The Sins Duet

by Abbi Cook

  I know how asinine that sounds, but what else could I say? My husband frowns like he thinks I'm silly but says nothing before turning on his heels and walking away. Alone, I take a deep breath in and let it out in a rush, feeling like I might collapse from the emotional rollercoaster I've been on for the last ten minutes.

  My head begins to throb as I tally up my behavior for the day. I've lied to two people multiple times, pawned my sister's ring to pay for my lying today and in the future, ruined the phone I genuinely didn't want to lose, and slept with another man. More than once.

  I think I should just go to bed, even though it's not yet seven o'clock at night. At least asleep I won't have to lie to anyone.

  A noise wakes me, and I roll over to see my husband flipping through a stack of papers next to me. Exhausted, I wish he'd turn out the light and go to sleep. Asking would be useless, so I watch him for a moment, and as my eyes focus on his serious expression as he reads, another time when he was checking papers flashes before me.

  He sits in a chair with papers in his hand. I'm across the room in another chair watching. Am I waiting? I feel like something will happen once he's finished reading those papers. The room is dimly lit, with just a single lamp positioned next to where he sits.

  His face is stern, but he doesn't speak. He scans the pages carefully, his eyes slowly moving from left to right like he's looking for something specific in the words he reads.

  As I watch, he shakes his head and frowns before putting the papers on a table next to him. My mother appears and points at them. She's frowning too. They each say something, but I can't hear them. They're having a disagreement. I can tell by the angry expressions on their faces and the way my mother stabs her finger toward him each time she speaks.

  Then Adam points at the papers next to him and folds his arms across his chest. Whatever's in those papers, neither of them are happy about it. I've never seen my husband so adamant with my mother in all the time I've known him.

  She reacts by wagging her finger and shaking her head like she's scolding him. I wish I could hear what they're saying. I focus on her mouth and try to make out the words, but it's no use. She draws her eyebrows in sharply, frowning as she says something that upsets Adam even more, and he stands up from the chair and storms away.

  The vision disappears as quickly as it came, leaving me frightened about what I've just seen. I look up to see Adam staring down at me in confusion.

  "Did you hear me, Natalie? What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen a ghost."

  I can't tell him what I think I just saw, so I force a smile and sit up next to him. "Nothing. Just tired. Goodnight."

  Shaken, I slide under the covers and roll over. I need to remember each and every detail of what happened to tell the therapist. Replaying it in my mind, I close my eyes and pray to God I won't have any nightmares tonight.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Alexei

  Alone in bed, I try not to think about Natalie, but it’s no fucking use. The woman is inside me. At the rate I’m going, I won’t be any good at anything but making love to her.

  Not that I’d be unhappy with a life comprised entirely of that.

  This can’t go on. I need to forget her. I accepted a long time ago that I can’t have what the rest of the world has. I never even fucking wanted it. A house in the burbs with a dog and two kids? That’s not the kind of man I am.

  I’m a killer. We don’t get the happily ever after. We get momentary reprieves from being alone with women who can handle us, not affairs with married women who are too delicate to even be around us.

  A half hour later, I’ve stared up at the ceiling long enough to know I won’t be sleeping any time soon. I need to get out and do something to get my mind off Natalie.

  Maybe Roman is still awake. No, I don’t want to talk to him. He’s my brother, but we’re more like strangers than family. Five years apart and a different mother make a world of difference.

  I could call Mina. She’s definitely still up and would have no problem with me stopping over. No, I don’t want to spend time with her either. That will only end up with us doing something I shouldn’t. I don’t need to give her hope when there is none. At least not for what she has in mind.

  Throwing the sheet back, I slide out of bed and get dressed, still unsure where to go but needing to get the fuck out of this room before I go insane thinking about Natalie. There is no answer that ends up good for us. I know this, so there’s no point dwelling on it.

  Dressed and in my car, I drive around aimlessly, not knowing where to go but going anyway. After an hour, I end up near my mother’s house, and even though it’s nearly two in the morning, I stop in.

  I see the light in the living room still on, so I quietly unlock the front door and tiptoe in. No need to wake her if she’s sleeping. I just need a change of scenery for a few minutes tonight.

  “Alexei, why are you creeping around my house like a cat burglar?” she asks as she comes up behind me in the hallway.

  Turning to face her, I smile at her misuse of the term cat burglar. “I didn’t have to scale any heights to get in, Mom. I just came through the front door.”

  She walks past me in her white silk nightgown and robe and sits on the sofa in the living room. I follow her and take a seat in the chair across from her.

  “Why are you here so late at night? Don’t you usually do something else at this time?” she asks like she doesn’t know what I do for a living.

  Leaning back, I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I don’t do anything usually at this time. I’m usually sleeping in the middle of the night.”

  My mother twists her face into a scowl. “You know what I meant, Alexei.”

  I see she wants me to be blunt. Fine. I’ll be blunt. “I can kill people whenever. I choose to sleep at night. Is that what you wanted me to say?”

  “When you were a little boy, you used to get cranky when you didn’t get enough sleep. I see that hasn’t changed now that you’re a grown man.”

  No one but my mother could describe me as cranky and not piss me off. With a smile, I shake my head at how funny she can be sometimes. “I’m not sure I’d describe myself as exactly that, but I’m definitely not getting enough sleep tonight.”

  She crosses her leg over her knee and leans back against the sofa. “So why are you here? I’m assuming if something was wrong, you would have told me already, so what’s going on?”

  For a few moments, I think about how I should describe what I’m feeling tonight. Finally, I explain, “I’m feeling restless. That’s all.”

  “Your father used to get like that. Either he’d been doing too many jobs or not enough. Both had the same effect of making him restless and unable to sleep.”

  “And the solution?”

  I hope she has an answer I can use because I can’t keep going like I have been lately. Knowing my father, though, it likely wouldn’t be anything I’d want to do.

  A smile lights up her face. “If memory serves, he’d break out the twelve year old scotch for occasions like this.”

  Surprised at how civilized his solution was, I nod my approval. “Happen to have any around?”

  She stands and heads for the bar on the other side of the room. “I think I do. Neat or with water?”

  “Neat. I’m not twelve.”

  Glancing back at me, she rolls her eyes. “So cranky. Maybe I should make it a double.”

  I take out my phone while I wait and bring Natalie’s picture up on the screen. Like every other time, my attention is immediately drawn to her blue eyes. Soft and gentle, they show the proof of her innocence I crave more and more each day.

  Lost in thought about our time in the shower today, I don’t see my mother walk across the room. Tapping me on the shoulder, she rouses me out of my daydream of the two of us naked, the hot water beating against my back as Natalie whimpered against my mouth right before she came.

  “Alexei, why do you have that woman’s pi
cture on your phone?”

  I take the glass of scotch from her and lift it to my lips. “No reason. Just came with the phone, I think.”

  She narrows her eyes like she does whenever she’s unhappy with me and shakes her head. “I don’t appreciate being lied to by my own son. That picture didn’t come with your phone. That’s the girl from the country club ball that night.”

  The scotch slides down my throat and I ask, “What night? You dragged me to a lot of those country club things right after my father got remarried.”

  “The one where she walked in with her much older husband and he basically abandoned her to Penny Hillbridge and her enormous cleavage that never fails to look trashy no matter what designer dress she wears. That night. I know you remember her. You couldn’t take your eyes off her.”

  I think back to all those years ago and the memory of blue dress and her big old lady tits instantly pops into my mind. Fuck, that was Natalie stuck talking to that woman that night. Just like her husband to treat her like shit. Even back then.

  “That had to be seven years ago, Mom. Pretty impressive memory.”

  But my attempt to change the subject fails, and she points at my phone sitting on my thigh. “You still haven’t told me why you have that woman on your phone.”

  No answer comes to mind. She doesn’t want me to lie, and I don’t want to tell her the truth. That leaves me with nothing.

  “Is she someone you have to …” Her sentence fades off as she swallows the most important word in her question.

  Kill. Someone I’ve been hired to kill. Yes. That’s who Natalie is. Was. Now she’s so much more.

  A pained look settles into my mother’s eyes. “That son of a bitch of a husband who couldn’t even be bothered to take care of her that night when she was obviously scared to death has now paid someone to kill her? Did she become too inconvenient for him?”

  Pure disgust fills each word. I get it. I feel the same thing for him. I have since that first day he walked into my office.

  “Not someone,” I say in a low voice before taking a gulp of scotch. “Me.”

  “Then why did it look like you were staring at her picture in a way that her killer wouldn’t?”

  Leave it to my mother to ask that pointed and painful question. I doubt she wants to know the truth, but I’ll give her an answer that’s close enough.

  “Because I’m not sure I’m going to do the job anymore.”

  She nods and returns to her seat on the sofa. “You met her, didn’t you? Is she as sweet as she looks?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you like her.”

  Like her? I’m not sure I ever just liked Natalie. Whatever I feel for her, it went from zero to sixty in seconds that first day she came looking for me in that store. And as soon as I kissed her that day in my room…

  Fuck, I left my house to try to forget about her, and here I am fantasizing about the last time we were together as I sit in my mother’s living room.

  “Obviously, it’s more than like,” she says matter-of-factly.

  Looking away, I admit the truth. “I don’t know what it is.”

  “Doesn’t getting to know a target break all the rules?” she asks even though she knows the goddamned answer without me telling her.

  “I don’t want to talk about this,” I say before downing the rest of my drink. “I think it’s time I go. It was nice seeing you again, Mom.”

  On the way out, I set the empty glass on the table near the doorway as she says behind me, “Whatever you do, Alexei, don’t cause her any more pain. I don’t think she’s had a lot of happiness being married to that husband of hers.”

  I don’t respond before I leave and head back to my own house where I can think about my little bird in my own damn bed. As I toss and turn for hours, one fact becomes perfectly clear.

  It’s not just like. I love this woman, and I want to do what I didn’t do that night at the goddamned country club. I want to save her.

  By seven a.m., I’ve stayed awake all night trying to figure out how to do this. The first thing I need to do is have Samson tell me when she’s alone, so I text him to let me know when her husband leaves for the day. Less than an hour later, I get the message I’ve waited for.

  All clear. He took his briefcase, so if today’s like every other day he did, he’ll be gone until at least four. Maybe later. Anything you want me to do to make sure things go as planned?

  He thinks today’s the day I finally complete this job. The mere thought of killing Natalie now makes me feel sick to my stomach.

  I shoot him a quick message that I don’t need anything more and to just keep watching the house until I tell him not to. I don’t need Adam Anchoff coming home unexpectedly while I’m there today.

  The French doors aren’t even locked, so I walk into her house without even having to break a sweat. I look around, hating everything I see, even as I have to accept Natalie probably chose how the place looks.

  Doesn’t matter. I hate it anyway.

  I can say this. The place is spotless. If I didn’t have someone watching the house, I’d have to wonder if anyone truly lived here it’s so clean.

  “Nobody’s having dirty sex on the dining room table here,” I mumble under my breath as I walk through the main floor. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I’m disgusted. I don’t want to think of her having any kind of sex with that asshole.

  A noise upstairs draws my attention to the stairs, and a second later Natalie appears in a yellow dress that makes her look sweeter than I’ve ever seen her before. She stops dead as soon as she sees me and shakes her head.

  “How did you get in here?”

  I turn to point toward the living room. “The French doors weren’t locked. I realize this is suburbia, but you should lock those to be safe.”

  “Are you saying I’m not safe right now?” she asks so innocently it makes my chest tighten.

  “No. You’re safe with me. I promise, little bird.”

  She winces at hearing my pet name for her, like she’s in pain. “You can’t be here, Alexei. I’ve already told enough lies. I can’t add any more.”

  “I don’t care who you lie to, as long as it isn’t me.”

  “Well, I do.”

  Natalie moves to walk past me, but I stop her by putting my hand around her waist and pulling her to me. She’s so small and so defenseless that even when she tries to fight against me, it’s no use.

  “What’s not a lie is how you feel about me,” I moan into her hair next to her ear.

  Her body melts into mine when she finally gives up trying to get away, and her hands slide around my waist. “Why are you doing this? Do you want us to get caught? If he finds us, he’ll kill us.”

  “No, he won’t, little bird,” I say with a chuckle.

  “Why are you doing this?” she asks once more, this time practically pleading.

  “I told you. You’re inside me. I can’t walk away now.”

  When I lean back to look at her face, I see she’s sad. She has no idea what I’d do to see her smile for me right now.

  “You’ve poisoned me against my husband.”

  Just the mention of him makes rage bubble up inside me, and I stuff my hand into her hair to give it a hard tug. “That wasn’t me, Natalie. Trust me on that. Whatever poison there is inside you for him I had nothing to do with it.”

  Her eyelids flutter closed, and she sighs like she finally accepts the truth. “Why do you want anything to do with me, Alexei? Why would you bother with someone like me?”

  I don’t have an answer. It’s everything she is and nothing she is all at the same time. It’s the innocence in her that turns me on more than I thought possible, and it’s the possibility of something else that I feel whenever she kisses me and that innocence fades away to reveal another part of her.

  With another sigh, she opens her eyes and stares up at me. “No matter how much you want to forget I’m married, that’s the fact we can’t escape. I don’t wa
nt to lie anymore. I can’t. I’m not good at it.”

  “Then don’t lie. I don’t give a fuck who you lie to. Just don’t lie to me.”

  She takes advantage of the fact that my hold is loosened and pushes me away. With fear filling her eyes, she says, “You want the truth, Alexei? Here it is. You picked me out like that little doll you said I looked like. You picked me off the shelf for some reason and decided I had to be yours. And I gave in because you don’t understand how good it feels to be wanted like that after so long of being looked at like you’re worthless and ugly. But none of this is right. I’m not a doll. I’m a flesh and blood woman, and I’m scared to death I’m about to have everything in my world taken away and you’ll be gone too, and then what will I be left with?”

  By the time she finishes, she’s on the other side of the kitchen, too far away from me. I need to feel her next to me, to have her understand I’ll kill to protect her if I have to.

  As I make my way to her, my focus fixed like a wild animal’s on his prey, she tries to back away into the living room, but it’s no use. She said what she had to, so now I want to say what I have to say.

  I snake my arm around her waist and pull her to me until our bodies are pressed together. She struggles against me, but only for a few seconds before giving in. Good. I’m tired of fighting her.

  “Look at me, Natalie. You had your say. Now I have mine.”

  She obeys, but I see defiance in my little bird when she sets her jaw. No problem. I like her strong.

  “Fine. Say what you have to. Tell me I’m wrong.”

  I stroke her cheek and hear her whimper as I begin. “You’re not wrong. I’ve never lied about how I wanted you from the moment I saw you. I’m a man who takes what he wants, and I wanted you. So I took you, and that’s all I intended to do. But something changed.”

  “Do you know how much I miss you when you’re not around?” she asks, surprising me by her question. But she doesn’t stop at that. “My husband doesn’t care about me, so I’ve been walking around thinking I was nothing. My life outside my marriage began to fall apart a few months ago, but my marriage has been a mess for so long that I can’t remember when we were ever happy. And then you came along, and for the first time in ages, I felt beautiful. But we can’t do this anymore. It’s not right, no matter how good it feels.”