Back to You (Chaotic Love Book 2)

by Claudia Burgoa

  Three years of loving her, caring for her as if she were my own doesn’t count. I’m still nobody. This entire situation wrecked my heart with endless emotions: sadness, pain, guilt, rage. I drop my head because the guilt weighs more than anything else.

  Kade almost lost his daughter the same way he lost his sister.

  My heart hurts for him, for Tess, and a little for Alicia. A parent should never have to face this kind of pain. I lift my hand to take his, but he takes a couple of steps backward. My lungs deflate when I see the void in his eyes.

  No, please don’t do it. We’re a family. We should talk this through, fix it. Don’t leave us.

  “I care about you,” he begins. It’s such a cliché.

  No, I want you to say, you love me.

  Last night he said it before I fell asleep tucked between his arms.

  You woke me up with the same words, insisting that you couldn’t wait for the day you could call me your wife. Mrs. Hades. You can’t just toss away a three-year relationship.

  I can’t lose my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. I feel as if my heart is being ripped away from my chest.

  “My children are my life. My reason to exist. Their wellbeing matters more to me than anything in the world.”

  More than me, I finish what he can’t say.

  I want to scream at him. Yell until I turn purple, until he understands that I matter too. That I’m worthy of his love, that we can work this out as a family. But can we really? There’s no use in fighting it. His children will never accept me. His ex will always poison them against me.

  “The last thing I want is to hurt you or leave you. But I don’t see any other solution. I have to protect them, even from you.”

  Does Alicia know how much he sacrifices for their two children? Do they?

  Not many fathers put their children first. Mine isn’t like him. I recall the multiple times I had to endure my father’s wife, or my mother’s boy toy. My parents always put them before me. This moment, what he’s doing—choosing his daughters over me—makes me fall in love with him all over again. My heart bleeds for our love, but is happy knowing his daughters have a fantastic father who loves them more than anything.

  “I love them.”

  “And I appreciate that you were nice to them, but this can’t continue. Hope you understand,” Kade says.

  Since I met him, he’s never talked to me like this. As if I were a total stranger invading his space. Overnight, I’ve become no one to Kaden Hades. My heart explodes inside my chest, the pieces becoming dust, disappearing as the wind blows through the room. I count my breaths, reminding myself that I’m a strong woman.

  From the beginning, I was aware that this was just a fantasy. A love like the one I shared with him can only last for so long before it changes. Growing up, I learned that nothing is permanent. Why did I believe that this time it’d be different?

  Composing myself, I smile at him. “It’ll take me a couple of days to pack my things.” I breathe a few times, finding some strength left inside me before my legs and my body give up. “Tonight, I’ll take the essentials, let me know when the best time is for me to come by and pack the rest. Plus, I have to find a new place.”

  “Fuck,” he exhales, his broad shoulders slump. Kaden’s breaking apart. If only he’d let me be there for him, but he doesn’t want me here.

  “Sadie…” his voice trails away.

  My body jolts when I hear a smashing sound. His fist connecting with the wall.

  “I’m hurting you, after I swore I’d never do it…” He runs a hand through his dark hair, taking several breaths. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise.”

  “Don’t be.” I brush him away heading to the closet while searching for my luggage. “This is one of the reasons why I love you, Kade. You hang the moon and the stars for them.”

  I bite back the rest of my thought. Words that might convince him that this could work, that we could try to defy the odds. But maybe I’d just be postponing the end for a few more days or weeks. Alicia was right.

  He has a family, you’re just an intruder passing through.

  She won, not that anyone won after what just happened. Everyone lost a piece of themselves, and it’ll take time for us to recover. Focusing on the task of packing, I try to remain quiet. But suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach and run to the bathroom.

  “Oh my God, are you alright?”

  “Fine.” I heave, holding my stomach while he rubs circles on my back with his big hand.

  “Did you go to the doctor?”

  “It’s nothing, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” I brush my teeth and wash my face before heading to the closet.

  Packing and holding the tears is like juggling with fireballs. Something is going to fall, and I’ll catch on fire. Remain calm, wait until you get to the car.

  “Tess wants to recover here, instead of going to Alicia’s,” he says after I close my second bag. “Would you mind if I have someone pack for you?”

  “Tell you what,” I offer walking to the bathroom to collect my toiletries. “I’ll pack and bring my things to the flower shop. That way, I’ll be out of your hair before tomorrow morning. In the meantime, why don’t you go back to the hospital?”

  Leave me while I bleed and plan my next step.

  Tell him.

  You said you’d talk to him.

  No, there’s no point. Think about Tess.

  “Not sure if it’ll help, but I know a few counselors,” I channel a neutral voice.

  The self-preservation mode I adopted when I was a little girl is fully activated. He won’t know how much this is affecting me; that I’m dying on the inside. For once, I let myself believe I could be part of a family, in a happy place.

  “Sade,” he calls my name. His voice is deep with longing.

  I turn toward the door and spot him leaning against the frame, his face etched with excruciating pain. It hurts me seeing him agonizing, torn between his daughters and me. He deserves to be loved, to be taken care of. He’s such a troubled soul, yet, the best man I’ve ever met.

  “Kade,” I mumble his name, slumping my shoulders and getting back to the task at hand.

  Nothing we say will fix what’s happened to Tess, what’s happening to us.

  We’re over.

  “Ask me to be selfish, to say fuck it all,” he begs.

  “As much as it breaks my heart, I refuse to cause any harm to your girls.” I shake my head, taking my jewelry box. “I didn’t do anything, but you’re right, this is for the best.”

  “Babe, I don’t want to lose you.” His voice breaks.

  I set my bag on the floor, and cover my eyes with the heels of my palms. I take a few deep breaths, soothing myself.

  Hold the tears, Sadie. Be strong.

  His sandalwood and tobacco scent hits me before he embraces me, trapping me into those strong arms while he fights his own decision. Leaning my head on his chest, I listen to his heartbeat, letting it calm me for the last time.

  “I never wanted to hurt her,” I cry, unable to hold the pain. “Or for her to hurt herself because of me. I love her.”

  “You’ve been good to them.”

  “I love them as if they were my own.”

  “You’re the love of my life,” he murmurs close to my ear. “My perfect half. But I can’t put my children in danger.”

  I look up, finding his handsome face so close to mine that I can feel his breath caressing my face. Lifting my hand, I caress his jaw. We’re both the product of broken homes and irresponsible adults. That’s not the future that either one of us would like to give to our own little ones—or the children he already has. Our minds understand each other, just like our hearts and souls. I recognize his internal fight, and I respect it.

  Kade just wants to be the best father he can be to his daughters who already have to deal with a horrible mother.

  “They’ll be fine because they have you. I’ll leave because I love you,” I whisper entw
ining my hands behind his neck and kissing him long and deep one last time.

  This is where the story ends. For the last time, I share the energy of my soul with him. Tonight, I open myself to him. I feel alive. I’m strong enough to take a chance to love him one last time—to dream of what will never happen.

  Fervent

  Harrison

  “Not yet!”

  It will happen any second now, I murmur.

  “Are they ready to deploy?” I continue mumbling shit, watching. Waiting for what feels like fucking forever. “Everyone awaits, sir. All units are ready for your instructions. What is your take on this mission? This doesn’t look good, when the explosion—”

  “Shut the fuck up, Everhart,” a voice comes through my earpiece. I adjust it and recognize Mason Bradley’s voice bitching at me. “This isn’t a fucking game with action figures.”

  “Or a video game,” Anderson Hawkins, who is on the ground waiting for our informant, states. “I swear to God, I have no idea how I’ve been putting up with your shit for years.”

  “Because I’ve saved your ass a few dozen times,” I remind him.

  “You want me to kick his ass?” Tiago, who stands next to me, asks in a mocking tone.

  “By now, you all should understand that I hate to be on standby.” Tiago, Hawk, and I have been brothers since the Army. Then, we moved to the Rangers, and now we all work for the same high intelligence, private security company.

  “I need some action,” I mumble through the communicator, my right index finger set on the trigger, my eye trained on the area where Hawk and Bradley wait. “This wait is killing me.”

  “No, you don’t want action,” Hawk mumbles back. “If the operation doesn’t run smoothly, I will kill you after my woman kills me. She threatened me with bodily harm if I came home with a scratch.”

  “You’re whipped, man,” Tiago says.

  We laugh. Aspen, his fiancée, is a foot shorter than him and looks so sweet. However, she can stand up to the guy and make him do whatever she wants.

  “But he’s right, Everhart. You have to chill. Imagine the nine o’clock headlines,” Tiago paints the tragic picture. “‘Terrorists taking over Manhattan’ or ‘A group of former Rangers lost their shit and terrorized New York.’ My mama isn’t gonna like that.”

  Tiago kicks me with his heavy boots in the ribs. “If you upset my mama, I’ll have to bury you alive. You get me?”

  I gasp. “Got it.” I rub the side of my body. “Not that you can take me down, fucker.”

  I try to settle, but it’s fucking impossible. I wouldn’t care to wait in the middle of the Khash Desert in Afghanistan surrounded by terrorists—or to go through caves searching for the Taliban leaders. We’ve lived through danger. If we are careful, this could be nothing. I’m sure that’s going to be the result. This isn’t our first job together. They know that I hate lying on the ground watching the action play out from afar. They also know I will wait for as long as it’s needed without saying shit. I understand that not every mission means jumping out of an airplane in the middle of a jungle shooting up shit and killing the enemy. Sometimes, like today, I come along to watch the backs of other security details.

  What neither one took into consideration when they set up this mission is that, unlike the rest of our operations, this one is at home. My home. Today, I’m only a few blocks from my family. My loved ones are within a thirty-mile radius. What if something goes wrong? I can’t lose any of them. Shit, I swore to protect them just as I protected my country for years.

  My friends, partners, and brothers in blood weren’t here on that tragic Tuesday when the sky lit up, and the towers burned to the ground. Nine-eleven is a day that we all remember. I not only remember it, but I also relive it. The scenes are ingrained in my mind, seared with pain and tears. I saw the flames from the street corner as I was on my way to meet my dad. I wanted to discuss my plans to change duties within his company. My life had been set up for me. I would work for him. One day, when he retired, I would take over Everhart Enterprises.

  “Son, we’re trapped,” he told me over the phone. My chest constricted with his words. My stomach churned. It felt as if an entire battalion had punched me in the gut and left me breathless. He gave me so many instructions at once. I still remember each word, each plea, each piece of advice.

  “Take care of your brothers, Harry.” Mom implored.

  Completely numb, I assured my parents I’d take care of my brothers. I sounded the same way I did when Hunter was only two years old, and Fitz was five; and Scott and I were assigned to babysit them by ourselves. I had no fucking idea what I would do without my parents, but I pretended that everything would work out without them by my side.

  “We’ll be okay,” I promised as I watched from the buildings only a few miles away as the raging fire continued to consume the lives of so many people. “I’ll always look after them.”

  They ordered me to call Scott and help him come back from Boston. They reminded me that Fitz had a weekly appointment with the allergist on Thursdays. That Hunter would need me more than anyone else.

  “We will always watch over you and your brothers,” Mom promised.

  “We love you,” they said in unison before hanging up.

  “I love you” were the last words I ever heard from them.

  “Are we there yet, boss?” I joke, trying to erase those memories and breaking the fucking tension. I regret not sending my family out of town. Everything would be easier to handle if I knew they were safe.

  “It’s almost over,” Tiago informs me as I clean the sweat from my forehead.

  We’re on top of one of the tallest buildings in front of Central Park in the middle of August at noon watching, waiting. I’m sweating like a fucking pig.

  “Can I complain about the fucking weather?”

  “Tiago, you have permission to shoot him if he talks again,” Mason Bradley, our fearless leader, barks. My ear buzzes after his loud voice comes through. I pull out the communicator for a second, moving the binoculars toward him. His trademark scowl is directed at where he knows I hide. His mouth continues to move.

  I place the earpiece back, and I hear shit that makes no sense. “. . . fucking, Everhart, I swear I’d make the rest of your life miserable.”

  “The asphalt is melting,” I complain waiting for his comeback. However, that’s when I spot him. My eyes move to the guy with cropped dark hair and a dark camouflage jacket. He marches to Hawk. “Our informant is approaching, Hawk.”

  Hawk nods once, training his eyes on the man. The moment that they shake hands, I set the timer.

  “We have three minutes,” I call through the communicator. “Bradley, do your hacker thing. According to your intel, Kassi’s people might be onto us. Though I was bitching earlier about the lack of action, honestly, I would like to avoid Armageddon.”

  Camo-boy sets a black portfolio in front of him. Moving my sight to the left, I spot Bradley tapping his computer urgently.

  “Two minutes left,” I warn him. “Can you fucking rush it, geek?”

  Bradley’s eyes fixate on his work but the corner of his lip tugs. He tilts his head, his black hair shining against the glare of the sun, and I almost miss the red fucking dot on his shoulder.

  “Fuck!” I move my sight, searching for whoever is pointing a laser at his head.

  “What are you doing?” Tiago asks as I stand up and pull out my binoculars, searching for the man who might kill the boss.

  “Got you fuckers.” I pick up my M24, point at his head, and pull the trigger. Then move the gun, shooting at the guy aiming at Hawk.

  “Tiago, send a few men to the building right across the street to clean the area. Bradley, hurry. They are onto us.”

  “Done.” Bradley jumps out of the seat nodding our way.

  Tiago and I wait a few minutes, keeping an eye on Hawk and Bradley while they disappear through the crowd without leaving a trace.

  “Thank you, gentlemen. This was
another successful mission,” Bradley announces through the communicator. “The plane is waiting for us. Everhart, are you coming with us? You don’t have to be in Seattle until Wednesday. Everything else can be handled remotely. The Brussels project starts mid-September.”

  Adjusting my jaw, I rotate my neck to loosen the tension. What the fuck happened to “I will buy part of the company so I could do whatever the fuck I wanted?” But I get it. There are jobs that we have to do ourselves. “I’ll take the offer of staying home for a few days. Call me if you need me though.”

  While I gather my equipment, Tiago speaks. “I’ll take Brussels and any other shitty job you have for the next couple of months.”

  I secure my gun, close the case, and stand up glaring at him. “What do you want?”

  He takes a deep breath and looks at me. “My sister needs help.”

  Wiping my forehead, I take a few seconds to think about that sentence. “Wait, fucker. You have a sister?” Wiggling my eyebrows, I grin. “Is she hot?”

  “What part of she’s my sister, and you don’t mess with her, don’t you get?”

  “Just a minute. I’ve known you for almost twenty years, and just now you happen to mention a sister?”

  He nods once. “Half-sister.” His brows furrow as his eyes divert toward the horizon. “I love my mama, but the family shit is a mess, and I keep it as far as possible from my life.”

  “Is it safe to assume that your father is alive?” He nods at my question. “So, you have a sister that you just learned about?”

  “Look, I’m not going to give you the dirt. Luna . . .” He rolls his eyes. “That’s my sister’s name, is moving to New York. This is the first time she’s working undercover outside the DC area. We just don’t feel—”

  “Wait a minute.” I lift my index finger. “Undercover? What is she? CIA, FBI . . .”