Phoenix (The Bellator Saga Book 4)

by Cecilia London

“Doubtful,” Natalie said under her breath, and headed for the door.

  Chapter Five

  Jack told himself to leave the hospital. To go find himself a stiff drink or two. He settled into a chair in the hallway anyway. To clear his head. Not because he was waiting for his prospects to change. Natalie shoved her way out of Caroline’s room so fast that it caught him off guard.

  “Oh,” she said. “You’re still here.”

  “Does she want to see me?”

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

  Stupid of him to think Caroline wanted him back in that room. The drinks were starting to multiply in his head. He stood up. “I’m going home.”

  “Wait,” Natalie said. “I want to talk to you about something first.”

  This could mean nothing good. “Make it quick, Dr. Haddad.”

  She frowned. “I should have the commissary cut you off.”

  He forgot she knew his most effective ways of self-medicating. “That isn’t your concern and it’s certainly not within your authority.”

  “Jack, listen for a minute. I need you to be objective.” Natalie took the seat next to him. “Given what I’ve seen so far, I believe Caroline would benefit from a psychological evaluation.”

  What? “My wife isn’t crazy,” he snapped.

  She smoothed out her ponytail, tugging on the end. “I didn’t say that. But we don’t know what she’s been through and she’s suffered significant physical trauma. An exam wouldn’t hurt, especially if she intends to train with the other troops.”

  Jack didn’t want to think about that yet. Caroline might have said she wanted to be treated like a regular soldier, but she had no idea what that actually entailed. “Can she be medically cleared in her current mental state?”

  “Once she’s released, yes. But Jack-”

  Something had happened after he left the room. He knew it. And he didn’t want to hear it. What would a psychological evaluation accomplish anyway? Diagnosis: Patient hates her husband. For possibly valid reasons. He didn’t want Natalie to know any more than she already did. “Caroline doesn’t need to be analyzed.”

  “Fine,” Natalie said. “But she should talk to someone.”

  Jack knew she was right but wasn’t about to admit it. The woman he’d seen in that room had been almost unrecognizable. Her tone, her demeanor, her mood. But it was a fluke. Caroline needed time to recover. To regroup. “She doesn’t need a shrink. If she’s going to talk to anyone, it’ll be me.”

  Natalie turned toward the wall. “You have to consider whether that’s going to happen,” she said quietly.

  “This is ridiculous.” He rose to his feet. “I’m not listening anymore.”

  “Honestly, Jack. I saw her practically throw you out of her room. She would have physically done it if she were mobile. Something is going on.”

  “Nothing is going on. She’ll be fine once she has time to rest and get her bearings. She’s in shock. That’s all.”

  “Fine,” Natalie said. “Do what you want. You’re in charge.”

  “Thanks for the reminder,” he said, and spun around and marched down the hall.

  * * * * *

  “That was a bullshit move,” Gabe said.

  Caroline stretched, hiding a wince the best she could. Her face ached but she wasn’t about to break down and ask for any more drugs. Not when she knew Dr. Haddad was probably prowling outside her door. “What are you talking about?”

  “You used me to make your husband jealous.”

  Of course she had. “Oh, I did not.”

  “Then what exactly were you doing?”

  “Letting you know how much I care about you?”

  Gabe shook his head. “Caroline, you can try and continue this little game as long as you like. It’s not like you haven’t fooled the guys. But fooling your husband is cruel.”

  He didn’t know the half of it. And what little he knew was completely erroneous. “No, it’s not.”

  “It is. And it’s not fair to me either.”

  “In what sense?”

  “I know we’ll never be more than friends.”

  She’d been killing him slowly ever since they left Washington but she’d never heard it in his voice before. Caroline had the grace to feel badly about it even if her next words were a lie. “You don’t know that.”

  Gabe gave her a skeptical look. “Come on, now.”

  Caroline had lied so often she wasn’t even sure if she was capable of telling the truth. “We’ve talked about this. No, I can’t handle anything deep right now. It doesn’t shut the door completely.”

  “Now that we’re here, maybe it should.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “Your husband loves you. That’s what you should be latching onto. Not me or the guys.”

  Gabe couldn’t reject her. Not when he was one of the few people she could trust. “I need you. I need you to help me with this. I can’t – Jack and I are over.”

  “Could have fooled me.”

  What could he have possibly observed other than her anger? “My marriage is over. If it were up to me I’d never want to see him again. Understand?”

  “I don’t understand,” he said. “It makes no sense. What the hell happened between you two?”

  “None of your business.”

  Her tone didn’t faze him. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t compete with him. I know that.”

  Gabe was slipping away too. Everyone was slipping away and before long she wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone. Especially if she couldn’t keep her temper in check. “I wasn’t aware I was a prize to be won.”

  “You know what I mean. Even if we were starting out as equals, I wouldn’t stand a chance. You’d always choose a guy like him over me.”

  Caroline didn’t like this conversation. At all. “That’s not true. Don’t have such a negative opinion of yourself.”

  “I understand reality,” he said. “Maybe you don’t.”

  “My reality is yet another series of broken bones and a stint in the hospital,” she said. “It’s getting terribly repetitive.”

  Gabe ignored that. “You should have seen him while we were waiting for you to wake up. He was worried. Really worried.”

  Every politician knew how to put on a convincing performance. Jack was nothing if not a skilled actor. “No, he wasn’t. He was concerned that I brought a bunch of men here with me. He’s always been jealous.”

  “And possessive?”

  Poor Gabe. He’d inadvertently walked into a romantic firetrap and Caroline had no desire to steer him away. “Yes.”

  “Beating people up possessive?”

  Jack had never reacted well when people insulted her. She could only imagine what he’d do if more than just words were involved. “I don’t know. Shall we test that theory? You could take him in a fight. You’re like twenty years younger than him.”

  “Shit,” he said. “We need to stop this, Caroline.”

  “Why?”

  “Didn’t you see the look on his face when he saw us together?”

  Jack had been as pissed as she’d ever seen him. “Yeah.” Caroline laughed. “That was awesome.”

  Gabe leaned his chair away from the bed. “I am not going to risk serious bodily harm because you enjoy toying with your husband. Stop playing games.”

  “I don’t want to,” she said. “It’s fun. And I have so little fun. Won’t you grant me this?”

  “It’s not right.”

  His moral compass would get him nowhere, but his heart was too good to abandon her completely. “Gabe, I need you,” she said. “I can’t – you know I need you.”

  “Your husband should be the one helping you right now.”

  She didn’t want that kind of help. “You’re the only one who understands,” she whispered.

  Gabe scooted closer to the bed and took her hand. “Damn it. I’m going to hate myself for this, aren’t I?”

  That had been easy. Lowering her voice, trying to
sound vulnerable. It wasn’t right, taking advantage of a man who was so much better than her. So innocuous. Earnest. Decent. But she was going to do it anyway. “You don’t have to do or say anything,” she said. “I just need you as a friend. I need all of you. Jonesie, Crunch, Gig, but most importantly you.” She glanced over at the door, afraid that Natalie might come bounding in. “You’re the only ones I can trust around here.”

  “You don’t think we can trust the other rebels?”

  She wasn’t sure about any of them. Not yet. “We need to be cautious. Take our time. Stick together.”

  “I guess they’re gonna give us the lowdown tomorrow. You up for it?”

  She would drag herself to that meeting even if her head were pounding and her legs gave out. “Absolutely.”

  Chapter Six

  Jack stumbled into his apartment, heading for the bedroom. The door to his room was ajar, a dim light guiding him down the hall. He didn’t remember leaving the side lamp on when he left that morning. He stepped into the room, stunned to see Caroline standing before him.

  Her lips twitched. “Hi.”

  His wife was breathtaking in a long, flowing white nightgown. Her auburn hair fluttered to her shoulders, and her smile – that beautiful, unexpected smile – lit up the room. Her eyes raked over him. She pressed a hand to her mouth, letting out a small laugh.

  “What are you doing here?” he whispered.

  She stepped toward him, her arms outstretched. “I’m here for you, silly.”

  Giggly and shy. Virtuous and bashful. This was his Caroline? Nothing about this situation felt right.

  “But you look so different,” he said. “When I saw you a few hours ago-”

  “Don’t worry about that.” She kissed him. “I’ve been waiting for you, darling.”

  Her kiss was soft and gentle. A kiss he dreamed about constantly. All of her in one simple intimate romantic gesture. He wanted her to do it again but they needed to talk first. “I’m sorry. I was delayed and I-”

  “You don’t need to explain.”

  She sure as hell did. After the way they’d left things in the hospital? How had she even known where to find him? “How did you get in here?” he asked.

  Caroline unbuttoned his shirt. “I told you not to worry. I’ve been waiting so long. I thought you’d never get back.”

  She wasn’t wasting any time. Jack groaned as she kissed his neck. “Sweetheart, I don’t-”

  “What’s wrong?” She caressed the hair on his chest.

  Fuck, he couldn’t think straight if she kept teasing him like that. “Is this real?”

  She knelt to remove his pants. “Of course it is, Monty. Why wouldn’t it be real?”

  That pet name. Dammit. Her voice was making him as hard as a rock, internal conflict and all. “I don’t – you were so angry. You threw me out of your room.” He swallowed hard, thinking of the way she’d been touching that asshole’s face. “You were with another man.”

  She stood up and took his hands. They were shaking. Maybe she wouldn’t call attention to it. Caroline rubbed them with her thumbs, looking into his eyes. “He means nothing to me, Jack. You are my everything. You always have been.”

  “But you-”

  “You talk too much sometimes.” She yanked his shirt off the rest of the way and kissed his chest.

  Was she feeling angry or playful? Hell if he could tell the difference right now. Jack stroked her hair. It was soft. He could catch a faint hint of her perfume. “Baby, I can’t – what are you doing to me?”

  “I’m trying to seduce you. If it isn’t working I can try something else.”

  His eyes drifted to the bulge in his boxers. “It’s working.”

  Caroline laughed. “I can tell.” She leaned into his hand as he cupped her cheek. “Make love to me.”

  She’d never used that kind of language before. Caroline hated that turn of phrase; she found it cheesy and overused. That it tried to say something that couldn’t be expressed in words. It was much easier for her to talk dirty than to use that faux romantic shit. She’d curse like a sailor before she’d start quoting Danielle Steel novels. Jack closed his eyes, forcing a smile.

  “Of course,” he said.

  She kissed him again. “Be gentle.”

  He opened his eyes. He’d do whatever she wanted. Especially tonight. “Always.”

  Caroline led him toward the bed. “I need some help getting this off,” she said, indicating her nightgown.

  That much he could manage. Jack pulled it off in a heartbeat and she gave him a tremulous smile, her brown eyes brimming with tears.

  “I’ve missed you, darling,” she whispered. “So much.”

  He swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “I’ve missed you too.” He stepped back to look at her. Full, round breasts, a healthy, curvy figure. Beautiful auburn hair framing a radiant face. Absolute perfection. “You are gorgeous,” he whispered.

  Caroline slid onto the bed, resting her head on one of the pillows and spreading her legs wide. Jack drank in the view. “Jesus, woman. Give a man time to orient himself.”

  She giggled. “Come here.”

  He shrugged off his remaining clothes and knelt on the bed in front of her. He wanted to kiss her, touch her, do any number of things to her. But he hesitated for an unknown reason.

  Caroline gave him a coy smile. “What are you waiting for?”

  This was real. It had to be real. “I don’t – I’ve missed you,” he said hoarsely.

  She pulled him on top of her. “I’ve missed you too. So much.”

  She kept saying that. Did she mean it? Something in her voice was off. Maybe she needed proof of how he felt. He could manage that much. Jack started to kiss her breasts, moving down her body, but she tugged on his hair.

  “No,” she said. “I’ve waited so long. Please don’t make me wait any more.”

  He always took care of her first. Always. She knew that. And on tonight of all nights, he couldn’t skip out on it. “But-”

  “I don’t need that. I need you.”

  Ugh, she always got him with that pleading tone. Just a shade above begging yet not quite a demand. Jack sat on his haunches, gazing down at her. She lay there waiting for him. Waiting for him to take what he wanted, to give her what she needed. He’d gone too fucking long without her. How the hell had he gotten so lucky?

  Caroline pulled him on top of her again. “Please,” she said. “I need you inside me.”

  He slid a finger inside her. “You’re so wet.”

  She closed her eyes. “All for you. I’ve had to wait so long. Please, Jack. Please.”

  He couldn’t turn her down when she talked to him like that. Jack entered her and she sighed. She was so slick that he slid out a couple of times before finding a rhythm. He gasped, surprised by how tight she was. How wanting.

  “I’m sorry,” he panted. “I-”

  Caroline gave him a loving smile, tousling his hair. “It’s okay.”

  He wasn’t acting nearly as capably as he should. She deserved better than a shitty lay. “I just – I’ve dreamt of this and now you’re here and-” She clenched her muscles around his cock and he groaned. “And you’re doing that,” he said. “Fucking hell.”

  He moved inside her again, slowly, trying to make it last. Listening to her sighs, her whimpers, her words of love. He wanted to show her how much he’d missed her. He wanted it to be meaningful. Magical. And he never wanted it to fucking end.

  Caroline yanked his head up. “Stop with the sweet bullshit. Fuck me,” she said. “Hard.”

  A shocking change in behavior. Unexpected under the circumstances. “What?” he asked.

  “You heard me. Fuck me like I deserve it. You can do it. You want to.”

  Something wasn’t right. She didn’t switch moods without a good reason. But he didn’t pursue it further. This was her night. Her reunion, her desire, her request. Whatever she wanted she would get, and he wouldn’t argue about it. Jack did as she s
aid, thrusting inside her as hard as he could.

  “Harder,” she choked.

  He did it again, more than once, and she screamed. “Like that?” he asked.

  “More,” she whimpered. “Please.”

  This was a mistake. He told himself to stop. But she was asking him to do it. He needed to respect her wishes. He owed her that much. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said. He was afraid he already had.

  Caroline clawed at his back, fire in her eyes. “Fuck me,” she said. “Fuck me until I can’t take it anymore, until I’m begging you to stop. Hurt me.”

  “But-”

  “Do it.”

  Jack grasped her hair in his hands. “Fine,” he said. “You get what you want, baby. No going back.”

  “Never,” she gasped, as he started to move inside her again.

  He pounded into her over and over again. Her screams drove his passion higher. He looked down and saw the tears in her eyes. Tears of pain, not of longing. Not of desire. Pure, anguished pain. But she didn’t tell him to slow down. Didn’t say no. Didn’t tell him to stop. And he didn’t, thrusting in and out of her until he exploded in a rush. It took a moment for her to withdraw her hands from his hair. For her breathing to slow down. Jack pressed his nose against her cheek before wiping the sweat off her face and kissing her softly. He withdrew from her and came to the realization that she was no longer moving.

  “Caroline?” he whispered. No response. He said her name again. He shook her shoulder gently. “Sweetheart, are you all right? Baby, wake up!”

  He turned her face to the side. It was windswept, battered, bruised. He stroked her cheek, willing her awake, but there was still no response. He momentarily closed his eyes, flashing back to a wintry night that he’d never been able to forget.

  “Stay with me, Caroline! We can do this.”

  Jack yelled her name, trying to rouse her. But nothing worked. He looked down and realized she was gone. He scanned the room, confused, thinking she had slipped out of the bed without him noticing. And he knew.

  He flipped the pillow over, searching through the sheets. “Caroline, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never meant to leave you. Please, baby. Come back.”