by Niles, Naomi
“He sounds like an amazing father,” I said.
“He was,” Alan agreed sadly. “I wish he’d have been around to see me compete in the Olympics. But despite how proud he would have been, I still know that he would have been a thousand times prouder to see me… get married and have a kid of my own.”
I smiled. “He sounds so completely different from my father. My dad always emphasized career.”
“And your mother?”
“Mom is different,” I said, thinking about our talk the other day. “She wants me to have a life outside of swimming but… her voice is eclipsed by my father’s. She was very young when she married him. He was older, more established, and he knew his own mind. She was so in love with him that she simply went along with everything he said or did and that hasn’t changed. I think Dad expects the same from me.”
“He can only get the same from you if you’re willing to go along with it,” Alan pointed out. “This control you think he has over you is just an illusion, Jessica. You’re the one with the power here.”
“I just have to be willing to go against him, you mean?”
“So to speak,” Alan said. “But you could try talking to him… explaining to him that you can focus on swimming and have a life outside of swimming, too.”
I smiled. “You don’t know my father very well.”
Alan leaned in and kissed my cheek. “No I don’t. But I think I’m starting to know you. And you’re the kind of person who’ll sacrifice yourself to avoid hurting other people.”
“That’s a very flattering assessment of me.”
“I think it’s accurate.”
I blushed. “Thank you.”
He leaned in and kissed me again and this time our bodies melted together instinctively. I felt his arm around my back, pulling me closer and deepening the kiss. His hands went down to my legs to pull up my dress, but after a moment, I was forced to pull away.
“Is something wrong?” Alan asked, fixing those deep-blue eyes on me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just… I want to be able to wake up next to you tomorrow and the thing is…”
“You have to go,” Alan said with regret in his voice.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Alan said. “I understand. I just wish we had more time together.”
“Me, too,” I said, the weight of disappointment settling over me.
Palpable sexual tension whizzed between us as Alan started the drive back, but I had no choice but to ignore it.
“Jessica?”
“Yes?”
“I’m driving down to my hometown tomorrow for the Fourth of July,” Alan told me. “Every year they have this big carnival and it’s… well, it’s quirky, small-town fun, but it’s still pretty interesting. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come with me?”
I glanced at him, surprised by the request. It was an intimate request considering I’d be in his hometown and all his brothers would be there, but I was thrilled by it. The fact that it scared me a little only made me want to do it more.
“If you were interested in coming, I could drive down on Monday and pick you up?” Alan asked.
“That sounds amazing,” I told him honestly. “And I would love to come…”
“But?”
“But I may have a couple of things to work out first,” I said reluctantly. “Can I let you know tomorrow?”
“Of course,” Alan said understandingly.
He parked in front of the house, right behind my own vehicle and he got out when I did. “Are you going inside?”
“I have to change back into less-suspicious clothes,” I told him. “So that my parents don’t suspect anything.”
“Okay,” Alan said without judgement. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
When we were at the door, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me on the lips, a sudden, wild, passionate kind of kiss that left me breathless after he had pulled away. He stared at my face for a moment and ran his fingers against my cheek. Then he gave me a parting smile and walked back to his car.
I watched him drive away and then I went inside with my head in a tangle and my stomach full of fluttering knots. I relived the entire night the whole time I changed back into my regular clothes and removed my makeup. When I was done, I got my stuff, locked the front door to the house, and drove back home, still daydreaming about Alan and that parting kiss.
I got home two minutes past eleven and sought out my parents the minute I entered the house. I found them in the living room watching television.
“Hi, guys,” I said, trying to keep my face suitably calm.
“There you are,” Dad said. “How was your practice?”
“Brilliant.” I smiled. “It was amazing swimming by myself. I had the run of the entire pool.”
Dad seemed satisfied with that so I said good night and went up to my room. A few moments later, I heard my mother’s telltale knock and I opened the door for her.
“Hi,” I said with a smile.
“How was the date?” Mom asked.
I looked at her in shock before I closed the door. “How did you know?” I demanded.
Mom laughed. “You never smile this much after a training session.”
Her laugh calmed me down and I smiled, too. “I guess I didn’t do a good job covering that up, huh?”
“Let’s just say I’ve been observing you lately,” Mom told me. “And your eyes are brighter.”
I smiled. “The date was amazing. And he was amazing, too.” I fell silent as my mind fluttered to the Fourth.
“What is it?” Mom asked.
“Alan wants me to come to his hometown with him on the Fourth,” I told her. “And I really would like to go but…”
“Your father…”
“Exactly,” I sighed. “He’d never agree.”
Mom looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. “You leave it to me,” she said with confidence.
I stared at Mom in surprise. “You’re going to help me?”
“Yes, I am,” Mom said. “Just… be careful.”
I stared at her for a moment and then I grabbed her in a big bear hug. “Thanks, Mom,” I laughed. “Thank you so much.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Alan
That familiar sense of nostalgia filled me as I pulled into the old drive that led to the house. As I drove around the corner, the old-fashioned home, with a slanted roof and a porch with a swing on the side, came into view.
Growing up, we had been forced to contend with the endless repairs and problems the house threw our way. Everything from leaking ceilings, cracks in the foundation, the creaky porch, the dry rot, and the rusting paint that formed a second skin over the wood. Once we had all started working, we had made little contributions here and there, but Peter had done the lion’s share.
He had redone the entire porch by himself on his days off. He had gone through the whole house with a fresh coat of paint, replaced several pieces of furniture, retiled the roofs, and paid to reinforce the foundation. A few people had tried to convince Peter to sell the house and opt for a smaller place more centrally located, but he had always been against the idea. I knew why. This home was the strongest tie we had to our father.
John and Peter were standing by the porch when I pulled to a stop. They both had dark-brown hair and light-hazel eyes, but Peter was the taller and more muscular of the two. He was wearing a collared shirt rolled up at the sleeves and dark pants. John, on the other hand, was skinnier and less physically imposing. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that looked too big for him.
They straightened up as soon as I got out of the car and their faces broke into large, welcoming smiles.
“You guys smell like bacon,” I said as I walked up to them. “What did you do? Roll around with a couple of hogs?”
“Easy, fish fucker,” Peter said, as he grabbed me in a bear hug.
“Ugh,” I groaned at the pressure of the hug.
&n
bsp; Peter laughed. “Mr. Hot Shot Olympian can’t take a little muscle?”
I looked down at the muscles bulging from underneath his shirtsleeves. “That’s more than a little muscle, Mr. Hot Shot Cop.”
Peter winked at me and handed me over to John, whose hug was a lot more bearable. “Hi, little brother,” he greeted me fondly. “You’re looking good.”
“I always do,” I said with a smile. “That’s why I’m known as the good-looking brother.”
John and Peter exchanged a glance and then burst into harmonious laughter. They continued on laughing until I rolled my eyes at them and headed into the house. “Fuck you guys,” I yelled over my shoulder. “You’re both fucking jealous.”
“Jealous of what exactly?” Peter asked. “The blue eyes that make you look like an alien or the strangely off-putting height that makes you look even more like an alien?”
“Jealous,” I sighed, shaking my head at the two of them. “Jealous.” I waited till the two of them had stopped laughing. “When are Sam and Talen getting here?”
“Sam’s finishing up his shift in a few hours so he should be here in the evening,” Peter replied. “And God knows where Talen is. I would have asked, but he’d only think I was keeping tabs on him. Now let’s get inside, and I’ll make you guys some lunch.”
The house had barely changed since I’d last been there. There were times it still smelt like my childhood, and in those moments, I could almost see us, as younger men, tearing about the house with no idea how our lives were going to turn out.
Peter moved around the kitchen, taking out containers, grabbing burger patties from the fridge, and moving with the ease of someone who cooked often and enjoyed it. John and I sat down at the table and watched him work.
“You enjoy this, don’t you?” I asked. “Cooking?”
“It’s cathartic,” Peter replied, grabbing the butter. “Sometimes nothing relaxes me more than coming home and spending a half hour crafting some makeshift meal from leftovers out of my fridge.”
“You should really go out more, man,” I said.
John laughed. “He gave me the same lecture the other day,” he told Peter. “Get out there more.”
“It’s not terrible advice,” I said defensively. “Especially for you two.”
“You and Sam are the party boys in this group, Alan,” Peter said. “John and I are… too old for that shit.”
“Too old?” I said incredulously. “John’s thirty-two and you’re twenty-nine. You two are hardly over the hill. How the fuck are you meant to meet women anyway?”
“I’m not interested in meeting women,” Peter said wryly.
“Okay, fine,” I said teasingly. “A man then.”
Peter shot me a look. “I don’t believe in marriage in the first place. And if that is the case, then there isn’t very much point in pursuing long-term relationships.”
“He has a point,” John said.
“You’re not interested in women either?” I demanded of John.
“Oh, I’m interested,” he said. “I just don’t have the time. My schedule is always packed and my life revolves around my patients. Maybe one day I’ll take a step back, go on a sabbatical and spend a month in the woods somewhere, but that day still hasn’t come.”
“You two are pathetic,” I sighed. “And you’re missing out.”
John and Peter exchanged a glance.
“What?” I asked.
“How’s this new girl of yours?” Peter asked pointedly. “Her name’s Jessica, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “That has nothing to do with anything.”
“I think it does,” John said, leaning in a little. “How have things been going on that front?”
I gave them a small smile. “We slept together.”
“I knew it,” Peter said immediately. “She must be something special to have cast such a thorough spell on you.”
“She’s great,” I said, without bothering to deny it. “In fact… you guys might get to meet her at the carnival.”
“Wait… you invited her?” John asked.
“Yeah.”
“Wow,” Peter said, as his eyes went wide. “So this is pretty serious then?”
“Of course, it’s not serious,” I said. “I just like spending time with her.”
Peter set down a tray of massive meatball subs in front of us and then he joined us at the table. “You don’t have to hide your feelings, Alan,” Peter said in his grown-up voice. “We’re your brothers. We want you to be happy.”
Peter was watching me intently. He reminded me slightly of our mother, except that when I looked into her eyes, I saw nothing there but emptiness and dissatisfaction.
“I know,” I said. “And I am happy.”
“I look forward to meeting her,” Peter said.
“I don’t know if she’s coming yet,” I said quickly. “She hasn’t confirmed yet.”
Peter’s shrewd eyes caught everything. “But you really want her to, don’t you?”
“Of course,” I admitted.
A little kernel of worry flitted through Peter’s eyes and in those moments, he felt more like a father than a brother to me. I knew what he was worried about, too. He didn’t want me to get hurt. He didn’t want me to go through what our father had gone through. He didn’t say anything, but I could see that story play out in his eyes.
We ate lunch and spent a lazy afternoon sitting out on the porch and swapping old stories while sipping cold beers. It was almost six o’clock when a massive truck came up the drive, and I caught sight of Sam sitting in the driver’s seat. It was clear that he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Peter demanded as Sam pulled to a stop in front of the house.
Sam got out of the truck to reveal that he was wearing nothing but boxer briefs that left little to the imagination and brown boots with mud caked at the bottom. He had the same coloring as Peter and John. His hazel eyes were darker than Peter’s and lighter than John’s, but he had the same brown hair that all us boys had inherited from our parents.
“Hey, bros!” he greeted us loudly, spreading his arms out on either side.
“You look like a fucking lunatic,” John said, shaking his head.
“What?” Sam asked with a shrug. “There was a big fire today. I burned off all my clothes.”
Peter rolled his eyes but waved Sam inside. “I don’t even want to know where your clothes really are.”
Sam came running up the porch and gave me a big hug. “How’s it going, Alan?” he asked enthusiastically. “It feels like it’s been ages.”
“It has been,” I said. “Especially considering you missed my last two calls.”
“My bad,” Sam said apologetically. “Work’s been crazy lately.”
“I’ll let you off the hook this one time,” I said, ruffling up his hair like I used to do when we were kids. “Have you spoken to Talen?”
“A couple of minutes ago,” Sam said. “He said he can’t make it for dinner tonight but he’s going to be at the carnival so he’ll see us all then.”
“Typical,” Peter sighed.
“Leave him be,” John said in a measure tone. “We don’t want to push him.”
“God forbid Talen has to do anything he doesn’t want to,” Peter said, shaking his head the way Dad used to. “Fine then… since we’re all here, we might as well get dinner ready.”
An hour later, the four of us sat down at the table to a homecooked meal. Sam had borrowed some of Peter’s clothes and they didn’t suit him one bit. His eyes were fixed firmly on the food, however, and two seconds later, he reached out and grabbed a chicken leg.
“Come on, man,” Peter said, smacking Sam in the back of the head. “We haven’t said grace yet.”
The rest of us laughed as Sam looked at Peter like a naughty child. “If I’ve already received the smack, can I still take a bite of the leg?” he asked.
Peter gave him a pointed look. “Put the leg do
wn, and I’ll lead the prayer. Or would you like to lead the prayer today, Sam?”
Sam sighed. “You go ahead, Mon Capitan,” he said in a dramatic voice.
Peter led us in a small prayer and before he had even finished the last sentence, Sam had a big piece of chicken in his mouth.
“Okay,” Peter said, opening his eyes. “Let’s – Sam!”
“What?” Sam asked innocently, with his mouth full. “The prayer’s over.”
Peter leaned in and gave him another playful smack and Sam took it like a man. “So, worth it.” He smiled as he chomped on his chicken leg. “This meat is amazing. You must show me how you braised it, Pete.”
“I’ve told you three times already,” Peter pointed out. “I even wrote it down for you once.”
“Umm… I had the recipe in my pocket,” Sam said thoughtfully. “But then…”
“There was this fire,” John said, continuing Sam’s excuse.
“And it burned up,” I said, finishing it up for him.
We all burst into laughter, and Sam looked at each of us with a frown. “Have my excuses become that predictable?”
“Only since the moment you became a firefighter,” Peter said, shaking his head at Sam.
“We all use our jobs,” Sam said, pointing his chicken leg at all of us. “And don’t bother denying it.”
“Well… I am a doctor,” John said importantly. “We have to be on call all the time. Lives depend on my availability.”
“Excuse me?” Sam asked with mock outrage. “You think I spend my days rescuing kittens from trees?”
“Umm, yeah!” everyone around the table said collectively.
“Fuck you guys!” Sam laughed, as we descended into a friendly argument about who had the most important job.
We spent the entire dinner exchanging jabs and insults and innuendos, and all I could think was how good it was to be home.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jessica
“Oooh, let’s go in that store,” Winnie said, pointing toward a diminutive store window. Against a satin black backdrop stood a lone mannequin in a jade-green dress.