The Emergency Doctor's Chosen Wife

by Molly Evans

  “You’ve got it. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

  Gina changed into clean shorts and a T-shirt. After Thomas picked her up they went to a diner near the university. Though the thought of a meal had at first appealed, she found her appetite wasn’t quite up to it. “Sorry, Doc.” She pushed the meal aside and concentrated on the chocolate milkshake. “Guess it wasn’t what I really needed tonight.”

  Thomas reached out for her hand. “I’m not sure anything would really be helpful right now. Other than not being alone too much.” He wanted to help her, reach out to her, but something made him resist being overly helpful. Something had changed between them since they had made love.

  The first time had been good. The second time had been phenomenal, and it scared him more than anything else in the world. Maybe they needed some distance. Maybe they needed to rethink what was going on between them. Maybe he didn’t know how to have a relationship anymore. His ex-wife had done a number on him, and he wasn’t sure he was over it yet, despite the pull of Gina.

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on at work? Any interesting cases?” Gina asked.

  Grateful for the change of subject, Thomas laughed. He recounted a story of a university student who had taken part in a hot dog eating contest at his fraternity. “He was so sick, I don’t think he’ll eat again for a week. I’m sure he’ll never look at a hot dog again,” Thomas said, and shook his head.

  Gina cringed in disgust. “Oh, that’s disgusting. Why do guys do that sort of thing?” She shivered in revulsion. “You don’t see women having cookie or cake eating contests or anything like that, do you?”

  “It’s all ego, Gina. Guys are all about being the best, the biggest, the fastest, the most whatever.” Thomas remembered a few poor choices he’d made over the years that had all centered on his ego.

  “You don’t do any of those things, do you?” she asked.

  “I married for ego,” he said, surprising himself with the admission.

  Gina held his gaze for a moment. “What happened?”

  “The chase became more important than anything else. Pursuing Constance, the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, became this personal challenge. It didn’t matter if she was really what I wanted. She was a prize that I thought I should have.” Now he could see things clearly. But back then he hadn’t seen it that way.

  “How long were you married?” she asked.

  “Two years. We were married before I realized I didn’t know her. And when I got to know her, I realized that I didn’t even like her.” He barked out a rough laugh. “Didn’t even like the woman I had vowed to spend the rest of my life with. How lame is that?” Until he’d admitted it aloud, he hadn’t realized how lame it was. Back then he’d never have chosen to marry someone like Gina. He’d have overlooked her for many reasons. But now? He liked her a lot. Maybe too much. And one of them was probably going to get hurt.

  “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you. Having a marriage go bad takes a lot out of you.” She picked up a fry and nibbled at it.

  “Have you been married? Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

  “I am, but, looking at my parents, I saw exactly the kind of marriage I don’t want to have.”

  “We parted company, and I haven’t seen her since. It’s better for both of us this way.”

  “Do you miss her?” Gina asked, not sure if she really wanted an answer to that.

  “Hell, no. We were miserable together, a total mismatch.” Thomas shook his head. “The hard part was admitting to myself that I had judged poorly and paying the price was totally my fault.” Learning to trust himself again was taking a lot longer than he’d realized. He reached across the table and took her hands in his. Tonight wasn’t about him.

  Gina huffed out a sigh and her chin trembled. “I should have been with my mother.”

  He knew exactly what she meant. “Why? So you could watch her die by inches?”

  “No.” She shook her head in denial, but she wasn’t being truthful. “But I should have done something. I was out partying while my mother was in the hospital having a stroke. I’ll never forgive myself.”

  “You were doing something. You were doing something for someone else who needed it. Harold will remember that dance for ever.” He threaded his fingers through hers. “You couldn’t have known. And there was nothing you could have done to have changed it.”

  “You’re right.” She gave him a watery smile. “You’re right.” She shrugged. “I just wish things could have been different.”

  “I know.” He gave her a moment to collect herself and the silence between them was more comfortable. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

  Was he calling off their relationship? Had he tired of her already? Did she have ketchup on her nose? “What is it?”

  “I’m leaving town for a few days. I have a conference at Duke University that I just can’t get out of.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

  “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Somehow she would be fine.

  “I know you will be, but I wanted you to know where I was, so that you didn’t worry if I didn’t call for a few days.”

  “I’m glad you told me.” The pulse that had seemed to be absent in her chest now came to life.

  “You have my cell phone number, so call me if you need anything.”

  “I will, I promise.” She could keep that promise, couldn’t she? The time, the space would give her a chance to think about what was going on between them. Think about what she was going to do after this assign ment. On her assignments she’d resisted anything except the most casual of dates. But now? She didn’t know what she wanted. God, this was such a complicated situation.

  “There’s something growing between us, Gina. But it’s so new and so fragile, and I don’t want it to go away.”

  “I know.” She smiled softly.

  “I’ll call you, I promise.”

  Gina nodded and stifled a yawn that caught her by surprise.

  “Tired?”

  “Very.”

  “I should take you home, then.”

  “I’d appreciate it,” she said, and stood. On impulse, she held out her hand, and he took it. That simple gesture went a long way for her. No demands, no requirements, just a simple reaching out. Maybe life was that simple after all, and she was the one who was making things overly complicated.

  They left the café and walked in silence to his car. Thomas unlocked the door, but didn’t open it, and she looked up at him.

  Sometimes words were an inadequate form of expressing deep feelings. Without a word, Thomas leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. He didn’t push, he didn’t press or try to take the gesture any further. Then he kissed her cheek and her ear.

  At that moment she knew she loved him.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  APPROACHING the front door of the Joneses’ home, Gina hesitated. Did she want to see Harold? Could she not see him since he’d specifically called and asked her to come? Before she could think about it a second longer, she pulled the flowers out from behind her back, tried to smile and rang the doorbell. She needed to quit worrying. If she just heeded Thomas’s advice, everything would be OK, right? Her inner voice wasn’t listening very well. Her inner voice wanted to take the rest of her and run like crazy. But she didn’t.

  Elizabeth opened the door and ushered her inside after an exuberant hug.

  “How are you, Harold?” Gina asked. She presented the flowers and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then sat at his bedside. The hospital bed was a new addition to the living room, but helped to facilitate his care.

  “Good to see you again, my dear,” Harold said, and squeezed her hand. “How have you been getting along since your mother’s passing?”

  The unexpected question brought tears to her eyes, but she sniffed them back. “As well as can be expected, I guess. I’m just used to being on the other side of things, you know?
”

  “It’s a difficult time for you. But is young Thomas keeping you company?” He still held her hand, his grip weak in hers.

  “He’s been very helpful, but I shouldn’t depend on him as much as I have. We both work full-time and that doesn’t leave much time to spare.” It was the truth, but not the whole of it.

  “Oh, dear,” Elizabeth said, and sat on Harold’s other side. “You’ve got to make time for yourself, not just work so much. Time is precious, and something you can never get back if you waste it. You and Thomas are young, in the prime of your lives. There’s always time for work later.”

  “Thomas and I aren’t really a couple,” Gina said, and looked away. Was it true? Wasn’t it? Who knew? They hadn’t been on a proper date, but she was closer to him than any man in her life.

  “Perhaps not yet,” Elizabeth said, and took Harold’s hand. “But all the signs are there, you know. You just keep running, and he’ll catch you one day.” She gave Harold a watery smile.

  “I’m not running from him,” Gina said, and eyed the two who seemed caught up in a shared memory.

  “That’s just what I said before I let Harold catch me. Of course, that was a long time ago and life was differ ent then. When we met we only had a few weeks before he went off to war. But we’ve been together many happy years now.” She squeezed Harold’s hand, and the look they shared made Gina’s heart contract. The love between them was obvious. It showed in every gesture, every look, almost every breath. So very unlike her parents, who had merely tolerated each other for their own unknown reasons. This palpable caring made Gina sad, knowing it would end soon.

  “Is your pain under control?” she asked Harold, not knowing what else to say, more comfortable with the nurse-patient relationship and not delving too deeply into her own mind. Her relationship with Thomas was a subject best avoided for the moment.

  “Yes. Once in a while I have a twinge, but not for long,” Harold said. “The hospice nurse has me set up with enough medication to keep the pain under control. Those people are angels on earth.”

  The three visited for another hour before Gina said goodbye. She wondered if she’d see Harold again. He was looking more frail and his disease was probably progressing quickly. There was no more point in testing to find out the status of his cancer. It had taken hold of him and wasn’t letting go.

  Facing her life again loomed on the horizon the next day. She had to go back to work.

  Numb was the only word Gina could use to describe herself. Ten days had passed since her mother’s death and going back to work had been painful. The ER staff had been unexpectedly wonderful, bringing her food, expressing condolences and allowing her to work partial shifts when things were slow that first week. But most of all they offered her a friendship she hadn’t known existed. The generosity of these people humbled her. They were a great bunch, and she would miss them when she left for her next assignment.

  For the years she’d worked as a travel nurse she’d only made the most temporary of friends. But here, in the home town she hadn’t been able to leave fast enough, somehow, through the common denominator of death, she’d found a small community of friends to whom she could reach out. Her life had changed. Her attitude about life had yet to catch up. The question was, could she accept those changes?

  Thomas had returned from his conference. They were working together again. And it was…weird. Were they back to simply being coworkers, were they still lovers, or what? Gina didn’t know and just tried to concentrate on work, the one solid thing in her life.

  Triage was slow until late in the afternoon. She’d placed three people in exam rooms, checked vital signs, taken the histories. Her mind didn’t seem to be able to function properly, and she felt as if she was asking the same questions over and over. Maybe she was. Maybe that’s all she could cope with right now.

  By the end of the day she had a headache, and her feet and back ached. She needed a tub full of warm water and fragrant bubbles for a long soak. Maybe a glass of wine. Gina looked up as footsteps approaching the desk. It was Thomas, his eyes assessing but guarded somehow. Was he wondering the same things she had been?

  “Could I have a moment before you go?” he asked.

  “Sure,” she said, and followed him to his office. “What’s up?” she asked as soon as he closed the door, uncomfortable with the distance between them, but not knowing how to change it.

  “I wanted to see how you were doing. You’ve been scarce since I got back from my conference.” He sat behind his desk, looking as official as he had a few weeks ago. Had it really only been a few weeks? It felt like a lifetime to her.

  “I really don’t have an answer to that,” she said, and offered a small smile. “I’m just trying to live in the moment, go day to day, sometimes shift by shift.”

  “Have you been back to the park exercising?” His observant eyes watched her.

  “No,” she said, and looked down. “Rollerblading seems pretty dumb right now.” Everything seemed dumb right now. Even standing here, having this conversation, seemed somehow out of place.

  “You have dark circles under your eyes. I assume you aren’t getting enough quality sleep yet.”

  “No, that’s not true. I’m actually sleeping a lot.” With sleep came oblivion, and she needed that right now.

  “You may be sleeping a lot, but not well. If you’re suffering from depression, I can prescribe something for you.”

  “I appreciate the offer, Doc, but I don’t want pills.” It wasn’t the way to go for her, though she knew all the reasons she should try something. “I’ll get through this.” Somehow.

  “Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of dinner, a movie, a glass of wine and a therapeutic soak in my hot tub.”

  Gina’s eyes widened briefly in surprise, and she gave a quick laugh, the feeling somehow foreign. “Why, Doc. I had no idea your prescriptions ran to such intimacies. Is that standard practice?”

  “Only for you, Gina. Only for you.” He stood and came around the desk. “I know this isn’t the best of times, and you’ve experienced great personal grief.” He took her hands in his and the warmth from his skin infused some heat into hers. “Getting away from here might do you some good. Even if it’s just for a day or two.”

  “I’m OK, Doc. Really. It’s just weird, being back at work again. When the ER is slow I sit and think too much.” Some of her anxiety eased just talking to him.

  “Well, I have a proposition for you.” He crouched beside her, his gaze probing hers.

  “What?” She frowned, her heart starting to beat erratically again after days of pure numbness. Was it just his presence beside her? Was it the memory of their shared passion? Or was it just an irregular heartbeat for no reason at all? As she looked at him, from the concern in his eyes and the way his mouth moved, she knew it was more. He was too good for her. But that hadn’t stopped her from falling for him.

  “Will you go away with me for the weekend? We could go to the beach or to the mountains. Your choice.” He stroked a finger down her cheek. “No strings. No commitments. Just a few days away. Somewhere quiet where we can take a long walk, hold hands and drink a glass of wine in peace.”

  “Thomas…” Gina paused, not sure what to say. This was a very different direction for their relationship. A huge leap, in fact. “That’s a pretty big proposition and I’m not sure I’m ready for it right now.”

  “I know. I don’t mean to push you, but a change of scenery would be good for you. Think about it for a few days.” Gina had gotten to him, and he didn’t want to let her get away.

  She nodded. “The mountains have always been—”

  The intercom paged overhead. “Code blue, ICU. Code blue, ICU.”

  “Damn.” Thomas started toward the door. “I have to go. I’m the only doc on at the moment.” He gave a quick touch to her arm. “We’ll talk more later.” He dashed out the door.

  Gina watched him go, wondering when a man with such dedication, skills
and caring was going to get bored with small-town life.

  There was no point in waiting for Thomas to return. Codes could sometimes take hours. She gathered her things and left the ER.

  Not quite feeling like sitting in the cottage alone, she drove to the grocery store. Mindlessly she took a cart and walked along the aisles, but nothing appealed to her.

  Lingering in the ice-cream aisle, she collected several kinds of ice cream and hoped she’d make it home before it melted in the summer heat. As she rounded the corner to go to the checkout, she almost plowed into Mary Lou.

  “Sorry,” Gina said, without looking up.

  “Gina, honey? What’s wrong?” Mary Lou asked. “I saw in the paper that your mama died. I’m so sorry for you,” she said, and grabbed Gina into a hug and held her.

  Tears pricked Gina’s eyes.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so sorry, Mary Lou,” Gina said as she pulled back. Wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands, she knew she’d just smeared every bit of mascara across her face.

  “Don’t you worry, honey. Losing your mama is a big event in your life.” Mary Lou nodded, and her eyes got misty. “When my mama died—the cancer took her, you know—I was miserable for a long time.” She shrugged. “But then you put the dead in their proper place and life goes on. That’s the way life is. Bein’ a nurse, I’m sure you know that.”

  Gina could only nod, wondering how Mary Lou had come into such insight. “You’re right. But it’s so fresh right now. All I can think of are the things I should have done and how I should have been there more—”

  “You stop that kinda talk right now. All you could do was your best, and that’s what you did. Thinkin’ about what you shoulda, coulda done will make you nuts.”

  “It has been. All I do is cry or sleep.” Gina brushed back a few new tears from her face. She gestured to her cart. “Or eat ice cream.”

  “Oh, I know. I did too, and that’s the way you get through it. But you just let that handsome doctor of yours take care of you.”