For the Best

by LJ Scar

  We watched a DVD of his latest television episode and I complimented him on his performance. He finally offered to drive me home.

  In his driveway, we were both stunned with the amount of waiting paparazzi. Ever the actor he gave me a kiss knowing it would be caught on camera. That was when I noticed Ansel sitting on the other side of his gate.

  As I endured Ansel ranting and raving - all but accusing me of being a celeb groupie- he drove me home. Hurt and angry I didn’t stick around. I walked the block back to where my own car was parked. My one thought as I drove up the coast, it is time to move on.

  Tanner

  For two days, I disregarded the mailbox icon on my cell. I never listened to voice mail always just calling whoever back to see what they wanted. When I checked missed call history, I didn’t recognize the digits so I ignored the number. By the time I got around to clearing my messages a day had passed.

  Her voice made my heart stop, frozen in my chest. “Tanner, it’s me.” A minute of silence followed by a deep breath then she continued. “I woke up this morning and Gator had died. I guess sometime in the night, peacefully in his sleep. I didn’t even hear him. I’m not going to tell Trev. I can’t stand to hear him cry. Just thought you might want to know.”

  Hanna

  I recognized the area code from my previous life. Tearfully, I answered, “Hello.”

  “Hanna?”

  His voice caused a deluge of emotions to hit me, not all his fault. Dead air space followed. I could hear him take a breath. Since leaving Ansel, I’d been crying non-stop. Going to the veterinarians to retrieve Gator’s ashes hadn’t helped any.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat I asked, “How are you?”

  He forced a laugh. “Good, good start with the benign questions first. Health wise-well, classes-boring, GPA- fine, Gainesville-what I expected.”

  I didn’t hear sarcasm. “Okay, I’m well too. I guess you got my message about Gator.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  I started crying again but tried to cover it with silence. I didn’t want him to think I still needed him when I grieved.

  He spoke again, “What do you do out there?”

  Wavering I answered without detail, “I’ve been working as a server at a winery.”

  Silence again. “I’m sorry.”

  His voice broke on his first ever apology to me. I was stunned. Finally, I said, “I’m sorry too.”

  “I miss you.”

  More silence.

  “Trevor fills me in on your visits each time I call,” I offered.

  “Are you coming home?”

  “No.”

  “Can I come and see you? I’ll go anywhere.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to think past my emotions. Then I told him my plans, “Early May, I’m heading to Glacier, Montana to work in the national park.”

  “Are you spreading your Mom’s ashes?”

  It felt good knowing he remembered. “That’s my plan but I’m working for one of the lodges the open season.”

  “I want to be there.” Silence. “I’m really sorry,” he whispered sorry, only the second time I’d ever heard the word come from his mouth.

  “I know you said that already.”

  “I don’t touch drugs anymore.”

  His declaration caused me to laugh and callously I asked, “Why would you? You experimented enough in high school.”

  “I deserved that Hanna. I wish I could go back and change it all.”

  Tanner - actually admitting he’d made mistakes, not getting defensive, and apologizing – had he changed? “It’s mid-day on the East Coast. Shouldn’t you be in class?”

  “I’ll skip it to talk to you.”

  I let him rattle. He talked and questioned never once going to the subjects I chose to avoid. Somehow he knew. By the time it was over he was convinced he was joining me over the summer.

  An incoming call beeped over the line. I ignored it. It was just Ansel…again.

  Chapter 16

  Tanner

  Yawning, I stretched. Most of the bus ride had passed in sleep. Two days, twenty plus hours, four transfers, the last one in the state I would spend the summer had been in darkness. Smells of cultural hygiene and sack packed meals stunk up the bus. I looked at the pretty pictures on the job brochures. Blue waters, white capped gray skyscrapers of rock, and green trees beckoned.

  I blearily gazed out the window at the rolling brown land. The dusty prairies were finally giving way to the mountainous ranges of the Rockies. I briefly contemplated the Continental Divide. Gazing at the map of Glacier National Park, I reviewed my employment papers once again.

  Based on Hanna’s, I had submitted for a job in the same park location. A large rustic hunting lodge turned retreat, two restaurants, a lounge, and two retail stores with an enormous fire place and lakeside views offering employment to 175 individuals.

  I was going to captain a vessel on Swiftcurrent Lake - one of the two lakes that offered dock departures from the hotel for closer hiking access or boat side viewing of several of the park’s larger glaciers.

  Arriving in mid-June departing late August using the summer hiatus between freshman and sophomore years of college for this reunion and adventure, I was going to win her back. She had been there since the beginning of May - preparing the hotel for occupants after the winter closure. She was going to be working in the hotel store and coffee shop. I had checked into that opportunity, but once I saw the hours were 6a.m. to 9p.m. and involved barista responsibilities I looked elsewhere. The human resources contact was the one that suggested the boat tours after finding out I had passed the lifeguard courses for the Red Cross and could also steer a boat.

  I checked my cell. Her last text:

  I might be late.

  One year had passed since I had seen her face. The endless days of fear and regret and loss finally were over.

  Milling around the bus station, we both caught sight of each other at the same time. She waved and I ran up to her backpack, duffel and gear bouncing against my back. I swept her off her feet and spun gripping her tightly. Too quickly I had to put her down.

  I forced myself to let go and step back. She was still the most beautiful girl in the world to me. Her hazel eyes had life in them once more. Her hair was captured in a long ponytail with several brown strands glinting copper in the sun. She smiled and embraced me again. Relieved I felt like she had missed me as much as I did her.

  “You look great,” she complimented.

  I should have said that.

  “It’s really good to see you,” we both spoke the same thought simultaneously.

  She laughed easily. “I’m illegally parked so we better get going.”

  She took the backpack off my shoulder and I lugged my duffel. We began walking and I struggled with something to say. “I brought a bunch of paperbacks for you and boosted the micro SD card in my MP3 player up so I’ve got like 2000 songs.”

  She smiled as she popped her trunk. “Great. You might have to go to sleep with your earbuds in because the employee lodging is a little loud sometimes. They have a ton of board games and playing cards. I don’t ever seem to have much free time because of the extended hours at the snack shop but on the boats you guys get more. Most of those employees hike and camp a lot.”

  We had stowed the cargo and were now driving through the town passing restaurants and stores. “There is an extra set of my car keys. Feel free to take it whenever you need. I don’t mind.” She pointed to the cup holder where the fob rested.

  “Thanks!” I tried not to stare, she was just hard for me to absorb after a year of deprivation. “I’ll keep it gassed up for the privilege.”

  She took her eyes off the road to bestow me with one of her beautiful smiles. “I’m getting some groceries. The snack shop store and eating out all the time deplete my cash too quick. There is a community kitchen in our lodging where you can keep your food but I usually stash all but my perishables in my room
.”

  “Sounds good. I guess I’ll stock up too.”

  She pulled into a grocer and I almost forgot my place reaching for her hand before I pulled back. Inside each of us steered a shopping cart.

  She had three lists all with different handwriting so she must have been taking care of some friends. Following her lead, I bought similar. A bag of granny smith apples and navel oranges, bread, peanut butter, canned meat, crackers, nuts, and some canned vegetables filled her cart. She stopped in the health food aisle and bought almost thirty protein bars checking off various flavors on someone’s list with bad handwriting. I grabbed some of the energy bars for myself. Checking another list again she grabbed two cases of soft drinks and I did the same. We almost finished before she remembered candy and went back to that aisle for a bag of caramel bites. She self-scanned three different orders and I noticed she paid with three credit cards forging the other two people’s signatures.

  “I thought we’d grab lunch at Apgar Village. It has a great view of Lake McDonald.”

  “You’re my tour guide. I’m at your mercy,” I teased. “So tell me about your friends?” I wasn’t sure how long the journey to the closest park entrance would take but my curiosity was getting the best of me.

  “Your roommate is a fun guy. Always up for hanging out. I’m not fond of my own roommate. She’s a bit much. You’ll see. There is an older woman named April who I really like. She just got divorced and ended a fifteen year career last year. I admire her spirit. She said she missed opportunities like this in her youth and she was trying to fix that.”

  I looked down and noticed the bars on my cell diminished to none. She must have caught me checking. “You won’t have a signal in the park but on the eastside where we are staying if you drive back out to the highway, a short distance, it will work.”

  “Good.” I powered it down to save the battery. We approached the park entrance and she avoided the traffic line of tourist cars opting for the park pass lane. A ranger waved us through. In no time she pulled off the highway into a small village.

  “The café has good wraps. I think the food here is better than at our lodge,” as she spoke I had to squash another urge to touch her. When she was mine I would have wrapped my arm around her shoulder or stuck my hand in her back pocket as we walked. It was a hard feeling to stifle.

  Once ordered, I paid. She hesitated, I think she wanted to refuse but then she said, “Thanks!”

  We took our fare to a picnic table that looked out on the scenic lake surrounded by the Rocky Mountains.

  “How is Trevor doing?” she asked taking a bite.

  “Good. He has a girlfriend.”

  “Really? Have you met her?”

  “Yeah. She has Down’s too. Always smiling seems happier than anyone I’ve ever met. She has long brown hair which Trevor pointed out multiple times to me saying she looked like you.” The blush that crept through her tan wrenched my heart.

  “It’s funny, you know? The world views them as challenged but Trev always seemed the most well-balanced of anyone I knew. Hardly anything got him down. Sometimes I was envious of his innocent perspective of life.” Her voice faded into the sound of a breeze rustling the leaves in the trees above mixed with the lull of lapping water on the shore.

  “How do you like work?” I asked to break the quiet that stole up on us.

  “Well, it isn’t exactly rocket science but I enjoy it. We wear these name tags with our home state on them so people ask me where in Florida I’m from a lot. It’s a conversation starter because I follow their question with where are you from, do you like it there, etc. I am really interested in learning where people think are great places to live.”

  “Picked out your next destination?” I asked hoping she hadn’t so I could convince her to come back with me after the summer ended.

  “Not really. People from Texas, California and New York always seem the most enthusiastic about where they live, but then again so do the city residents of Boston, Chicago and Phoenix. I’m waiting to meet some people from places I’m curious about living long-term.”

  My heart plummeted. “Where sparks your interest?”

  “State wise Colorado, Oregon, Washington, Maine, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Louisiana.” She stared off at a fish leaping from the water.

  “Those are some varied locations,” I replied praying if I couldn’t get her in Florida she’d choose the south.

  “Yeah. It really will be where I can find a job other than in the service industry.”

  Here was my chance. Picking my words carefully, I tried not to sound like I was lecturing. “So still no thoughts of college?”

  Her eyes met mine. “No, I don’t think that is going to happen.”

  “How come?”

  “I have looked through a lot of majors offered. I don’t want to be trapped inside a building, definitely not stuck behind a desk.”

  “You could do sales.”

  “I don’t really have the tenacity. I’m not a closer,” she answered.

  “Veterinarians don’t work inside all the time. At least not livestock vets. Didn’t you used to want to be one?” I brought up her old dream.

  “I prefer domestic pets and the goals of childhood don’t appeal to me anymore.”

  I took our conversation and ran. “Archaeology? You always liked digging for shells in the sand.”

  She shook her head with a smile. “Nope.”

  “You used to plant a great kitchen garden. How about agriculture?”

  “I have considered buying a farm and doing one of those corn mazes that are popular at Halloween. But no.”

  I laughed. “Fair enough.” I waited a second. “Fashion? You have an amazing sense of style.”

  “Appealing but I think I don’t have the flair for the dramatic like they show on Project Runway.”

  “You love reading and watching crime dramas and mysteries. What about criminology?”

  “My high school records would eliminate that choice.” There was no accusation in her words, but I flinched anyway.

  I grew quiet.

  “Okay, if you have so many options which major are you choosing?” she called my bluff.

  “Something in either Landscape Architecture or Golf and Sports Turf Management,” I blurted it out. I hadn’t even thought it through but suddenly it made sense.

  “You’d be happy doing something like that.” She scrunched up our trash and emptied it into a bear proof garbage receptacle. She reached for my hand this time before she realized what she was doing. With barely a brush of fingers she clenched her fist and folded her arms across her chest. “We’d better get going. That’s a dark cloud to the west and the construction ahead could slow us down. There is a short hike we’ll take before we call it a day.”

  Back in the car, she tuned to an AM station to get park information and a staticy, dull voiced recording relayed weather. Eventually she turned it off. “No other stations transmit through this area,” she explained.

  We kept ascending in altitude up the mountain road and she told me her schedule for the week since her hours and workdays fluctuated dawn to dusk. The clouds opened up and the rain turned to mist, then sleet, and snow. We were halted by a road crew for fifteen minutes as they paved. The view from the passenger side was straight down with mountains in the distance, the driver’s side was a cliff face that wept water from the rain as waterfalls cascaded. She rattled off some spots she recommended I visit along the Road to the Sun as if I was here for any reason other than her.

  She pulled off the road at the visitor’s center when the sign indicated Logan’s Pass. The parking lot was packed with cars but she found a spot close to the stairs.

  “You might want to get out your coat,” she instructed as she shrugged a jacket waist Sherpa lined pink hoodie over her t-shirt.

  The beginning was over a boardwalk where the once frozen ground was still soggy. Then we began ascending uphill. I was glad I’d bought the expensive hiking boots but more th
ankful for the jeans I still kept on and her coat advisement. Hanna’s shorts and hiking boot combo told me she had acclimated to the chill breezing from the meadow surrounding the trail. The view from behind her of taunt long legs meeting her tight butt as she climbed each step kept me smiling through the strenuous climb. Every so often she would stop talking, and walk backwards telling me to turn around. The wildflowers and chipmunks of the mountain valley didn’t interest me nearly as much as staring at the girl I had missed for the past year.

  We arrived at perfect lighting as the lake mirrored the surrounding mountains. The landscape was filled with snow-capped peaks, and slender waterfalls surrounding the lake. Hanna pointed out clusters of white and when I focused the mountain goats became clearer.

  “Maybe we can do the Highline Trail to Sperry Lake Chalet sometime. That’s if we ever get a full day off together. Lots of bighorn sheep congregate on the trail.”

  “What’s its claim to fame?” I asked.

  “You hike,” she paused, “I think six miles each way to get to the Granite Park Chalet. This old hotel built in 1913 out of rocks. We wouldn’t have the time to spend the night but the rush is that the trail has all this spectacular scenery and wildlife.”

  I studied her smiling face. “Didn’t you used to be afraid of what lurked in the Atlantic’s depths? Doesn’t wildlife around here include animals that want to eat you?” I teased.

  “Well, I would never want to encounter a bear, grizzly or black, but I can appreciate observing them from a distance. I just don’t want to let any experiences pass me by. You know you only go round once. Or a thousand times depending on your religious preference,” she joked.

  She sat on the ground and I joined her. Wrapping her arms around her bent knees, she watched various families. Two young teenage girls were working at irritating their parents. A distracted couple was letting their toddler wander off unattended.