Burn Out

by Cheryl Douglas

  “She told me that Dad always put her and his family first, no matter what.” He sighed. “Why couldn’t I have done that… put the woman I love first? If I had, we’d still be together.”

  Ryan tapped his watch. “We’ll be boardin’ that jet soon. You’ll have seven days in paradise to convince Erika you’re not the same man she walked out on.” He got to his feet. “You know I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

  “Thanks, Ry.” He looked his brother in the eye. “Hey, you grew up while I wasn’t lookin’.”

  Ryan chuckled. “I know, it’s amazin’ what the love of a good woman will do for you.”

  Erika raced up to the steps to her friends’ boutique. She was twenty minutes late for their final dress fitting, and judging by the parking lot, the rest of the bridal party was already there waiting on her.

  “There she is,” Alisa said, raising a glass of champagne. “Girl, we thought you’d never get here.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Erika said, a little breathless. It reminded her that she really needed to squeeze in a little more cardio on her days off. “There was an emergency at the clinic right before I left and Jeff had already left for the day, so I had to take care of it.”

  “Speaking of Jeff,” Lena said, taking a long, coral silk gown off the rolling rack, “is he still coming to the wedding?”

  “Of course, why wouldn’t he?”

  Alisa, Brianna, Lena, and Anna shared a look before Lena said, “Uh, when you left with Evan the other night, we just kind of assumed that meant y’all were gettin’ back together.”

  “We’re not!” She felt the heat creep up her neck when she realized she’d been so emphatic. “It was one night… that never should have happened.”

  “So you guys did sleep together?” Alisa asked, grinning. Alisa was Evan’s cousin and Lena’s business partner. Erika still considered Alisa a close friend, but she wasn’t willing to share intimate details of that night with anyone, not even her closest friends. It still hurt too much to think about.

  “Does Jeff know what happened between you and Evan?” Lena asked, setting the dress over Erika’s arm.

  “Of course, I have nothing to hide.” She shrugged when Anna raised an eyebrow. “We were both free to date other people and he of all people knows that I still have a soft spot for Evan.”

  “If you ask me, you and Evan would still be together if not for that guy,” Lena said, scowling.

  Lena and her fiancée had never made a secret of the fact Jeff wasn’t their favorite person, but they tolerated him for Erika’s sake. “I know you think Jeff convinced me to break up with Evan, but that wasn’t the case.” She sighed when the four women rolled their eyes in unison. “Okay, maybe I confided in him that things weren’t going well at home and he convinced me to get out before I wasted any more time with a man who was never going to change, but he was right, wasn’t he?”

  Alisa sat down in an overstuffed armchair and pulled her legs up as she reached for her champagne flute. “I beg to differ. I think Evan was just going through a period of transition. I think things would have gotten better if you’d just given him a little more time to sort things out.”

  It hurt Erika to realize that her friend blamed her for the break up. “Really?” she asked, turning to Brianna. “You work with Evan. Has he slowed down at all in the year since we broke up?”

  Looking uncomfortable at being put on the spot, Brianna said, “No, I can’t say that he has. He is trying to delegate more responsibility to Ryan though.”

  “Probably so he can free himself up to work on other projects,” Erika said, heading for the dressing room. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

  Anna touched her arm as she made her way past her. “Hey, we love you and Evan. We just want you to be happy.”

  “I know.” Erika couldn’t be angry with her friends for wanting her to smile the way she used to when Evan was a part of her life. Her pride wouldn’t allow her to admit it, but nothing filled the void he left. Not a new man, a puppy, a home of her own, a business she loved…

  Lena put her arm around Erika’s waist and whispered in her ear, “I’ve known you a long time, girl. I’ve seen you happy and I’ve seen you miserable.” She pointed at the reflection of the two of them in the mirror. “You don’t look happy right now, and you haven’t for a long, long time.”

  “You don’t think I want to fix my life?” she asked, setting the long dress on a hook outside the fitting room door. “I do. I just don’t know how.”

  Lena tugged on her hand, leading her back to the sitting area. “We just want you to listen.”

  “I know y’all are trying to help, but-”

  “Hush,” Alisa said, handing her a glass of champagne. “You don’t get to have your say until we’ve had ours.”

  “Why is this starting to feel like an ambush?” Erika asked, bringing the glass to her lips.

  Lena inclined her head toward an empty chair, encouraging Erika to sit down as the other women gathered around, claiming spots in vacant chairs and on the arms of the small sofa. “We’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a while. Given what happened between you and Evan the other night…”

  “You’re assuming something did happen,” Erika said, trying to ignore her friends’ smug smiles.

  “The way he dragged you out of there, I’d be surprised if y’all made it out of the limo.”

  Erika lowered her head to hide her crimson cheeks when she thought about what had almost happened in the limo. “I’d had a lot to drink. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  “You were thinking with your heart instead of your head for the first time in over a year,” Lena said quietly.

  Erika knew her friends were only trying to help, but it was difficult not to feel defensive. “I did what I had to do.” She lifted her head and looked at each woman in turn. “You think leaving him was easy? It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I did it, and I’m not ever going back.”

  “We’re not suggesting you go back to the way things were,” Alisa said quietly. “We’re just suggesting you give him a chance to try and make things better. He still loves you, honey. You have to know that.”

  She didn’t doubt Evan’s love for her. What she questioned was his ability to change. He was a workaholic, perfectionist, control freak… Those characteristics were so deeply ingrained in him she knew he’d have to suffer amnesia to transform into a 9-5 guy, satisfied spending his evenings in front of the TV with a cold beer in one hand and her in the other.

  “You don’t know Evan the way I do. You just see one side of him.”

  “I’ve known that man my whole life,” Alisa said. “There’s nothing you can tell me that I don’t know.”

  “Same goes for me,” Bri and Anna said, almost in unison. The women looked at each other and laughed.

  “You don’t know the man I fell in love with, the man who would have done anything to make me happy. I see what you guys have,” she said, looking at Lena, Alisa, and Brianna. “I used to have that with Evan, but somewhere along the way, we lost it and there was no way to get it back. He didn’t even seem to want to try.”

  “Maybe not then,” Alisa said. “But he does now.”

  “Only because he doesn’t have me anymore.” She took a sip of her champagne, trying to blink back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “How do I know that even if I did give him another chance, he wouldn’t turn into the same guy who broke my heart a few months down the road?”

  “There are no guarantees in life,” Bri said, reaching for her hand. “But I honestly believe Evan has realized the mistakes he’s made.”

  “That’s just it,” Erika said, getting to her feet. She set her glass down on the small table beside her chair. “There are no guarantees, and I’m not willing to take that kind of risk again. I’m sorry if that’s not what y’all want to hear, but as my friends, I’d really appreciate it if you could respect my decision.”

  Chapter Seven


  Evan was running late getting to the airport thanks to a conference call that took longer than he expected. Thankfully, they were taking Titan’s jet, which meant it wouldn’t take off until he was on board.

  He rounded the corner and stopped short when he saw one unwelcome face in the small crowd of friends and family. What the hell…? He came up behind Erika and gripped her upper arm. “Can I have a word with you?”

  The color rose in her cheeks as she smiled at the bridal party. “Will you excuse us for just a minute? This won’t take long, ladies.”

  “Take your time,” Lena said, winking at Evan. “We don’t mind waiting.”

  He took Erika around the corner, away from inquisitive eyes and ears. “You wanna tell me what you were thinkin’ bringin’ him here?” He’d waited all week to see her again only to find out she had the nerve to bring a chaperone so he couldn’t get close enough to execute his plan.

  “I don’t know about yours,” she said, shaking his hand off her arm, “but my invitation said plus one. Jeff is my plus one.”

  “Minus one, if you ask me,” he muttered.

  She glared at him. “Who are you to lecture me about bringing a date? I noticed Natasha is here.”

  He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t quash the surge of hope that swelled in his chest. She was jealous of Natasha; that had to mean, despite her protests, she still cared. “Natasha has a boyfriend, but he couldn’t make it.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

  His eyes scanned her body, taking in the skin tight warm-up suit she’d obviously worn for comfort. “Does that make you happy, knowin’ Natasha’s off the market?”

  She lifted a shoulder, feigning disinterest, but he knew her too well to be taken in by her calm demeanor. “Why should I care who you date?”

  He grabbed her waist, pulling her body against his just enough to drive the air out of her lungs in a gasp. “You care because just a few days ago, you shared my bed.” He skimmed his lips across her jaw. “And I know you too well to think that was just a casual one-night stand. You don’t do casual, remember?”

  She pressed her palms into his chest and tilted her head back to look at him. “How do you know that? Maybe I’ve changed.”

  He smiled, enjoying her insolence. She definitely wasn’t the same sweet girl he’d fallen in love with years ago. She was all woman now: confident, sassy, and sexy. And there was no way he was letting her walk away again. He didn’t care what it cost. No price was too great to keep her in his life.

  “You weren’t sleepin’ with Jeff the jackass. That tells me you wanna heat up the sheets with only one guy, baby.” He brushed his lips against hers, smiling when her eyes drifted closed. “We both know I’m the only guy you’ve ever wanted to be with.”

  “God,” she said, pushing him away. “You’re as arrogant as ever.”

  He reached for her hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist. “Just confident… that we were meant to be together. If I had any doubt about whether you still had feelings for me, you erased it that night in my bed,” he whispered, flicking his tongue over her pulse point.

  “How many times do I have to say this?” she said, trying to withdraw her hand. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

  “You can’t be in love with the guy I was, I get that. He was a selfish asshole, but you’re gonna fall in love with the guy I am today. You’ll see.” He would make it impossible for her to resist him. By the end of this trip, her pseudo-boyfriend would be riding coach and they’d be locked down in their private jet’s master bedroom.

  “I don’t want to hurt you again,” she said quietly. “And I don’t want to get hurt either. We need to just let this thing go. Accept the fact that we had our time and now it’s over.”

  He ran his hand over her hair, a flicker of a smile passing his lips. “Baby, we’re just gettin’ started. We have the rest of our lives to be together.” He took a step closer, half-expecting her to retreat. “That’s what you wanted, what I believe you still want, and that’s what I’m gonna give you.”

  “No…” She shook her head as a frown creased her brow. “That’s what I used to want, but that was before. My life is different now. I’ve moved on.”

  Evan smirked. “You’ve moved on with that guy? Come on now, girl. We both know you chose him for one reason only: he’s a safe bet.”

  She crossed her arms and tapped her flip flop against the carpet under her feet. “What the hell do you know about it?”

  “I know you…” He leaned in closer, whispering, “I know what you need, and it sure as hell isn’t him.”

  “You’re so damn sure you’re the only guy who could ever make me happy. You seem to forget you had years to prove it and you failed miserably.”

  Evan felt the force of those words. She was right, and for once, he wouldn’t deny her claim. He had to own his mistakes if he wanted her to believe he wouldn’t repeat them. “I wasn’t man enough to give you what you needed back then. I can admit that. But I am now.”

  “Really? What’s changed, Evan? You’re still at Titan all hours of the day and night from what I hear-”

  He pulled her against him and brushed a kiss across her cheek. “You wanna know why? I go home and look at your picture, fall asleep in the bed we used to share, and I…” He pressed her hand against his chest so she could feel the steady beat of his heart. “I miss you so damn much there are days it takes everything in me not to drive by your work and plead with you to give me just one chance.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. “I would’ve given anything for you to love me this much when we were together, but you couldn’t. That damn company was your first and only love and I know it still is.”

  “No, it’s not,” he whispered, knowing earning her trust again would take time. He had no idea how valuable that was until he lost it, and now it seemed that was the only thing he wanted money couldn’t buy. “I swear to you it’s not.”

  “I can’t listen to any more of this,” she said, taking a step back. “I know we have to spend the next week together, and for Dom and Lena’s sake, I’m willing to try and get along, but don’t push me or I will fight back, Evan.” She squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. “I’m not the same silly little girl who fell head over heels in love with you. You can’t make me believe your lies just because you whisper them in my ear in the heat of a passionate moment, and you can’t buy my forgiveness with expensive jewelry.” She set a hand on her hip. “I’m doing just fine on my own. In fact, I love my life exactly the way it is.”

  He smiled at the conviction he heard in her voice. Anyone else would have been fooled, but no one knew her as well as he did. “I got that when you sent back everything I ever gave you.” His smile slipped. He wasn’t that good of an actor. “I’m not even gonna try pretendin’ that didn’t hurt like hell.”

  “It wasn’t about getting even, if that’s what you think,” she said, casting a glance at the ground. “But I didn’t want any of those things. They reminded me too much of…” She sighed. “The one thing I wanted. The only thing you weren’t willing to give me.”

  He held his breath, knowing this would hurt more than any well-aimed insult.

  “I just wanted a simple gold wedding band.” Her eyes were shining when she looked up, but he saw a sense of resolve that told him she’d made up her mind and he wasn’t going to get what he wanted this time. “I needed to know that you wanted me and only me for the rest of our lives.”

  His throat was thick with emotion when she started to walk away. “Erika, wait.” She looked over her shoulder and the despair he saw in her eyes tore him apart.

  “I can’t wait any longer, Evan. It’s time for you to let me go, for good this time.”

  ***

  Evan retreated to the master bedroom as soon as they boarded the plane, and most of the other passengers were already asleep when Jeff reached for Erika’s hand. She let him comfort her because she needed a
shoulder to lean on. She didn’t know why, but she felt sad and lonely after her talk with Evan.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, kissing the top of her head when she leaned on his shoulder.

  “Yes.” She sighed. “No. I don’t know.”

  “You must know that a man who loves you would never hurt you this way, Erika. He just wants you back because he can’t have you. If you gave him what he wanted, he would revert to the same selfish bastard you walked out on.”

  She knew he was right, but admitting it still hurt. “I told him I’ll never take him back.” She sniffled. “I’m not going to lie to you, Jeff. I still love him. I probably always will, but I know I can’t be happy with someone like Evan. He’s too driven, too ambitious. He puts his career above everything, and I don’t want to be with a man like that anymore.”

  “We could be so good together,” he said, smiling down at her. “We have the same passion for animals. We’re a great team at work. You know we could take that clinic to heights your father never even imagined.”

  It bothered her when he belittled her father’s accomplishments. She was proud of the clinic her father had built because she knew he poured his heart and soul into it. He saved every patient he could, and when he couldn’t prolong their lives, he consoled the pet owners with the patience and understanding of a friend, not a doctor. “I like the clinic exactly the way it is. I’m not interested in expanding.” She sat up, easing her hand out of his grip. “We have the clinic, the grooming facility, boarding, doggie daycare, and the small retail store. I couldn’t handle any more than that.”

  “Maybe not alone, but I’m more than willing to help you expand the business. We could hire more people-”

  She held her hand up to silence him. “We’re not going to do anything. It’s my clinic. I make the decisions, and I’ve already decided that I’m satisfied with things exactly as they are. I work forty-five hours a week because I want to have time for my charity, not to mention, a life. I don’t want to become the person I used to condemn Evan for being. I love my work, but I don’t want it to be the only thing in my life that matters.”