by Harms, C. A.
I had no idea if I would ever see him again. I only knew he walked away so easily; I secretly hoped he just needed time to sort everything out.
“Kylie you want a private room, I have a big spender?” Rex asked as I exited the stage. I felt my heart race, hope flashed in my mind. Big spender? I silently wished it was my “big spender”. When I looked in that direction of the room and saw who they led down the hall, my excitement disappeared.
“No Rex, I’m going to call it a night, give it to one of the other girls.” He shrugged and walked away to look for someone else. I made my way back to my table and looked around for Sarah. She must have already gone home which I found odd, since she usually stuck around grabbing any opportunity for extra cash. I shrugged it off as I gathered my things.
When I exited the back door of the club, I could hear someone yelling. “Well if you weren’t such an asshole, you would open up your eyes. You have no idea what the truth is, maybe she is better off without you around.” I approached Sarah finding her leaning against her car. She was yelling into her phone, throwing her other hand up into the air. I slowly walked in her direction, and she held up her finger for me to wait. She seemed to be listening to whoever was on the other end of the line. I watched the anger build in her eyes, and then she fired back. “Well then you aren’t the man I thought you were. She has been miserable, and you don’t even care. You truly are a selfish bastard.”
As she hung up, a sick feeling came over me; by the look on her face, I already knew who she was talking to. She would not look directly at me. I stepped in a little closer, “Sarah, please don’t tell me that you were just talking to Evan.” She didn’t have to answer me. I could tell when our eyes connected that I was right. I rubbed my eyes with my palms, “Damn it Sarah, how did you even get his number?”
She looked down at the ground kicking her feet. “I took it from your phone, while you were dancing. Sorry I just hate seeing you hurt.” I know she means well, but damn it, I hated that she called him.
“Listen, he made his choice, okay? It’s like you said, I’m better off without him, right?” I had to get out of here. “Hey why don’t you come over? I need to relieve Katie, but we can have a few drinks and talk. Emma will be asleep and we could sit outside. It would be nice to have some company.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, “Of course, I’m right behind you.” I fought the desire to ask her what Evan said on the phone to her. I knew I really needed to let it all go.
~Sixteen~
(Kylie)
“You’re kidding me,” I gasped. “Rex! Eww, Sarah, I think I just threw up in my mouth. What in the hell were you thinking?” I was laughing, as I pictured the two of them having sex, in her car in the parking lot of the club.
“Stop laughing at me. It was a long time ago. Well, maybe not that long ago, but I was having a dry spell. He served the purpose at the time.” I pretended to make gagging noises and I clenched my stomach, falling sideways, laughing uncontrollably. We were sitting on my porch sipping on a batch of homemade screwdrivers, made extra strong. It was so nice to actually have a friend over. I found myself wondering why I’d never done this before.
“So not to bring him up or anything, but…I bet Evan was really good in bed. He just has that look about him. The ‘confident, cocky, strong, aggressive, giving’ looks.”
I shrugged my shoulders looking down at my cup in my hands. She looked at me shocked, “You never slept with him, are you kidding me!”
My eyes met hers and I shook my head, “Almost, but no…I fantasized about it a lot though. He was amazing in my dreams.” I tried to hold a serious expression, but the way she looked at me only caused me to lose it. She followed behind me, laughing until we had tears spilling from our eyes. “Shh we’re going to wake up June,” she began laughing so hard she was snorting.
“I’m so sorry, but you need to get laid. It has been what, like a year?” Sarah couldn’t control her laughter.
I rolled my eyes at her, “No it hasn’t been a year, it’s been closer to two.” The look on her face was my undoing.
“Holy hell I’m now reinstating your V-card. Two whole fucking years without having sex, that is so long. You poor girl! You need to dust off the cob-webs honey, and let someone in.”
I was trying so hard to hold my laughter, “If I let someone in, I’m not so sure I’ll be able to let him back out. Not for a few days at least, because I’m so god damn horny. It may take that long to satisfy my pent up needs. I’m so sick of clicking my own mouse. I need to feel an orgasm that is not brought on by batteries. I’ve seriously forgotten what it feels like to have a man between my thighs.”
Someone clearing their throat brought us both out of our uncontrollable laughter. I spun around expecting to apologize to June for being loud, and found myself looking at Evan. I dropped my drink, trying to grab at it a moment too late. My solo cup hit the ground and spilled across the patio. I wasn’t sure what to say. It was three in the morning, and here he stood, outside of my home looking all GQ. Oh shit how much had he heard, “How long have you been there?” I was afraid of his answer.
His expression said it all. “I walked up just in time to hear that your card has now been reinstated.” I felt nauseous when I replayed in my mind what I said after that. I know my cheeks had to be bright red, but it was dark, so maybe he hadn’t noticed, “I know it’s odd for me to show up here this late, or early, but I saw you two sitting here. I couldn’t sleep after a certain phone call.” He turned to look at Sarah, “I drove by taking a chance. I was hoping I could talk to you for a few minutes.”
I could not pull my eyes away from his gorgeous baby blues. I missed those eyes. I’ve seen those eyes a lot in my dreams. I felt unable to speak, so I just nodded my head in agreement. “I’m actually going to step inside, and refill our cups.” Sarah excused herself, but not before bending down near my ear to whisper. “If you need me, I’ll be right inside.”
After Sarah closed the door, he slid into the chair next to me. “I don’t even know where to start Kylie. I guess I should say that being an asshole to you is inexcusable. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and I apologize.” I continued to watch him as he spoke. I couldn’t believe he was here at my house at three in the morning. The last time I saw him he walked away from me, and never looked back. He had hurt me so painfully that day. “I never gave you a chance to explain anything to me. I should have listened, because the last month has completely sucked without you. I’ve missed you.” I let out a slow steady breath to calm my nerves from his spoken words.
“Kylie, when Sarah called me earlier, she said a lot of things. I know the day you came to my office you wanted to tell me everything, but I was too damn pigheaded to listen. I wasn’t fair to you,” he reached out and brushed my hair away from my face. I turned my face away from him, looking at the ground. I didn’t want him to see the tears in my eyes. He got up from the chair and knelt down in front of me. Evan placed his hands on my knees, “Kylie don’t hide, please tell me what you’re thinking. Yell at me, cuss me out…whatever you need to do but don’t hide.” I tried to blink back the tears, but I couldn’t stop the one that escaped. He traced it away with his thumb, as he continued to watch me. He was waiting for me to say something…anything.
“You walked away so easily. It just makes me think that what I was feeling toward you may have been exaggerated. I had been alone for well over a year. I was lonely, and the attention you showed me fired up things I’d stopped allowing myself to feel. Maybe you were right to walk away from me.” I shrugged and let my hands fall to my lap.
He watched me looking back and forth between my hands and my eyes. His brow slightly wrinkled, “Kylie, I’m pretty good at hiding what I feel. Walking away from you that day, was anything but easy. I threw myself back into my work in an attempt to replace you, but I’ve been miserable. I’ve hated every minute of the last thirty six days and thirteen hours. I’ve missed you and Emma. You became a par
t of my day. You consumed my thoughts, ever since that first night I watched you dance and our eyes connected. I felt like once they did you never looked away. You were dancing in a room full of men, and I know it’s crazy, but I felt like you were only dancing for me.”
“I don’t know what to feel Evan. I’m sorry, but I feel empty. So much has happened over the last two years of my life, and when I met you I allowed myself to believe in happy endings. That was wrong of me, because happy ending don’t exist for girls like me. I have one thing that I have to focus on, and that’s Emma. I won’t fail her…I refuse to. I need to focus on her and me. I can’t let my happiness rest in the hands of a man. I did that once, actually I came really close to letting it happen twice, and both times it backfired in my face.” He never took his eyes from mine, as he continued to kneel in front of my chair.
“What if I believe in happy endings, and what if I think you deserve to have one? I know I messed up Kylie, but I want another chance to show you who I am. Please just give me another chance to show you. I’m not the asshole I’ve been over the last month,” his voice was strained.
“I think we should just be friends Evan. I think that’s all I can handle right now.” I was trying to stay controlled, because what a really wanted to do was pull him to me and kiss him with every ounce of my being. I had so much hurt built up inside me, I felt like my heart couldn’t handle anymore.
“A friend isn’t what I want Beautiful. But if that’s all you’re offering right now, then I’ll have to accept it. Walking away with nothing is not an option. I’ll wait until you’re ready to let me in again, and when you do you won’t remember what it felt like to be heartbroken. I will make you happy; that’s a promise.” Evan kissed me lightly on the forehead, before standing and walking toward his car. I watched him get in and drive away.
I stood and went inside finding Sarah passed out on the couch. I grabbed a blanket from the chair and draped it over her laughing as she lightly snored.
I heard my phone chirp from my purse on the table.
You’re amazing. I can’t pretend that being just friends won’t be one of the hardest things I ever do in my life. I want so much more than that with you Kylie. I want to be responsible for all your smiles. I want to kiss you and touch you. I want to wake up next to you. I want everything with you. I’ll wait for you to want that too. Sweet Dreams Beautiful …I would love to spend some time with you and Emma later. I’ve missed you both so very much
I let out a slow steadying breath…friends. What in the hell was I thinking? How was I going to remain only friends with a man I had an extreme physical attraction too?
~Seventeen~
(Evan)
Friends; how was I going to do this? I sat in the booth across from Kylie and I continuously found myself feeling the need to kiss her. Every single time she smiled I felt my heart ache to be closer to her. She wanted friendship. I had to honor that and keep my distance, but damn, if it wasn’t killing me in the process.
It has been two days since I showed up at her house at three in the morning. We’ve been talking a lot on the phone and I finally convinced her to meet me for pizza downtown. Emma sat on Kylie’s lap as she fed her bites of her pizza. I watched the way they interacted and it knotted my stomach. Kylie was an amazing mother, so loving and nurturing. Whenever she looked at Emma you could just see her face light up with joy. Even when Emma became cranky and somewhat a hand full, Kylie never once became irritated. The sight was an amazing one to witness. She looked up and our eyes met, “What?”
I smiled in return, “You are so amazing, you know that?” Her cheeks slightly reddened. She turned toward the waitress as she approached placing our bill face-down onto the table. Kylie lifted her hand and before she could pick it up I grabbed it out from under her. “I got it.” I winked at her before reaching into my back pocket for my wallet.
“Evan this isn’t a date. I can pay for my half.”
I laughed, “Half? Really, you and Em ate two pieces between the two of you. Don’t argue…I got it.” I didn’t wait for her to respond before I motioned for the waitress. She took the bill and my credit card quickly walking away.
Kylie smiled, “Thank you.” I winked at her once more before I picked up my drink to finish it off.
After the waitress brought back my receipt and card I help Kylie gather Emma’s toys. We placed everything back into her bag. I carried it as she carried Emma to her awaiting car. She wouldn’t let me pick her up and insisted on meeting me at the restaurant. I was just so happy she finally agreed to see me that I said nothing about her stipulations. In reality I wanted to argue and insist she allow me to follow them home, but we said our goodbyes there.
Kylie gave me a light friendly hug and the moment she pulled back I missed her scent. I missed her tiny body pressed against mine, but I smiled through it. “Thank you again for dinner.” She turned to Emma who at this moment was seconds from falling to sleep. “Tell Evan bye-bye Em.” I leaned in and waved to her whispering a low goodbye. Her little fingers fluttered in an attempt to wave before her eyes began to sag even further. “I better get her home to bed.”
I pulled back and paused a moment when Kylie’s perfume once again engulfed my senses. I let my eyes close and took in a slow breath through my nose. I wanted to soak it in for just a moment. I know I was entirely too close to consider this the “Friend Zone” but I couldn’t help myself. I turned to face her and my lips were just inches from her ear. “Being just friends with you is killing me slowly Beautiful.” I heard her suck in a breath before I stood up and stepped back. I winked once more, “Sweet dreams baby.” I walked to my car without looking back until I was safely hiding behind my tinted windows.
“Friends.” Hell if I wasn’t living in the worst sense of hell. I wanted to touch her, kiss her. I wanted to hold her close and breathe her in. I would convince her to let me back into her heart; I just had to.
I followed at a distance after she pulled away. I was already trying to make plans to see her again in my mind. Approaching her street I flipped off my lights and parked along the road. I watched from a safe distance as she pulled into her driveway. She carefully removed Emma from her carseat throwing her bag over her shoulder. I watched as she unlocked her door and entered her apartment. Once she flipped off the porch light I drove away slowly, careful to not turn my headlights on until I felt I was in the clear. I knew she would be upset if she found out I had followed her, but I needed to know they made it home safely.
I pulled into my garage and sat in my car for a few minutes, staring at the picture that still held its place on my home screen. Those two beautiful smiles gave me hope.
~Eighteen~
(Kylie)
Spending time with Evan had become a recurring thing. It had been two weeks, and I noticed having him near was like a magnetic pull. Every time he brushed his hand across my skin, no matter where it was I got the chills. I found myself wandering off thinking about him touching me and kissing his way down my neck.
I was lusting after a man I knew I could have, if I just told him I wanted more. He had been spending every chance he got with Emma and me. He sent us both flowers…yes both of us. Emma got her own little arrangement delivered right along with mine. He was breaking me down and I think he knew it. He was sneaking in little touches and I found him watching me constantly.
He’d planned a day for us, and was on his way to pick us up. We were going to the Zoo and then lunch in the park. I gathered up Emma’s bag and went outside to meet him, as he pulled in behind my car. He was driving his black SUV.
When I opened the door and looked in, I saw a carseat in the back. I turned back to look at him and he was smiling. He shrugged his shoulders, “What, I figured it was easier than switching yours over every time.” Emma reached for him and he took her in his arms, “Hey princess, you ready for the zoo? Huh? You want to go see some giraffes and monkeys?” Emma had grown attached to Evan and he was surprisingly good with her.
&
nbsp; “You mind handing me my daughter.” I felt my pulse race as I looked over Evan’s shoulder. Brad stood at the back of the vehicle, watching us. He took a few steps toward Evan and reached for Emma. When Evan shielded Emma with his body and looked over at me, Brad got angry. “You’re fucking kidding me. Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t keep my daughter from me ‘Joker’.”
Evan passed Emma to me and then turned to face Brad, “No one has kept your daughter from you, ‘Joker’. You’ve done that job all on your own.”
I felt the anger rolling off of both of the men standing before me. I had to defuse this problem, “Brad, you can see Emma whenever you want to, I’ve told you that.” He smiled a triumphant smile before brushing passed Evan, taking Emma into his arms. She cried as she reached back for me, then she turned to reach for Evan.
This only infuriated Brad, “Real nice Kylie, you start fucking the rich guy, and my daughter wants him over me.”
Evan placed his hand on Brad’s shoulder. The comparison between these two men was so vast. Brad used to be stocky and thick. He now resembled a man who did hard drugs and nothing more for many years. Evan worked out and it was obvious, as they were face to face once again.
I felt the tension all around us. “Brad let me have Emma, please.” He slowly released her to me. After I secured her against me and calmed her cries, I turned to face Evan. “Can you take her in, I just need a few minutes.” He was questioning my decision with his eyes. After a moment he took Emma and turned toward the house.
Brad was still angry and the look on his face was too familiar. I remembered right after I had Emma he came home drunk from the bar. He’d gotten into a fight, and I questioned him. I had a feeling he was on something, so I asked him. The look of anger he had then, resembled the one he had now. He hit me that night. He smacked me and told me to mind my own business. He disappeared a week later.