“Alright,” I shrugged.
“What?” he asked, shock in his eyes.
“Alright,” I repeated. “You’re not fired.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously, what — do you need it in writing?”
“Oh, Lucky, you won’t regret this,” he said. “I know I’m just one guy, but I can guarantee I won’t let you —.”
“—Not just you. You’re all hired. Or not fired. Or whatever. Just tell them to come back. And tell Becky I changed my mind, okay?”
“Sure, okay,” he said, a huge smile spreading across his handsome face. I couldn’t help but smile back. He leaned over and gave me a hug, his warmth threatening to knock me off my feet. I longed to lean into him, just for a moment, but instead, I pulled away, nodding firmly.
“Professionals.”
“Professionals,” he nodded, his eyes raking over my body in a completely and utterly unprofessional manner.
CHAPTER 21
RYDER
As I watched Ziggy walk away, I couldn’t help but recognize myself in the kid. He was young and green, but he had heart. And apparently, a huge hard-on for Lucky, in more ways than one.
“He’s a goner,” I said to Riot. Riot nodded and smirked.
“Yeah, I saw that from the beginning.”
“Well, we tried to rein him in,” I replied.
“The heart wants what the heart wants,” he said.
“Don’t I know it,” I replied. Hell, I was missing Grace like crazy. If someone tried to separate us, I’d wade through hell or high water to stop that from happening.
She’d decided to sit this job out, staying at home in a sort-of ‘stay-cation’ with the girls back home. I smiled, wondering what they were doing there without us. Probably trying to paint Oliver and Olivia’s claws or something. Those two owls had become part of the family over the years, and we’d all have it no other way. In reality, though, I figured the ladies were holding self-defense training sessions, shooting practice and doing some crazy bootcamp workouts in the woods.
They were bad-ass, all of them. Grace, Cherry, Lacey, and Frankie were four of the toughest chicks I’d ever met. Hell, even the others that didn’t live there at the clubhouse with us blew me away with their strength.
Just like this group of guys that were currently looking to me for our next move. I felt terrible that we’d fucked up so badly. I say ‘we’ even though Fury, Eli and Nate were taking full blame for the situation. I didn’t accept that, though. This was on my watch.
“I guess we go home now,” I said. “Riot, you want to call Grace and ask her and the girls to bring the vans to pick us up?”
“Will do,” Riot said, turning away and pulling out his phone.
At least we’d not left Portland yet. The clubhouse was only an hour away, tucked deep into the Tillamook forest. A far cry from the urban jungle that surrounded the Moda Center.
“In the meantime, I guess we can find an open bar,” I said to the rest of the guys. The crowd had thinned outside, with most of the concert’s attendees having either left or retreated into the handful of restaurants and bars attached to the arena. The group of us was headed towards the closest open door when my phone rang. It was Ziggy. I answered on the first ring and couldn’t suppress my smile at his words.
“Bring everyone back, we’re not fired.”
CHAPTER 22
ZIGGY
The tour bus rocked side to side, traveling south down I-5 in the dead of night. Trailing behind us, the convoy of other buses followed.
Lucky’s bus was quiet and dark, lit only by the line of rope lights that trailed along the edge of the bunks and cabinets. Blade and I sat in the leather seats, a tiny table between us, as we played hand after hand of poker. Lucky slept soundly in her tiny bedroom in the back of the bus, curtained off from the front. Only the driver shared the bus with us, everyone else scattered in the others.
The Gods were all sharing one bus, and I smiled wondering how that was working out. They were all huge men, crammed together like a bunch of sardines. Lucky’s handlers had a bus of their own and the band and crew each had their own as well.
I shuddered to think of the amount of money spent in fuel alone. Even after just a short time observing Lucky’s life, it was easy to see that this life wasn’t cheap or easy. Everyone earned every penny they made, working their asses off day and night with few breaks.
Hell, no wonder Lucky ran off to random bars and pretended to be someone else now and then. Who wouldn’t want an escape?
The burden must be heavy on her, I thought. And yet, she carried it well. She was strong as steel, even if she broke down now and then. Her responsibilities alone were overwhelming to think about, and once you put the threat of Nicholai, and all she’d gone through, in the mix — well, I was surprised she was still standing, to tell you the truth.
“You’ve got it bad for her, huh?” Blade asked, his voice a whisper in the darkness.
“What makes you say that?”
“You can’t stop looking back there,” he said, “like you can’t breathe until she walks out or something.”
“Jesus, dude, am I that obvious?”
“Yep,” he nodded, staring down at his cards. “Kinda pathetic, if you ask me.”
“Well, I didn’t!” I snapped, immediately regretting it. “Sorry, I’m a little on edge. I’m out of my element here. I don’t know how to handle all this shit. Fuck, one minute I’m having a beer in a bar and the next I’m in charge of keeping the biggest rock star on the planet safe. I wasn’t exactly planning this. It’s a lot to get my head around.”
“Not to mention your feelings for her.”
“Feelings,” I scoffed.
“Dude,” he shook his head.
“It’s obvious, right,” I muttered. Fuck. Here’s the deal. I thought I had game. I thought I was subtle, smooth, you know?
Hell, I thought I was good at poker, which I clearly am not, since Blade’s already cleaned my wallet of cash in just a few hands. But I’m a ladies man. I play the field, I like variety, I like to spice things up.
Settling down — having feelings — is not something I do. In fact, it’s so far away from anything I’m used to, I can’t even admit them to myself.
Blade put down his hand, showing me a full-house that beat my lousy pair of eights.
“Shit.”
“Dude, you need to get your shit together. Get your head in the game. Forget about romance for now, or you’re going to fuck everything up.”
“That’s what I keep hearing.”
“Well, believe it. Look, we’ve got a long day tomorrow. I’m gonna crash. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I nodded, watching all my money disappear into his pocket. A moment later, I sat alone at the table, a full glass of whiskey at my side, and my head filled with a million thoughts.
I pulled out the blue prints of the Hollywood Bowl that Riot had shared with me, spread them out on the table and began studying every entrance, exit and hallway like my life depended on it.
Because it did.
If anything happened to Lucky, I’d never be the same.
CHAPTER 23
LUCKY
The rocking is something you get used to. After a while, you don’t even notice it any more. Same with the small sleeping space. And the constant whirring of tires below.
It took a while, though. That first tour was a disaster. I wasn’t used to sleeping on the bus, so I didn’t sleep at all. Instead, I ate candy and drank soda all day and night to keep myself awake, and ended up peeing all night long while Nicholai slept like a baby.
This was my first tour alone on the bus, without Nicholai’s constant companionship and it was refreshing and freeing. I could leave my candy wrappers wherever I wanted. I could drink as much I wanted. I could even eat two greasy cheeseburgers for dinner. All without Nicholai’s constant nagging and judgement.
It was amazing.
I had no idea how much
he truly controlled me until he was gone. Somehow, I had blinders on, oblivious to how much I was missing because of him. He’d used me in such a complete way, making sure I was so far under his thumb, he was confident I’d never come out.
For the last few months, I’d wondered why he didn’t get rid of Eddie’s wallet. If I’d never found that, I’d have never known.
I’d be married to him right this minute.
The thought of it made me sick.
Through the flimsy bedroom door, I heard one of the bunks in the hallway open and close and I wondered if it was Blade or Ziggy that had gone to bed. I wanted to get up for a drink of water, but I was avoiding Ziggy like the plague.
He’d insisted on riding in the bus with me again. Luckily, Blade had joined him, easing the guilt I felt at not spending any time with him at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, it was just that I couldn’t.
I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at those eyes. I couldn’t look at the body, the one I’d climbed like a tree back in Seattle, the one I desperately wanted to climb again and the one that I knew I totally, absolutely, definitely couldn’t climb again.
But it wasn’t just that.
It was the way he was looking at me now that I couldn’t deal with. Gone was the lusty hunger that had been there before. Now, his eyes were filled with contrition and worry and fear and this determined eagerness to avoid another mistake.
God, it was just so fucking much to deal with.
Now, not only was I responsible for keeping my shit together enough to finish this tour, but I’m supposed to keep his fear at bay, too? Of course, I can’t say these things to him. It would only make things worse. And he’s not the one putting that responsibility on me, either, but it’s there, I put it on myself.
Because that’s what I do.
Now that Nicholai is gone, I’m the one in charge. I’m the one who’s supposed to make sure this all works. Becky and everyone else? They just look to me to tell them which way to turn, too.
I get it.
It’s all on me.
So, I’ve decided to just lay low as much as possible, and do whatever it takes to make sure the show goes on. That’s show business, right?
If Ziggy has feelings about it all, that’s on him. I’ll accept his protection, but the less I look at his way-too-handsome, apologetic face, the better.
When I go into the hallway, there he is with those eyes. Instead of sitting down, I grab a glass of water without more than a curt nod hello and turn to retreat back to my little hole.
“Lucky.”
Shit. Ignoring him is just rude, so I take a deep breath and turn back to him.
“Yes?”
“Please sit down.”
“I’m tired. I have a long day tomorrow.”
“And you’re wide awake,” he said. “Sit.”
He gestured across to the seat across from him and I sat down, smiling over at him, quickly meeting his gaze and then turning away just as quickly. I told you I couldn’t look at him.
“I just wanted to thank you for the second chance.”
Even though I wasn’t looking, it didn’t matter. Even though the lights were dimmed so low I could barely make out his features — the strong jaw and the sparkling eyes and the grin that stretched for miles — it didn’t matter. I could still feel the heat rolling off of him and rolling over me like a boulder of lust that I couldn’t jump out of the way of.
“You’re welcome,” I muttered, taking a sip from my glass, suddenly wishing I’d poured something stronger than water. I eyed the bottle of whiskey sitting on the table between us, yearning for the warmth it would provide. The kind of warmth I could actually embrace at the moment.
“Are you okay?” There it was again. The concern. The deep concern for my well-being that made me so uncomfortable, I wanted to flee.
“I’m fine,” I said, brushing him off with a flick of the wrist.
“You weren’t fine earlier, you were shuddering.”
“Well, it passed,” I said.
He nodded slowly, looking me over like he was trying to read me. The truth was, he’d never know me. Not the way he thought he would. Maybe he’d know my flesh. Maybe he’d learn what made me moan. But he’d never really know me.
I’d only let two people get that far.
One was dead, and the other a murderer.
I’d learned my lesson.
No, Ziggy was just a play thing, if it ever came to that again. All this concern and worry was a sign of more than that.
“Listen,” I said, something inside of me snapping. “If this is how you’re going to be, all concerned and worried and looking at me like I’m a weak branch that’s going to snap in a wind-storm, then I’d like you to switch with one of the other guys.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Those eyes you keep making at me!”
“Eyes?”
“Yes! And that voice, all full of syrupy sweet concern for how I’m doing and how I’m feeling and if I was scared or not. Of course I was fucking scared! But fuck Nicholai! I’m scared every time and that’s what he wants. He doesn’t do anything but prove how close he can get. That’s all he wants. So I’m not going to let him rattle me anymore. In the meantime, stop looking at me like I’m some victim!”
I’d risen to my feet and tears were streaming down my face. Ziggy, still seated, looked up at me with bewilderment. Slowly, he shook his head and stood up, walking around the table and staring down at me.
“Lucky, I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
He reached up, wiping a tear away with his thumb. I felt like a fool for blowing up at him.
“You do?” I asked.
“Yes,” he nodded. “And I wish you didn’t feel the need to prove that to me all the time. You can let down your guard with me, don’t you know that? Remember that first night? In Seattle? How much fun we had? When you thought I didn’t know who you were? Let’s be like that again.”
“That was fun,” I said, the events of night running through my mind.
“Let’s just be friends, okay?” he asked, those damn eyes ripping through me, causing me to look at them no matter how hard I tried to look away. I wasn’t trying too hard right now, though. I wanted to crawl into them and lock myself away with him, to tell you the truth.
“Friends,” I nodded, smiling up at him. He leaned down, and I thought he was going to kiss me, my breath caught in my throat, but instead, he pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.
Musky, slightly spicy, his scent washed over me, his closeness threatening to dissolve all my efforts at being professional. His lips were close, so very close that if I just moved my chin an inch, his lips would be on mine and the rest of him would surely follow.
With every cell in my body, I yearned for his touch.
“If you come to bed with me, nobody will know,” I whispered.
With an almost imperceptible nod, he moved slightly forward, all the more closer to where I wanted him. I reached out, sliding my hand up his arm, his rippling bicep smooth under my fingers.
“Lucky,” he growled my name like an angry beast, sending shocks of pleasure right to my gut. The chemistry lingered between us like a thick magnet drawing us closer and closer together. I moved forward again, his lips now only an a breath away.
“Nobody will know,” I whispered again, my breathe hot against his lips.
He swallowed hard, his eyes filled with a raging storm that I longed to weather with him. I parted my lips in a silent invitation and he growled again, a deep guttural struggle with my wanton temptation.
I won.
He moved forward slightly, his lips just touching mine when all of a sudden the bus lurched to the right, and then braked sharply, sending Ziggy and I tumbling onto the table. He reached out to steady me, saving me from falling to the floor, his arms wrapped completely around me now.
“Sorry, someone almost cut us off,” the driver yelled ba
ck.
Our eyes crashed together and we burst out laughing as we realized we were completely tangled together now. He let me go and pulled me to my feet, his hands strong and warm on my arms.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Yeah, close call,” he replied.
We stood looking at each other, a moment that was just full of sparks and temptation now obliterated and turned completely awkward again.
“I’m gonna go to bed now,” I said, gesturing behind me, feeling like an idiot for so brazenly inviting him into my bed. The fact that he’d never actually said yes was not lost on my pride.
“Right, long day tomorrow,” he agreed. He looked as awkward as I felt.
“Right,” I nodded, grabbing the whiskey bottle from the table. “Goodnight.”
I disappeared and locked the flimsy door behind me, collapsing on the bed in a pile of humiliation and frustration that I proceeded to attempt to drink away before falling into a fitful sleep.
CHAPTER 24
ZIGGY
Sleep was fleeting and scarce and I woke up groggy as hell, sporting massive morning wood that I desperately tried to conceal, since I couldn’t do anything about it. I certainly wasn’t going to take care of it in my bunk, in such close quarters with Blade and Lucky. I held a towel over it, while I stumbled to the tiny bathroom of the tour bus.
Lucky and Blade were already awake, sitting together at the table, each of them immersed in their phones. I grunted a hello and closed the door behind me.
Today, I vowed to myself that I would remain professional.
I wouldn’t touch Lucky, no matter how much it killed me.
I wouldn’t rake my gaze over her ass each time she walked by. No more staring at her incredible rack and imagining my tongue flicking over her pretty little pink nipples.
Instead, I’d do my fucking job and shut my mouth and be a man.
As soon as this erection went away.
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