Distiller's Choice (Bourbon Springs Book 4)

by Bramseth, Jennifer

  “So you want me to babysit?”

  “If that’s what you want to call it,” he snapped. “I just need a little help.”

  CiCi swallowed her pride and the bile at the back of her throat and told him she’d be there in a few minutes. Walker said he needed to leave immediately and for CiCi to let herself into the house.

  With every step toward Walker’s place, her grumpiness level increased. She was mad at the situation, but also mad at herself for not being more sympathetic. Walker was trying to do the right thing, the neighborly thing in a small town by helping someone out. Jana just needed a friend, someone there to be with her in case she needed help in getting up and moving around. That’s what people did for each other in Bourbon Springs.

  And CiCi was a Bourbon Springs girl. No matter how jealous and angry she felt, it was time to suck it up and do the right thing.

  Despite having a key, CiCi rang the doorbell to announce her arrival. She found Jana in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a bowl of soup in front of her.

  The woman looked terrible.

  Jana’s hair was faded and stringy. Her skin, usually pale and aglow, was dull and lifeless. She had lost weight—most likely muscle—and looked a little undernourished.

  “Hey,” was the only greeting Jana could muster as CiCi took a seat.

  “You don’t look so great,” CiCi admitted. “Need anything?”

  “Not unless you can get the past month of my life back for me,” she joked. “I’m so over feeling like crap. I’d been getting better, but then this cold hit me.”

  CiCi fussed over the scant lunch Jana was eating. She cleared the soup bowl and started looking in Walker’s pantry and fridge for something else to put in front of the woman, hoping to tempt her to eat a little more.

  CiCi suggested a few things: macaroni and cheese, a turkey sandwich, fruit. But nothing appealed to Jana.

  “I think I’d like to rest on the couch,” she announced, pushing back from the table.

  CiCi helped Jana out of her seat and noticed she still had mobility problems. Her leg was still very bruised and stiff, and her broken ribs were healing slowly.

  “I cannot wait to get back to work,” she said. “I hate being cooped up. Like living with my mother all over again.”

  In spite of herself, CiCi snorted. And Jana laughed with her, dropping with a groan onto the couch. CiCi covered Jana with a blanket.

  “Walker’s done so much for me,” Jana said, turning serious very quickly. “I don’t know how to repay him for… for everything.” She started to cry.

  CiCi got a box of tissues from the end table and handed them to Jana, then sat in a chair next to her.

  How does one get through this kind of situation? Injured ex-wife of your boyfriend crying about how nice he is? What’s the protocol for that situation?

  Default to nice.

  “He’s a great guy,” CiCi said and nodded, trying to be conversational and casual.

  But the remark was too honest.

  “Yeah, he is,” Jana said, dabbing at her eyes with some tissues. “Caring, patient, considerate. He’s amazing.”

  Jana gradually recovered from her crying jag. But CiCi knew the source of those tears wasn’t merely overwhelming gratitude on Jana’s part; they came from grief, loss, and pain.

  “You still love him, don’t you?” CiCi asked before she could stop herself.

  “Of course I do.” Jana looked directly at CiCi. There was no hesitation or embarrassment. No shock at the question or any effort at denial.

  CiCi stood, anxious to leave but knowing she was supposed to be there for Jana’s benefit. So much for being there to help.

  “He told you what happened, didn’t he?”

  CiCi walked away from the couch and gave no reply. Jana wasn’t entitled to know what Walker had confided in her, and CiCi wasn’t going to break that level of trust. If Walker wanted to tell, he could.

  But her expression must have betrayed her knowledge.

  “He did tell, didn’t he?” Jana asked, glancing at CiCi’s face.

  Then the door from the kitchen to the garage opened, and Walker was there. They hadn’t heard his car.

  “Hey,” he said, addressing Jana before even acknowledging CiCi’s presence. “Feeling any better?”

  “Not… not really,” Jana said, wadding the spent tissues. The little white balls littered her lap and one fell to the floor. “I’m tired.” She put her head down on the arm of the couch. The dismissal of CiCi was implied.

  “I guess I’d better get going,” CiCi said, relieved and not at all offended by Jana’s brush-off.

  After a quick good-bye to both, she went to the back porch, deciding to cut through the yards between her house and Walker’s place. CiCi wanted to get home fast, but she’d barely made it outside before Walker grabbed her hand and stopped her.

  “What the hell just happened?” he demanded. “Jana’s back there in tears.”

  CiCi hesitated, wondering whether this confrontation was worth it.

  Did he need to know what happened?

  Yes. Walker had to know. If she didn’t tell him, Jana would.

  CiCi gripped a railing that was at the top of a small flight of stairs leading to the lawn, feeling dizzy from the emotion of the moment as well as the intense summer heat.

  “We were talking and—and she admitted to me that she’s still in love with you.”

  “She—what? How the hell—she said that?”

  “Yes.”

  “And exactly how did this subject come up?”

  “She was saying how grateful she was to you,” CiCi said. “And how considerate and patient and amazing you are—her exact words, not mine, although I agree with all of them. And—and—”

  “And what?”

  She hesitated but knew there was no explanation but the truth. “I asked her.”

  “You asked her just like that?” Walker snapped his fingers in CiCi’s face. “Why the hell did you do that, CiCi? Couldn’t you see how sick that woman has been?”

  “Are you saying you don’t believe her? Or that you’re okay with it?”

  “It doesn’t matter—”

  “Of course it matters! She’s your ex, living with you in your house! And she still loves you!”

  “My point is that she’s been sick and needs a break. She had no one else there for her, CiCi. And she’s very fragile.”

  CiCi was completely flummoxed. Why was he so seemingly undisturbed by this information? And why was he defending Jana?

  Because he already knew.

  He’d already figured it out, living again in close quarters with his ex-wife.

  This was the man who’d told her about how Jana had lied to him, how she’d wanted to reconcile, and how she’d wanted him back so much that she was willing to lie about being pregnant with his child.

  He had known she was calculating and how she worked.

  But here he was in front of CiCi, telling her to back off.

  Defending and protecting Jana.

  Telling CiCi to be easy on her. Be nice.

  Oh, and overlook the obvious that she wants me back.

  The man you love.

  Or loved.

  A cold knot of fear grew in CiCi’s stomach. Jana was already back in Walker’s house. And well on her way to worming her way back into his heart.

  And he had known what she had been feeling.

  “Then get back in there and comfort her if she’s such a delicate little thing.”

  She raced down the porch steps to the lawn and was halfway across the yard before Walker yelled at her to stop. Ignoring his cries, CiCi fled through a neighboring yard toward the safety of her home, the tears flowing as she ran.

  Walker remained on the porch for several minutes, thinking. And the more he thought, the angrier he got at both Jana and CiCi.

  He was surprised at CiCi’s immaturity. He hadn’t seen this side of her; he didn’t like it and wasn’t sure how to handle it despite
understanding its origins.

  But more importantly, Jana had to go. She was better—not recovered, but better—and he had to get her out of his home. Because he knew the truth: Jana loved him.

  Walker moved back toward the house and dropped onto a bench, trying to cool his roiling thoughts on that hot day. It wasn’t easy.

  Even if Jana left, his relationship with CiCi had taken a huge hit; things would not be quickly mended. He was angry with her for bringing up the subject so pointedly to Jana, and angry she couldn’t see that he had only been trying to do the right thing by someone who needed him.

  But wasn’t that exactly what had happened to him last time?

  True, this time, Jana hadn’t lied to get back into his life.

  But once more, trying to be the nice guy had only gotten him in the middle and miserable.

  Chapter 31

  Walker was about to get up off the bench and return to the house when he turned and saw Jana coming out onto the porch.

  “You’re sick,” he said. “You should get back inside.”

  “I’m not a complete invalid, Walker. And I think a little sunshine would do me good after all the time I’ve spent indoors lately.”

  “I’m sorry you got upset,” he said, seeing Jana was still rattled by what had happened.

  Jana sat next to him. “And I’m sorry if I upset CiCi. I assume she told you what I said.” He acknowledged that CiCi had, and Jana took in a long breath. “I meant it. I still love you, Walker.”

  “I know,” he said without emotion.

  Jana’s mouth opened, and her chin quivered. “You… you do?”

  “How could I not know after being around you so much for the past three or so weeks now? I was married to you—remember? I know what you’re like.”

  Jana dropped her head and blushed like an embarrassed school girl. “What did I do?”

  “Not sure it was any one thing.” Walker stared out into his lawn, wishing he’d see CiCi’s face emerging from behind a bush or tree. “Just little things.”

  Like the soft tone of Jana’s voice. Her smile. Her almost constant stream of expressions of gratitude for what he’d done for her. And the way he’d caught her looking at him one morning in the kitchen when he’d been shirtless and he’d thought she was still in bed.

  Even though he’d suspected her feelings, he hadn’t been able to believe Jana was still in love with him. But as time passed, he had seen that CiCi had been right. He certainly hadn’t been looking for the signs of lingering affection, and he didn’t welcome them. Yet he could no longer deny what was right in front of him, under his own roof.

  “CiCi finally asked me point-blank, and I told the truth,” Jana said, looking directly into his eyes. “I love you. I was stupid and horrible to you, I admit it. And I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but that isn’t possible in a place like Bourbon Springs. And now you’ve taken me in your home, cared for me…”

  She started to shake, and Walker put his arm around her. “I knew you needed someone, Jana, but now—”

  “I didn’t come to Bourbon Springs with a plan to get you back, but I guess I did come with a lot of hope. And I’m not going to deny it: I do want you back. I’ve wanted you back ever since you walked out the day when I finally told you the truth about not being pregnant,” she said, her tears falling down onto her shorts. “And… and I just hope you can forgive me, Walker,” she finished, choking on the last few words.

  “Jana, I forgave you a while ago.” He squeezed her with the one arm he had around her shoulders.

  Her face brightened, and he knew that look: an expression of hope.

  Hope which he was about to kill.

  She tried to put her hand on his face, but he caught it and held it down.

  “Jana, I forgave you. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I guess I should’ve told you this already. But I went through that process—it took a while—but I finally realized there was no use hanging on to that hate.”

  “But… why… when?” she stuttered.

  “About the time CiCi came into my life,” he admitted. “That kind of hate poisons relationships. And not just with the one you’re working to forgive.”

  She looked confused and petulant and licked her lips. “But if you forgive me—why can’t we—why can’t we get back to where we were?”

  “You’re equating forgiveness with a willingness to reconcile and be your husband again. For me, forgiveness isn’t a magical reset button for our marriage, a simple ticket back into my heart or my bed. It isn’t a surrender to someone else’s whims or demands. It’s a gift. And it’s the only one and the most important you’ll ever receive from me again.

  “I can work with you and will always consider you my friend. Forgiveness will give us that, and I hope you can accept and be grateful for it. Because I can’t give you more. I can’t give you my heart again. I’m sorry.”

  He stopped short of saying the obvious: that he couldn’t give her his love because he’d given it to another. Walker wasn’t that cruel.

  Jana sat, stunned. If possible, Walker thought she got even paler than she usually was.

  “I… I understand.” She began to sob.

  Walker put his arms around her and let her cry into his chest.

  CiCi should’ve known better than to come back.

  She stood at the edge of Walker’s lawn, the scene unfolding like another nightmare. There they were, hugging, with Jana crying and Walker stroking the back of his ex-wife’s head.

  After she had reached her backyard, CiCi had been overwhelmed with regret and shame at her behavior and had returned to apologize to both Walker and Jana.

  Instead, she was watching history repeat itself.

  Her father.

  Her ex-husband.

  Now Walker.

  He’d said he wasn’t like them.

  He’d been wrong.

  And she’d been wrong to trust again.

  She felt stupid for feeling stupid about doubting him.

  She should’ve trusted her gut, that fear of rejection and abandonment that was always there, and conformed to her rule.

  Because rules had reasons behind them. They helped to protect.

  Now she was left in that familiar, lonely, abysmal, and unprotected space: standing alone with a broken heart.

  She turned and ran just as she caught Walker’s eye.

  “Shit,” he said, releasing Jana.

  When Jana expressed confusion, he told her that CiCi had seen them.

  “You’d better go to her,” Jana said.

  “I know, but before I do I need to tell you one more thing. Maybe you already know this.”

  She held up a hand. “You’re going to tell me I need to find another place to live. I get it. In fact, I spoke with Hannah last week about moving in with her for a while because I knew I was intruding on your good graces and I can get around a little better,” Jana said, astonishing him. “I know I have to leave now, Walker. I think it would be for the best. For all of us.”

  “All of us?”

  “I’m including CiCi in that equation,” she said. “Now go after her,” Jana said, a sob escaping as she pointed away from the house.

  Walker kissed Jana on the head and ran off after CiCi.

  CiCi was on her back porch, sitting in partial shade, drinking Garnet Center Cut on the rocks. She usually reserved her bourbon drinking for the evening, that mellow time of day that could be made mellower by reasonable application of the water of life. Her almost-drained flask—Walker’s gift—sat on the table next to her glass.

  She’d finished half her drink when she saw him striding purposefully into her yard. Damn, he had a lot of nerve showing up here. She stood, pulled her keys from her pocket and began to fidget with the ring.

  CiCi removed the key to his house from the ring and held it out to him as he approached.

  “What’s that?” he asked as he climbed the stairs to her porch.

  “Here,” sh
e said, thrusting the thing into his face. “It’s the key to your house.”

  “Why are you giving me—wait—CiCi, what do you think happened with Jana and me?”

  “I saw enough to figure it out,” was all CiCi said, and her eyes swam with tears. How dare he come here? He had to have walked over to give her the talk.

  That it was over. That he finally realized he loved Jana. That they were getting back together and he could only love CiCi as a friend.

  All that bullshit that she’d tried to avoid and deny and talk herself into believing wasn’t true.

  “Jana’s moving out.”

  “Really?” she said, surprised at the news but still being as snarky as possible.

  “I thought you’d be a little happier about that.”

  “Yeah, but big fucking deal.” CiCi put the key on the table since it didn’t appear that Walker was going to take it from her.

  “Why are you like this? Jana’s leaving. I can’t be around her now that I know how she still feels about me.”

  “You knew before today, Walker,” CiCi accused him and pointed. She sat up in her chair and squinted at him. “You knew she was still in love with you, and she was right there in your house. But you don’t kick her out until she admits it to the new girlfriend. Not very smooth.”

  “That had nothing to do with—yes, I’ll admit it—I knew what she was feeling. But it hadn’t been a problem until today.”

  “A problem? As in girlfriend discovers the truth? Yeah, that’s a problem.” She grabbed the flask and opened it.

  “And as long as we’re being completely truthful here, I’ll tell you exactly what I told her—the same thing I told her when you were probably looking at us.”

  CiCi poured the bourbon from the flask over the ice-and-water mixture remaining in her glass. “And that would be?”

  “That I had forgiven her, that I still loved her as a friend, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be her husband again.”