Phoenix (The Bellator Saga Book 4)

by Cecilia London

  Oh, please. “What a nice way to put it.”

  “I’d find that level of devotion quite flattering. Particularly coming from a man like Jack, who tries not to feel much of anything.”

  Caroline wished Natalie would stop talking about him. It was yet another reminder of all the things she’d been trying to forget. “Someone majored in psychology,” she said.

  “No, I simply understand the human condition. And my brief residency might have been in psychiatry. There isn’t a soul here who doesn’t have great admiration for you and what you withstood while you were held prisoner by the government.”

  “Does that include you?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Well, this is awkward.”

  “For me. I hope not for you.” Natalie paused. “We all believed you were dead. You know you’re the only one who’s gotten out of that place, right?”

  Caroline spent as little time as possible thinking about her time at The Fed. “I had nothing to do with it,” she said. “Luck of the draw.”

  “I suspect that’s not the whole truth.”

  Jesus Christ. Another attempt at gathering information. This woman had to be some sort of emotional tapeworm. “I’m not going to give you any details.”

  Natalie tugged at her stethoscope again, never breaking eye contact with Caroline. “You’re just as warm and friendly as I have heard.”

  A snippy tapeworm. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

  Natalie let out a hard breath. “Do you want me to get Jack? He really wants to see you. He was quite upset when he brought you in here.”

  Jack was the last person she wanted to see. For a seemingly intelligent woman, Dr. Haddad hadn’t caught on to that fact. “Not particularly,” Caroline said. “I’d rather see Gabe and the others. You speak of my husband as if you’re friends.”

  “We are,” Natalie said.

  The doctor’s response was a smidge too defensive. “You think I’m jealous?” Caroline asked.

  “I don’t know what to think about you right now.”

  Caroline wasn’t about to help Natalie out, but maybe she could get her to back off. “I’m not jealous. Jack can be with whomever he wants. He always had a weakness for women your age. And younger.”

  “We’re friends,” Natalie said firmly. “He’s been hung up on his dead wife for the past year.”

  “Again with the subtlety.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “You don’t like bitchy women, do you?”

  “No, I don’t. However, I’m a bit surprised you’re acting this way, based on what I know about you. Bitchy isn’t what I expected.”

  That was interesting. “Two weeks in a federal prison can fuck you up,” Caroline said.

  “I can see that. I’m dating one of the officers here, even though you’re not jealous.”

  Oh, the good doctor could hit back. How cute. “Are you calling me a liar?”

  “No. You’re just not as bitchy as you sound. I have no interest in your husband.”

  Maybe they could form a club with matching jackets. “Fine with me. Neither do I.”

  “Why don’t you want to see Jack?”

  Caroline didn’t trust anyone in this damn place, and sure as hell didn’t want to share any of her feelings with this woman. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Natalie looked uncomfortable. “Ms. Gerard-”

  Oh, Christ. Was she still hung up on that? “Caroline,” she corrected. “Jesus.”

  “Caroline,” Natalie said. “Do you want to talk about anything that happened before you got here?”

  “Like what?”

  Natalie looked her in the eyes. “I was the one who started your IV. I saw the scars on your wrists. I saw the other scars too, as I was examining you. No one else was in the room,” she added quickly.

  Caroline had to get better at hiding her fear. If people could see it or smell it, she became a target. “Refer back to those few weeks in federal prison, if you want your answer.”

  “I take it you don’t want to talk about it?”

  Jesus Christ, this girl wasn’t going to stop, was she? Didn’t any of these people recognize when a person wanted to be left the fuck alone? “Not with you.”

  Natalie looked away from her. “You might be here a little while,” she said. “Not long, but probably overnight. I assume you want to stay in the clothes you’re wearing as opposed to putting on a hospital gown.”

  Now that she noticed, Caroline was still in her sweater and pants. “Huh?”

  “Long sleeves, no exposed back.”

  Caroline didn’t bother hiding a scowl. It took too much energy to pretend to be affable when she was in so much pain. “Aren’t you a thoughtful young lady.”

  Natalie gave her a hard look. “I wouldn’t blame you for being permanently pissed. I would be.”

  “I appreciate your support.”

  “I’d merely suggest,” Natalie continued, “that you not take it out on people who are only trying to help you.”

  She’d made her point. Caroline could play nice, force her voice to soften a little. Maybe this chick would back off if she did. “Look, Dr. Haddad-”

  “Natalie,” she corrected. “Since we’re still playing that little game.”

  Ooh, she was feisty. Caroline liked that. But she had her limits, especially now. “Natalie,” she said. “You seem like a nice girl. You really do. But if you think we’re going to be buddies you’re nuts.”

  “I saw you speak at a fundraiser once,” Natalie said. “Back when I started medical school. For Senator Goldman.”

  What a strange aside. “How nice for you.”

  “You gave a great speech. You genuinely cared. You knew the issues. You connected with people. You understood what people wanted to hear, the hope they wanted to have. And the entire audience knew it. It affected me deeply, made me realize I had an obligation to more than myself.”

  “Is that why you’re here?”

  “Partly. I suspect it’s why you’re here too. Even though you might have taken longer to arrive.”

  “The woman who gave that speech doesn’t exist anymore,” Caroline said. “And Senator Goldman is dead. So you can keep your dreamy idealism to yourself and tell me how long I have to stay in here.”

  “Fine,” Natalie said. “Be that way. I can’t stop you. I’d be angry too. Extremely angry. But if you ever need to talk, I’m available. There aren’t a lot of women on this base. Sometimes it helps to know that the others can help.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind the next time I have a slumber party.”

  “You’re really good at pushing buttons. Have you always been this way? Was that nice woman portrayed in the media an act?”

  “Probably. Chrissy-”

  Her voice caught. She’d thought about her best friend. Dreamed about her. Grieved her. But she hadn’t uttered that nickname aloud since a snowy night the previous February. One of many nights she tried not to think about.

  Caroline closed her eyes. If dealing with Jack would be hard, thinking about Christine was ten times worse. “An old friend used to tell me that deep down inside I was a giant bitch. Maybe she was right.”

  “No, she wasn’t. I don’t think Senator Sullivan ever believed that, either.”

  She wanted to ask Natalie to stop mentioning her friends. Especially the ones who were gone. And she definitely didn’t want her mentioning her husband again. “Please don’t talk about her,” Caroline whispered, clutching the sheet on the bed and taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

  Natalie put her hand on Caroline’s, keeping it there until she released the sheet from her grip. “I won’t.” She squeezed Caroline’s hand. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much.”

  Caroline shook her off. “I don’t want to talk about it. Any of it. Stop trying to trick me into opening up.”

  “I’m not. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here.” She stood up. “Can I go get Jack?”
<
br />   Caroline opened her eyes again. How could she find a convincing way to get Natalie to listen to her? “I really don’t want to see him. I mean it. I don’t know what kind of rights I have in this hospital, but I’d prefer he not be allowed in here.”

  “Can you maybe indulge him for a minute? He’s been bugging me every time I’ve stepped out of this room. It’s not my place to say anything about your relationship with him, but he’s been quite concerned about your condition.”

  That meant any efforts she made to avoid Jack would ultimately be useless. Shit. “I’d rather see Gabe and the others first.”

  “Jack is going to be very unhappy about this.”

  Huh. She was going to listen to her? “But you’re going to do it?”

  Natalie grinned at her. “Only because I’m desperate for you to like me. I need more girlfriends. There’s too much testosterone in this place sometimes.”

  “Maybe I do like you. You don’t know.”

  “If you do, you might want to think about working on your social skills. Most people are going to have a hard time reading you and they’ll probably err on the side of staying the hell away.”

  That was perfectly fine with Caroline. “How long do I have to remain here? Doesn’t this base have barracks or something?”

  Natalie’s grin faded. “Overnight should be sufficient. I ran some blood work and I’m waiting on some of the results. And you have a mild concussion.” She stared at Caroline’s hands. “I assume you haven’t had spectacular medical care lately.”

  At least she hadn’t stared at her face. Caroline wasn’t about to give Natalie the rundown. “I’m alive. I guess that’s all that matters.”

  “Jack can explain the policies we have in place once you’re discharged. You’ll probably get a top notch housing assignment.”

  Natalie finally seemed to have caught on to the fact that Caroline wanted her own space. “I don’t care about that. I don’t like hospitals.”

  “Does anyone? Besides people like me?” Natalie patted her knee. “It’s okay to smile, you know.”

  Caroline rubbed her forehead. “Can you please go get the guys?”

  “All right,” Natalie said. “But don’t forget this favor I did for you. Jack’s still coming in, though. I won’t be able to keep him out. He is the boss, after all. You just get to see the others first.”

  She’d happily take that concession. He’d learn soon enough where he stood. “Great.”

  * * * * *

  Jack got up as soon as he saw Natalie scoot out of Caroline’s room. “Is she -?”

  “She just woke up.” Natalie glanced at Jack before eyeing the other men sitting nearby. “Sir, may I speak with you for a moment? In private?”

  That wasn’t a good sign. Jack let her lead him to an unoccupied room. “What is it?”

  Natalie rubbed her chin. “She doesn’t – wow, I don’t know how to say this.”

  His heart sank. Surely she would have asked him to sit down for bad news. “Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine. Her broken bones need to heal and she’ll be in some pain for a while but all her tests have come back borderline normal. Although I think she needs to gain at least fifteen pounds to be on the safe side. She – she doesn’t want to see you.”

  That made no sense whatsoever. “What?”

  “She wants to see her friends first.”

  Natalie had picked a hell of a time to mess with him. “I’m going in there,” he said. “Are you putting me on?”

  She slid into one of the chairs in the room. “Do I look like I’m putting you on? Caroline didn’t want to see you at all but I got her to agree to it if I let her friends come in and talk to her first.”

  He took the seat next to her. She had to be mistaken. And try as he might, he couldn’t keep the dejection out of his voice. “My wife doesn’t want to see me?”

  Natalie squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry.”

  Dr. Haddad only made physical contact when she felt guilty or protective of him. Or when she was trying to keep him calm. Other than that, it rarely occurred. He should have seen all of this coming. “What did she say to you?”

  “She wouldn’t tell me about anything that happened. I tried to build a rapport, tried to ask her about you, but she wasn’t having it. I think-” Natalie stopped. “I think you should let her dictate the terms of your interaction for now.”

  That seemed like a rather extreme response to the situation, which meant things were very fucked up indeed. He shouldn’t have left Caroline alone in that examining room. He shouldn’t have left her at all. Jack put his head in his hands. “She blames me.”

  “Don’t say that. None of us have any idea what she’s gone through the past year, and she’s now recovering from a nasty whack on the head. One that could have killed her,” she added. “Give her time.”

  He lifted his head up. He was the goddamn man at the top. And he’d play that card whenever he needed it. “I want to see her,” he said. “You can’t keep me out of there.”

  “You will see her. But let her have control over this. If she doesn’t want to talk, don’t force her. She’s changed. I never knew her aside from speeches and what you’ve told me but she’s not the same. You can’t walk in there and expect everything to be the way it was.”

  Did she really think he was that foolish? “I wasn’t going to do that.”

  “I’m not saying you would. Just be prepared for whatever comes your way. Don’t get your hopes up.” Natalie squeezed his arm again. “I’m sorry, Jack. I am. And I want you to prepare yourself for what you find, because it’s going to upset you. Hell, I didn’t even know her and I’m a little upset.”

  He hadn’t been able to tell much when they’d been in the interrogation room. “Is it that bad?”

  “She’s angry. Distant. Cold. It was worse than I thought.”

  Jack let out a harsh breath. Natalie was mistaken. She didn’t know Caroline. His wife hated hospitals and had taken her stress out on the nearest medical professional. “Thank you for your concern, Captain. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

  “Commander-”

  He stood up. “You’re wrong,” he said. “She wants to see me. I know it.”

  “Please let her friends go in there first. I promised her. I don’t want her to think I’ve breached that trust.” Natalie glared at him. “Don’t do that to me. I want to help her and I can’t do that if you go barging in there before she’s ready.”

  Jack sighed. He’d give her a little something, just this once. “Fine,” he said. “Ten minutes tops. Then I’m going in. You tell them that.”

  Chapter Four

  Caroline sat back against the pillows, her eyes closed. She heard a soft knock. “Come in,” she called.

  Jones peeked his head in. “Hey, Princess. How you feeling?”

  She smiled a tiny smile. It was easier to ignore the pain in her head if the guys were with her. “I’m okay. Get in here.”

  The four men shoved through the door, with Jones leading the way. Gabe was instantly at Caroline’s side, sitting down next to the bed.

  “Are you really okay?” he asked, taking her hand.

  “Yeah. Takes more than an asshole with an anger management problem to beat me. I have to stay here overnight, though.”

  “They’re setting up a temporary room for us,” Gig said. “Just until we can have a little orientation tomorrow. Will you be able to make it?”

  “As long as Little Miss Sunshine lets me out, I’ll be there.” Caroline turned to Jones. “I heard you almost went off on that jackass who put me in here.”

  Jones grinned sheepishly. “If it hadn’t been for Gabe here, I might have succeeded.”

  “Thank you for defending my honor,” Caroline said.

  “It wasn’t just Gabe,” Crunch said. “The commander held him back, although I think he was tempted to join in.”

  Caroline didn’t want to hear a damn thing about Jack. Tick tick tick, she couldn’t avoid the topic for
ever but she could try. “Don’t talk about my husband.”

  Crunch stepped back from the bed, surprised by her response. “Sure thing.”

  “We all wanted to beat the crap out of that guy,” Gig said. “But the rest of us can hold our tempers better than Jonesie.”

  “Or me,” Caroline admitted.

  “Dipshit had it coming to him,” Jones said. “He gets to lie in the comfort of his own bed while Diana – I mean, Caroline – is here in the hospital.”

  Caroline sat up a little straighter. “I broke his jaw,” she said. “And kicked him in the crotch.”

  Gig laughed. “I think you broke his nose too.”

  Jones gave her a fist bump. “Nicely done. Even if the damage to his man junk makes me a little queasy.”

  “Is that why you listen to what I say?” she asked. “Because of my mad combat skills?”

  He let his face relax into a grin. “Don’t get a big head. I taught you all your best moves.”

  Crunch shoved Jones in the side. “I taught her too, asshole.”

  “Were you the one who helped her perfect the technique of turning men into eunuchs?” Gig asked him, amused.

  “No, that’s pure Princess,” Crunch said.

  “What’s a eunuch?” Jones asked.

  Crunch rolled his eyes. “Are we back to calling you Caroline now?”

  It would be easier that way. “I guess so. It might get confusing otherwise. I have a feeling the people here are going to want to call me by my given name.”

  “You’re Gerard to me,” Gig told her. “Easier to remember.”

  “Cop mentality,” Caroline said.

  Gabe stroked the back of her hand. He’d been disturbingly quiet. “How are you really feeling?” he asked.

  She wasn’t going to get into the emotional stuff, but she could answer questions about her physical condition. “I have a monster headache.”

  He cleared his throat. “I was afraid that something bad had happened to you.”

  He looked so upset that she reached up to caress his cheek, leaving her hand there. The kind of intimate gesture she would have never engaged in before they arrived in California. “I’m fine.”