Nicholai used to run everything. I never had to worry about a thing. Our lives ran like a well-oiled machine, all because of him. And I let him take charge because I trusted him.
I trusted him.
All that time, he’d never deserved my trust. All that time, he’d been a murderer, a liar, he’d betrayed me in the worst possible way. I felt like my entire life had been a lie.
Since I’d discovered the truth, I’d been saturated in pain.
Since Nicholai started stalking me, I’d been bathed in fear, waiting for his next intrusion.
But since Ziggy arrived, I’d had a few moments of sunshine break through the constant dark clouds that had followed me around for what felt like forever. Part of me felt a little guilty for allowing that sunshine in. Didn’t Eddie deserve more from me? How long must I grieve? How long must I pay for Nicholai’s sins?
I shook off the guilt and shook my head, smiling and allowing myself to feel good, to feel like a woman again. Ziggy could handle the teasing. And hopefully, eventually he’d give in and give me another taste of what I desperately wanted more of.
I wasn’t looking for love.
I don’t think he is, either.
It’s just physical.
It works for both of us.
Now, if only Nicholai wasn’t haunting me, we could get on with having a good time. Alone in the dressing room, I sighed in relief knowing Ziggy and Blade were right outside the door. I allowed myself to sink into that feeling of safety, toiling with the comfort it provided. I longed to just let my guard down and trust that I would be safe. I hoped like hell the Gods’ were able to provide that.
I tore off another piece of the donut with my face on it and devoured it before beginning to peel off my sweat-soaked costume. After wrestling the wet leather off, I headed to the shower, looking forward to the cool water hitting my skin.
The shows always took so much out of me. Three hours of entertaining a demanding crowd left me weak as a kitten and I relished the moment alone now, the opportunity to just be me, without any eyes watching me, without spotlights or microphones or legions of people expecting me to be witty or look perfect or sing them a song with perfect pitch. My shoulders finally began to relax, the muscles slowing unwinding themselves from the tension of the day.
Closing the door of the bathroom, I looked at my reflection in the large mirror. Caked in stage makeup, my face staring back at me was almost unrecognizable. Reaching up to my temples, I pulled the skin back tightly, trying to erase the lines that had formed around my eyes in the last few months. I looked tired and old, and no amount of makeup would make that go away. I shook my head and turned away, hating the effect all of this trauma was having on me.
The walls of the walk-in shower were frosted for privacy, and I grabbed the door handle, slowly pulling it back to walk in.
I took one look inside and froze in place.
The scream that escaped from my lips was drowned out by the loud pounding of my heart as I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face.
CHAPTER 17
ZIGGY
Blade, Fury, Nate, Eli and I stood silently outside the door, our eyes darting around, our arms crossed intimidatingly across our massive chests. If Nicholai thought he was going to try to get close to Lucky, he’d have to go through us first and that would be a mighty feat for anyone.
But when I heard the ear-piercing scream through the door, my heart jolted with a fear so strong it skipped a beat. I damned near tore the fucking door off its hinges as I flung it open and flew into the bathroom.
Lucky was huddled and shaking on the shower floor next to a pile of roses that was at least a foot high.
“What the fuck?!” I shouted, gathering Lucky in my arms and pulling her out of the bathroom. The others had run in behind me and stood there watching with open mouths. We rushed past them and I embraced Lucky’s naked, shivering body. “Shhh, baby, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
She huddled against me, crying, reduced to a shuddering pile of fear that broke my heart in two. She’d seemed so strong before, so fearless. The fact that a bunch of flowers would reduce her to such a quivering mess made my blood boil.
“Should I call Ryder?” Blade asked, watching us, obviously completely at a loss of what his next move should be.
“Get those fucking flowers out of there! And yeah, call everyone, get them down here now!” I barked orders at him, not caring if he took offense. “How did they get in here, goddammit?”
“I don’t know, man,” Fury said. “I only let the donut guy in!”
“Well, something happened,” I said. Lucky shook her head, looking up at me with the most fearful eyes I’d ever seen.
“It was Nicholai,” she said. “I told you, he can pass for anyone.”
“I’ll call Ryder,” Blade said. Eli and Fury’s faces were ashen. We’d made a huge fucking mistake and they knew it. If I wasn’t holding Lucky in my arms, I’d have ripped their heads off by now.
Instead, I took a deep breath and pulled her closer, my heart swelling with empathy. Whoever this fucker was, he’d gotten under her skin in a big way. I couldn’t wait to cross his path, so I could make him feel the same fear she was feeling right now.
A moment later, the rest of the Gods all burst into the room.
“What happened?” Ryder demanded, his eyes raking over the scene.
“The flowers, boss, the guy put flowers in the shower,” Blade said.
The others stood gawking at Lucky crying in my arms and I quickly remembered she was naked. I glanced up at Slade and his eyes were glued to her ass.
“Get out!” I shouted, anger swelling up inside of me. “Everyone out! Now!”
CHAPTER 18
LUCKY
The paralyzing wave of fear began to subside and after Ziggy demanded the Gods leave the room, he grabbed a robe from the bathroom and wrapped it around me. I looked up at him, grateful he was there, but the sting of disappointment that they’d allowed Nicholai to breach security again was sharp.
Worry and anger washed over Ziggy’s face like a bitter cocktail.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Lucky,” he whispered, his eyes searching mine as he reached over and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I took a deep, shaky breath, willing my heart to slow down. “I don’t know what the hell happened, but I’m damn sure going to find out.”
“It’s simple, what happened,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I told you. I told all of you. Nicholai isn’t to be underestimated.”
“It’ll never happen again,” he said, shaking his head, his eyes a storm of emotion. He leaned forward, gently kissing me and then resting his forehead on mine. I closed my eyes as his fingers cradled my face, his warmth an alluring and warm fantasy of comfort that I longed to crawl into and disappear.
But that was all it was.
A fantasy.
I’d never be rid of Nicholai. He was too good, too skilled. I couldn’t blame the Gods, though. No, the mistake was all mine.
I’d made the mistake of trusting.
Lusting and trusting, as an old girlfriend once called it. I’d opened my thighs and thought that meant the person that I’d welcomed in would be responsible for my safety.
It was the stupidest, most gullible, most naive thing I’d ever done and here I was paying the price for my big mistake.
Hell, I was face to face with my mistake.
I opened my eyes and pulled away, Ziggy’s stormy eyes crashing into mine like a flash of lightning.
“Get out. You’re fired,” I whispered, leaning forward and kissing him one last, delicious time.
CHAPTER 19
ZIGGY
“Lucky, don’t!” I demanded. There’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere. Especially now that the motherfucker was playing with us.
We’re fired?!
“Over my dead fucking body.”
“It’s not up to you, Ziggy,” Lucky said, flinging her words at me like daggers.
“We’ll all si
t down and talk about this,” I insisted, doing my best to sound mature and reasonable. “We can work it out. It won’t happen again.”
I swallowed the frantic helplessness that threatened to bubble up, knowing full well this woman was absolutely and completely in charge and that I didn’t have a say in her choices. I’m merely the hired help. But that didn’t keep me from doing what any man in my shoes would do — I puffed up my fucking chest and stood my ground. I crossed my arms and stopped short of stomping my foot for emphasis.
Unfazed, she stepped forward and lowered her voice, “There’s nothing to talk about. Ziggy, I appreciate your effort but it wasn’t enough. We both know this is nothing more than a failed experiment. You’re sweet to try, but I never should have asked this of you and your friends. I get what you’re trying to do, I do, but I’m fucking tired. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying to win. All I want is to - to - well, fuck, I don’t know what I want, but —.”
“—Lucky don’t give up on us. We made a mistake. I made a mistake. I’ll own that, right out of the gate. But this isn’t a game to me and it’s not some fucking experiment. I — I —.”
“—Don’t even think about professing feelings for me!”
I slammed my mouth closed. Was that what I was about to do?
My head was spinning so fast, I didn’t know which way was up. Did I have feelings for her? Was that even possible this soon? All I knew for sure was that I couldn’t leave her side.
She squinted her eyes, nodding slowly as I remained silent, sizing me up.
“That’s what I thought,” she whispered, turning away from me. The door burst open just then, followed by a bumbling Becky that promptly began fussing over her, pulling her away from me and leaving me standing there like a fool with my dick in my hand.
“Fuck,” I murmured, not sure what to do. She clearly wanted me to leave her alone. She’d downright told us to all leave. Struggling with my pride, I shuffled out of the room, seeking some sort of advice from the only people I respected — the Gods.
They were pacing outside in the hall, a wall of them blocking the entrance. Ryder and Riot were talking quietly together a few feet away and I walked over to them, trying to wrap my head around what just happened.
“We figured out how he got in,” Riot said, shoving his phone in my face. I glanced down at a grainy surveillance video. “It was the donut guy. Or, rather it wasn’t. Turns out, Tres Shannon, the owner of Voodoo Donuts isn’t even in town right now. He’s quite a character, actually. Looks like a brightly dressed muppet, in a way. Kinda crazy anyone could pull off impersonating him.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “She fired us.”
“She did?” Ryder asked, shaking his head. “That’s too bad.”
“Well, obviously we can’t leave!” I protested.
“It’s a job, Ziggy. If we’re fired, we’re fired. We have to respect that.”
“We can’t just leave her unprotected!”
“She’ll find someone else, man,” Ryder said, putting his hand on my arm. “You got to let this one go. I don’t blame her, either. We fucked up. We failed. We deserve to be fired.”
“Can’t win ‘em all,” Slade said, walking up with his stupid fucking crooked grin. I was in no mood for his jokes right now. This was serious shit. Nicholai was a serious threat and there’s no way in hell I’m just going to walk away and leave Lucky completely exposed to some crazy asshole’s madness. Who knows what he’ll do next?
“Riot, get everyone together, we’re heading out,” Ryder instructed. He looked over at me and nodded somberly. “Come on, Ziggy. You gotta do the right thing here, brother.”
I glanced back at Lucky’s door, still barricaded by a wall of tattooed flesh, my heart twisting in pain.
Yeah, okay, I guess I have feelings for her.
Would it hurt this much to walk away if I didn’t?
I shuffled along with the other guys, heading out of the arena through the maze of hallways, our heavy footsteps echoing off the concrete walls.
“I can’t believe this shit,” I said, my spinning head quickly turning into a pounding, angry headache. I turned to look at Nate, walking along with Fury and Eli, all of whom had been as silent as could be throughout this whole thing. “Why didn’t you stop him? Why did you let him in?”
“What?” Nate asked.
“The three of you. You were guarding the door. You let the asshole inside. To deliver fucking donuts? What were you thinking?”
“It’s a trendy donut shop,” he shrugged. “I read in the paper that they deliver donuts to all the stars that come through town. It’s their schtick,” Eli said.
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, the rage building. “Did you also remember that it’s Nicholai’s schtick to impersonate other people or did you conveniently fucking forget that fact?”
I was screaming now, my voice bouncing off the walls around us. My fingers clenched into fists at my side, the anger begging to explode into violence. My eyes darted from Nate to Fury to Eli as I contemplated which one to hit first. They stared back at me in shock.
“Dude, you need to calm down,” Slade said, stepping between us. “These guys didn’t know. It’s not their fault.”
“Not their fault?” I shouted with disbelief. Was he really defending them?
“No, man, it wasn’t, and you need to cool your jets,” he repeated, sending my rage into overdrive. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. But all of a sudden, my fist, which was hanging at my side one second, was flying through the air the next, my knuckles crashing into Slade’s trademark grin like a wrecking ball.
Despite the force of the punch, he merely stumbled backwards one shaky step, his hand reaching up to touch his mouth as he smiled at me.
“There you go!” he laughed. “Feel better now?”
I froze, the reality of what I’d done washing over me like a wave. How could I have done that? How could I have blamed the other guys?
We’re in this together and I’ve just shown my ass in a big way.
“Dude, I’m so fucking sorry,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s cool, man,” he laughed again, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. “It felt good, actually.”
I looked over at the others, “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t know. I’m just really fucking rattled.”
“We understand, Zig,” Ryder said, smiling knowingly. “Guess it’s not just a job, is it?”
“I guess not,” I sighed. “What the fuck do I do?”
“I think you know what to do,” Riot said.
I nodded slowly. They were right.
I turned away, walking back the way we came, my step more determined than ever.
CHAPTER 20
LUCKY
“I told you those bikers were a bad idea!” Becky said, her voice shrill and loud in my ear.
“I fired them,” I murmured.
“Thank God! They were hardly a professional security team. Now, we can hire a real team. I’ll get my list,” Becky said, rifling through her purse.
“Not now!” I insisted, standing up and walking away. I poured myself a glass of whiskey, the heat of the liquor going right to my brain. I welcomed the relief and poured another. “I can’t deal with all this shit right now!”
“I’ll choose,” Becky said. “Don’t worry about a thing.”
“Whatever,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just so fucking tired. I want to get on the bus and get out of here.”
“We’ll be ready to leave in an hour or so,” Becky said. “In the meantime, I’ll lock the door and make sure nobody else gets in. I’ll come get you when it’s time to leave. Or, I can stay with you?”
“No, god, please,” I said, sitting next to her. “Just go. I want to be alone. I’m safe now.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yes, just lock the door,” I replied, topping off my glass.
With a doubtful expression, she walked out, leaving me alone
for a merciful second. I took a deep breath, then another, and another, followed by downing my third whiskey.
When the knock sounded at the door, I looked at it suspiciously, frozen in place.
“Lucky, it’s Ziggy!”
His muffled voice barely audible through the door made me smile.
He’d come back. He wasn’t giving up.
It was almost adorable.
I stumbled to the door and unlocked it, opening it slowly and staring out at him. I still needed a shower, and I knew standing there in a robe and severely streaked stage makeup was not my best look, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Please let me come in, just for a minute?” he pleaded.
I stepped back, allowing him in, before locking the door again. He started right in.
“Look, I’m not the smartest man in the world, okay? And I come with all the failings and trappings of being a man. I’m prideful. I’ve got an ego the size of Texas. I can be awkward as fuck and most of the time, I don’t know what to do with my hands, let alone the right thing to say in any given situation.”
I tried not to smile. I’d always been moody, my anger quick to ignite, my initial reactions strong and fierce. I’d proven that tonight by firing him on the spot. Now that I’d calmed down, had a drink, and he was standing in front of me with those smoldering eyes, I was beginning to feel a little differently.
“I know we fucked up, Lucky. I convinced you to put your safety in the hands of a bunch of dudes you don’t know and we did a piss-poor job the first night. It’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. I shouldn’t have asked you to trust me when you barely know me. But I’m asking you to trust me now, even though you shouldn’t. The thought of you being left alone rips me in two, Lucky. I can’t leave you, not when you’re in danger. And yeah, I know we just hooked up, or whatever you want to call it, but it means something to me. Maybe we’ll figure that out later. In fact, I hope like hell we do, but in the meantime, I can be professional and I can make sure that motherfucker doesn’t get anywhere near you, ever again.”
GET LUCKY: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK NINE) Page 7