“The door wasn’t locked?” I questioned, looking up from the book I was reading on the couch. I had just finished talking to Tim, who had called to sing Kenzie to sleep an hour ago. I was silently sending prayers to the heavens that we had ended the conversation before Luke walked in.
“No.” He kicked the door shut, and made his way to the kitchen, revealing a bottle of wine he had been holding in his other hand. “Want a glass?”
“Sure,” I answered, absent-mindedly. I would have to ensure the door was locked from now on.
“You know, I think we should look at buying a house instead of living in an apartment building,” Luke suggested, pouring the red liquid into two wine glasses. He had been dropping hints left, right and center, despite the fact that I hadn’t agreed to move in with him. “It would be safer for Kenzie, and any other kids we have.” I dropped my book, which thumped loudly against the floor. What the hell? “Down the road of course.” Like his clarification would make the statement any better.
He brought over the glasses, acting as if his words were equivalent to saying the weather was nice. “Too fast.” I squeaked, letting him set my glass down on the coffee table.
“There’s no rush.” He sat down beside me, taking a sip of his wine before setting it down beside my glass. “Just forward thinking,” forward thinking my ass. He was planning his future. Too bad for him that he hadn’t consulted me because I had one hell of a wrench to throw in.
“How was your girls’ night?” Luke changed the subject, a smart move on his part.
“It was great actually. Sarah made margaritas, and we just sat and talked. It had been a long time, so we were definitely over due.” Things had been so busy between juggling my two-different lives that my friendships were suffering. “It was two in the morning before I got home.” I hadn’t realized my mistake until Luke reacted, his eyes shooting straight through me.
“I thought you were here?” Me and my big mouth. “Who had Kenzie?”
“Maggie had a friend who babysat.” Wow, I was getting better at this than I thought.
“I could have watched her.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to ruin your evening. Next time I’ll ask you.”
I was two glasses of wine into the evening before Luke suggested we head to the bedroom. It had been a couple of weeks since we had been together, so I knew I should be compliant, but after his earlier statements, I just couldn’t stomach the thought. I needed time to figure out how to talk to him about Tim before I would be able to sleep with Luke again. For the first time in my life, I lied to get out of sex, using the built-in excuse of every woman, that had a ninety percent success rate at sending any man running. Luke took it in stride and stayed the night anyway, just no longer pushing for sex.
When I arrived home from work on Thursday, Tim was already waiting for us inside. “Hello beautifuls.” I melted a little at his use of the plural. “How was your day?” He took Kenzie out of my arms, allowing me to come through the door.
“Not too bad,” I answered, taking in the scent of something delicious. “Did you make supper?”
“It was my turn.” He nodded. He had salmon, baked potatoes and fresh vegetables waiting for us, served on brand new dishes, already laid out on the table. “I hope you don’t mind. I bought a few things.”
How could I mind? The dishes were gorgeous, and much more my style than the mismatched ones I had been using. “You didn’t have to do that.” I was glowing. “Thank you.”
“I know, but you deserve it.” He was proud of his domestic skills. “I flew in earlier than I expected, so I had some time to kill before I made the drive. Sometimes I think Hazed is completely unknown here; no one seems to recognize me. Not that I’m complaining.”
I was starving and sat down to eat immediately. Tim set Kenzie down in her high chair. “I don’t remember you ever cooking before. It’s terrific.” I smiled widely, throwing his words from weeks ago back at him.
“I never had a reason before.” He mimicked, grinning.
I cleaned the kitchen and tidied Kenzie’s toys to the sound of Tim’s voice as he sang Kenzie to sleep. It was my favorite part of his visits. Kenzie had just started calling Tim ‘Dada’ during his last visit, so the combination of his voice and her random ‘Dada’s had me overjoyed. I had lost myself in the moment and hadn’t even realized the singing had stopped and Tim was behind me.
“It was my turn to clean too you know.” I turned to face him. “Oh well, it gives us more time to work on Kenz’s song.” He motioned for me to join him as he pulled a guitar case from the closet. “I figured I should get a guitar for here, so we could work on more than just the lyrics.” He strummed a chord and then sat down on the couch. I sat on the opposite end, cross legged and facing him as he played around with combinations of chords.
“I’m hungry,” Tim stated, an hour later, rising from the couch. “Want some cereal?”
“Oh my god.” I laughed. “I haven’t had late night cereal in so long.” I leaped to my feet to follow him. Tim poured cereal into two bowls and filled them with milk. I set my bowl on the table. “Sometimes I can’t believe how much you remember.”
Tim set his bowl down beside mine. “I remember why we used to have late night cereal.” His eyes lit with desire, immediately making me wet. I dropped my attention from his eyes to his lips, as he closed the gap between us.
My body shuttered, at the feel of his body heat. “I do too.” Any and all self-control was gone as I tilted my head and pressed my lips against his. I expected him to pull away to reject my advances. He didn’t. Instead, he pulled me into him, wrapping one arm around my waist as the other found its way into my hair, deepening the kiss, opening his mouth allowing me access.
Tim pushed harder, wanting more. I gave him everything, my hands finding the back of his head. I wrapped my fingers around his much shorter hair and tugged, causing him to groan and push me into the table. The lip of the table pressed against my lower back, as Tim’s tongue traced the column of my neck, biting the nook at the top of my shoulder.
I was throbbing for Tim, arching toward him while hooking one leg around his, rubbing against him, seeking temporary relief.
“God Al.” He lifted from my neck, looking directly into my eyes. His hands slid under my shirt, pulling it off quickly. “I need to see you.” He pushed my leg down and unfastened my pants, pulling them off in one smooth motion, dropping to his knees.
I watched him as he traced the faded stretch marks on my stomach before hooking one leg over his shoulder, using his other hand to push me back onto the table. His tongue tasted me slowly, teasing me, causing me to squirm under him. Tim’s tongue left as abruptly as it came. “I can’t wait, Al.” Tim’s face looked pained as he unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down low enough to release his erection.
Tim’s arms landed on either side of my body, causing the bowls of cereal to crash to the floor, as he pushed inside of me. We shared a moan, as he leaned down to kiss me, staying still long enough for me to acclimate to his body. When he retreated, I sunk my nails into his back, causing him to drive back into me. I arched my back off the table allowing his next thrust to be deeper.
“Fuck, Tim!” I screamed, clawing at his back.
“I know Al, I know.” Our breathing was erratic; our moans were way too loud, the passion completely unleashed. He wasn’t slow, he wasn’t gentle, but he gave me all of him.
My body lost complete control under his. I heard his throat catch as he let go inside of me, his body laying heavily on mine. I dropped my hands to clutch his, and he tightened his grip. I didn’t want the moment to end, and neither did he. We lay motionless, allowing our rising chests to slow down.
Tim was the first to move, hesitantly pulling my body up with his. I remained silent, while reality took hold. Tim looked down at the mess on the floor. “We should probably…” I nodded and walked over to the pantry, pulling out the broom. He was already crouched down, picking up the larger pieces of
glass. “I think I am going to need to buy another set of dishes.” He joked. I wanted to laugh, but I just stood unmoving in only my bra. Tim had pulled up his pants but left them undone.
“Do you want more cereal?” I asked. He cocked his head slightly.
“Right now, I just want you, in my arms while we sleep.” He responded, throwing the glass into the garbage.
I swept up what I could as he sopped up the milk and cereal. “Right now, that’s all I want too.”
Tim took the broom from me and placed it back into the pantry before returning. He used a finger to tilt up my chin. “I don’t think it would make things any worse.” His lips lingered on mine. “We can figure everything out in the morning.” I liked his suggestion. Things had already happened, and it was late. Why think about it now? His mouth found mine again, as he took my hand and led me to my room. “Just for tonight.”
I hated the meaning behind his words, but he was right. This was just for one night. It couldn’t happen again. “For tonight.” I agreed with no enthusiasm. Tim reached behind me to unsnap my bra, before removing his clothing. He climbed into my bed first, holding the blankets back until I curled into his naked chest.
“I have been waiting for this moment for too long,” Tim admitted, rubbing my arm while kissing my forehead.
Morning came quickly, and I woke up with Tim spooning me, his erection pressing against my ass. I couldn’t resist moving my hips back, missing the feel of him. Tim’s hands had grazed my stomach before one made its way up to massage my breast. He ground into me, his lips pressed against my shoulder blade. “Would one more time hurt?” I shook my head without hesitation. He rolled his body over, pulling me with him. “I need to see your face Ally.” He pleaded, urging me on top of him. “I need to know this is real.”
I understood what he meant entirely, and straddled his legs, aligning our bodies as I allowed him to impale me with one thrust. My eyes never left his as I took over and made love to him. While the prior night had been quick and dirty, that morning was slow and sweet. We remained in each others’ arms, fully sated.
Tim moaned in protest when I finally pulled myself out of bed. “I’m going to take a shower,” I stated, pulling clothing out of my closet, carrying them to the bathroom. I was tentative to wash his scent off me; it wouldn’t matter if I smelled like Tim for the day. I knew I would be calling in sick to work. How could I face Luke after this? I couldn’t; it was as simple as that.
“Can we talk?” Tim asked when I walked out of the bathroom.
I nodded, despite wanting to respond with a no. I sat on the couch beside him, trying to read his expression.
“As much as that was one hundred percent what I wanted, I think it’s best for both of our relationships if we pretend it didn’t happen.” His words were what I had been expecting, exactly what I was thinking.
“I think so too. I wish this were easier.” I grunted out of frustration.
“I do too.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m going to stay home today,” I announced. “I can’t face Luke yet.”
“You work with him? Good God.”
“I know. Kenz and I will just take it easy today.”
“Are you still okay with me coming over on Sunday?” He asked, his expression serious as if he feared my answer.
“Of course,” I replied nonchalantly. “I told you that you are welcome here whenever, and I mean it.”
“I should probably go soon.” Tim looked sad and withdrawn. “I have to catch my flight in three hours.”
“What’s wrong?” I ignored his statement.
“I want to kiss you again.”
“We shouldn’t.” My mind said one thing, while my body said another. The realization of what I had just done to Luke started to sink in. I felt sick to my stomach. I had a life with Luke. He loved me, he loved Kenzie, and I knew he was more than ready to start a life together, something I could never have with Tim. I was throwing it away.
“Oh God.” He dropped his head into his hands. “I am so sorry Al. The last thing I wanted to do was complicate things further.”
I sighed, leaning back into the couch, closing my eyes. “Definitely complicated.” I couldn’t keep up with the secrets before that had happened. “I have to tell Luke about you. Not about what happened, but about your involvement in Kenzie’s life.”
Tim leaned over and touched my cheek. “Can you give me a little more time? Please?” He pleaded. “I know you have to tell him, but I want more time with Kenzie before you do. Please.”
Before I could respond, Kenzie started to cry. Tim rushed into her bedroom, bringing her back with him to the couch. He held her close for a few moments. I busied myself with her breakfast, giving Tim some privacy.
“I will be back on Sunday. I promise.” Tim set her down in her high chair and made his way to the door. “I’ll call you tonight.” I nodded. “Call me if you need anything.” I nodded again. “Al…” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I’ll miss you.”
The tear sliding down my cheek was unpreventable. “We’ll miss you too.” My voice was barely above a whisper. “Be safe.” I wasn’t even certain of what I meant by that. I just wanted him to return to Kenzie and me.
“Don’t cry.” He covered the ground between us in four strides and reached over to wipe the tear from my face. “I will be back Sunday; it’s the soonest I can be.” With that he was gone, leaving me to dig myself out of an even deeper hole.
Chapter 11
Significance
For that one day, I was the luckiest man on the planet. I had everything I had ever wanted if I ignored my life outside this apartment. The warmth of Ally’s breath hit my chest as I watched her sleep. She was beautiful - breathtaking, even more so than before. I couldn’t force myself to feel regret for what we had done. Not when it felt so right. I had been fantasizing about this moment since the day she left. I would never want to take it back.
I fell asleep with a clear mind. For once, it was just Ally and me with our family. I hadn’t even realized how much I wanted that – but now that I had this moment, I wasn’t going to let my conscience ruin it. I hadn’t come here with the intentions of being with her, but once her perfect lips touched mine, things were beyond my control.
While Ally showered, I lay in bed, contemplating what the morning meant – that our dream was over. We had no other choice. How could I tell Allison that I slept with Ally? How could I explain the situation to her? I couldn’t, and for that simple reason leaving her was not an option. At least not right away. I would have to wait for a reason, a fight, an argument, something that would make sense. Hopefully, Ally felt the same way, and would still want me when the moment came. Until then, I would encourage her to live her life. It was only fair. She wasn’t supposed to be that girl – the other girl – the girl every girlfriend hates. Ally wasn’t an affair; she could never be, and yet I made her one.
Leaving Ally and Kenzie was harder this time than it was the last. Each mile I put between us seemed infinite, as I made my way back to the tour. Neither Ian nor Justin had even questioned my quick trips. I would have loved to think they were oblivious, but we had known each other for too long. They either trusted how I was spending the time or didn’t care.
Allison was easier to handle than I had expected. We were on tour, so other than one weekend when she flew out for the show and passed out drunk in the limo before we made it back to the hotel, I hadn’t had face to face conversations. A phone call and text messages didn’t give away my increased happiness and change in scent. I slept with one of Kenzie’s sleepers by my pillow every time I was away.
Of course, I knew I would eventually have to deal with Allison. I just wasn’t sure how I could handle it. Some day I would need to choose between plans with Allison and visiting Ally and Kenzie, and I already knew what my choice would be. For as many times as I had convinced myself I was happy with Allison, one night with Ally let me know that it wasn’t true. Ally was my p
erfect match, in every possible way. She was my air, my light, my everything. Even after being apart for so long, that hadn’t changed.
The flight back wasn’t very long, but I still drowned myself in work the entire time, trying not to think about Ally. Ian was waiting for me at the airport, flanked by two of our security team. There were times I dreaded walking through swarms of screaming fans, and that was one of them.
“Hey.” Ian greeted while waving to a few girls standing a little too close. “How did the house hunt go?”
“Meh, nothing I wanted.”
“Uh huh.” He raised an eyebrow, “In California… Or in Texas?” He knew.
“California.” I tested. “I am going to look at another one on Sunday.”
“Uh huh.” His face filled with concern. “You shouldn’t be looking at all these houses unless you are serious about one of them.” His tone was that of implication.
“I am beyond serious.” I defended, making my way to the exit of the airport. An SUV was waiting for us by the door. “Can we talk about this later?” I let the driver take my bags. Ian only nodded in response.
On days that we performed, my favorite part was the time between the sound check and backstage. It was the time I used to call my girls. Most of the stage crew and band would grab something to eat, and Justin and Ian usually had a drink or two to mellow out. I could almost always squeeze in alone time. Ally never called first. She always let my schedule dictate the calls. Which I guess in some ways was easier, but I wished for her random phone calls, just because she was thinking of me. We had decided early on to avoid text messages, in case Allison or her boyfriend happened to see.
I was shocked when Ally wasn’t the one to answer the phone. I probably should have hung up, but I couldn’t. I needed to hear her voice. The conversation was short. I couldn’t talk while he was there without wanting to go through the phone and claim what was mine. The entire idea of him being in the apartment made my stomach queasy. He was spending the time that I couldn’t with my daughter and my girl, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
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