Bear to Love: Kodiak Den #3 (Alaskan Den Men Book 8)

by Amy Lamont

  Were they regretting what happened this morning?

  I trudged up the steps to their cabin, and before I even got to the door it was flung open. Gage stood on the other side, and at the sight of him looking all dark and dangerous and completely edible in his jeans and long-sleeved navy blue T-shirt, I found a small pocket of energy I’d apparently been saving.

  I all but dove across the space dividing us and threw myself into his arms. He stumbled back a step, but didn’t hesitate to close his arms around me.

  “Everything okay, baby?” he asked quietly as he ran his nose along my temple, inhaling me.

  I returned the favor, turning my face into his neck and pulling his scent into me. “It is now.”

  Gage maneuvered the door closed without losing his hold on me. He backed us into the living room, and I looked over his shoulder to see Nash on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed.

  My heart picked up speed at the sight of him. It seemed like it’s been longer than just hours since I saw my mates. Every primal instinct I possessed rushed to the forefront, pushing me to make contact with both my men. With one last squeeze around Gage’s waist, I released him and launched myself at Nash.

  He had just enough time to bring his legs up and catch me as I landed on him, straddling him and bringing my mouth down to meet his. He kissed me back with a hunger that matched my own as Gage dropped onto the couch beside us and stroked a hand down my back.

  In that instant, relief washed through me so fast and furious, it knocked the wind out of me. I broke the kiss, panting. I skipped my gaze back and forth between Nash and Gage. Closing my eyes and pulling in a deep breath, my bear made her presence known, allowing me to capture the emotions of my guys as easily as if they stated them out loud.

  And my guys were as happy and relieved to have me with them as I was to be here. Thank God.

  I opened my eyes and grinned at them. “Miss me?” I taunted.

  Gage, hard-eyed, chiseled-jawed Gage, who under the best of circumstances wasn’t one to let his emotions show on his face, grinned right back at me.

  Damn. Being the one to elicit that expression brought an indescribable sense of happiness to me.

  My senses picked up on something else too. “You guys got pizza from Mama’s?”

  Nash dropped his hands to my hips, a small smile playing over his lips. “We did.”

  “I hope you saved me some.” As if on cue, my stomach gurgled. “I’ve been out chasing a baby bear all evening.”

  Gage and Nash sat up straight, their gazes coming to me like laser beams.

  “Werebear cub?” Nash asked.

  I shook my head slowly, sensing I was treading on dangerous ground for some reason. “Wild bear. I got a call that he got hit by a car and ran off into the forest. I wanted to go check on him to make sure he didn’t need medical attention.”

  Nash growled and his hands at my hips turned into vises, locking me onto his lap. My eyes widened as I sat up straight. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “You went after a wild cub on your own?” Gage clipped out.

  I gave a small shrug and wrinkled my brow. “Of course. Who else would do it?”

  “Do you know how dangerous that is?” Nash growled.

  “Umm, duh. Taking care of the animals on Kodiak is my job. I’ve been doing it forever. I think I know how to deal with the local wildlife.” And I did. Most of the time, bear shifters of the Kodiak Den and wild resident bears of Kodiak lived in harmony.

  Mother bears with cubs were a different story. They worked off of pure instinct when it came to protecting their babies, and for some reason werebears set off their defensive drive more than almost anything.

  But I had been doing this job since I was a kid. It was more than a job. It was a calling. The same way my bear and I knew instinctively Nash and Gage were meant for us, I’d known as a young child that I was born to care for the animals on Kodiak.

  Something both of my men knew.

  “Why would you put yourself in danger like that?” Nash asked.

  I tilted my head to my shoulder. “You know the answer to that already, Nash. It’s my job. I was careful. I know what precautions to take and I did.” In fact, I took extra precautions, thinking I wouldn’t want to ever worry these two men more than necessary. I’d shifted into my bear form, something I almost never did, to locate the young bear.

  “You can’t do things like that, Macy,” Gage said.

  I tore myself from Nash’s grip and stood by the table. I plunked my hands on my hips and as my anger grew, I could feel my bear’s ire growing right along with my own. “Excuse me?”

  “You can’t go off and put yourself in harm’s way like that.” Nash’s voice suddenly seemed so calm and reasonable. Not to mention firm. Like he was giving me instructions he expected me to obey, no questions asked.

  “So you guys are giving up the bounty hunting side of your job?” I asked, doing my best to match Nash’s calm tone.

  Gage stood. “Don’t be ridiculous, Macy. That’s part of our job. We’re trained to do it.”

  “Okay. By that logic, you should have no trouble having me taking care of local wildlife. It’s my job and I’ve had years of practice doing it.”

  “It’s not the same.” Nash leaned forward. “You’re our mate, Macy. You can’t put yourself in danger. We won’t allow you to.”

  My head was spinning. There was so much in those sentences I didn’t know where to start. I sank down to the coffee table as my knees threatened to give way underneath me.

  “I’m your mate?” I asked on a whisper.

  Nash reached forward and stroked my cheek. He pressed his lips together and studied me for long moments before he spoke. “You’re our mate.”

  Oh my God. Those words hit my heart with all the power of a freight train behind them. I felt them everywhere in my body.

  “That means we need you to keep yourself safe for us.” Gage sat beside me on the table, both of us facing Nash.

  I nodded. I could understand that. Because as I sat there thinking of all the logical arguments for continuing to do what I always did, part of me understood their fear for me. I held the same fear thinking of them chasing bail jumpers and providing security services that might put them in danger.

  I rested my head against Gage’s shoulder as my already long day caught up with me. “I think this is something we’re going to need to work out. But could we save it for tomorrow. All I want to do now is eat and go to bed.”

  Gage pulled me close and pressed a kiss against my temple. “Anything for you, beautiful.”

  “Let’s get you fed.” Nash stood and pulled me along with him. “We can definitely table this for now.”

  They lead me to the kitchen and we ate pizza mostly in silence. Once my belly was full, all I could think of was going to bed. To sleep.

  “Um, guys. I think maybe there’s something we should talk about tonight.” I looked back and forth between them. Even as tired as I was, I could feel heat building in my core as I thought of sliding into bed with them again. But I didn’t think I had much energy left in me. “I, um, know this morning, we…um, kind of talked about picking things up where we left off. Tonight. I mean, before you left. You guys are expecting…”

  “Macy,” Nash broke into my babbling. He stood from the table and leaned down to rub his nose along my temple before pressing a kiss there. “Your first time isn’t going to be rushed. And it isn’t going to happen when you’re too tired to keep your eyes open.”

  I blinked up at him and raised a hand to stroke along his jaw. “Thank you.”

  He took my hand and kissed my palm. “You’re welcome. Now why don’t you let us clean this up and you go get ready for bed.”

  I kissed him softly and then got up and moved around to Gage’s chair. I gave him the same soft kiss, smiled at my guys and headed to bed, looking forward to sleeping cradled in their arms again.

  I don’t know how long it took for them
to join me because by the time they got there, I was already fast asleep.

  Chapter 11

  Macy

  I didn’t get to wake up cradled in the warm safety of Gage and Nash’s arms. Instead I jolted awake in an instant. Inhuman noises hit my ears and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Trying to get my bearings in the darkness, I sat up straight.

  “No!!” The scream sent me scrambling for the side of the bed at the same time Gage sat up straight and started reaching out. My movements were impeded by Nash at my back.

  That didn’t last long. In the next second, Nash grasped my upper arms, pulled me up and all but flung me out of the bed.

  I landed hard on my ass. “What…?”

  My night vision allowed me to see Nash lunge toward Gage, ducking at the same time Gage lashed out with a powerful fist. Nash’s shoulder caught Gage in the middle and tackled him down to the bed. He pinned him there.

  “Wake up, Gage. You’re safe. Wake up.” Nash shook him slightly without letting him go.

  Gage woke up fighting. I could see the glow of his eyes as they turned from dark brown to amber. His bear was fighting to break free.

  “You’re safe. You’re home, Gage. It’s me, Nash.”

  At the sound of Nash’s name, Gage froze, his body arched mid-buck. All the fight went out of him and he sank back into the mattress. Nash stared down at him for another minute, assessing him, before moving off him and right off the bed.

  He crouched down next to me. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to be so rough. Are you okay?”

  Gage knifed up in the bed. “Macy? Oh, shit. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

  The panic in his voice did what nothing else I witnessed did—spurred me to action. I sprang up from my spot sprawled on the floor. “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

  I passed my hand over Nash’s shoulder, offering quick comfort before I crawled across the bed to Gage. I didn’t hesitate when I got to him. I crawled straight into his lap and wrapped myself around him. I could feel him trembling under me.

  He closed his arms tightly around me. “You’re sure? I didn’t hurt you?”

  “Shh.” I ran my hands up and down his back, soothing him as best I could. “I’m fine. You startled me, but no damage was done.”

  He squeezed harder for a second and his breath came from him raggedly. “Thank God.”

  I don’t know how long I stayed in his arms before Nash came over and rubbed his hand over my back. “It’s late, sweetheart. I think we could all use some more sleep.”

  I pressed my face into Gage’s neck and pressed kisses along his jawline. “You okay, now?”

  He nodded.

  I eased myself back and he allowed his arms to slacken as I slid to the spot beside him that I was already coming to think of as mine. I looked up at Nash. “You, too. You need more sleep.”

  Nash’s mouth tightened and he speared Gage with a look full of something I didn’t understand. “Macy, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay in here tonight.”

  “What?”

  Gage rubbed a hand over his face. “Shit. Shit.” He dropped his hand and turned to me. “He’s right. We can’t all sleep in here.”

  My bear, already wide awake and on high alert after being jolted from sleep, roared her anger at his words. There was no way we wanted to be separated from our mates, even just to sleep.

  “I could have hurt you, Mace.”

  The pain that laced his voice broke through my anger. I raised a hand and caressed his cheek. “You didn’t. I’m fine.”

  “Gage hasn’t had a nightmare like that in a while, so I didn’t even think of it. But he’s right, Macy. Until we know he won’t hurt you, we can’t all sleep together.”

  “But…”

  Nash sank down to sit on his side of the bed. “You need to do this for Gage. Can you imagine how he’d feel if he hurt you?”

  I bit my lip and glanced up at Gage. Nash was right. Just the thought he could have hurt me left Gage highly agitated. I thought of his fist flying through the air. If I had been in the way of that fist, Gage would have really done some damage.

  I’d forgotten. We’d been in our own little bubble since the guys showed up at the bar the other night. I hadn’t let reality seep in. And the reality was that Nash and Gage still suffered with whatever they’d been through during their deployment.

  Selfishly, I hadn’t even thought about how to help them function better separately in the last few days. I liked having the three of us in our cocoon together.

  But tonight, reality reared its ugly head. Our little cocoon didn’t keep out the boogeyman. He crept in while we slept.

  And if keeping one of Gage’s monsters at bay meant sleeping separately until we figured all this out, than I’d give that to him. No matter how much I hated it.

  “Okay,” I said in a teeny, tiny voice. I turned to face Gage and pulled his mouth down to mine for a long, almost desperate kiss. When I broke away, I rubbed my hand over his chest, directly over his heart. “Sleep well, baby.”

  His eyes closed as if he were in pain and his head dipped. I pressed one last kiss to the top of it before a rolled away toward Nash. “Guest room?”

  He took my hand and gave it a squeeze before he tugged me from the room. He led me into the bedroom next door without bothering to flip on the light. Not that I needed it. I’d poked my head in before I left this morning. Or yesterday morning. Whenever it was that I’d so happily left my men’s bed, looking forward to the night ahead.

  I sighed as Nash turned down the utilitarian comforter on the queen-sized guest bed. He tucked me in like a child. Not exactly the end to the night I’d been thinking of earlier.

  “Want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?” His words let me know he’d be returning to Gage, not staying here with me.

  I fought off the sting of tears and tried with all my might to pull up my big girl panties. “You should get back to Gage,” I managed to get out softly.

  Nash pushed my hair back from my face. I tried to read his expression, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. If I had to pick one word, I think sad would come to mind.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a tired smile. But I didn’t believe him.

  “You need to get some sleep, too.” I shifted onto my side and curled my body around his side. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  And as I said the words, I knew Nash had been shouldering all kinds of worries for a while now. I promised myself I wouldn’t add to the burden he already carried.

  With that in mind, I did my best to offer him a soft smile. “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything.” He stroked my hair back from my face in a tender gesture that had become so familiar in just the last few days that I had to swallow to clear the lump in my throat before I could respond.

  “Could you go check on Gage? I’m sure he’s worried about me. Make sure he knows I’m fine.” I caught his hand and gave it a squeeze. “He might need you more than I do right now.”

  An expression I could only think was relief passed over his face before he cleared it away. “You’re sure?”

  I nodded. “Positive. And tomorrow, I’m making breakfast for you. You’re always taking care of us. I want to take care of you for once.”

  He grinned down at me before he leaned down and kissed me with a fierce passion I wasn’t expecting.

  When he broke the kiss, I’d lost my ability to speak for a moment. All I could do was blink up at him.

  He grinned down at me, a little smug at my complete loss of composure. “Night, sweetheart.”

  “Seriously? You’re going to kiss me like that right before you leave me?” I asked as I finally found my voice. “Just for that I’m making you some kind of barks and twig cereal, high in fiber and low in taste for breakfast.”

  He laughed and leaned down and gave me a last, quick peck on my lips. “Only you could make me laugh after dealing with one of G
age’s nightmares.”

  I looked up at him in wonder and my heart did a little tap dance right there in my chest. It meant the world to me to know I could lighten Nash’s load, if only for a few minutes.

  “I’m glad,” I said softly.

  He tangled his hand in my hair again. “My sweet, soft-hearted girl.”

  He curved his hand around my neck for an instant as he studied my face. A swift look of sadness came and went from his expression before he stood up.

  “Get some sleep, sweetheart.” And with that he was gone.

  It felt like he took all the warmth in the room along with him. A chill settled over me, making me shiver. I pulled the comforter up tighter under my chin, huddling under the covers as I tried to fathom the odd expression I’d caught on Nash’s face.

  I tried not to dwell on the fact they were sleeping together in the other room, and I was left here on my own. But it wasn’t as easy as I wished.

  A single tear streaked down my face and into the hair at my temple. All my life I’d dreamed of what it would be like to be claimed by my mate. Never in all my dreaming did I imagine sleeping alone and isolated from the two men my soul called out for.

  Thoughts of how we’d move forward from here chased me into a fitful sleep.

  Gage

  “Is she okay?” I asked Nash as he slid into bed beside me.

  “She’s fine.” Nash got comfortable on his back and rubbed his hands down his face.

  “Fuck. I really could have hurt her.” Nightmare images of what I could have done to Macy in my sleep flooded my mind.

  “Either one of us could have.”

  It was true. Both of us had suffered from nightmares since we got home. That was one of the reasons we shared a room, a bed. We could handle a punch or two from each other, but being able to subdue each other and calm each other down had gone a long way in reducing the nightmares in the last few months.