny bitch, Marco. You didn’t cause the accident. Don’t go playing the whole woe-is me bullshit. Does Bella know you’re here?”

  I reach for my phone and can’t find it. My phone. Fuck! It’s not on me. Where the hell is my phone?

  I pat my pockets as I try to think about the last time I used it. I was on the phone with Reese and it died. Shit! It’s at home. Then I remember the promise I just made last night not to leave her, yet here I am over three hundred miles away.

  “No, she doesn’t know where I am.”

  “Look, Marco. You have only had one shot. Have a glass of water, go check on your friend, and go home.”

  “What if I can’t be what she needs? What if I’m too weak? If you wouldn’t have showed up here…”

  “I watched Bella love you for most of our lives. All she needs from you is for you to love her back. Stop making her be strong enough for the both of you. Man the fuck up and stay clean.”

  I drink the glass of water then stand and put my hand out. He stands as well and pulls me into a hug. “You know she misses you, right? It’s killing her not to be able to text or call you.”

  “I know. I just have a lot of shit going on. A lot of shit I need to figure out.”

  We both hug one more time before I head back to the hospital. As I am walking down the hall back toward Logan’s room I run into a crying Reese.

  “Whoa, hey! What’s going on? Is he ok?” Please God don’t let him have died while I was gone.

  “No, I mean, yes, he’s ok. Well, he’s stable. It’s Kaitlyn. She’s missing. When they said Logan might not make it, she took off.” Kaitlyn is Logan’s sister. With only ten months between them, they grew up best
friends. When Logan slipped into the coma, Kaitlyn went down a dark path. I’d seen her at several of the parties I was at but I was too fucked up myself to do anything to help her.

  “It’s ok.” I hug Reese as she cries against my shoulder. “I will find her.”

  “You will?”

  “Yes, I promise. I will bring her back.” It’s the least I can do for my best friend since he isn’t able to find her himself. Realizing I won’t be heading home right away, I figure I should call Bella and let her know I am ok. She’s going to be hurt and pissed no matter what but at least she won’t be worried.

  “Can I borrow your phone?”

  “Sure.” She hands me her phone after typing in the password. I go to dial Bella’s number before I realize I don’t fucking know it! Fucking technology. It might be convenient but it’s made us lazy. I have had Bella’s number saved for so long, I don’t know what the number is. Then I curse myself for not thinking about this earlier when I was sitting in the damn bar with Tristan.

  I click on the internet and do a search for Cooper’s Gym. When the website pops up, I hit call. It rings a few times before a woman picks up.

  “Hi, who’s this?”

  “This is Celeste with Cooper’s Fight Gym.” I have no clue who she is so she must be new.

  “Hey Celeste. My name is Marco. I’m looking for Cooper or Bella. Are either of them there?”

  “Nope, they left a little while ago.”

  “Ok, how about Caleb or Hayley, or maybe Kaden or Ashley?” It’s a long shot since they are rarely there, spending most of their time at their clinic or the rec center.

  “Nope, sorry.”

  “Ok, do you by any chance have any of their numbers?”

  “I’m sorry but I’m not at liberty to give out anybody’s numbers. I can take your name and number and have them call you.”

  I sigh. “Fine, but can you call Cooper and give him the message now?”

  “Sure thing.”

  “Please tell him it’s Marco and I’m in California and to let Bella know I left my phone at home. My friend who is in a coma took a turn for the worse.”

  “Ok, got it. I’ll let him know. I hope your friend is doing better. Bye!”

  After I hang up, I use Reese’s social media account to click on Kaitlyn’s. I see her tagged in a bunch of posts and spot Janell in one.

  “Ok, I think I know where she is.” I hand her back her phone. “Once I get her, want me to bring her to your place?”

  “Yes,” she sniffles, “Please. I’m so worried. I can’t lose my brother and my sister.”

  “You haven’t lost either one,” I say hoping to comfort her and praying that remains the truth.

  “I will see you later. Stay positive.”

  Not having any way to get a hold of Bella at the moment, I focus all my efforts on finding Kaitlyn. I drive around checking out all the usual places Janell would be at. Just as I’m about to give up, I remember her brother’s place.

  It’s been awhile since I’ve been there but I know the area, so I drive up and down the streets looking for a house with cars lining the road. The picture I saw had a bunch of people in the background. I spot the house and park my car at the end of the road.

  Without knocking, I walk in and of course, the first person I see is Janell.

  “Marco?” Janell smirks. “Gina mentioned you were back. I knew it was only a matter of time.”

  Not even bothering to explain myself to her I ask, “Is Kaitlyn here?”

  “Really, Kaitlyn? Her brother is in a coma and you are trying to get with her.” I close in on her without laying a hand on her. “Is. She. Here?” My patience is wearing thin. I don’t have time to deal with her.

  “Whatever.” She rolls her eyes. “I saw her around here earlier.” I step back from her and start searching the house. It’s like three in the afternoon and these people are partying like it’s a Friday night. I can’t believe this is what I resorted to.

  I spot her on the couch taking a bump of coke and I sit down next to her. “Katie,” I murmur. She turns to me and throws her arms around me. “It’s ok. It’s ok. We’re going to get out of here.”

  “He’s going to d-die, Marco,” she hiccups out. I don’t respond because the truth is Logan is probably going to die eventually and right now I can’t even think about that. I almost got drunk earlier today and now I’m surrounded by every drug known to man and I’m not exactly feeling strong.

  “He wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself,” I say to her but also in a way to myself. “C’mon, let’s go.” We both stand and with my arm around her, I guide us out of the house and to my car.

  She’s quiet the entire drive to her sister’s place. There isn’t anything to say. That accident changed so many lives and not for the better. We were all affected in some way and it’s pointless to discuss it. Logan will most likely never wake up and there isn’t anything any of us can do to change that fact.

  After getting her inside with Reese, I borrow her phone again and try to contact the gym. It’s almost six o’clock and nobody answers. The receptionist is probably gone for the day.

  “I’m going to head out. I left without my phone and my girlfriend is most likely freaking out.”

  “Thank you for bringing her home, Marco.”

  “Of course. I’ll see you both soon.” I give them each a hug then I head home.

  I pull up to the house roughly four hours later, after stopping by the store to pick up flowers and candy since tomorrow is Valentine’s day. Not wanting to wake Bella or Micaela up, I park outside and go through the front door. I check the laundry room and sure enough my dead cell phone is sitting on top of the damn dryer. I throw it into my pocket and head down the hallway. I check my bedroom first and see it’s empty.

  I go to Bella’s room next and see her curled up in a ball snoring softly with Micaela in her bassinet right next to her sleeping soundly. I place the flowers and candy on her nightstand so she will see them when she wakes up. Then I kick off my shoes and undress down to my boxers before I pull the blanket back and climb into bed behind Bella. Spooning her from behind, I wrap my arms around her waist and wish that in the morning when we wake up this entire day won’t have happened, and it all will have just been a horrible nightmare.

  Twenty-Seven

  Bella

  My eyes open and I jerk upright when I see the clock reads 9:15. It’s Valentine’s Day. Yay! Not. Then I notice the beautiful roses and huge box of chocolate on my nightstand. Marco must home! And he’s lost his mind if he thinks flowers and chocolate will make me forgive him.

  Realizing Micaela should have woken me up by now to eat, I lean over and see she’s not in her bassinet. In panic mode, I check the floor because it’s not like my six-week-old daughter is getting up and walking around the house. Oh, my god! Where is she? I jump out of the bed and run toward the front door only to be stopped in my tracks by Marco sitting on the couch holding our daughter. Duh! He’s home! Hence the flowers and candy in my room. He’s speaking softly to her and I can see her arms flaring in excitement.

  “Seriously?” I bite out.

  “I can explain about yesterday.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about yesterday. I do care about the fact that I woke up to find my daughter gone. You want to run away without saying a word? Fine! Run! It’s what you do best. But do not take my damn daughter out of her bassinet without letting me know!”

  Marco looks at me for a moment in shock. “I’m sorry. She woke up, so I brought her out here to feed her so you could sleep in. Did you see the flowers and candy next to your bed?”

  “I did. And coming from a caring, selfless man all of this would be super sweet but since it’s coming from you, it’s called guilt. Now please give me back my daughter.” I put my hands out waiting for her because seriously… you don’t run and then the next day take my baby without saying a word. I almost had a damn heart attack.

  “Bella,” Marco says as he hands Micaela to
me. “Please give me a chance to explain.”

  “There’s no explanation in the world other than you being kidnapped that would make walking out this door without telling me, ok. Were you? Were you kidnapped?”

  Marco sighs and shakes his head.

  “Let me ask you one question,” I continue. “Did you get drunk or high while you were gone?”

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “Don’t dodge the question. Did you get drunk or high? It’s a yes or no.” Knowing a fight is about to ensue, I go to lay Micaela down in her crib in her nursery and give her, her pacifier knowing she always falls back asleep after her morning feeding.

  Then I walk back out to the living room. “Did you get drunk or high?”

  “No, I didn’t get drunk or high.”

  “You. Are. A. Fucking. Liar.”

  “Bella, listen to me, please. Logan went into cardiac arrest. His sister, Reese, said he might not make it so I drove to the hospital.”

  “And what? You ended up drinking at Dexter’s and getting high with Janell?”

  “Tristan fucking texted you?” Marco spits out.

  “Tristan?” I’m confused, not sure what Tristan has to do with any of this. “I haven’t spoken to Tristan in months. Don’t bring him into this.”

  “Who told you about Dexter’s?”

  “Gina.”

  “Well, maybe that coke-whore should get her facts straight. Yes, I had a drink. One drink. But then pretty boy showed up and stopped me.”

  “Really? You are going to call her names when it wasn’t too long ago you were hanging out and doing the same drugs she does.”