My Never: a novella

by Renee Swann

  I followed. “Ruby,” I sang and tapped on her door. “Are you up?” I cracked it open.

  The blankets were over her head.

  “Time to get up, Missy.”

  “I don’t want to,” she said.

  I peeled back the covers. “Why not? I bet it’ll be super fun.”

  Her eyes narrowed.

  “What’s wrong?” I touched the back of my hand to her forehead. “Are you sick?”

  She shook her head. “I wanna stay home. With you.”

  “Aw, Honey. I would love for us to spend the day together,” I said, “But you have to go.”

  “Why?”

  “So you can become a doctor one day.”

  She rolled her eyes and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. “Okay. Guess I’d better go.”

  “Good girl. Daddy will be back in a minute with some breakfast.”

  “Awesome!”

  “I’ll leave you to get dressed.” I wandered into the hallway.

  “Where is everyone?” said Troy.

  “Here I am.” I met him halfway.

  He held out a take-away cup. “Coffee, Madame?”

  My nose caught the scent of the fresh brown liquid. “Ooh. Merci beaucoup.”

  “Is Ruby getting ready for school?”

  “Yep.” Fingers crossed.

  A moment later, she skipped past in her uniform.

  “Want a bagel, Rubes?” said Troy.

  She nodded. “And lots of jam.”

  We followed her into the kitchen.

  “Pick your poison.” He offered me the paper bag.

  I selected a poppy seed bagel and smothered it in chocolate spread. “Are you working today?” I sat at the counter.

  “I need to get a couple hours in. What’re you going to do?”

  “Hm.” I shrugged a shoulder. “Hang around here, I guess.” I felt Ruby’s eyes on me.

  “Don’t have too much fun without us,” he gibed.

  “I won’t.”

  Ruby hopped off her barstool.

  “Where’re you going?” said Troy.

  “I have a surprise.” She jogged out of the room.

  I turned to Troy. “Thanks for breakfast. You spoil me.” I’m going to miss that.

  He swivelled to face me. “You’re worth spoiling.” His lips tugged into a gentle smile.

  Ruby returned, arms hidden behind her back.

  “What’cha got?” he said.

  “A surprise for Moni.” She stopped in front of me.

  “For me?” I said.

  She nodded. I held out a hand and she placed an object in my palm. I examined the pink sparkly candle.

  “Well?” she said, “Do you like it?”

  “I love it.” I hugged her. “Thanks.”

  She returned my smile. “I got it at the school market yesterday.”

  “Wow,” said Troy, “You’re really getting spoilt here.”

  “Better not get used to it, eh?” I said, “I’m going to miss you guys so much when I leave.” I sniffled.

  Her face dropped. “You’re coming back, right?”

  “Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.”

  * * *

  My nose caught the scent of coffee and hash browns. My eyes fluttered open.

  Troy hovered by the couch, a mug under my nose. “Mustn’t have been a very captivating movie last night.”

  “Oh, gosh. When did I fall asleep?” I massaged my aching neck.

  He hid a smile. “Half an hour into the film.”

  “Oh.” I sipped the steaming liquid. “Sorry.”

  “No problem.” His finger twirled a lock of my hair. “Thought we could hang out today.”

  “And do what?”

  “Party like it’s nineteen ninety-nine?”

  I nudged him.

  “Do the Macarena?”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “Is that code for something else?”

  “Might be.”

  “We could have a picnic.”

  “Or walk the dog.”

  “You don’t have a pet,” I said.

  “Hm.”

  “It’s sunny. We should be outside.” I slouched into him.

  “Picnic sounds nice.” He touched his lips to my head.

  I stood. “I’ll get started on it.”

  He tugged me back down. “In a minute.”

  I snuggled into him. “What time is it?”

  “Just after nine. And by the way, do you know you snore?”

  I snorted. “I don’t.”

  “Well then, there’s a hyena with a breathing problem on the loose.”

  Please, God, let him be joking.

  “I thought I was gonna have to strangle you,” he said.

  “Lucky me.”

  * * *

  The next afternoon, Ruby rushed down the hall. She climbed onto the couch and hugged me.

  I dropped my book into my lap. “Hey, Sweetie. How was your day?”

  “It was awesome,” she said, “But Mr Andrews made us take a test.”

  “Oh? I’m sure you did fine.” My fingers brushed through her hair.

  Troy ambled in. “Howdy girls.” He smiled at me. “Who wants to go out for ice cream before I take Ruby home?”

  Ruby and I raised our hands.

  “Cool. Let’s go,” he said.

  My phone chirped. “Hang on a sec, it’s my mother.” I pressed the answer button as I moseyed into my bedroom. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Darling,” she said, “You left a message, wanting to speak to me?”

  “Yeah. I have some major news.”

  “What, Dear?”

  “I’m moving here.” I waited for her reaction.

  “What?”

  “I bumped into Troy. We’re back together.”

  “What about your job?” she said.

  “I’m going to open my own publishing house.”

  “That’s very competitive, Moni. How will you make a living?”

  I blew a sigh. “Look, I know everything there is to know. I was an editorial assistant for eight years. Plus I have a client.”

  “If that’s what you want to do - as long as it’s not because of Kate.”

  She had to mention her name. I had tried so hard to forget about my best friend.

  “It’s not.” My tone was harsh.

  Troy appeared in the doorway.

  “I have to go, Mum,” I said.

  “Take care,” she said, “And say hello to Troy for me.”

  “I will.” I punched the end call button and jammed the phone back into my pocket.

  “Everything okay?” he said.

  “Yeah, if you count not having the support of my mother or any friends okay.”

  “C’mere.” He held open his arms.

  I fell into them.

  “If it’s meant to work out, it will.” Troy brushed his lips across my forehead.

  I nodded. Everyone had been saying that. I was beginning to believe it.

  Ruby bounced into the room. “Come on! Let’s get ice cream!”

  I chuckled and let them tow me out the door.

  * * *

  Thursday afternoon, Troy took me shopping. Though it wasn’t his fault, I knew he still felt guilty about my broken limb.

  “How’s your arm?” he said as we meandered down the street.

  “Itches.”

  “Yeah. I’ve been there. I feel your pain.” He shot me a breath-taking smile.

  A woman bumped into Troy. She swivelled then eyed me, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders. “I was wondering where you were,” said Kate, “You don’t just walk out in the middle of a conversation.”

  I spun to face her, anger surging. “Ever looked up the meaning of friend? I’m pretty sure it would say they don’t stab you in the back.”

  “Anyway.” She flicked her hand to dismiss me. “I’ve been reconsidering things. I found the perfect house for us and-”

  “Sorry. No-can-do. I won’t be living in Perth for much
longer.” I reached for Troy’s hand and we continued down the street. I didn’t look back - couldn’t. I was terrified of what else I would do.

  “Are you sure you wanna end that friendship?” he said, concerned.

  “Yeah. Things haven’t been right between us for a while now. This latest one is the final straw. I’ve had enough.”

  “Okay.” He draped an arm over my shoulders. “Let’s buy you some books.” He smirked and pulled me into a shop.

  I didn’t object.

  The end of a friendship is never easy, especially when you have known that person most of your life. But better things were coming for me, this I knew. Troy and I would get a happy ending, and Ruby might even get a half-brother or sister someday - the possibilities were endless. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with them. Though, forever can never be long enough.

  * * *

  The next evening, Troy drifted into our bedroom. “Do you really have to go tomorrow?” He constricted an arm around my waist.

  “Yeah, but I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” I chucked my phone charger into the suitcase.

  “I’ll miss you too much.” His arm tightened and he blew a sigh. “What’d you wanna do for your last night?”

  I shrugged. “As long as I’m spending it with you, it doesn’t matter.”

  “I know - I’ll cook you dinner.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said.

  “I want to.”

  “Okay.” I smiled. “Go ahead and spoil me.” I chuckled and folded another shirt.

  An hour and a half later, Troy and I were settled on a blanket under the stars.

  “You really go all out when you try to impress a girl,” I said, eyeing the mound of food before me.

  “Yeah.” His smile widened. “I want you to have an awesome last night.”

  “Not the last - the first of many.”

  “True. And while you’re away, I can turn the spare bedroom into a second office. How’d you like that?”

  “You would do that for me?” I said.

  “I’d do anything.”

  I smiled and brushed my lips across his.

  “You should try the quiche, before it gets cold.” He transferred a slice to a plate.

  “Writer and cooking extraordinaire.”

  “Package deal.” He dropped some kale and cherry tomatoes next to it.

  “Looks fab.” I helped myself to wine.

  He handed me the dish. “Hope it tastes good.”

  I forked a bite into my mouth. Cheese and basil charmed me. “Mm. Amazing. Much better than the first meal you cooked me.” I smirked.

  He chuckled. “Mud pies made from real mud?”

  “A six year-old’s idea of gourmet.” I scoffed the rest.

  “Leave some room for brownies.”

  “Brownies? Where?” I searched for them.

  “Hidden - until you finish your vegetables.” He snickered.

  I shoved the last tomato into my mouth. “Done.” I beamed. “Dessert, please.”

  He blew a sigh, stood and disappeared inside for a second. He returned with a container. “Here we go.” He sat next to me.

  I selected the bigger one.

  He touched his lips to my cheek. “I’m gonna miss ya.”

  “You said that earlier.”

  “I know,” he said, “But it’s true. We just got back together, and now you’re leaving.”

  “For two weeks, Troy. Not for ever.” My fingers tried to smooth out the crinkles on his brow.

  “I know.”

  My hand skimmed over his chest. “I know a better way to celebrate.”

  “You do?”

  I nodded and climbed onto his lap.

  * * *

  Troy dragged my suitcase through the airport as tens of people bustled by. He stopped. I swivelled to face him.

  “I can’t believe you’re going,” he said, for the third time today.

  “I’ll be back sooner than you realise.”

  He released the handle then gathered me into his arms. “Not soon enough.” He paused, his hands moving to rest on my shoulders. “Call me when you get home?”

  “Sure.”

  “Can I ask you one more thing?” he said.

  I hauled my bag onto my shoulder. “Yep?”

  He dropped to one knee and pinched open the lid of a suede box. “Will you marry me?”

  2

  HOME

  My heart beat accelerated. My eyebrows shot up. Troy stared at me, patient, waiting for an answer.

  “What?” I said, in shock. Did he just ask me to marry him? Or did I fabricate that?

  “Moni Cullen, will you do me the extraordinary honour of being my wife?”

  My hands trembled. “Yes.” I kissed him. “Yes, yes, yes!” I flung my arms around his neck.

  A hundred people buzzed by, many staring as he spun me around in the middle of the airport. But I didn’t care. I was going to marry the man of my dreams - my never. The person whom I once thought it wouldn’t work out with.

  Troy transferred the diamond to my finger. “Looks good on you.”

  I smiled and let him take my hand. This would make leaving him harder, tenfold. But I had to go home, to sort out my old life. “You’ll call often, right?”

  He grinned. “So much you’ll be sick of me.”

  I gripped the handle of my suitcase. “And Ruby?” I would miss his daughter, too.

  He nodded, his features saddened. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” He tugged me closer.

  “You’ll hardly notice my absence, I bet,” I joked.

  He released me then pressed his lips to my forehead. “Go, before I start begging you to stay.”

  “Okay.” My eyes roamed over him one last time then I swivelled and dragged my suitcase over to join the queue. Even now, as I forced myself to think of anything else, my heart ached. How was I going to get through two weeks without him?

  They say your home is where your heart is. But my home has never felt so empty. In my humble apartment, there was no Troy or Ruby. I felt isolated and unable to comprehend how anyone could cope in a long-distance relationship. I was in agony. Was I weak? Or is pain always a part of love?

  The pile of mail on the counter, neatly stacked, caught my eye. Next to it was a plate of cookies and a note from Mum: Welcome home!

  This was no longer my home. It seemed depressing in comparison to what I’d left behind in Cairns. I dumped my bag on a chair and yanked open the fridge. Nothing but chocolate spread and wine.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. The screen flashed Troy. I raised it to my ear.

  “Just checking the plane didn’t crash mid-way,” he said.

  I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Hm, nope. I arrived in one piece - the plane, also.”

  “How was your flight?”

  “Boring. And the traffic to my apartment was madness.” I opened the freezer. There was a lone tub of ice cream in the back.

  “Two weeks is a long time without you, Mon.”

  “I know.” I hauled myself onto the counter, popped open the lid and spooned some into my mouth. “But you’re still flying down to help me drive back, right?”

  “Yep. You’ll have to spend a whole fifty-eight hours with me, on the road.”

  “Just you, me and Dean Moriarty. Can’t wait.” My eyes swept over the apartment. “I should get started on the packing. I’ll call you later?”

  “Sure. Love you,” he said.

  I hopped off the counter. “I love you, too.”

  The night had crept in, leaving shadows on the walls and in my heart. I switched on the light and sorted through the bills and junk mail then tossed them aside. I wanted nothing to do with this life.

  * * *

  The next morning, my fingers searched the bed for him. It was a habit now, more than anything. But I was alone. And the apartment was too quiet. I stared at the ceiling, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. I was doing the right thing, wasn’t I? Leaving Per
th to pursue my dream career and live with my fiancé? My head was swimming with all kinds of questions and thoughts. But I had too much to do today to worry about them.

  I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and padded into the kitchen. Coffee seemed like a good way to start this morning. I made a pot and ate a slice of toast over the sink.

  By mid-morning, I had culled a third of my belongings. Though it felt as if I was giving bits of myself away, it was a new beginning for me - one that I hoped would be more satisfying.

  At eleven, I arrived at Mum’s.

  She hauled me into her arms. “Moni! I’m glad you’re back and safe.” Her smile faltered as she noticed my cast. “Your arm. How did that happen?”

  “Slipped in a puddle of lemonade.”

  She led me into the living room. “Does it hurt?”

  “Mostly itches.” I lowered myself into the familiar tattered armchair across from her.

  “Tea?” she said.

  “Sure.”

  She poured the amber liquid into two mugs and offered me one.

  “Thanks.” I snitched a cookie.

  “How was your trip? And Troy?”

  “Both great.”

  “I hear he has a seven year-old daughter.”

  “Yes. How do you know that?”

  “I phoned his mother,” she said.

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course you did,” I said under my breath. Was there a mother on this planet that wasn’t nosy?

  “I also heard that you might have some big news for me.” She grinned over her mug, her eyes darting to the diamond on my finger and back to my face.

  Crap. I forgot to remove it. “Yes, well, uh-”

  “Spit it out, Dear.”

  I breathed deep. “We’re engaged.”

  Mum sprung from her chair and hugged me. “I’m so happy for you!” Her arms tightened.

  “Have you been into the vodka again, Mum?”

  “Oh, don’t be silly. I’m proud of you.”

  Hang on. Wasn’t she berating me earlier, about making impromptu decisions because of Kate?

  “You’re finally getting your life together!” She froze. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

  “I was there for two weeks, Ma.”

  “A lot can happen in a short time.” She winked.

  “I’m not pregnant.”

  “Well, then.” She settled into her chair again. “Do you want a baby with him?”

  The image of a toddler with his hair and smile floated into my mind. “Yes.” How could I not?